Trying to Stay Alive
Almost Lost You!
I walked to the bridge and started throwing rocks in the water. I knew I would kill myself when he left but he would never understand. All he wants is to leave me and go on tour with the guys. He doesnt really love me either I know that. I threw my last rock and turned and walked towards the park. I sat on a swing and just thought more of this. I really can't handel all the pain thats going on in my head. I decided to go back to the house and leave. I was never gonna come back. I walked into Franks house and he wasnt there. I looked outside and saw him walking up the stairs. He was following me! God! seriously I hate him. I started to walk up the stairs when the door opened and Frank walked in. I looked at him. I wanted to hate him but when i looked in his eyes I couldn't I loved him so much. He ran to me and hugged me.
"I'm sorry...Karla I love you with all my heart, I know its gonna be hard to be away from eachother but I have to go" just like that everything came rushing back to me. I pushed him away and ran to our room. I was crying by now. I grabbed a bag and started packing my shit. I was leaving and never coming back, all he cared for was his music. I should have known that when he left me when my mother was sick. I finsihed packing and grabbed my back and walked out of the room ran back downstairs and grabbed my keys. I walked out the door and started walking to my car.
"Where are you going?" I turned around and saw Frank. I opened the car door threw my bag in and shut it and walked back to Frank.
"I'm leaving."
"Where are you leaving to?"
"I don't know but I can't be with you anymore."
"What? Why?"
"You only care about your fucking music you always have, I can't belive I ever loved you. This reminded me of you leaving me when my mom was sick. I needed you then and I need you now, You can't even try and make the guys let me go, What if you left and I killed myself? you wouldn't even know until you came back or your mom found my dead body."
"Karla I've never loved music like I love you" he said walking to me and kissing me on the lips. He really isnt fighting for me.
"Frank I'm leaving and thats that, you call me when you understand why I need you and then maybe well talk. I can't stop that I still love you. I want to hate you but I can't. I want you to succeed."
"Karla please, I want you to be here, I want you in my life, I want to call you when ever and talk to you when I need to talk to the women I love." He stopped and he pulled something out of his pocket and knelt down on one knee. "I want to marry you. Karla Will you marry me?" whoa never thought that would happen.
"Frank you know I would love to marry you but....."
"Why is there a but if you love me there shouldn't be a but"
"Well Frank maybe you need to become a man before I marry you" I screamed and walked away. I got in the car and started it I drove to Mikeys and when he opened the door I ran to him and started crying. He held onto me and calmed me down.
"What happened" I left Frank" I said between breaths.
"Why?"
"He didn't understand that I'm probably going to kill myself if he leaves me now, I'm on fucking anti- depressents trying to stay happy and its not fucking working the only time i dont feel pain is when I'm with Frank"
"Karla..."
"And on top of that he just asked me to marry him and he didn't like were i was going with my answer and said if i loved him there shouldn't be a but then I yelled at him Maybe he needs to become a man before i can marry him..but mikey hes all I want in a man and It hurts that I can't even be with him on the tour. I know i'm selfish but I love him so much and I dont want me to do anything i'd regret."
"Karla" a voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw it was Frank.
"Frank.....Go away please" I said letting a few tears fall.
"No I'm never leaving you" he said walking up to me and kissing me. When we broke apart he held onto me.
"I heard what you said....I'll do what I can to get you to come with us ok" With that my mood switched from depression to extremly happy. I kissed Frank hard on the lips.
"I'll go call Gerard and see what we can do" Mikey said and walked away.
"Karla I love you...And I will marry you no matter what"
"I know we will" I said and kissed him again. Within a few minutes Mikey walked back into the room.
"Ok I got good and bad news...The good news Karla CAN come but the bad news is that we leave in 20 miutes"
"How is that bad news?" Frank asked
"I dont know I just wanted a good and bad news thing"
"God Mikey" Frank said and punched him in the arm
"Oh you bitch"
"Boys! stop it. lets go get your stuff Frank" I said pushing him out the door. I waved goodbye to Mikey and I followed Frank back to his house. Was this the right thing to stay with him. Well I hope it is.
"I'm sorry...Karla I love you with all my heart, I know its gonna be hard to be away from eachother but I have to go" just like that everything came rushing back to me. I pushed him away and ran to our room. I was crying by now. I grabbed a bag and started packing my shit. I was leaving and never coming back, all he cared for was his music. I should have known that when he left me when my mother was sick. I finsihed packing and grabbed my back and walked out of the room ran back downstairs and grabbed my keys. I walked out the door and started walking to my car.
"Where are you going?" I turned around and saw Frank. I opened the car door threw my bag in and shut it and walked back to Frank.
"I'm leaving."
"Where are you leaving to?"
"I don't know but I can't be with you anymore."
"What? Why?"
"You only care about your fucking music you always have, I can't belive I ever loved you. This reminded me of you leaving me when my mom was sick. I needed you then and I need you now, You can't even try and make the guys let me go, What if you left and I killed myself? you wouldn't even know until you came back or your mom found my dead body."
"Karla I've never loved music like I love you" he said walking to me and kissing me on the lips. He really isnt fighting for me.
"Frank I'm leaving and thats that, you call me when you understand why I need you and then maybe well talk. I can't stop that I still love you. I want to hate you but I can't. I want you to succeed."
"Karla please, I want you to be here, I want you in my life, I want to call you when ever and talk to you when I need to talk to the women I love." He stopped and he pulled something out of his pocket and knelt down on one knee. "I want to marry you. Karla Will you marry me?" whoa never thought that would happen.
"Frank you know I would love to marry you but....."
"Why is there a but if you love me there shouldn't be a but"
"Well Frank maybe you need to become a man before I marry you" I screamed and walked away. I got in the car and started it I drove to Mikeys and when he opened the door I ran to him and started crying. He held onto me and calmed me down.
"What happened" I left Frank" I said between breaths.
"Why?"
"He didn't understand that I'm probably going to kill myself if he leaves me now, I'm on fucking anti- depressents trying to stay happy and its not fucking working the only time i dont feel pain is when I'm with Frank"
"Karla..."
"And on top of that he just asked me to marry him and he didn't like were i was going with my answer and said if i loved him there shouldn't be a but then I yelled at him Maybe he needs to become a man before i can marry him..but mikey hes all I want in a man and It hurts that I can't even be with him on the tour. I know i'm selfish but I love him so much and I dont want me to do anything i'd regret."
"Karla" a voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw it was Frank.
"Frank.....Go away please" I said letting a few tears fall.
"No I'm never leaving you" he said walking up to me and kissing me. When we broke apart he held onto me.
"I heard what you said....I'll do what I can to get you to come with us ok" With that my mood switched from depression to extremly happy. I kissed Frank hard on the lips.
"I'll go call Gerard and see what we can do" Mikey said and walked away.
"Karla I love you...And I will marry you no matter what"
"I know we will" I said and kissed him again. Within a few minutes Mikey walked back into the room.
"Ok I got good and bad news...The good news Karla CAN come but the bad news is that we leave in 20 miutes"
"How is that bad news?" Frank asked
"I dont know I just wanted a good and bad news thing"
"God Mikey" Frank said and punched him in the arm
"Oh you bitch"
"Boys! stop it. lets go get your stuff Frank" I said pushing him out the door. I waved goodbye to Mikey and I followed Frank back to his house. Was this the right thing to stay with him. Well I hope it is.