Note to Self

Nobody's POV
Two Month's Later
It was August and Ari was still cutting. River was no longer depressed. Much to Ari's dismay, he was getting a jock attitude and appearance. He had become friends with Jerry's crew and joined the football and basketball teams. He was even helping Jerry torment Ari. Ari couldn't get away from it. He was in even more pain now than ever. He hated River, but hated himself even more. Zakky and Eddie were starting to have problems. They were fighting a lot, which didn’t help Ari's case. He became silent and talked to no one except for occasionally Emily, Reese and Reggie. Mostly though, he sat silently or walked silently with them. Zakky and Eddie didn't notice the change because of their problems. Zakky had gotten his license back after suing the state for discrimination. Emily was back to her usual self, but hated being at home. She had moved it with Addie and Sean making Ari feel more alone at home.
Ari's POV
I hated school. I hated it. I sat quietly in class. Reese and Reggie defending every word that was thrown at me. If I was called on one of them would answer for me. I walked to lunch with them. Reese was talking about band practice. He we had changed up the band. Reese was now the singer. I just played lead guitar and wrote lyrics.
"Ari, what do you think of us going to the studio tomorrow after school. Sean said we can use the practice space."
"Sure." I said.
"Damn…I fucking hate that River kid." He whispered to Reggie who nodded. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw what everyone was gathered around on the bulletin board. It was a picture of me getting fucked. It said 'whore' pointing to me. You couldn't see River's face, but it said, 'football player' and pointed to him. There was also I pic of me naked sleeping. I didn’t even know either of those had been taken.
"Come to Jerry's Party if you want to see the sex tape!" River called smirking at me. I glared at him. What had I done? What? Reese grabbed the paper off the bulletin board and dragged me to the principal's office.
"What can I do for you boys?"
"Can you expel Jerry and River?" Reese asked.
"What did they do this time Mr. Farris."
"Blackmail, porn…this." He handed the bulletin to the principal.
"How do I know it's these young men?"
"Why would Ari do this? Who else would get the picture."
"Did you agree to any of this being on film?" He asked me. I shook my head brushing away a few stray tears. Reggie massaged my shoulders. "Did you know about it?" I shook my head again.
"Boys, I can't. You know we could get sued if we expelled the stars of our varsity team. I can't risk the name of this good school, but I can make sure none of this is spread okay?" I nodded. Reese stormed off and Reggie led me out of the office. We ate silently.
"I fuckjng hate him!" Reese muttered.
"Me too." Reggie said. They looked at me.
"I'm in love with him." I muttered. They sighed and I fell once again silent.
"Ari, why would you love someone like that? He's a faker. He's a tease. He's not even hot as a jock and there are some that are pretty sexy." Reese said. I shrugged. I knew what it was though. He was always sweet, kind, sensitive, loving, gentle, tender…perfect. I guess that wasn't who he is, but it was who he was. Now I was stuck at home with parents who were at each other's throats about everything with the new River who gave me dirty looks, saying horrible things and hurting me more every time I saw him and to top it all off, Emily was gone.
I managed to make it through the day with out running into someone who was out to kill me. People whispered as I passed them in the hall. Julie and Emily gave me sympathetic looks. I hated it. Ash was a freshman and knew what was going on. He knew…He ran up to me later and hugged me.
"Hi." He said. I smiled at him. "Just so you know River's a dick. How can he do that to you? Fuck, he's gay and the jocks love him. You're bi and they are all homophobe like to you. It doesn't make any sense. I mean you like girls too."
"Ash, stop." I muttered.
"Look just because he broke your heart, doesn't mean anything. I mean, he's an ass and all…you could get someone better."
"Oh, could I?"
"Reese was so much better." I nodded. I still had those feelings toward Reese. River hadn't changed that. I was just so in love with River, and I think it was because he was my first. I hugged Ash and went to wait for the bus. Emily sat by me on the bus.
"Hey." I waved at her. "I've decided to come home for the weekend. Do they still fight like it's going out of style?" I nodded. "Ar…hon, are you okay?" I nodded. "Why are they fighting? I mean Zakky's always been about to look at it from Eddie's point of view and whether he agreed or not. I mean he's a psychiatrist."
"But he's mad because you left."
"I left a month ago and they were starting that."
"That was before…"
"Before what?"
"Before Eddie decided to go have a threesome with Aaron and J.D. for old time sake and then Daddy walked in to our house and they were banging on the floor." Tears fell down my cheeks and Emily sat silently. "Please stop making me talk." I whispered. She hugged me and nodded. We got home and Dad hugged Emily. River and I went to our rooms. River shoved me against the doorknob before going into his room. I went into my room and made some refreshing cuts. Why was it so relaxing? Why did it make everything better for at least a minute? I wished I could feel numb. I cleaned them and got on my laptop to type up my essay for a class. I was half way through and was researching something, when a girl named Eliza messaged me over AIM.
Hey naked kid
What the hell?
I'm going to Jerry's party. I like u, u know.
Go to hell
I blocked her and continued my homework. I was sick of people. An hour later I guessed Zakky came home because Dad started yelling about how he was late. Daddy said something and Dad just started going ballistic.
"Fuck you!" Daddy yelled then a second later came in my room. "Hey, Ari I need to check something okay?" I nodded. He closed the door and sat next to me. He took my arm and I quickly pulled it away from him. "Ari…" He said taking it again and holding it so I couldn't move. I started crying as he exposed the scars. He sighed and hugged me.
"Don't hate me." I whispered.
"How could I hate you? Sweetie, I'm sorry we've been like this. And lost love sucks. I pains me that he keeps getting mad at me. And excuse me for a second for being a psychiatrist, but do you want something? Antidepressants?" I shook my head furiously. "You sure?" I nodded. "Okay. What do you use?"
"Razors." I typed.
"Give them all to me." I sighed and took three out of my door and handed them to him. "Thank you." Too bad he didn't know I had more. He kissed my forehead and left. "Told you so." I heard him say gently to someone. Dad burst into my room.
"What the fuck?" He yelled ripping up my sleeve roughly causing some to start bleeding. "What you gonna follow in you dumb father's footsteps? You gonna kill yourself and ruin Zakky even more? Hm? If you are, then do it right now and don't use those fucking razors use this." He chunked a handgun in my lap. "Now." He said his eyes cold and narrowed.
"Eddie for fucksake." Zakky said taking the gun and pulling Eddie out of my room. I felt so horrible. I got a razor, locked my door and totally mutilated my arm.
Zakky's POV
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I hissed to Eddie. "Why are you doing this? Why are you constantly getting into it with me? I'm sick of it Eddie. I love you. I'm not the one who cheated on you. I forgive you okay? I'm trying to help Ari and all the good I'm doing is being undone at the moment because of what you did." Eddie avoided my eyes. "Answer me." I said taking his face in my hands. I kissed him tenderly.
"I don't want you to go back to missing someone like that. It scared me. And after you came in, I thought I was gonna lose you. I thought you were gonna leave me. Thought you were gonna take Ari. Addie and Sean already have one of our kids."
"You never yell at him about that again okay?" Eddie nodded. I kissed him. "Now do you want to make up?'
"Yeah." He said pushing me on the bed.