Note to Self
Ch 14
Zakky’s POV
“Dr. Carson, your husband’s here to see you.” Jena said.
“Okay.”
“And your morning appointments are postponed.”
“Okay.” I said not looking up from the charts I was reviewing. Eddie came in, locked the door and sat on my desk.
“Hey Dr. Sexy.” He said kissing me.
“You know, I am married.”
“Oh?” He kissed me deeply.
“Mhm.” I laughed.
“I need some help doc.”
“With what?”
“I’m terribly horny.”
“Oh? And what do you think I should do?”
“Well, I do have an idea on the treatment.”
“And what’s that?” I asked. Eddie laid on the floor and pulled me on the floor with him.
“Fuck…me…now!”
“With pleasure, but on only one condition.”
“Anything.” Eddie said combing his fingers threw my hair. I leaned down and whispered.
“You fuck me too.” I said making him shiver by brushing my lips on his ear.
“I-I think th-that can be a-arranged.” He said. I could feel him hard against mine. I kissed him deeply. He slowly pulled my shirt off then worked his way to my slacks. I had stripped him quickly. He ran his finger around the elastic of my boxers, then painfully slow, he pulled them off. I let a moan escape my lips. He smiled.
“I love you so much baby.” I whispered.
“Not as much as I love you.”
“We’ll see about that.” I slowly pushed my way into him. He moaned.
“Faster.” He hissed. I met his demand. “Harder!” He screamed. I met it still. I hit the spot and he arched up toward me. “Fuck.” He whispered. I kept going until I finally came inside him. I slowly slipped out and Eddie looked at me amazed.
“Cure it?” I asked.
“Of course.” He kissed me.
“Now there's one tinny, tiny thing you have to do for me.”
“Oh, yes.” He kissed me again. I smiled. God, this was so great! He fucked me slow and gentle despite my requests.
“God, Eddie, fuck, just please.”
“No. Calm down Zakkary. Jeez. I’m trying to teach you for forgetting what today is.”
“What?” Then I remembered…our eighteenth anniversary. Shit.
“Yeah…coming to work. If you knew, then you wouldn’t so shut up.”
“I remembered…” I said. Wow, that sounded convincing.
“And what is it that you remembered?” He said hitting my spot causing me to gasp.
"O-our a-aniversary. Happy anniversary.”
“Too late.” He stood up without even finishing our little fuckfest.”
“Not fair.”’
“So what’d you get me if you remembered?” He said buttoning his jeans.
“Uh…damn you. Now you ruined the surprise.” I said slowly pulling my clothes back on.
“You’re such a bad liar, but your drop dead sexy.”
“So I have that going for me?”
“Mm, I guess.” He said, his lips brushing on my skin. I leaned in to kiss him, but he just walked toward the door. “But I didn’t get Jena to reschedule your appointments for nothing. Come on.” I sighed as he pulled me behind him out the door.
“Bye Zakky. See ya later.” I smiled and waved bye to her. She started talking to Ashlie. God…I just noticed that I’d been friends with Ashlie and Jena before I even met Eddie. They knew how my life changed the minute I saw him. How I hated that I was gay. How I still hated it. They found it weird just as Kyler had. I was open about it, but I hated it. I hated everything. I hated the way people looked at me, said to me or about me…it sucked.
I wanted to just want everything to be right. I hate what comes with it. If I hadn't had Kyler and Tera and Eddie…I don’t know what would have happened. They were my rocks when I first realized it. When I told my parents, they hadn't talked to me for two months, then they came around.
“Zak, what’s wrong?” Eddie asked as we walked home. It was only a few blocks away. I looked at him.
“Nothing. Just, just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Remember high school?”
“Mhm.”
“Well you know what I have always told you?”
“That you loved me? That you hated homophobes?”
“No.” I sighed feeling the tears come to my eyes and slide down my cheeks.
“What about high school babe?” He put his hand in mine.
“Well everyone knew I was a fag.”
“Zakky…”
“No, it’s true. And they even spray painted it on my locker.” That did it…that brought the waterworks. Eddie hugged me.
“Honey, what’s wrong? They don’t matter. They don’t. We don’t even see them anymore.” He brushed the tears off my cheeks.
“Yeah…”
“What were you trying to tell me?”
“I’m sick of it Eddie. I’m sick of being gay. I’m sick of trying to pretend that everything’s fine. I’m sick of being positive. Kyler was smart to let things out. I always held things in. Remember? Remember when I finally let things out, it was bad?”
“Zakky, honey…”
“No, you don’t try to talk me out of this. I’m trying to tell you something so shut the fuck up and listen.” Eddie nodded. “And don’t fucking touch me.” I pushed him away roughly. We were standing in our front yard. He had tears in his eyes. “I hate being gay Eddie.” I whispered. “I don’t want this life anymore. I love you and will always love you, but I can’t. I know this is like a really bad time for this…our anniversary and all…but I can’t.” I kissed his cheek.
“What are you saying?”
“I love you.” I went inside.
“Dr. Carson, your husband’s here to see you.” Jena said.
“Okay.”
“And your morning appointments are postponed.”
“Okay.” I said not looking up from the charts I was reviewing. Eddie came in, locked the door and sat on my desk.
“Hey Dr. Sexy.” He said kissing me.
“You know, I am married.”
“Oh?” He kissed me deeply.
“Mhm.” I laughed.
“I need some help doc.”
“With what?”
“I’m terribly horny.”
“Oh? And what do you think I should do?”
“Well, I do have an idea on the treatment.”
“And what’s that?” I asked. Eddie laid on the floor and pulled me on the floor with him.
“Fuck…me…now!”
“With pleasure, but on only one condition.”
“Anything.” Eddie said combing his fingers threw my hair. I leaned down and whispered.
“You fuck me too.” I said making him shiver by brushing my lips on his ear.
“I-I think th-that can be a-arranged.” He said. I could feel him hard against mine. I kissed him deeply. He slowly pulled my shirt off then worked his way to my slacks. I had stripped him quickly. He ran his finger around the elastic of my boxers, then painfully slow, he pulled them off. I let a moan escape my lips. He smiled.
“I love you so much baby.” I whispered.
“Not as much as I love you.”
“We’ll see about that.” I slowly pushed my way into him. He moaned.
“Faster.” He hissed. I met his demand. “Harder!” He screamed. I met it still. I hit the spot and he arched up toward me. “Fuck.” He whispered. I kept going until I finally came inside him. I slowly slipped out and Eddie looked at me amazed.
“Cure it?” I asked.
“Of course.” He kissed me.
“Now there's one tinny, tiny thing you have to do for me.”
“Oh, yes.” He kissed me again. I smiled. God, this was so great! He fucked me slow and gentle despite my requests.
“God, Eddie, fuck, just please.”
“No. Calm down Zakkary. Jeez. I’m trying to teach you for forgetting what today is.”
“What?” Then I remembered…our eighteenth anniversary. Shit.
“Yeah…coming to work. If you knew, then you wouldn’t so shut up.”
“I remembered…” I said. Wow, that sounded convincing.
“And what is it that you remembered?” He said hitting my spot causing me to gasp.
"O-our a-aniversary. Happy anniversary.”
“Too late.” He stood up without even finishing our little fuckfest.”
“Not fair.”’
“So what’d you get me if you remembered?” He said buttoning his jeans.
“Uh…damn you. Now you ruined the surprise.” I said slowly pulling my clothes back on.
“You’re such a bad liar, but your drop dead sexy.”
“So I have that going for me?”
“Mm, I guess.” He said, his lips brushing on my skin. I leaned in to kiss him, but he just walked toward the door. “But I didn’t get Jena to reschedule your appointments for nothing. Come on.” I sighed as he pulled me behind him out the door.
“Bye Zakky. See ya later.” I smiled and waved bye to her. She started talking to Ashlie. God…I just noticed that I’d been friends with Ashlie and Jena before I even met Eddie. They knew how my life changed the minute I saw him. How I hated that I was gay. How I still hated it. They found it weird just as Kyler had. I was open about it, but I hated it. I hated everything. I hated the way people looked at me, said to me or about me…it sucked.
I wanted to just want everything to be right. I hate what comes with it. If I hadn't had Kyler and Tera and Eddie…I don’t know what would have happened. They were my rocks when I first realized it. When I told my parents, they hadn't talked to me for two months, then they came around.
“Zak, what’s wrong?” Eddie asked as we walked home. It was only a few blocks away. I looked at him.
“Nothing. Just, just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Remember high school?”
“Mhm.”
“Well you know what I have always told you?”
“That you loved me? That you hated homophobes?”
“No.” I sighed feeling the tears come to my eyes and slide down my cheeks.
“What about high school babe?” He put his hand in mine.
“Well everyone knew I was a fag.”
“Zakky…”
“No, it’s true. And they even spray painted it on my locker.” That did it…that brought the waterworks. Eddie hugged me.
“Honey, what’s wrong? They don’t matter. They don’t. We don’t even see them anymore.” He brushed the tears off my cheeks.
“Yeah…”
“What were you trying to tell me?”
“I’m sick of it Eddie. I’m sick of being gay. I’m sick of trying to pretend that everything’s fine. I’m sick of being positive. Kyler was smart to let things out. I always held things in. Remember? Remember when I finally let things out, it was bad?”
“Zakky, honey…”
“No, you don’t try to talk me out of this. I’m trying to tell you something so shut the fuck up and listen.” Eddie nodded. “And don’t fucking touch me.” I pushed him away roughly. We were standing in our front yard. He had tears in his eyes. “I hate being gay Eddie.” I whispered. “I don’t want this life anymore. I love you and will always love you, but I can’t. I know this is like a really bad time for this…our anniversary and all…but I can’t.” I kissed his cheek.
“What are you saying?”
“I love you.” I went inside.