Note to Self

Later That Week:
Ari's POV
"So when's Warped Tour?" Reese asked as he leaned against the lockers as he handed me my books. I placed them in my locker.
"Uh, Sean said we go on in June." I said.
"What do your parents think?"
"They just want us to be happy." I closed my locker and we started walking out to lunch.
"My parents think it's a bad idea for me to be alone with my boyfriend with no adult supervision."
"You told them?"
"Yeah. They didn't care, but tour? Ari, I admit it sounds insane. You haven’t picked up your guitar, opened your mouth or wrote a single word since you went back to normal. Since your dream. How do you know you still have it?" He asked taking my hand. "Why haven't you tried?"
"I don't know. I’m scared."
"Of what?"
"It's the only thing that feels right. The only thing I’m good at."
"Try." He said kissing my cheek. I nodded and ate some goldfish.
"Hey guys you've been distant. What're you doing? Going out or something?" Reggie laughed. Reese and I glanced at each other. We'd agreed to keep our relationship a secret. Reggie glanced at each other. We'd agreed to keep our relationship a secret. Reggie had been our friend for a long time, but we knew he couldn't keep a secret. We laughed along.
"Dude, come on." Reggie said. "Why would I go out with Ari? Sex?" I smiled despite the sting of the words.
"Shut up." I said pushing him gently. I hated this. I hated pretending. I hated lying to my sister, my parents and friends. Telling them I was straight. The truth was, I liked boys too.
After school Reese came over to my house. Emma had again gone to Billy's. My parents weren’t home yet. I went into the kitchen and made something to eat. Reese was doing Math homework.
"What's bugging you?" He asked.
"I hate this Reese. I hate lying to my parents and my sister and Reggie. I hate having to pretend nothing's going on." He was silent for a while.
"Then come out. I've been out for two years now Ari."
"But I'm scared."
"Of what? Reggie's moms are married. Your parents are gay. Emma won't care."
"What about Billy? What about Jerry? What about all the people who already give me shit?"
"What about them? People already think you're my boyfriend. And Billy? If he thinks messing around with Reggie won't come out if he starts hating you…And Emma will dump him if he starts being a homophobe.
"I guess." He kissed me.
"I love you."
"I love you too." I smiled.

That Night:
I ate silently as Dad and Emily had a conversation about some singer. It was getting preppy. Eddie looked at me.
"What's on your mind?"
"I have something to tell you guys. You, Dad and Emily."
"Okay, Zakky, Emmy, shut up. Ari needs to tell us something."
"Um, what?" Zakky asked. It reminded me of Jeffree Star.
"Well, I'm bi. Reese and I have been together for a month. I'm not straight."
"That's it?" Zakky asked. I nodded. "Knew that."
"Me too." Emily said. I looked at Eddie.
"Did you?"
"Well me and your dad have known you weren’t straight." I nodded and left the kitchen.
A Week Later:
Zakky's POV
I smiled at my patient as he sat down. "How are you today, River?"
"Uh, good." He said quietly as he looked at the floor. It was exactly like Kyler. I loved this kid. He had problems that his parents weren't even interested in knowing.
"Really? That's nice."
"Yeah…" He forced a smile.
"So what's going on today?"
"Um…my parents are talking to you after my session today." I nodded. "Well, I'm afraid of what's gonna happen."
"Why?"
"Well, if you tell them I'm not doing good they're gonna put me in an asylum. I don't want to be locked up Dr. Carson."
"What are you saying?"
"Please don't tell my parents that I'm not doing good. That I'm not improving."
"But River, you're improving."
"No I'm not."
"It's slow, but happening."
"Just don't tell my parents that. Tell them everything's fine and if I just continue my sessions, it'll work out just fine. Please."
"Okay." I made a note.
"What are you writing? I hate it when you write."
"I'm just making a note so I don't forget. Calm down. I promise it'll make you better."
"How do I know you're not lying to me?"
"You can read it if you want."
"No. How do I know you won't tell my parents?"
"Doctor-patient confidentiality. If I told them, I could lose my job and license. I didn't spend ten years working for this just to lose it."
"So…what are you saying?"
"By law, if you tell me not to, I can't tell your parents. Since you're a minor, I could legally tell them some things if they asked, but since you told me I can't, I can't."
"Must you talk so much?"
"You're safe." I looked at his chart. The kid was fine. Just depressed. We finished our session ten minutes later.
"I'll see you later River." I said. River hugged me.
"Bye. Thank you for helping me." His parents came over to me.
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Masters." I smiled offering my hand. Mrs. Masters glanced at her husband and he just walked into my office.
"Hmph." He muttered.
"Okay…" I said to myself in my mind. I closed the door and smiled. "So you son is a great kid."
"Nice family you got here." Mr. Masters said.
"Thank you." I smiled.
"What are the kids' names?"
"Uh, this is Ari and that's Emily. They're twins."
"And the man, what about him?"
"Oh, his name's Eddie." He nodded.
"Is Eddie your brother, cousin?"
"Uh, no…"
"Friend?"
"Yeah, but more than that." I was careful not to come out right. I knew that was very unlike me and was wondering why I was closeting myself from these people. I guessed it was because their son was gay and they hated him for it. I knew how these people were.
"So what then?"
"Uh, we're here to discuss River's progress, not my personal life."
"Whatever. So tell us what we already know."
"Uh, what do you know?"
"That he's schizo, a fag and belongs locked up in a padded room alone in a straight jacket. Also he is a threat to society. I want you to admit him into a hospital."
"No sir, that is not the case. River is a great kid. He is progressing nicely." I smiled.
"Stop lying to me."
"Mr. Masters, I assure you..." He slammed his fist on the desk.
"Don't tell me anything. I don't care what his mental state is at the moment, I want his in the loony bin now."
"I can't do that."
"They won't take him unless we had the okay from you."
"Mr. Masters…"
"Listen to me you fucking queer, you can go home and fuck your Eddie sooner if you just okay it."
"I'm sorry, but I have to take River out of your hands. Good bye or I will call security." I stood up. River's dad stood too punching my stomach.
"Take him. Fuck him. I don't care. I'll see you in court." And with that, they left the office. River stood up.
"You're going with the fucking queer okay?" His mother sneered. Eddie, who had just come out of the elevator, stared confused as the Masters muttered words at him. Jena, my assistant brushed my hair from my eyes.
"Are you okay Zak?"
"I’m fine." I muttered. "Just…plan finding somewhere else to work okay?" I said with tears in my eyes. I knew what was going to happen. They were going to play the whole gay card. Say that I was inappropriate with their son. That I was going against them. Things that have been played against me before. Twice. Third strike, ten years of college and schooling failed. Ten years I could have spent with Eddie and the twins, in flames. Everything…My whole life. How could I help teens outside of my office?
"Dr. Carson?" River whispered.
"Hm?"
"What happened?"
"Nothing. You're coming with me okay?" He nodded. Eddie grabbed my hand and pulled me into my office.
"What's going on Zakkary?"
"I'll explain it later okay. Everything's fine." I ran my fingers through his soft blonde hair. "River's gonna have to stay with us until morning okay?"
"Fine with me." I kissed him.
Ari's POV
The kid sat in my room staring at my posters. Emily and I were sitting at the top of the stairs listening to Daddy, I decided that Zakky was going to be Daddy and Eddie was going to be Dad, cry about what the kid's parents were doing to him and our family. "He'll be so lost without psychology." Emily whispered.
"I know." She motioned for me to follow her to her room.
"You know he wanted to be a designer. That was until our dad died."
"I know. Gosh, I feel bad. That kid's parents are asses." I was already depressed because Reese had thrown me to the curb and the band was currently not going on tour. This was not helping.
"I know, but there's nothing we can do." I nodded. Dad came into her room.
"Go to bed guys." He kissed our foreheads and I went to my room. The kid stared at me.
"Hi." I said.
"Hello."
"I'm Ari."
"I'm River."
"Nice to meet you." He was so beautiful. He put Reese's perfection to shame. I couldn't believe I was thinking about Reese after he dumped me. He wasn’t even nice about it. Just called me a cunt and said we were over.
"I'm gay." He whispered.
"I'm bi."
"Single?"
"Yep. You?"
"Mhm. Virgin?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Nope. Wanna fuck?" I swallowed. I didn't know this guy.
"I promise I won't hurt you." I looked out my door. My parents would be talking for hours. I slowly nodded and climbed on the bed.
Eddie's POV
I stroked Zakky's soft, dark, satin hair. He was asleep. His head was resting on my chest. I looked at the clock. Three A.M. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I had a weird feeling, but shook it away. I was just tired.
Ari's POV
I got out of bed, naked and sore. River was sitting in a corner, the one closest to my closet. He smiled at me. He was wrapped in a towel. "Can I borrow some clothes?"
"Yeah. Help yourself." I said. "That was great you know."
"Thank you. I learned from the best."
"You're the best." I kissed his cheek. He smiled adorable. I went into the bathroom and slowly showered. I went to my room and pulled on a pair of black jeans and a tight black shirt with a hoodie. I went to the kitchen where Daddy was cutting a pizza.
"Hey Daddy." I kissed his cheek, hugging him. I grabbed a slice of pizza.
"Hi Ari. How are you holding up?" He looked at me. "No puffy eyes. Appetite back. Smile. I say someone's over Reese Farris."
"Yeah. I guess. So that kid, River, he's really cool."
"He's a great kid. Where is he?"
"I don't know."
"Hm. Well CPS asked Eddie and I to have him live with us. It's temporary, but since I'm his doctor, they say it's best. That okay with you?"
"Mhm." I smiled and sat at the table cross legged at a chair.
"You like him don't you?"
"Of course not." Daddy put a plate on the table and smiled at me. "I think you do. You got it bad."
"Okay. But, he's perfect. He's so…yum."
"You're so into him."
"Daddy, if I tell you something, promise you won't get mad?" I asked staring him in the eyes.
"Sure. Why would I be mad?"
"Well…we kinda…had sex last night."
"You what?" He yelled.
"You said you wouldn't get mad."
Zakky's POV
"I'm not mad Ari. Just surprised. I mean…you don't even know him."
"But I love him. I mean you trust him right?"
"Yeah. Yeah I do, but seriously Ari…sex?"
"Daddy, Reese hurt me. I didn't do anything. He hates me and so does Reggie. And Billy only is nice to me because he's dating Emily. River made me feel…"
"Like he loved you?"
"Yeah."
"How can he? He just met you."
"You can't talk. You didn't really know J.D. when you fucked him. Neither did Eddie. He was just your brother's friend."
"True, but that was a mistake."
"I don't think this was a mistake Daddy. I love him."
"No, you just think you do. Ari, sex is not love."
"Then why do so many people call it making love?"
"Because those times it is. Hon, you can't love someone when you only say a few words the guy."
"I guess…" Ari got up and sighed. "But I just want to try. It was great. I get why you and Dad do it so much." He hugged me and left. I sighed and worried about my kids.
Emily's POV
"I'm not going to do that Billy." I screamed throwing him off me. I was surprised I had gotten so much strength. I ran out of his room sobbing. I got down the street before I buttoned my jeans and put my shirt back on. I sobbed shaking. I was in love with him…and he was going to rape me…I went to Julie's house.
"Em, oh my God, what happened?" She gasped hugging me.
"Billy. Look can we go to Tommy's party?"
"Yeah. I thought you weren’t gonna go."
"Yeah, well that was then. Come on. Let's go get wasted."
"Wow, you're a real party girl Em." Julie smiled. I was sick of being the good, little, straight edge person I was. I was ready to be high and drunk off my ass. Get in trouble.
When we got there I took the drink Tommy had in his hand and threw it back. "Oh, wow, Emily's getting wasted!" He hugged me. "What changed?"
"Uh, I'm just sick of it all."
"Oh. Well want some coke?"
"Hell yeah."
Eddie's POV
"Why the hell did you get like this?" I yelled.
"Don’t talk so loud." Emma groaned.
"Emily, you are so grounded."
"Get bent."
"Yeah. Sure. I'm not the one going out and getting wasted."
"Don't pull that card. I fucking hate you. I don't even have to listen to you. You're not my father."
"Fine." I walked out of the room. I'm glad Zakky didn't know what was going on with our little girl. How could this happen? Emily was always responsible. Her and Ari both. They were good kids. Drugs? Alcohol? That wasn't like them. Not one bit.