Just Keep Breathing

Managing to walk down the stairs quietly, and even gracefully, sounded a lot easier that it was. I, for the most part, succeeded in making it to the bottom of the stairs without anyone in the living room noticing. That was definitely good.

So here’s what I saw; exactly eleven people were scattered around my living room. I knew all six of the seven guys that were there and four of them, including James, Lee, Matt K., and Steven, all had one of the random girls attached to them.

I continued to survey the room from the bottom of the stairs, trying to pick out a spot where I could sit and hardly be noticed by most people. Sadly, the only open spot was between Oli and Curtis on smaller of the two couches.

Maybe Curtis was in on this whole thing and was trying to make all of this difficult. It was either that or he was the most clueless person I could think of.

I had the urge to just turn around right then and head back up the stairs. No one had seen me yet and I could totally get away with it.

But honestly, I didn’t want to. What I really wanted was the march over and sit in the small gap between Curtis and Oli and make the situation increasingly awkward. So I did.

I crept around the back of the living room so none of the over primped girls would notice me, and walked in front of Curtis silently, motioning for him to make the space between him and Oli wider.

Once he scooted over I saw down and brought my knees up, practically curling into a ball. Oli had been watching me since I appeared in front of the couch. I could feel his eyes on me even after I sat down and positioned myself.

From the corner of my eyes I could see the side of him. It looked like he wanted to say something or do something, but he didn’t. He just continued to sit there and pretend to watch the movie. It was awkward, but I guess I did this on purpose.

Curtis had smiled at me and explained what was going on in the movie before getting sucked back into the plot. He was completely oblivious to the odd tension between the two other people on the couch next to him.

Oli and I were playing odd mind games. I would sneak a look in his direction and he would look away, then he would look in my direction and I would divert my eyes.

Eventually, I gave up trying to look at him and accepted my own defeat. I sunk into the couch a bit and pulled my legs tighter into my body, feeling completely awkward with myself.

A while later I felt Oli shift next to me. At first I thought he was scooting away, but I felt him lean closer to me, his head now close to mine.

“Can we talk?” He asked quietly, I could hardly hear him. I turned my head and looked at him for a moment and studied his face. He looked off; not usual, something was weird about it. I nodded.

I waited for a moment when a scene in the movie was darker than usual and stood up quietly, motioning for Oli to follow. We snuck out without anyone noticing, except Curtis who just winked at me. He’s still so clueless.

After walking into my backyard and sitting on one of those weird swing benches, we sat in silence for a while. It was his idea to come out here so I refused to be the first to talk.

We stared at each other for a while and I watched as he thought of what to say, his mouth opening a few times and shutting. I bit my lip nervously, staring at him cautiously.

“Well I don’t really know what I wanted to say, I guess.” Oli said finally, “I just don’t want ya mad at me Elle, I’m sorry if I upset ya.”

Oli apologizing kind of caught me off guard. If anything I thought he would ask me why I overreacted. If he wouldn’t say anything about it, maybe I should.

“I might have overreacted a tad.” I admitted, swallowing my pride. I continued chewing on my lip a little and fidgeted on the bench. “I just… I don’t know.”

“I think I know.” Oli said softly. I looked at him and he had a smirk on his face. I raised my eyebrow at him and watched him scoot a little closer, leaning into me. He didn’t allow our lips to touch, he just hovered there. He still had thatcute annoying smirk. “I think ya want me.”

I had a feeling the old, cocky Oli was back. I also had a feeling that I might have to break through all of that typical Oliver again. But more than likely, he would have to break though my wall again too.

&&

Going to another show where Oli’s band was playing wasn’t what had me annoyed. What annoyed me, was everyone pretty much separated off into different directions to do things and left me alone.

As much as I usually prefer to be alone, I don’t like it when it involves being stuck in a crowd without anyone I know being around. It tends to freak me out ninety percent of the time.

I stood in the back of the crowd awkwardly with my phone in my hand, making it look like I was doing something so I didn’t look completely foolish.

A while later I felt a presence near the left side of me. I turned my head to see a girl that looked my age, maybe even a bit older, who was also alone. She gave me a side smile and stepped up a bit, standing next to me.

“Hey.” She said over the music, a smile still on her face. “You look alone, I’m Tessa.”

She stretched out her arm and held her hand out, waiting for me to take it. I wasn’t so good with new people, but I fought back that shy feeling and took her hand with a smile. “I’m Elle.”

Some random band took the stage and started playing loudly and obnoxiously. Tessa turned to me and opened her mouth, pretending to gag herself. I smiled and nodded in agreement. I think I like her, she’s different.

She leaned in towards me so I could hear her as she talked. “So, what bands do you like here?”

“Well I’m here for some friends of mine. I know a few people in one of the bands, it’s Bring Me something,” I explained, raising my voice so it could be heard, “And other than that I don’t really know much of the music.”

“Oh, Bring Me the Horizon?” She asked. I nodded, pretty sure that was it. “I like them, seen them twice here. I think they’re really popular but I’m basically here because my friends dragged me.”

I nodded and listened. We talked back and forth for a while, long enough that the horrible band stopped playing.

In all honesty, I was really surprised with myself. Normally, I avoid meeting new people at all costs. The only friends I had were those I was introduced to, I never really put any effort into meeting people. But Tessa seemed different, I liked her and didn’t want to come off as bitchy instead of shy.

By the time Oli’s band started playing, Tessa and I had been talking for over two hours, which was another surprise to me. I was shit at keeping up conversations.

“That them?” She asked as Oli ran across the stage, looking good and screaming into the microphone. I nodded and rolled my eyes. She laughed. “He’s kind of cute, doncha think? Guitarist too.”

Hah, if only she knew. I nodded and shrugged. She smiled and turned her head back to the stage, tapping her foot along with the music. We didn’t walk for a while, instead we just listened and watched.

My eyes were stuck on Oli, I couldn't help it. It was just like the last show, I was captivated but his appearance and confidence on stage.

At the end of the set, a few of Tessa’s friends walked over. They formed a circle and started talking. Tessa motioned for me to join and started introducing me to some of the people. This is when I started to slip out of my comfort zone.

From what I could remember, Lindsey was Tessa’s older sister, Jeff and Robert were her friends and Jack was Lindsey’s boyfriend. Of course, I could be completely wrong. They all seemed, for the most part, nice.

Nice or not, I was growing increasingly anxious. With just one new person, I was fine, but if you add the other four, it was a little much. I was trying to suck it up and not let my head get to me, but while doing that I ended up standing there like a loser.

Nearly choking on my gum from being startled, a pair of arms snaked their way around my waist, holding me tight. I took in a gasp of air and turned my head, my vision filling with Oli’s face. I turned around and play pushed him, scolding him for scaring me.

He started laughing and smiled at me, that usual cheeky smile. “Why ya mad at me? I didn’t do anythin’ wrong. Curtis sent me, we’re all leavin’ like now.”

Turning to the group I said goodbye as Oli tugged at my hands. Tessa pulled out her phone and spoke up, “Wait Elle, give me your number.”

I said it just before Oli to succeed in pulling me backwards with him. I flashed one last smile back at Tessa who winked and laughed, before I let Oli practically drag me away.

We were not back to normal by any means, but I wasn’t one to hold a grudge. You could tell we were on edge with each other. It was like every move Oli made around me was either him being cocky or flirty, but it seemed like he thought through every action before he did it.

Like now, his hand was on my wrist and slowly moving to my hand, but it was like he was testing whether or not I would pull away before he would actually hold my hand. It was like he was making advancements without actually advancing.

I wasn’t sure if I liked this cautiousness between us, or if I preferred the other side; whether I got hurt or not.