Just Keep Breathing

Outside it was cloudy and threatening to rain. Though the sky gave off some light, there was no sign of the sun between the clouds. What little light there was seeped through the curtains of Oliver’s bedroom room, softly illuminating the room and the two sleeping bodies glued together under the blankets.

My body maneuvered softly to turn away from the window when light some how managed to invade my eyelids. As I moved, the arms around me tightened and rolled with me before we shaped our bodies together again, still half asleep.

Even after we both came to the realization that the light wouldn’t go away and we were now awake, we still didn’t make any attempt to move more than a few inches.

Oliver’s left arm - that had been wrapped around my stomach - moved and traced the skin from my stomach to my arm and up to my neck, pushing my hair out of the way before his lips attached to my shoulder bone and kissed it lovingly.

The delicate way his fingers moved over my skin woke me up carefully. As I came back to full consciousness, I began to realize my current state of nakedness and the events from last night. My heart started to beat faster again at the memory and I let a small smile cross my face.

Oli kissed my shoulder again and moved his body up so he was resting on one of his arms as his other hand continued to trace over my naked body. Tilting my head, I looked at him and studied his face as he looked down at me, our eyes connecting. Laying there with me, he looked calm and tranquil.

“Mornin’, love.” He said softly. As he spoke he leaned his head down and kissed me gingerly, letting his lips linger on mine for a moment before pulling away. “So ‘ow did ya sleep?”

I shifted under the blankets so I was now facing him. He moved his hand from my arm and traced over my cheek and lips as I replied quietly, “Really well actually. What about you?”

Oliver smiled and set his forehead on mine, pecking my lips a few times before he replied, his lips moving against mine as he talked. “Brilliantly.”

Suddenly, I felt a bit uncomfortable. The full impact of me being completely naked with Oli hit me. After last night, I really shouldn’t feel uncomfortable. I mean honestly, he’d seen basically every inch of me, but no matter what I was still very shy.

Calmly, I pulled the sheets tighter against me. Oli laughed softly and slid off his arm and back under the blankets. My shyness seemed to fade once our bodies were covered and I quickly scooted into his warm embrace. He nuzzled his head cutely into my neck and kissed my skin.

On the floor, I heard my phone vibrating in my pants pocket. Clutching the sheets to my chest, I leaned over the bed to grab my phone. Oliver ran his fingers down my bare back and finally wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back to him once I had grabbed my phone.

“Who is it?” He breathed against my skin, pecking my neck lightly. “Hopefully not your brother ruinin’ another moment of ours.”

“No, it’s not.” I replied in relief. I maneuvered into my spot again and rested my back into his chest as I looked at my phone. “It’s Tessa asking me where I went last night, and that she covered for me saying that I was with her.”

“Hmm.” He mumbled against my skin and continued to hold me tightly, but comfortably. Oli continued to nuzzle and kiss my skin as I texted Tessa back, but neither of us spoke out loud.

I’m guessing we were both off in our own thoughts. I wished that I could read his mind and find out what he was thinking as he cuddled up to me, trying to find every opportunity to kiss exposed parts of my skin. I also wondered if I should get up now. I had a feeling that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to get up all day.

I was starting to want to lay here all day when Oli’s phone rang. He mumbled a few choice cuss words and grabbed his phone, answering it. He talked a little, all while holding me close and stealthily kissing me. He hung up and spoke, “It was James. Gah, it’s actually rather hard to talk to him and not give away the fact you’re layin’ right ‘ere with me.”

“What did he want?” I asked quietly as Oli moved over me, beginning to kiss my collar bone. He shook his head, as if saying it didn’t matter, and kept kissing around my neck.

My hands moved up his chest and pushed him back, gently, and looked at him. I had to get out of this bed before we sunk back into the sheets. I knew if we did, there would be a very high chance I would spend the night at Oli’s.

“I think I’m going to take a shower.” I told him quietly, pecking his lips quickly. Reaching over the bed, I grabbed his boxers and slipped them on and wrapped one arm around my chest. I ignored him asking if he could join me as I quickly walked out of his room and into the bathroom.

&&

“Ya’know…” Tessa started to say, an all knowing sound in her voice, “Supposedly, so I’ve heard, once you lose your virginity you have an odd glow about you, maybe even an odd confidence. So should I be wondering why you have a small smile plastered on your face and a good posture today, or should I just know that I’m right?”

Opening my mouth, I shut it again, not really sure what to say. I smiled cheekily at her and finally replied, my voice not able to hide anything, “Well, I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong.”

“Oh my God!” She gushed. Her face fell though, when she realized I wasn’t as enthusiastic. Now, she was eyeing me funny as if trying to read my mind. “What’s wrong? You should be happy, right?”

“I’m not really sure.” I replied. Right now I was fidgeting with my hands and nails, it meant I was nervous; very nervous. “I just have these weird feelings about him and when I’m with him.”

She began to laugh before looking straight at me, and smile plastered on her face. “Elle, those feelings are supposed to be there. Maybe you love hi-”

I cut her off, shaking my head and talking. “No, no, no. Don’t say that. And it’s not just the feelings, I’m just upset maybe. I mean, we’re not even together and he’s leaving in a couple of months. What’s going to happen when he’s gone? I think my heart with break, as cliché as that sounds.”

“Why can’t I say that you might love him? It’s completely normal Elle.” Tessa said. It sounded like she was trying to convince me rather than say how I really felt. “People love each other all the time, and just because you’re emotionally challenged doesn’t mean you can’t love-”

I cut her off again. “You’re completely ignoring the other point I was trying to make Tess.”

Tessa and I had gotten to know each other enough over the last couple of weeks to know not to sugar coat things, or even better, not to avoid topics. She knew, somehow, almost everything about me and vise versa.

She rubbed her forehead and looked at me, setting her chin in the palm of her hand. She let out a breath of air and spoke again. “I don’t know what to say, really. You not being together might because, admit it or not, you both are scared of relationships. And with him leaving, yeah you’ll hurt a lot, but who knows, maybe you’ll go with him.”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t want to go with him. That would ruin the whole thing for him and the guys. Half the fun of a tour is not having the baggage of a fling with them and being able to party. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, so he can leave with no string attached and fuck anyone he wants.”

“Elle stop it.” Tessa interrupted my rant. I was kind of sounding a bit self pity-ish. “I think you should talk to him about all of this. I’m really no help. But in the mean time, don’t think about all the negative stuff. Go have fun, if you know what I mean.”

Starting to laugh, I looked at her and shook my head, muttering perv. She was right though, hell it seems like she’s always right.

Hopping off the bar stool in Tessa’s kitchen, I set down my cup and smiled at her, starting to leave. After saying goodbye and not waiting for a response I asked, “See you at the party tonight?”