Just Keep Breathing

Chapter 35

“Are you driving yourself over there?” James asked me, peeking into my bedroom door. I was seated on my bed trying to read. Without responding to him, I nodded. He continued to talk though, “Good luck with that.”

Looking up, I gave him a small smile. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be nice or sarcastic. I closed the book I was reading and set it down. I needed to leave in a few minutes anyways. Oli had texted me earlier, asking me to go to his house around six. It was currently 5:45pm.

I wasn’t going to doll myself up for tonight. What I ended up wearing didn’t really matter. Of course, I didn’t want to head over there looking like shit either. So I changed into some jeans and a tank top, applied a light amount of make-up, and brushed my hair straight. Good enough.

After grabbing my keys and a jacket, I trudged down the stairs and headed out the front door. Once in my car, it took me a while to actually put the keys in the ignition and start it up. There was no doubt I was nervous for tonight.

I took in a large breath of air and started my car, backing out of the driveway and heading towards Oliver’s house. I didn’t bother turning on the radio; Ineeded wanted the silence to be able to gather my thoughts.

Still nervous, once I pulled into the driveway of Oli’s place, I just sat there for a moment. I needed to talk myself down before I freaked out. I tried to tell myself that everything would be okay, it would, right?

Finally, I got out of my car and walked up to the front door, tapping my knuckles on it loudly. Only a moment later Oli answered it and stepped back, letting me in.

“Hey,” He breathed, leaning down to kiss me as I passed him. Small and simple, it was a nice kiss.

“Hey.” I replied simply, following him into the kitchen. Silently, I sat up on the counter and watched him open the fridge, pulling out a carton of juice and filling two glasses; handing one to me.

“So ‘ow are ya?” He asked me, stepping close to the counter; his body now between my legs. He took a drink of the juice and set it on the counter next to me before setting his hands on my hips.

“Alright,” I lied. I took a drink also before setting it down. I didn’t have an appetite. “You?”

“I’ve been better,” Oli admitted. He lowered his hands and pulled me closer to him. Since I was on the counter, I was a bit taller than him and now he had to look up to make eye contact with me.

Raising my hands, I attached them to his neck and lowered my head, pressing my lips onto his. After pulling away, I set my forehead on his. With our lips still nearly touching, I spoke, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head lightly and kissed me again. I guessed that meant he didn’t care. We continued to kiss, our mouths opening to each other, for a few minutes before pulling away again. Oli pecked my lips a few times before pulling father away.

“Soo…” He mumbled looking down at my knees. I knew what he meant. We had to talk about everything sometimes.

“So…” I mimicked his tone of voice and lifted my hand up, touching his face and making him look at me, “Let’s talk about this?”

He nodded, his face still in my hand. “But first,” He said and paused. I was confused until he kissed me again. It became heated for a moment; hands roaming and intense. He stopped abruptly and pulled away from me completely.

I hopped off the counter and took his hand in mine and walked into the living room and sat on the couch, him next to me. We stared at each other for a while. Neither of us knew how to start this conversation, seeing how neither of us wanted to have it in the first place.

“I guess we should just get this out there.” I said, being completely honest. He nodded, letting me continue. “If my ranting last night didn’t say enough, I should probably bring it up again. Where do we stand Oli? With you leaving and whatnot.”

Oli didn’t seem too phased with my directness towards all of this. He scooted his hand over to mine and laced our fingers, as if for support. “You’re still my girlfriend. That’s where we stand now, ‘ow do ya want us to stand when I’m gone?”

“I want to be selfish and keep you all mine.” I admitted. “But I also want you to have fun. I want you to party and to be yourself; to just have fun while you’re gone.” My voice lowered as I spoke the last part, “And I don’t want to be the one to drag you down.”

“Ya won’t Elle. If anything, you’ll be liftin’ me up not draggin’ me down. Look up at me, stop starin’ at the couch.” He said. I lifted my eyes from the blue fabric and up to his eyes. I couldn’t read his emotion. “Ya should come with me. Come on tour, be with me. It’s like the best solution to all of this.”

“I don’t want to go.” I replied, my eyes starting to brim with tears. “This is your time; you and the guys. The last thing you need is for me to be there. This is one of those times that you experience something that changes you when you’re away from people; both good and bad. Me being there wouldn’t let the experience soak in.”

“But I want ya to go with me.” He mumbled softly, “I don’t want to ‘ave to say goodbye. Ya know how lame I sound right now? I’m complete ‘ead over for ya.”

“I know, and I feel the same, I really do. I love you, know that okay?” I said, I didn’t like where this is going, but I have no one to blame but myself. “Honestly, I think we should take a break, but not actual breaking up. Just to the point I’ll be here when you get back, but on tour you’re not tied down by me.”

“Ya think that’s what will be best?” He asked me, his eyes connecting with mine again. I nodded simply, not knowing how to reply. “Alright, a break it is then I guess. But Elle, when I get back, it’s just you an’ me, okay? Together again.”

I nodded, wanting to believe his words, but in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn’t be that simple. He knew it to, but for right now it was better to just pretend like everything would be fine and dandy.

&&

The bed moved awkwardly and suddenly the warmth around me lessened. Pulling the sheets tight against my body, I leaned up and opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was the digital alarm clock on Oliver’s dresser; 5:46am.

What was he doing up this early? A few moments later, Oli re-entered the room and spotted me, “Sorry hon, did I wake ya?”

I nodded as he leaned down a bit and pressed his lips to mine briefly. Pulling the blanket away from me, he got back into bed and cuddled up next to me.

“Lee called, we’re leaving in about an hour.” He told me. Lee and Curtis had staid at Matt’s the night before, giving us privacy. I could tell, as much as he tried to hide it, that he was completely ecstatic. “They‘re goin’ to drop by ‘ere to pick me up.”

Again, I nodded, too tired to try and talk. He noticed and just smiled at me, looking like a kid in a candy store. I nuzzled my face into his neck and kissed his skin lightly.

Between now and the time the guys were dropping by to get Oli, we managed to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and then completely melt into each other again. I’m not sure if I was going to be able to pry myself away from him.

Just as I was getting comfortable on the couch with Oliver, our lips never becoming unattached, we heard a loud honking noise from outside. It startled me enough that I banged heads with Oli before bursting into fits of laughter.

“Well this is it.” I mumbled once I was done laughing. Oli nodded and got off the couch, taking me with him. We walked to the door where two large bags of Oli’s stuff waited for us to take them outside.

I picked up the smaller one and followed Oli outside, the sky shining down on a large tour bus and the four guys standing in front of it.

“Mornin’ Elle!” Curtis said loudly and took the bag from me, heading to go and put it into the bus’s storage. In the mean time, Lee walked over to me and wrapped me into a huge hug.

He was my same height so we fit together nicely in our hug. I squeezed him back and mumbled into the mess he calls his hair, “I’m going to miss you. Keep me informed on everything, okay?”

“Right-o captain!” Lee replied, peeling away from me and grinning. He was so cute. “I’m goin’ to miss ya too, don’t die on me, ‘kay?”

I started to nod but Matt K interrupted me. He too swept me into a large hug and said his goodbyes before releasing me into the arms of Curtis. “Ya chose not to come then? Mkay dear, I’ll send ya postcards an’ shit, okay? I’ll even write in cursive and put cheesy stamps on them.”

I smiled up at Curtis and tightened my grip on him, mumbling incoherent things into his ear. Somehow, he managed to get my point and kissed the top of my head. Next was Matt N, who unlike the others, hugged me nicely. He too promised to keep up communication, and promised that even when he’s famous he’ll still talk to me. That’s reassuring.

The only person left was Oliver. He stood in front of me with his head down, obviously upset about having to leave. I walked up to him and snaked my arms around his neck, making him hug me. There was no hesitation when he pulled me closer and attached his lips to mine.

Lee started to cat call before someone hit him and made him shut up, it weirded me out to have them watching as Oliver and I got in our last kiss for a few months.

“Don’t forget me, ‘kay?” I mumbled into his shirt, trying to sound more upbeat than I really was.

“Never.” He responded, kissing me again quickly. This was so cheesy. “I’ll try and call everyday, or e-mail, or text. Somethin’, I promise. It won’t be too long, a couple of months and you’re all mine.”

I nodded and hugged him tighter. Beside us, I heard the other guys walk in the direction of the bus, calling out final goodbyes before getting on. It left just me and Oli on his lawn.

“I love you.” He said, pecking my lips numerous times. The bus let out another honk, hinting that Oliver should probably get on.

“I love you too.” I replied, my voice soft. I wasn’t crying though, which was good.

With one final hug and a kiss, Oli pulled away from me and turned to head towards the bus. He started to get on, turning when he was on the last step and waved, blowing a kiss.

I watched as the door shut, the bus started up, and it drove down the street; all the guys waving from the windows. It wasn’t until it was out of site that I lowered myself onto the grass and pulled my knees into my chest, staring blankly to where it had been.

Still no tears and no heart ache, yet. I don’t see how I wasn’t bawling, seeing as I just let go of a main part of my life.