Just Keep Breathing

I always seemed to get myself into bad situations. Whether it was my fault or not, I was currently pulled off to the side of the road, a large dent placed in the front left side of my car, and the truck that hit me was parked in front of me.

I was standing just outside my car, using the door as a surface to write on while I scribbled down the usual insurance information and waited for the owner of the other car to approach.

The older man who hit me was also writing down his information and was on the phone with the police, who I assumed were on their way. He hung up and headed over to me.

“Again, I’m so sorry.” He said, “It’ll be no problem for my insurance to cover everything, but that doesn’t excuse my hectic driving."

I gulped back my anxious feelings and told him that it was fine, nothing that couldn’t be fixed. We waited around and tried to chit chat away the tension until the police arrived.

“Looks like your engine might be effected, it probably won’t be safe to drive home in it, we’re going to call a tow truck for you.” One of the police officers said once everything was worked out, “Do you need one of us to drive you home?”

“No, thank you.” I replied, “I can call my brother.”

I smiled politely and turned away, pulling out my cell phone, and shakily dialing my brothers phone number. When he answered all I had to say was come get me, no questions of why, and he was already on his way.

Ten minutes later my brother pulled up to the gas station where I was waiting. He wasn’t alone though, inside the car with him was Steven and Oli. I sighed and climbed into the back.

“Sorry, we were all out together when you called.” James said. I shrugged and leaned my head against the window, peering out at my damaged car as we drove past. There goes my precious freedom of a car.

“Forget how to drive, hon?” Oli teased.

“Wasn’t my fault.” I mumbled and began picking at my finger nails, annoyed with this whole day.

“That’s what every one says.” Steven chimed in. Oli agreed and they went off on some other side conversation.

“Hey, I’m going to run into the store for chips and shit.” James said, “It’ll only take a sec.”

Steven and him got out, slamming the doors behind them. I was temped to get out and follow them, leaving Oli in the car, but I honestly didn’t feel like moving.

“Well this sure is an interestin’ conversation.” Oli commented, his voice trailing off. He began to look around, as if trying to find something else to focus on.

I felt just as, or even more awkward than he did. It seemed like if he wasn’t drunk, he also wasn’t able to throw out good conversation ideas either.

I felt like my mind was a pinball machine, randomly spazing around. Stress did this to me a lot, and the crash just fueled the fire.

“I spy with my little eye somethin’ green.” He said breaking the silence and suddenly turning to me.

“What?” I looked at him like he was crazy.

“I spy with my little eye somethin’ green.” He repeated at a slower pace, “Ya’know, like that game.”

I made an “Oh” shape with my mouth and slowly looked away from him and around the car. I spied a few obvious things that were green, like grass and a giant billboard, but I knew he wouldn’t say something that easy.

“Uhm,” I mumbled and guess, “That piece of tape stuck to the light pole?”

He shook his head no and raised his eyebrows as if a cue for me to guess again, so I did, this time guessing the sticker on the back of the car next to us.

“You’re shit at this game,” He commented and laughed, “Try one more time.”

“I don’t like this game.” I mutter, displeased with my poor object guessing skills. “I don’t know, just tell me.”

He began laughing and when he finally stopped he looked at me cheekily and spoke. “It’s your shirt, silly.”

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, as if it would help cover my obviously green shirt, and didn’t bother to hide the pissy tone in my voice, “Well whatever.”

“Don’t be mad at me just ‘cause you lost.” He said, “We can always play again.”

I rolled my eyes and looked back out the window. I saw James and Steven walking back to the car, grocery bags in their hands. “Finally.” I mumbled.

Oli didn’t hesitate to just speak his mind once Steven and James got in the car. “I think your sister is on the rag, she’s bitchin’ an’ shit.”

I groaned and leaned my head onto the window, trying to ignore the annoyance next to me.

&&

Being mad at my mom is never anything new, it happens all the time, and usualy we shout a bit and cool off. Something about this fight just wasn`t the same as the others. My mom was taking every opportunity to throw the low blows at me, and I did the same right back.

"I still can`t believe you were that reckless in your car." She huffed, stirring away madly at the pot on the stove.

"Mom, damn it, how many times do I have to tell you it wasn`t my fucking fault." I yelled back, raising my voice just a notch above hers.

That`s how it went, louder and louder, trying to overpower each other`s voices and get our point across.

"Well it`s not like you had nothing to do with it. You were sitting in snail speed, five o`clock traffic and you couldn`t manage to just creep along like the rest of the cars, or notice when one was trying to merge in next to you. What, did you start having an "attack" while you were driving?"

Low blow number one right there, she even used air quotes, making me feel even more pathetic.

My voice was lower, but not calmer, if anything pure rage was echoing through my voice, "No Mom, I didn`t freak out at all. It was his fault, you don`t have to worry about a fucking thing. I just can`t believe you right now. Dad is off on a business trip and you turn into Mom-zilla, going on a fucking rampage. Get off your throne and come back to reality, your life and your children aren`t fucking perfect."

That was low blow number two, my fault. My breathing was now ragged too. I were a cartoon smoke would be blowing out of my ears and nose followed by a train whistle.

My mom stopped what she was doing and turned to me, a look of disbelief on her face.

"Watch your language." She said. She was about to get very defensive, which would result in her acting like a child, "And calm the fuck down will you? Are you trying to make yourself freak out now, trying to prove that what ever is wrong with you is real? Maybe it`s you who needs to get off your throne."

Third and final low blow and none of us meant any of it. But that didn't stop us from saying it, and that definitely didn't stop it from hurting.

I bit my lip, holding an any other comments I was ready to spit out at her. I did need to calm down, I could feel it now, my nerves were spiraling out of control.

I turned on my heel and exited the kitchen quickly, needing to get out of the danger zone fast.

As I came around the corner to the living room, the stairs full focus in my mind, I came face to face with my brother, Oli, Steven, and about four other people I had never seen before.

The looks on their face confirmed the had heard every last word of the fight in the kitchen. I mean, seriously, how could you not?

My face burned red with embarrassment and I instinctively lowered my head. I passed by the guys as quickly as I could and managed to make it to my bedroom before breaking down.