Just Keep Breathing

Chapter 5

During the past hour after the argument I had been sitting in my room and reading, trying to keep to myself.

Downstairs it was obvious that my brother was watching a movie. The surround sound was loud and annoying and it echoed through the house. They were watching some weird, thriller movie.

The music changed to suspenseful, Jaws-like music. At the same time I noticed my door handle start to move fallowed by an attempt to open it. My door was locked, so it didn’t budge, causing who ever was there to jiggle the knob.

Startled, I crept out of bed and over to my door, opening it quickly.

“Well this is definitely not the bathroom.” A confused Oli mutter and looked at me.

My mouth was slightly open, staring at him. I didn’t answer, just pointed across the hall to the other door. He made the look of “Oh” and mumbled something about turning right instead of left before disappearing through the other door.

I shook my head and closed my door heading back to my bed to continue reading. Only moments later did a knock come at my door. I sighed and got back up, opened the door a crack, and peeped out. Oli was standing there again, this time not an accident, with his hands stuff deep inside his pockets.

“Yeah?” I asked and opened the door just a tiny bit more.

“I don’t know really.” He said and shuffled his feet. I had never seen this unsure, shy side of him before. But then again, I had only really seen the drunk or asshole side of him. He continued talking though, “I just kinda wanted to see if you were alright ‘n’ stuff, ‘cause of the little argument earlier…”

“Yeah I’m fine.” I replied. I realized that sounded a little too bitchy, especially after he was being kind. “Thanks though, for caring.”

He just smiled, “Of course. Oh, and I have a question, if you don’t mind me askin’…?”

“Uhm, sure.” I replied. I started chewing on the inside of my mouth.

“Well, I don’t want this to come out bad or anythin’, but what did your mum mean when she said you have attacks? Do you have epilepsy or something’?” I bit down on my cheek a little as he asked, I usually tried to keep all people from knowing.

I played it off like it was nothing, or at least I tried. “I, uh, have a bit of an anxiety disorder. No biggie.”

Psh, no biggie? Yeah right; lies, lies, lies.

We stood there awkwardly for a moment, looking everywhere but at each other. He finally looked back up and at me.

“I should probably head back downstairs I guess.” He said breaking the silence.

“I guess, yeah.” I replied, not really knowing how to react with him.

He made me nervous. I admit, most boys tended to make me very nervous. But this wasn’t the typical nervous, it was a bit more, and I wasn’t quite sure if the feeling was bad… or if it was good.

&&

It had been about a week since my weird talk with Oli. I had basically been busy since then. Between my online classes for college, trying to find a job, and just basically avoided my house as much as I could, I hadn’t really seen my brother or any of his cronies.

I had also been keeping busy partly to try and spend as much time away from my mom as I could. The fact that my car was still in the shop didn’t help any. I wasn’t really mad at her anymore, but she was still angry with me. My dad was supposed to be home in the next couple of days, back from Japan, and that would solve a lot of our family arguments.

On a brighter note, I’d been panic free since the dispute with my mom. On a not so brighter note, my ability to sleep seemed to have been thrown out the window.

It’s been two days since my last good night of sleep. Lately, two or three hours and I wake up, unable to go back to bed.

It was around noon now and I was currently melted onto the couch, half exhausted and half lazy. My head was lulled back against the arm rest, barely tilted towards the T.V.

“Hey Elle.” I looked up as James entered the front door and laid my head back down when I thought it was only him.

“Oh wow, you look dead.” I looked up again, connecting my eyes with Oli’s.

“Thanks.” I muttered sarcastically and leaned up into a sitting position.

“Hey, want to come to a show tonight?” Oli asked flopping down onto the couch next to me, invading my space bubble.

“Like a concert?” I asked. I scooted over, giving both of us more space.

“Yeah, ‘cause me an’ a few of my mates are in a band.” He explained, “Your brother and Steven are goin’ to, so what do ya say?”

I shrugged and nodded, “When?”

“Six-ish. And you might, ya’know, shower of somethin’?” He smiled jokingly at me but I slightly ignored that.

“Alright, I’m going to do that then.” I pushed myself off the couch, “See you later.”

____________________________________________________________

The club was packed full of people, way more than I expected for a small show. I fallowed behind my brother and a group of his friends as they plowed through the crowd.

It was way past six now, and I was beginning to think we missed Oli’s performance since the final band was coming on next, and I really didn’t think he was in the main band. Despite what I thought, a weird looking guy stepped up on stage introducing the band Bring Me the Horizon.

Four guys jumped up on stage, getting in their positions and started the first song. You heard the singing before you saw the vocalist, and I think my mouth dropped open a bit when I saw Oli run on stage with a full force of energy, microphone to his mouth.

As much as I would like to deny it, my eyes were locked on him the whole forty minutes of their set. He was so energetic on stage, throwing himself around and falling to the ground every now and then. But what surprised me the most was his voice. I never figured a boy that skinny could scream like that.

Once the show was over and all the lights came on, I felt Steven lightly grab my arm and pull me through the thick crowd. We headed out the back and around to the side of the venue. James said a few words to the security guard who stepped aside and let us through.

We’d been waiting around for a couple of minutes before anyone showed up. In came everyone in the band, except Oli. I was quickly introduced to Lee, Curtis, Matt K, and Matt N (who I was supposed to call by their last names, Kean and Nicholls, to avoid any confusion).

“So what did you think?” Oli’s voice asked from behind me, close enough that my neck broke out in goose bumps from his breath.

I turned to him and smiled. “Oh, it was just okay.” I replied, teasing him.

“Aw, you don’t mean it.” He said doing that weird pout face, a small smile threatening to take over his mouth.

“I might, you never know.” I continued. He smiled and nudged my shoulder lightly as he stood next to me, entering the circle of people.

I suddenly felt shy again, those butterfly type nerves invading my stomach.

I think I preferred it when Oli and I bickered, that way, I didn’t have to think about how cute he was or how I didn’t mind that his arm was lightly brushing up against mine.