Just Keep Breathing

I’m pissed. No, I think this feeling is way beyond pissed. I don’t even know how explain the scene in front of me that was making my blood boil. And it wasn’t just a pang of embarrassment and confusion, it was also one of stupidity and pointless jealousy.

So here’s what I see; Oli and a wall, a girl smooshed perfectly between the two and their faces practically glued to each other. It was slightly sickening.

Maybe I imagined the whole thing between us that happened the day before. Or better yet, maybe holding hands just was him saying ‘let’s be friends’.

I mean how would I know anything about what holding hands meant, especially to Oli, who seemed to be heartless when it came to girls and feelings other than his own.

I felt foolish. I let myself like him, just a bit though, and it blew up right in my face. Fool me once, shame on me.

A while later while I was hanging out in the kitchen, already on my third drink and by myself, Oli came up behind me.

“Hey lovely.” He said smoothly and grinned, stepping in front of me.

“Go away Oliver.” I mumbled and took a sip of my Coke and Bacardi.

“What, you’re back to hating me now?” He asked and pouted. I was getting sick of that look. He took a drink of whatever was in his cup and replied, “I thought we were over this bickering thing.”

“Why because we held hands?” I was going to cover up my hurt feelings by acting like I didn’t care in the first place, let’s see how this goes. I continued sarcastically, “Yeah that totally makes us besties.”

He sighed and just stared at me. Maybe he thought along with my anxiety, I might be bi-polar too. I raised my eyebrow at him and moved away, heading out of the kitchen. I just wanted to be away from him and maybe that would make my thinking stop.

I hated having that spark of feeling for him. I wanted to put it out and smother it, stopping it before any more feelings burned inside me. I quit.

After my little exit, I definitely wasn’t feeling well. I pushed through the crowd of people while finishing off drink. I walked to the exit of the house and left.

I didn’t text my brother telling him to take me home. Instead, half tipsy, I decided I was going to walk my lame-about-to-have-an-attack ass home. Just brilliant.

Only a few houses away from my own did my head begin to spin. I tried to shake it off and quicken my pace. My vision was fuzzy now, randomly pixilating black before becoming clear again.

I barely managed to get through my front door before leaning against the wall and sliding down before I passed out.

&&

I guess somewhere between the time I passed out on the floor and I woke up, I had gotten myself to my room or someone had carried me. I rolled over and looked at the clock, almost freaking out when I saw it was already five the next day.

I slid out of bed and straight into the shower. I felt so gross. Once done and dressed, I crept downstairs seeing who was home. My dad was sitting on the couch when I reached the bottom of the stairs.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked looking up at me. I shrugged and let him keep talking, “Had me kind of worried, your mom too.”

I nodded and looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry.”

He smiled and got up, walking towards the kitchen. “You hungry? I can make you something.”

I cleared my throat, “No, thanks. I’m not hungry.”

He nodded and started to dig through the refrigerator looking for food for himself. He turned to me and spoke, “I think your brother may be having people over later. Just to let you know.”

People included Oli, who I wasn’t thrilled to see. I nodded and walked out of the kitchen and back to my room. I changed into real clothes and put on a jacket. My hair was still wet and stringy. I brushed it into place and left it there, not bothering to dry it.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts list. I came across the name Anna. She was my best friend, yes I actually have a friend, who moved upstate for college.

I picked her number and texted her with a cute little message saying I miss you and call me soon. Usually she wouldn’t text back for hours or even days, so I set my phone on my dresser and walked downstairs.

I was greeted by the bleached hair of Steven sitting on my couch. I barely glanced at him or the other ten people in the room; one of them was Oli.

I walked out the front door and into the chilly air outside. The sun was just now starting to set and the street lamps were starting to turn on.

I was sitting on the porch, minding my own business, when the front door opened and someone walked out. I looked over and saw Oli. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

“Hey Isabel.” He said. His voice sounded like he forgot the fact I had gotten mad at him yesterday.

“Oliver.” I replied and kept staring ahead. I tried to focus on a woman who was walking by with her dog.

“Still pissed I see,” He commented and sat on a chair next to me. I didn’t reply.

He stood up and scooted his chair closer to mine and turned it so it faced me. I just acted like I didn’t notice his closeness.

“Elle…” He was leaning over this arm of the chair, his face very close to mine now.

I looked at him, and he got a cute look on his face. I smiled, which made that look on his face get a little bigger. I suddenly stood up, watching as the look dissolved off his face and said, “I think I’m going to go inside."

Rejected. Couldn’t help it, sorry.