We Gamble With Desire

The morning sun came through the gaps on the houses as I sat in my back garden. It had been a week since the boys had left, and it was a week until I left for tour with them. We'd be touring Europe for a few weeks until we came back to the states to do 9 days on Warped Tour. I'd always wanted to go to Europe. I never thought I'd see it from inside a tour bus with my brother's band but at least I'm going.

I was sat lounging on the grass, my mom had gone to work early this morning so I was all alone. It was nice. I liked it first thing in the morning, when most people were still in bed. It was quiet, peaceful. It let me think.

I stood up and went inside my empty house. The cold tiles on the kitchen floor felt unnaturally cold against my bare feet as I walked through the kitchen. I made myself something for breakfast and sat at the table. My mom used to joke around and say that the house was too quiet when my brother was away; I guess I never noticed because I was always at school.

I watched as the light from the window, gave everything a weird glow. The shadows danced along the worktops as the clouds blinded the sun then moved so it could see again. Everything was so pretty in the morning.

"Hails?" I looked around and saw Amber walking through the kitchen door.

"Hey, how did you get in?"

"Spare key," she said. "How come you're up so early?"

"I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep,"

She smiled at me and sat down. She pushed her sunglasses to the top if her head and looked at me.

"Its amazing outside," Amber said. "It's early and yet it's amazing,"

"It's summer," I said smiling at her. "Do you want something to drink?"

"I'll have some water," she said. I stood up and got her a bottle out of the fridge; I handed it to her and sat back down at the table. "Thanks,"

"What are we doing today?" I asked.

"I don't know what you're doing but I am working today,"

"Ah, the amazingly glamourous barista job," I said smirking.

"It keeps me busy when Andy's away. We can't all have shopping as a hobby,"

"Hey! I work and save hard for that money!" Amber scoffed. "I do, I babysat for three horrible kids, cleaned this house every day, I merch for the guys,"

"How the hell do you find the time?"

"Summer, weekends, whenever I can," I said smiling at her. "I don't just party and break hearts you know,"

"You break dance too," Amber said smirking.

"Shut up," I said shaking my head. "That was one time,"

"It was awesome though," she said. She looked at her watch and smiled. "Well, I have to be at work soon. See you later," I waved at her as she left my house, closing the door quietly behind her.

My house was deadly quiet again; the only sound was the buzzing of the refrigerator. I finished off my breakfast slowly. I pushed my chair away from the table, put my bowl into the sink and went into the living room. I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

"And that was Fall Out Boy with Saturday," The VJ said. "This next video is Midtown with Give It Up, be sure to catch them, Fall Out Boy and The Academy Is on their tour this summer,"

I turned the volume up then left the room, leaving the TV on for background noise. I ran upstairs to my room and opened my wardrobe. I could hear Midtown faintly in the background. I picked put my outfit for the day and got changed out of my pyjamas. I straightened my hair then went down stairs.

I looked at the TV, Taking Back Sunday were happily playing along .I turned it off, grabbed my bag, wallet, phone and key and left the house. I tapped in my brothers' number and pressed send. It rang a few times before he answered.

"Good morning little sister,"

"Good morning," I said to him, smiling as I locked the front door.

"What are you doing today?"

"Well, I've already packed my bags and such, so I've decided I'm going to go and buy a new camera. What about you?" I walked down my street, my flip flops making a noise as they hit the floor. I slung my tote over my shoulder.

"Well, we're on the road at the moment; we should be at the venue in a couple of hours,"

"That's good. It's been really quiet at home,"

"Hasn't Amber been around everyday?"

"Well yeah, but she works,"

"And mom?"

"Working,"

"Why don't you come out next week?"

"No, I'm fine really. It's giving me time to think and chill,"

"And shop," Andy said.

"So I want to shop," I said.

"Hails, can I call you back later? I'm sorry but we've stopped and yeah"

"I understand," I said. "Love you,"

"Love you too," He said. He hung up. I put my phone into my bag and carried on walking.

There were a few cars on the road, some had their windows open and were playing all sorts of music loudly through them.

I walked to the camera store in the shopping precinct about six blocks away. It was small,
not as busy as most others in Chicago. It was full of thrift stores; family owned stores, coffee shops and this small little book shop that Jon took me to this one time because he liked the girl who worked the counter.

The camera shop was one of the smallest shops in the precinct, wall after wall was filled with photography equipment, most of the floor space was full of tripods and floor displays of the photographs the owner had taken and proudly put on display.

I walked into the shop, the bell dinged as I opened the door. The familiar scent of dust and developing fluid hit me as I stepped through the heavy door. I looked around for a while, I looked at the SLR cameras, the ordinary digital cameras, and just for a laugh in a corner all of their own, disposable cameras.

"Excuse me," I said to the shop assistant.

"Hi," he said smiling.

"Are any of these cameras good for motion shots?"

"Yeah, these ones over here are ideal." He said, guiding me the few steps over to some SLR
cameras. He talked me through each one until I decided which one I wanted.
**

I sat down on the couch, my new camera sat in its box next to me. My mom still wasn't home from work yet and the house was still quiet. Amber would be due round in an hour or so ready to take me out for dinner since she doesn't trust me to cook.

I stood up, picked up my bag and went upstairs into my bedroom. As soon as my brother moved out I moved into his room. I'd put all of the crap he'd left into what was my room and redecorated. Now, instead of the blue and green it was pale pink and cream. A real girl's room as my mom said.

I threw my bag down on my bed, searched through it to find my phone; I found it and walked over to my dresser. I put my phone down. I wiped off my eyeliner and the rest of my make up, took my hair down out of the loose bun it was in and headed to the bathroom for a shower.

I got into the shower and let the water loosen up my tense muscles from my day of shopping. I heard my phone ringing from my room. I ignored it and stayed in the shower.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I patted my hair with a towel as I went into my bedroom. I wrapped my hair up and picked up my phone, 1 message from Peter.

With your backless black dress soaked to the skin
When it's said and done they're all scrambling
And we're friends, we're friends
What do you think?? Pete xx

I smiled at the message and pressed reply

I love it Pete, its amazing as usual, I want something happier next time x

I pressed send and put my phone down. I dried my hair and got ready. I had plenty of time before Amber got here but I wanted to be ready, she hates it when I'm late. I pulled on my shoes, picked up my phone and went downstairs.

I picked up my camera off the couch, took it out of the box and went into my back garden. I sat down on one of my mom's garden chairs and just took pictures of the garden.

"Thought you'd be around here since you didn't answer the door,"

"You normally let yourself in anyway sweetie," I said to Amber looking up at her.

"What are you doing?" She asked smiling at me.

"Just a few shots, I bought this today, I just wanted to test it out," She bent down and looked at the last picture I'd taken.

"That's pretty," she said.

"Thanks,"

"Now come on, I'm starving," I smiled at her and stood up. "I'll wait for you in the car," she
walked back around the house and I went inside.

I put the camera down and checked my hair and make up and ran out the car.

"So, what's the occasion?" I asked as she drove down my road.

"I don't have a clue what you mean," she said.

"No, you never take me out. It was a surprise when you called me before to tell me,"

"Well, you're not going to be here for your birthday next month so I thought I'd take you to dinner now and celebrate,"

"Thanks," I said laughing a little. "Is this my present too??"

"No," she said, "You'll get your present on your birthday,"

The only sound for the rest of the way there was the radio; I started blankly out of the window as we drove. This would be the first birthday ever I would be away from my mom. Sure, she was used to Andy being away over his birthday, but we had a tradition for mine. Every year since I turned 10, my mom and I used to get rid of my brother, and have a girl's night. We'd watch movies, eat ice cream and just relax and spend some time together. It was kind of upsetting this year that I wouldn't be with her for my birthday. But then I suppose, I'd be spending it with my brother, which would be a welcome change.

We arrived at the restaurant and were seated pretty quickly. It was one of Amber's favourites, it wasn't overly expensive but it wasn't cheap either. Its hardwood floors and whitewashed walls always made you feel comfortable as soon as you walked in. I smiled at the matre'd as he sat us down and gave us our menu's. He disappeared off back to the front of the restaurant.

I looked through the menu, ignoring the looks Amber was sending me to get my attention. I
rolled my eyes, put the menu down and looked at her.

"What?"

"You aren't nervous about touring at all?"

"No, should I be?"

"You aren't nervous about sharing a tour bus with smelly boys?"

"Not at all, I've lived through my teenage years with most of those smelly boys," I said, picking the menu back up. She sighed and I put the menu back down.

"What Amber?"

"I don't know! You're not even panicking about this, the first time I went on tour, I was a wreck,"

"I know, I can remember and the boys won't let anything happen to me, they'll make sure nothing happens to me. Besides, I'm excited to go to Europe," She rolled her eyes at me and picked up her menu, I smirked as I looked in mine.

The waiter came and took our orders and came back with our drinks a little while later. I ran my finger around the rim of my glass. My eyes were fixated on the placemat in front of me.

"You okay sweetie?" Amber asked, I looked up at her. In the light of the restaurant, she looked exhausted and her skin looked gaunt. I frowned a little.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But you, look like you haven't slept in a while. What's wrong? Are you missing my brother that much?"

"It's this light. I just didn't have a good night sleep last night. The people downstairs were throwing a party and it kept me up until about 3am. As soon as Andy gets back off tour, his drums are getting set up in the living room," she smiled at me and I smiled back.

I looked up as the waiter came back and put the bread down on the table. I watched him as he walked away and then turned to Amber.

"Why don't you come and stay with me and my mom? I go away next week and my mom could really use the company when she gets home from work,"

"Sounds good to me," she said. "Excuse me a second," she got out of her chair and put her phone to her ear as she walked away. I sat there, tapping my finger nails on the table, my chin in my hand.

I watched people as they walked past my table. I looked out of the window across from me; Amber was pacing outside, talking quickly down the phone to someone. I sighed and looked away. I got a piece of bread out of the basket.

"Back," Amber said as she sat back down. "Sorry about that,"

"Don't worry about it,"
**
"Good night," I said as I got out of Ambers car, I closed the door behind me and she drove off. I smiled to myself a little when I saw the lights on in the window.

"Mom?" I shouted as I went in.

"In here sweetie," I walked into the living room and saw her sat on the couch her legs tucked under her, a book in her hands.

"Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah, how was work?"

"The usual," she smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Can we go out tomorrow? Just you and me?" I asked.

"I think I can arrange that," I kissed her cheek.

"I'm going to go to bed. See you in the morning. Good night mommy,"

"Night Hails. Sweet dreams,"