Is That What You Really Want Me to Say?

Journal Entry V
October 2

Thank God just one more day and then Friday! Done for the week and I might just be able to catch up on the work I’ve been missing. Not that I’ve missed school, but dear Lord that boy is so distracting.. And in the sneakiest of ways. It’s all so cliché! Sanders passes me notes on folded index cards… about nonsense. If he’d spend his time writing something important down then writing on little bits of paper he’d be a good student…

He proved it last class. Mr. O’Neil asked the class some question on octaves while going over the set up of the periodic table. Anyway, he knew all about … I can’t remember the science guy’s name.. but he was in love with music so he used that to connect to his science fields and such… Apparently something repeated every eight times and so.. Like a music scale he named it an octave.

So Derek’s not an idiot… He’s just… not motivated, I guess...

Current:

The end of it had arrived. A short break from school was needed to clear Jaime’s head. It had been clouded with confusion because of that new boy. It wasn’t something that should bother her so much, it just proved she wasn’t as back on track as she thought she was. That’s why she needed to talk to Jeremy today.

Stella had decided to tag along with them to Lock-Down. They were just a few streets away from turning onto Fremont Street when piped up the question that she’d been keeping inside.

“Guys, don’t hate me… Where’s Derek gone? I just haven‘t seen him and…”

Jaime kept walking, quickly choosing it was best to ignore the question. Jeremy immediately stopped moving. Jaime knew better, but that was because she knew ‘Germs better… Stella watched him and he bit down on his thumb nail. “He’s just moved away, ‘El. That’s it.”

Lie. That was his instinct when someone brought Derek up. It was easier; On himself and the people who asked the question. What’s the truth to them? What’s the point of it if it brings more problems to the already existing ones? That’s what Jeremy thought of it all. It was the simple solution.

Jaime heard him and she knew the lie he lived just the same, the digging hole inside and gap nothing could seem to ever fill. It’s just like how they described it in books… Indescribable. Jeremy’s words were to convince himself not Stella, he knew that too. This was not a subject that pleaded for the truth to be known.

Silence followed until they hit 4th Ave. There on the corner was Lock-Down, the one place any teenager could go in Bendington and not get kicked out of. It was at least close enough to the three of them to walk to, and served Shirley Temples at all hours.

Jeremy was the first one in, he hadn’t taken a step in here for a while. A very long while… A few changes had been made since then. The booths had been replaced, new red tabletops and black seats. The floor was still the beat up black and white tiles, and the walls were still gray with a few framed band pictures here and there. The old jukebox had been kept, but the small stage in the back of the room had been remodeled. He noticed the curtains were replaced and the wood had all been painted over from the stain color to black.

Stella pulled his arm. “Booth or counter?”

He caught eye of Jaime already making her way to the counter. Jeremy did the same, he couldn’t sit at the booth without him either. So Stella just tagged after him, her blonde hair shifting as she walked to cover her cotton candy highlights. They sat; Stella next to Jeremy, and beside him Jaime.

Brendon Urie was on the other side of the counter, wearing the ‘bartender’ vest. He looked at the group that just sat down and went back to cleaning to Coca-Cola glasses when he realized who they were. “Well, the infamous Temple Takers are back, are they?”

Jaime forced a smile and looked at the old friend she’d completely lost contact with. He’d changed a bit too, just like his parent’s business. He’d gotten rid of his glasses for one thing, and he grew his hair a little longer, letting it cover his forehead.

“Hey, Brendon.. Sorry we haven’t been in. You know how things get and how things-”

He nodded and finished her sentence. “Change. Yes, things have changed for all of us haven’t they? Some.. Well, some a lot more drastic than others…”

He moved closer to her, ignoring the looks from her too friends, and leaned down for their eyes to be level. “If you need to talk I’m here, okay? Audrey…Told me. Anyway, you know my hours and…” He smirked at how his words sounded to the clueless ear. “…My number. Don’t wait three months to speak to me just because you haven’t stopped in. I’ve miss you too, you know!”

He stood up straight and looked at Jeremy who’d had his eyes on him the whole time. Brendon smiled. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Germs. You know I get all my loving from Audrey! By the way, a round of Shirley’s on me? Or would you all like something different?”

Jaime eyes the options above her on the wall. Nothing would comfort her like the familiar taste of Cherry and Sprite… Just like the old days.

She looked at Brendon who stood waiting, his arm on the counter to lean on. “Just the usual, B-den.”

He flashed the smile he used to hide at her. He walked away to get their drinks and she looked down. There was so much she’d been missing all because she thought none of it would be the same. Of course it wasn’t. Nothing ever is…

Jaime just missed all of it, the normalcy of just being with her friends again… The people she’d forgotten…

After Stella finished her drink, she left because Jeremy asked her too. She did anything dear Jeremy asked. As soon as she was through the door, Jaime stared at him. A look of relief fell over his face.

“Why bring her around then? If you don’t like her I mean… because you know she’s all over you.”

Brendon set another round in front of them and went to attend some couple seated several seats away. Jeremy took it and drank half before answering. “I don’t know… I think- I think I’m just tired of loosing people, so the ones I have I’m going to keep. No matter how nerve pinching they are.”

In a way, Jaime knew what he meant. Sometimes horrible things make you grateful for what you have by your side even if it’s not exactly what you want… She didn’t say anything more and reached for her glass.

“Hey, Jaime?”

She turned her head toward the one person she could trust completely. Germs shifted the ice in his glass with his straw. “I haven’t heard you laugh in a long time. Don’t take it weirdly… It’s just true. I can’t even remember it. I don’t know what mine sounds like either anymore, but I miss it. The only one I can remember it Derek’s, is that odd?”

Her heart stung as she recalled the smooth chuckle he’d make after she’d trip over nothing. Nothing ever sounded so good to her ears, if just she could hear it again. It made her hope he’d come back to her, one way or another. Jaime swallowed down the memory and lifted her head.

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I still don’t believe any of it, Jeremy. It’s like I can’t- I can’t stop dreaming about him, thinking about it… And I know it’s all hopeless.”

It was true, Derek haunted her. It’s what she wanted all along, but it wasn’t him just what she remember of him. She had him and now all that had left her was miserable.

Jeremy tried to think of something to say, but her feelings were so different yet the same toward him. Derek was his best friend… but he was her life. Saved by the ring of his cell phone, he answered. A quick threat and hang up. He sighed. “Jaime, I’m sorry.. I got to go. My mom’s… You know.”

She only felt his soft hand on her shoulder, and didn’t notice him toss the five dollar bill on the table. Then he left and she was alone. Jaime looked for Brendon again, hoping he’d have something sensible to say, but he wasn’t around.

So she tucked the five on his side of the counter and got up to go home too. With her head down, she was about to turn the corner when she felt her shoulder bump into someone next to her. She didn’t bother to look up, but they still recognized her.

“Jaime?”