All I Want for Christmas

Alex woke from his nap disoriented and slowly sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He shivered as a cool breeze hit his arms and he looked to the window of his bedroom at his parent’s house. He jumped out of bed muttering a string of curse words at the open window. He shut it close and started to turn away when he noticed a figure playing in the snow in the yard across the street.

He squinted to see a girl around his age with soft blonde waves falling from under her gray beret. She was in a plaid bomber jacket, jeans, and a pair of gray boots. He rubbed his eyes and looked again.

She was still there; laughing and rolling up a second but smaller ball of snow to make a snowman. He shook his head and watched as a snowball hit the ground next to her. He looked for the source to see a girl that looked just like her but younger.

He opened the window a little to hear their screaming and laughing.

“Ashley!” The younger of the two yelled.

“What?” Ashley called back.

“Look!” the younger of the two pointed up at Alex standing in the window.

Alex stood still as both girls looked up at him. His heart stopped when he saw her looking up at him.

He blinked and she was gone.

Alex woke up and sighed deeply before falling back asleep.

”Alex,” a soft harmonizing voice called through the darkness.

Alex tried to speak but nothing escaped his lips. He walked around the darkness trying to find the source of the voice.

“Alex,” it called again.

Alex walked faster in the direction. He put his hands out to feel his way through the black endless room.

“Alex” it called farther away.

Alex began to run towards it once more.

“C’mon Alex,” it said again quietly.

He ran towards it until he saw a light ahead.

“Alex c’mon let’s go!” the voice yelled down the passage way.

He saw a figure standing in the archway to the light. Her wavy hair fluttered in some non-existent breeze.

He ran to the end and stopped just a couple feet short of the figure. He tried again to speak but nothing came out. She laughed. He walked forward and it seemed as if she moved back a few feet without her actually moving. He again stepped forward and she moved farther back. He reached out his hand for her and she walked forward with hers out to touch his. Then just as their fingertips were about to touch, she was gone.

Alex woke startled. He looked frantically around his dimly-lit bedroom at his parent’s house. He realized, after wiping sleep from his eyes, that he’d fallen asleep and sat up putting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He thought back to the vivid dream and sighed deeply.

He slowly stood and stumbled over the window to close the curtains. He saw the empty yard across the street and shook his head. He turned away from the window and walked downstairs with his hands in his pockets. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he noticed an envelope lying on the floor below the mail slot.

He walked hesitantly over to the door and picked up the off-white envelope. He turned it over and saw “Alex” neatly written across the front. He felt his chest tighten. He rubbed his eyes, nothing happened. He blinked numerous times, nothing happened. He pinched his arm hard; nothing happened except a “fuck!” escape his lips out of pain.

He slowly opened the flap and pulled out the folded lined paper. His hands trembled as they unfolded the letter.

Dear Alex,

“Love and Cowardice are really the same thing.”

“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love; there is only an 'on' ramp.”

I’m sorry for leaving and for not answering. Would you hate a teenage girl for being afraid of messing up the only real thing in her life? Yes I know, I messed up by leaving and I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry. I was young, naïve, and cowardly. And like the quote above, I never fell out of love with you, because I always was in love. I’m older now and so are you. I understand if you are still angry and upset with me. But I just wanted to let you know I never took an exit ramp, I’ve been on this road for 2 and half years now. If you’re still willing to see me, open the door.

Love, Ashley

Again Alex pinched himself, slapped his face, did anything to wake himself up.

“Uh Alex honey are you alright?” he looked to his left seeing his mom glance at him worriedly.

“Yea sorry ma,” Alex answered quietly.

He took a deep breath and put his hand on the doorknob. He glanced out the window next to the door and saw no one out there. He turned the knob and opened the door letting in the freezing cold air. He stepped outside without a jacket and instantly felt goose bumps crawl their way up his arms. His teeth chattered as he looked around the porch and still saw no one.

“Ashley?” he whispered quietly into the silent yard.

Nothing happened. He ran his hand through his hair as a frustrated expression crossed his face. He turned around to go back in but as his hand graced the knob, he felt something cold and hard crash into the side of his head and a soft giggle was heard from behind him.

He turned around and saw her standing there with her hands hidden behind her and rocking on the balls of her feet.

“Hey,” she said softly.

Alex just looked at her. This had to be another dream.

“You look really tired,” she pointed out.

“Didn’t get good sleep,” Alex muttered.

She nodded her head and walked slowly forward. “Forgive me?”

Alex hesitated but felt the paper crunch in his grip and slowly nodded his head, “Yea.”

A grin spread across her face causing one to follow on Alex’s. He stepped forward and down the steps until he was a foot away from her. She closed in the gap and they stood only an inch away from each other. Every breath of air hit the other’s face caressing it with warm air.

“I got you something,” Ashley whispered.

“Isn’t you being here enough?” Alex said putting his hand on her cheek and rubbing his thumb across her chapped lips.

Ashley chuckled, “I’m glad to hear that Sparky.” She rose up on her tippy-toes as he met her halfway and kissed lightly on the lips. Warmth spread each body as the old sparks ignited once more between the two.

“But here, before it melts,” Ashley whispered moving her hands from behind her back.
Cupped in the palms was a miniature snowman.

Alex laughed and took the small snowman and placed it on the ground beside him. “I love you,” he whispered into her ear as he hugged her tightly to his chest.

“I love you too. I promise I’m back for good,” Ashley whispered kissing his neck lightly.

“I know,” Alex replied burying his head into her golden waves.