Coffeshop Soundtrack

Jumping into my silver Nissan Sentra, I drove through the silent streets of Timonium, blasting Jimmy Eat World through the speakers of my stereo. I lightly tapped my finger along with the music against the steering wheel. I reached a stop light and looked out at the small suburban town. There were a couple of people out getting the newspaper in robes with coffee in their hands. The dew on the grass left it glistening in the soft sunlight. A dog barked off somewhere as the track changed.

Everything seemed so peaceful and uncomplicated.

The light turned green and I accelerated down the street and turned left then right then right again. I parked my car along the curb of the white split level house with blue shutters. I got out of my car and walked up the driveway towards the front door when I heard "Em!"

I looked up, grinned and redirected my path towards the tree next to the house. I climbed up and when I got to the roof a hand stuck out in my face. I grabbed it and carefully got onto the roof and walked over to the center where the tall, lanky boy, who helped me, was sitting down. I sat down next to him and looked into his big brown eyes. He had black and blonde hair and looked at me with genuine curiosity and concern.

"So what's up Em? You don't usually call me to talk, especially not before noon," he said worriedly.

I chuckled nervously, "Yea, but I really needed to talk to someone and not Alex…"

"What did he do?" Jack asked.

I sighed and looked into his eyes, "It's complicated Jack."

"I've got time, Em," he smiled at me, encouraging me to go on.

I took a deep breath and plunged into the story. "I don't really know how to say this, but, but Alex and I…we, we've been," I paused and looked at Jack who was sitting patiently. "We've been hooking up for the past year…" I said looking away ashamed.

Jack didn't say anything so I rambled on, "I mean, it started out at prom last year when his date ditched him and we both got a little too drunk, but then we did it again a couple months later and it escalated into more than once a week because, I don't know he was frustrated? Fuck I'm not even sure what his excuse is anymore. I just—"

"Whoa, Em, chill," Jack said trying to calm me.

I stopped and looked at him. He was thinking. I looked out at the street; everything was quiet still, seeing as it was only ten in the morning. An occasional dog would bark, birds would chirp, and one neighbor walked out in a robe and slippers to get the newspaper.

"So why'd you agree to it?" Jack asked cutting the silence with a sense of already knowing the answer.

I opened my mouth, and then closed it. "Because, because I've liked Alex since middle school. Every girl he was with I was jealous of, I wanted to be her and I guess this was a way I could be with him. This was the only way I thought I could be with him. He'll never like me as more than his best friend though," I paused and looked at Jack who was listening intently. "But I don’t know, it doesn't feel like we are friends anymore, and we definitely aren’t more than friends. All I feel like I am to him anymore is his fuck buddy and I hate it, this isn't what I want. I'm closer to him than most anyone, but I feel like I'm more distant from him than anyone else. I just don't know what to do," I stopped, tears falling down my face.

I felt Jack's arms wrap around me and I cried into his shoulder. "Shh, Em," he whispered rubbing my back.

I stopped crying after a few minutes and looked at him. "Have you tried talking to him about it? Have you said any of this to him?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head and looked away wiping my face.

"Well I think you need to. It's not like any of us haven't noticed how you look at each other. You both care for each other, and I have no doubt he'll listen to you, he always has before," Jack said softly.

I bit my lip and nodded as more tears ran down my face. I felt his arms wrap around me once again and sobbed quietly into his shoulder. "Do you love him?" he whispered in my ear.

I stopped crying and pulled away looking at him. I opened my mouth then heard a thump behind me.

"Hey Jack, hey Em," I turned around and saw him.

"I have to go," I said quietly standing up and walking carefully to the tree.

"Uh bye," Alex said dumbfounded.

I climbed down the tree as I heard, "What's her problem?"

"You're so oblivious Alex."

I jumped to the dew covered grass and got in my car. I sobbed for a couple minutes before wiping away the tears and smeared makeup and drove away.