No Exit.

My shirt clung to me from the night’s festivities. The heavy aroma of sweat filled my nostrils as my fingers toyed with the small guitar pick I had picked off the ground. I knew that guitarist well; after all, they were one of my favorite people on this planet.

My palms began to sweat as I heard the screams echoing down the small corridor. I let my feet follow the sounds the permeated my ear drums. I could feel the excitement and the nerves coursing through my being—it’s been a while since I’ve felt this way.

I knew I had entered the correct hall because the screams momentarily deafened me. I watched from the back of the crowd as the lot of talented men was practically mauled.

“I’ve got his watch!”

Some random girl with a death-grip on the now broken wrist watch waved it in the air. I’d played with that watch, broke it three times.

“I’ve got his left shoe!”

Some boy hugged the shoe to his chest as if it were his most prized possession. I definitely recognized that shoe. The slip-on with the Misfits skull; it would surely be a missed shoe.

“I’ve got his bandana!”

Some other girl was holding the damp, sweaty, piece of cloth to her face; that was slightly disgusting. I was never a fan of allowing someone else’s body fluids to mingle with my own body—well not that way at least.

The list of ‘I’ve got’ continued and all I thought was I have his guitar pick. I felt a presence to my left; I smiled up at the large figure in the doorway. He smiled down at me; his eyes questioning how I managed to stand here with him unnoticed.

I watched in complete awe and adoration as he parted ways, heading towards the man next to me—his close friend and personal body guard. I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger on his form as his muscles moved as he walked towards us. Or the way his shirt clung to his chest, damp with sweat from his antics—he never gave a dull show.

I felt his eyes on me; the butterflies came to life the moment our eyes connected. I could get lost in those eyes forever. He smirked at me as he moved closer, ever so close. I could feel his body heat radiating onto my own form. Smell the scent of his sweat as it mingled with the smell of my own, feel his hot breath dance across my face—it was rather arousing.

I heard his smooth voice say my name—repetitively.

Gerard.

Gerard.

Gerard.

I opened my eyes and got the shock of my life. My own drawings and posters met my eyes now full of sorrow. The familiar figure of my mother standing at the foot of the stairs that lead to my basement room, the house phone in her hand—I hadn’t heard it ring.

“It’s for you; I swear you could sleep through the apocalypse.”

She gave a smile as she threw the phone at my still sleepy form. My slow reflexes allowed the phone to hit my chest. I let out a yawn as I brought the phone to my ear. The moment I heard the voice say my name on the other end my eyes widened.

I had been going to small venues all over Jersey to catch even the smallest glimpse of the epitome of perfection on the other end of the phone in my right hand and last night I got to meet him and touch him.

“I realized the filler—by the way, tell him I’m sorry about his shoe—was your baby brother. He told me you’re usually free on the weekends, seeing as it’s Saturday, you doing anything today?”

I shook my head, not realizing he couldn’t see me; he mistook my silence.

“I know it’s forward and very short notice but I’d like more of last night, not that I’m only after you because you’re beautiful but because something about you intrigues me.”

“What did you have in mind?”

My mind was racing; my heart pounding and my palms were starting to sweat again. I heard his giggle as he muttered ‘it’s a surprise’. He told me he knew where I lived because of Mikey so he would be here in half an hour. I had twenty minutes to get myself together—what the hell do I wear?

Twenty seven minutes later the door rang. I heard my mother’s steps head towards the door as I sat frozen on the couch.

“Oh hello Frankie dear, Mikey’s not up yet; I can go get him if you like?”

“Actually Donna, I’m here to see Gerard.”

I could practically envision the look on her face—shock. I’ve never been called upon, ever. No one calls me, no one visits me, and no one takes interest in me.

“He’s just in the living room. Gerard, you have company!”

I could hear the over excitement in her voice. She knew I preferred the male sex; few girls ever captured my interest. I didn’t miss the look she gave me over Frank’s shoulder as he entered before her.

I couldn’t hide the blush that had filled my cheeks at her excitement as he stepped into the room. His bright smile directed solely at me; my heart was going haywire. He extended his hand for a shake, which I politely returned.

As soon as my mother’s form passed us and went into the kitchen where we heard her messing around with pots and pans, only then did he scoot closer to me and pulled me into a hug and pecked me cheek. I blushed and subconsciously touched my cheek where his lips had just been.

“I have a surprise for you. You look great by the way and perfect for the days’ events.”

He grabbed my hand and led me out of my own home and pulled me towards the unknown vehicle on the curb. I became lost in thought as the scenery passed us by.

Gerard.

Gerard.

Gerard.

The hazel eyes that stare back at me in the mirror I glance in every day—making sure myhappy face is on—are empty. They’re as empty as a gas tank on E. The fragile limbs that suffice as my arms and legs carry me, slowly, but they do carry me to my destination.

An hour drive takes me to the one place that once fascinated me but now only causes me the most unbearable pain. I pass the other polished stones, only one is my line of sight. Only one stone in the sea of many matters most to me.

I place the solitary red rose atop the stone as I always do on this day. Five years ago he left me in this personal hell. This life, alone; without him by my side it’s agony. I miss another set of hazel eyes dearly. Today was that fateful day; forty-three years ago I met the love of my life.

Today was the first time I had taken his form in my line of sight so many years ago. Watching his small form walk onto that small stage, the only time I ever saw him remotely timid—it was breathtaking.

Every memory came back to me, flooding me with unwanted yet needed emotions. I always let the tears flow freely when I was here—the only time I showed emotion. I slowly lower myself to the ground, moving my finger along the name that I would utter repeatedly. Today was the only day I would utter his name; my angel, my life, my everything—my Frankie.