The Sweetest Ecstasy, The Perfect Sin.

I woke up under a pure white sheet that smelled like him. I hadn’t smelled him... us... in this state in years. I realized that it had been too long.

He was asleep laying on his stomach, his hands under his head, facing me. He was drooling. He looked perfect. I stared at him for a while as our chests began to rise and fall in time. All I could say in my head over and over again was...

how did I get here?

Dawn sunlight filled my eyes as I scanned the room. It registered to me just how nice this room was. Every appliance was modern and brand new. Flowers were on every table. All the furniture still had the “new” smell to it and lacked sunken-middle cushions. His cigarette butts littered gold laced ashtrays, and his residual Diet Coke condensed on crystal glasses. The sheets he wrapped me in were at least 700 count Egyptian cotton and my clothes were scattered on limestone counters and Tiffany lamps.

He had finally made it.

I was proud, but confused. I thought he had gotten everything he could have ever wanted.

Why was he still so unhappy?

Why did he bring me here?

Why won’t he let me in, even after all these years?

All my “whys” suddenly made my eyelids heavy. I quickly slipped back into a deep, dream-filled, sleep.

Then next time I awoke, my eyes soon fell upon someone who seemed like a myth to me lately.

“Frankie?” I sat up and gripped my sheet close to me, and squinted at a figure sitting on a chair at the foot of the bed.

“Over my dead fucking body.” He whispered, harshly.

I didn’t know what to say.

“What? How did you get in here?”

“Your not going to do this to yourself again. I won’t let you.” He folded his hands in a frighteningly calm way and scooted to the edge of his seat.

“Don’t say that to me. I’ll do what I want,” I regretted the words and tears filled my eyes, “Wh-why... why would you say that to me?”

“Because! You don’t even know him anymore!” Frankie yelled in a whispered scream and pointed to Gerard, still asleep, “You can’t just think you can pick up where you left off!”

“Why would I ever want to fucking pick up where we left off?” I said through clenched teeth, “Besides, did I ever really know him?”

There was a dead silence. I swallowed hard and looked up at Frank.

“Frankie?...”

“I’m so sorry princess. I just...” He tried to express something with his hands and made fists and released them, “I’ve just missed you, everyone has. And I hate to say it, but with him is the last place I want to see you.”

“I don’t understand, but... we need to talk. Let me put some clothes on.”

“Okay.”

I stood up and wrapped the sheet around me like a towel. He walked up to me and gave me a big, silent hug.

“How are we gonna do this?” I asked, looking down at Gerard.

“We have some interviews today. I’ll slip out and come back here. Just stay here.”

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

And just as mysteriously as he had appeared, he left. I turned around and he was gone. Laying back down on the bed, Gerard began to stir. I unwrapped the sheet around me as he flopped his head around to look at me and opened his eyes.

“Morning.” He greeted me with his eyes smiling.

“Good morning.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked nonchalantly, while pulling me close to his bare chest.

“What?” I said with a quick laugh, “Nothing....,” I had to change the subject, “You look tired.”

“Do I? Well, I didn’t get much sleep... Thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome.”

He laughed at the comment and pulled me into a noogie.

“ ‘You’re welcome’...,” He repeated me, “ ... you smart ass.”

I pushed away from him slightly, “You know, your head doesn’t look bigger just because of your short hair...” I hinted at his newly found assurance/arrogance, trailing off.

“Oh? So I need you to bring me back down to earth, huh?” He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me, kindly.

I shrugged my shoulders, as to not look guilty.

“You’re the one living in the clouds, angel.” He said, cheesily.

“Oh, cut it out. I’m already in your bed, remember?”

“How could I forget?” He answered and leaned in to kiss me.

I returned the action with pleasure. He continued his kiss down my neck and his hands traced my curves down the side of my body then between my legs, spreading them.

I guess Sexdays had made their comeback.

Gerard had to get up a little while later. He took a quick shower, threw on some black clothes and was about to fly out the door.

“Hey, c’mere,” He motioned for me to come over to him, which I did, “I love you.”

He pulled me into a short and sweet kiss and I grabbed at his hips.

He looked me square in the eyes, “This’ll work. I promise.”

He left me with those words.

Those haunting words.

They were terrifying and I couldn’t help but think of everything going terribly wrong, but I still had hope just because he believed.

I walked around the decently-sized room for a while when I forgot what I was doing...

“That’s right, waiting for Frankie.” I said out loud to myself.

There was nothing I could do until then except sleep, eat, or watch TV.

What would you do?

Eat, of course.

I called up room service and loaded up Gerard’s tab. He deserved it anyway.

Two cream brulees, three cappuccinos, a banana, and a danish later, I was feeling a lot like the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar, and very ready for a nice nap. I turned on the TV and changed the channel till I landed on some TRL-type thing. Leaning against the bed’s headboard, my eyelids began to get heavy.

“Today on TRL we have a very exciting guest. Once a small band from the small US state, New Jersey, they’ve travelled the world and are here to talk about it today. Please welcome My Chemical Romance!” The VJ announced.

I sat up and my eyes widened. The crowd was screaming and crying and standing up. It was surreal.

“What the fuck?” I, again, said to myself, “This is so weird!”

I combed the hair from my forehead and gasped in disbelief.

“I can’t get away from you guys... No, this is too weird...” I said as I switched the channel.

Seeing people I’ve known for so long on TRL was way too strange and it’s not like I wasn’t going through something completely insane as it was. I shook my head, full of NJ memories when I remembered I didn’t see Frank on TV. I quickly switched back and sure enough, no Frank. No sooner did I realize this was there a knock at the door.

Great, more weird.

I checked the peep hole, it was Frank. I opened the door, “This is such a coincidence... Look.” I stepped away from the door so he could see the TV.

“Woah...” He said, eyes wide, “Pretty weird.”

“I’m sorry, what I mean was, Wow! It’s good to see you.” I rephrased and pulled him into a hug.

He hugged me back, firmly and lifted me off the ground. We stood apart and looked at each other and hugged again. I felt tears well up in my eyes when we went to sit on the loveseat across the room.

“Aw, don’t cry.” He pleaded.

“I know, I know, it’s just... you know how I am about family.”

“Yeah,” He nodded and looked at the ground in understanding and reflection, “How is everyone at home?”

“Fine... Good. We just miss all you guys.”

“Same here. We miss it like crazy all the time.”

“But, it must still be exciting to travel all over the place.”

“Naw, it’s way better to just sit at home and do nothing.”

I nodded my head.

“So... why’d you come?” He asked after a moment.

“Um... Gerard asked me to, so I did.”

“You were gonna keep this a secret?”

“Yep.”

“From me?”

“Yeah...” I guess he was right by thinking this was wrong.

“Wha... What-”

“I knew what I was doing, Frankie. I just thought this was a fling, and it would be better for everyone if I still didn’t exist.”

“Don’t say that. You know we all love you. We want you to be around.”

“But not in around your world, not here with your job. You don’t want me and all my drama stepping on your toes when you’re working. I understand-”

“That’s so far from the truth. And anyway, how did you expect for you and Gerard to be a fling? C’mon, babe. You have too much history for any of this not to mean something.”

“But, you know how we are. You know how he changes me. And sometimes the change is for the better.”

“Yeah, but-”

“He deserves to be happy Frank.”

I looked in his eyes. I had struck a nerve, and I knew it. Now he knew this wasn’t just a fluke, that I didn’t just fucked with my head on a whim.

“You deserve to be happy, too.” He finally said.

“I am happy, Frank.”

Silence.

I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not.

“Well... good. Good, I’m glad,” His eyes were bright as he nodded his head, “C’mere.”

He reached out his arms, asking for a hug. I leaned into him and shared the embrace. We sat back and I took his hand and kissed it.

“Can you come out with me for a bit?”

“Yeah, I think so. I told the guys I was feeling sick again. Which is kind of true but-”

“Hey, I saw a comic book store in town.” I interrupted.

“Yeah?” He said with a laugh, “Let’s go.”

“ ‘Kay.”

I pulled a jacket over my hoodie and Frank pulled back on his hat and put up his hood. We left and grabbed a taxi. The comic store was in a mini mall type thing.

“Ah, sweet. Tales From the Crypt. I haven’t read this shit since... I don’t know when.” Frankie exclaimed in The Comic Brigade.

“Ooh, ooh, lemme see.”

“Which one, ‘Ooze in the Cellar?,’ or, ‘Ear Today... Gone Tomorrow’?” He held up two comics to either side of his face.

“You know.”

“ ‘Ear’ you go.”

“Ha! You’re so clever!”

The time brought us back on the same page and made me feel at home in my own head again. Absence of these boys made me lose myself. Gerard called around three and said a car was coming to pick me up to meet him at a café.

“Do you want to come, Frank?” I asked , hanging up the phone.

“I don’t know if I should just show up. Go and tell him, talk about our shit, kiss, just go fucking be together again.”

“Okay, I will. I will go fucking be with him again. And I’ll enjoy my-fucking-self too! Fuck yeah! Look out, here I come!”

“FUCK YEAH! We’re back in business, baby! Woohoo!”

We laughed for a long time.

I was wiping tears from my face, “Well, that was weird. Let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

We drove back and made some light conversation. These boys, my boys, were too bizarre. Every time I saw them it took about two seconds until we were BFFLs again.

“Later, Frank.” I waved to him as he sauntered down the hall to his room.

“Not too much later...” He hoped before he flashed a peace sign and disappeared behind the doors of the elevator.