Raven Wings

Audrey was far from bored, that much was certain. She spun around the room in elegant circles, sure to follow her partner’s movements. Her satin skirts bellowed out from her sides, caught in the swarm of rainbow fabric and twirling people that made up the dance.

She allowed a small laugh to escape her lips as her partner, a man of twenty or so, spun her around once more. He was a very talented dancer.

This Audrey knew for it was the second time he had asked her to dance during the night. His brown hair fell into his plain brown eyes as he laughed with her, resting his hand on the small of her back and leading her back into the intricate dance.

The sound of the band filled the room, melodious in its own loud way. It flooded her mind and controlled her, as she matched the beat of the song and the steps of her partner. Audrey’s gaze roamed the room as she moved, sure to make acknowledging sounds when her partner paused his story for longer than a couple of moments.

The ballroom was practically flooded with people, the mass being so large that it was a wonder they all fit. This led to a particularly hot dance floor, and Audrey was grateful her mother had thought ahead to bring out a more fitting dress, one which had straps only two fingers wide. She had no qualms with it, for though Audrey thought it a tad revealing; she would never be the one to sweat on the dance floor.

A diminuendo began to form and the music softened until it became no more. Audrey stepped away from her reluctant partner, gracefully bending her head in a curtsy. They exchanged their thanks and Audrey was off once more through the current of people, striding purposefully towards the edge of the dance floor.

The weight of people’s scrutiny was heavy on her shoulders as she walked. Each stare seemingly boring into her like a cannon pointed at a target. She knew that they were watching her, just waiting for her to make a mistake. This was something she had learned to cope with this constant attention at a young age, the result of having a father so high in the ranks as hers.

The multitude of different faces seemed to flood her vision as people parted ways so that she could walk by. Many people seemed to attempt a look of indifference towards her, though as Audrey passed she would catch the occasional glimmer of jealousy or awe. These were constant emotions that she had to face in many, through either false accusations or people trying to fake their way to being close.

Yet over the years she came to find the gap between the number of her real friends and her fake friends increasing, as over time her father rose higher and higher in rank. It had come to a point now, where she could practically feel the power her father held through herself. That strange sense of authority seemed to become just another part of her.

Audrey flicked a stray curl from her line of vision as she walked, meeting the gaze of all who observed her evenly. She was silently daring them to challenge her.

So there she stood at the side of the organized chaos that was the ball, observing every person around her with her keen eyes. She could recognize those of the highest class, lifting their heads just that fraction of an inch higher as if they owned the world. Then, on the other hand, there were the people of the lower class. They held a nervous kind of aura about them and had a look of pure awe to their surroundings.

Audrey faintly wondered whether or not the young girl beside her, who she knew for sure to be of lower class, would have her eyes fall out of her sockets in wonder.

She peered around the room with a wide eyed expression and when she saw Audrey – though she couldn’t tell for certain due to the way the girl seemed to look past her at times – Audrey thought the girl might have sodden her skirts.

“Miss Crawford!”

A hand was felt on her forearm as she turned around at the sound of her name, only to come face to face with the one man she wished she didn’t have to see tonight. The smile that was on her lips previously was stretched thin at the man before her, as Audrey attempted to maintain her frail courtesy.

“Ah, Henry, how pleasant to see you.”

She felt as though she was forcing the words out of her throat, and couldn’t help the guilty feeling that formed in her stomach afterwards when he gave her a charming smile. Audrey hated to lead him on like she so often did, but it was inevitable. This was her role she was expected to fill.

“Would you care to dance?”

It seemed like fate just loved to play with her. For as she took his proffered hand a slow waltz encompassed the room with its elegant sound. This led to the two being a bit closer than Audrey wished it. The music rang out its first sweet note as they both moved fluidly across the floor.

She stared straight before her at the black lapels of his waistcoat, focusing more on her execution of the dance than anything else. For, if she knew these dances like she did, the floor would soon make way for the dream couple that moved with a flowing grace around the room.

This attention of course meant that her every move, smile, and glance would be overly analyzed by her mother and every other woman in the room. She spun away from Henry once, adding herself some extra force behind it so that her skirts would swirl around her appealingly.

She heard a faint sigh from the crowd, knowing from the lightening feeling in her stomach and mind that people had moved from the dance floor to watch the Head Naval Officer’s daughter and her distinguished beau.

Audrey lifted her eyes to the man before her, getting caught in their honey-brown depths. Audrey always thought that they reflected his emotions quite accurately; ever since she had met him she had found it effortless to figure his mood. As she looked up at him she could see his sheer confidence and warmth plain as day.

Those two feelings always seemed reoccurring in his air whenever Audrey came across Henry. She never really expected anything less than his regular bombastic self. Yet, Audrey could detect faint traces of anxiety masked by the confidence. The one thing that she always looked for to remind herself that he was truly real.

With Henry, Audrey felt that at times he was just a tad too perfect. His life, his personality, his very being practically screamed that he was the ideal form of a handsome officer, and he strived to keep it that way. Everything was always easy for him; he had been born with money and good looks so with a small amount of charm people seemed to flock to him.

This led to Audrey constantly wondering why she was so different, and why she didn’t love him like everyone else. She always came up with the answer that they just had extremely different views on things, and that they had grown up together so it would be strange. She constantly fortified her resolve with these ideas, though in the back of her mind she knew the true reason why she couldn’t love him.

They were one in the same. Every move he made, every perfect little gesture, reminded her all too much of herself and how she was made to act. He exemplified everything she was supposed to be and have, but she just couldn’t admit herself to becoming that persona.

At that moment in time the music came to its closing note, and Henry swiftly dipped her down as an end to the spectacle that was their dance. The applause seemed to ring in Audrey’s ears as she gazed up into Henry’s eyes, which seemed to show the absolute happiness that was present on his face.

Audrey was lifted from her position to return to standing before him. Once again she bowed her head in a curtsy, wondering faintly if in time maybe she could learn to love him. It wouldn’t be the first case she had ever heard of forced love.

With her first genuine smile that night, Audrey took Henry’s proffered hand as he guided her to the edge of the dance floor. It seemed as though everyone in the room moved to clear a path for the two, and Audrey could only picture her mother having a heart attack from pure bliss at the sight of them.

Henry turned to face her as they neared the edge of the floor, relinquishing the hold on her hand in order to bow. The sounds of the band filled her head as she watched the man look up at her, a playful smile on his lips. She returned the gesture, bending down into a curtsy with a matching smile on her own, though she couldn’t stop the remaining guilty feeling in her heart.

“It was a pleasure dancing with you Miss Crawford.” Henry’s impeccable bass tone of voice was left ringing in her ears. He stood before her once more at his full height, which left him towering over her by at least another head.

“The pleasure was mine, Lord- Henry.” At her words, Audrey noted that Henry seemed to positively beam. His warm aura practically suffocated her, and she averted her eyes in hopes to find an escape to save her from the unbearable guilt that she was leading him on.

Her luck seemed to have failed her for at that distinct moment she could see her mother making her way through the crowd towards her. Despite the woman’s penchant for gossip, Audrey couldn’t help herself from respecting her.

The Lady Courtney Crawford was a person of satisfaction and power, anyone that had ever been graced with her presence could not deny the amount of admiration they held for the woman. Her position as one of the most influential ladies in the area had been her own self-gain. She knew how to play the harsh social network in her favor, while at the same time never doing anything that would be considered cruel or vindictive.

Though with all of these amazing attributes, Audrey knew of her mother’s desire. When Lady Courtney Crawford wished for something, it was certain that she would receive it. With her mother standing before her, her beauty unscathed even through her age, Audrey knew that her fate was inevitable. Her mother had that dangerous gleam in her eye; she wanted Audrey and Henry together.

“Audrey, Henry that was a lovely dance.” She met her mother’s deep blue gaze, understanding that these simple compliments were nothing more than her mother encouraging the view of the two of them in Henry’s mind.

“Thank you Lady Crawford, I can only hope that there will be more to come as the night goes on.” With this said, Henry turned to look down at Audrey, his smile so warm and inviting that Audrey could do nothing more than smile back.

That sinking feeling in her stomach only seemed to grow. Audrey looked at the scene happening before as though she was stuck behind a wall of glass, unable to say or do anything as her mother deluded Henry into falling deeper into infatuation.

Every word, every action of the two people before her seemed so practiced and precise, Audrey found herself in a mixed state of both awe and fear. Henry and her mother spoke in a conversation that resembled a complex dance. The thoughts presented and the way they changed was like the twists and turns that Audrey and Henry had performed not too long before.

Though as she looked on at her mother and the way she seemed to be manipulating the discussion in her favor, Audrey couldn’t help the thought that in this strange little dance her mother was the lead.

She resurfaced from her thoughts as her mother said something along the lines of her and Audrey going to greet the others in the room. With this as her cue to leave the incredibly trying presence of her suitor, Audrey lowered herself into a graceful curtsy.

“It was lovely to see you again, Henry.” Her words seemed to echo past her lips as she looked up into the incredibly warm face of the man that had so much ahead of him to gain, including her. His sheer confidence was a staple of his persona as he bowed in return, taking her hand and placing a light kiss to it.

He gazed up at her then, his brown eyes the color of melted chocolate, still bent before her. It seemed like in that instant Audrey saw what she always looked for in him. Behind all of his confidence and promise he was just a small boy who had placed his heart in the hands of a girl he adored. All at once her heart began beating out of control and her hand felt so hot to the point of burning.

She gently removed it from his grasp, her own perfect mask slipping ever so slightly as she noted what was happening. Her reaction to everything that he was; it was its own maze, confusing and frustrating her at every corner. But this new thing, this feeling for a man that was so like her she couldn’t bear to like him scared her.

As her mother led her away from Henry her head was abuzz with this new revelation. She had always said to herself that she might learn to stand Henry, to live with the fact that being with him was her fate. But at that one moment her world seemed to turn.

Yes, she had seen that anxiety in Henry before. She had found it many times in hopes to withstand his unbearable presence. There was something in that last moment however, something that positively shocked her. He was so genuine, so sincere; it was that true person behind the mask. That real Henry had charmed her, surprised her and left her wondering.

Everything after that seemed to happen so fast that Audrey had little time to think. The people her mother led her to seemed to meld together, the conversations she shared becoming one and the same. The music seemed to beat all around her, ringing loud in her ears as the dancers spun around the room. The colors of the dresses seemed to come together, forming a surreal blur that left her head spinning.

The music, the colors, the people, it was all going by so fast that she needed to find an out. Rubbing her forehead rather harshly she quickly made an excuse to whom she was speaking with, the duchess, the baroness, she couldn’t remember who they were anymore. She felt unceasingly hot, smothered by the atmosphere of the room. Overwhelmed by absolutely everything she tried to find a way across the floor, realizing all too quickly that it seemed people weren’t parting for her anymore.

Like a beacon of hope she came across the glass door that lead to the balcony. Her head was hurting like someone had taken hold of one of her stocky school books and was pounding it on her head.

Audrey unceremoniously took hold of the handle and flung the door open. All at once the cool dusk air washed over her in a wave, leaving her with her own frustration. She heard the soft click of the door closing behind her as she walked to the edge of the balcony, bending down to lean her head against the stone railing.

The cool of the marble seemed to spread through her numbing her thoughts and feelings. She stood there like that for a minute, trying all at once to focus only on the cold of the railing so that she wouldn’t dwell on her thoughts. Everything was so overwhelming and frustrating, it left Audrey in a state where all she wanted to do was stand there, forget everything, and cry.

The music from inside filled her head for a short moment, before she heard the soft click of the door once more. Audrey could feel the person standing there, no doubt just staring at what was Audrey Crawford at this moment, utterly weak.

Taking a deep rather shaky breath, Audrey closed her eyes and stood, attempting to regain her composure. This person had seen a part of her that she had hoped could remain unnoticed. It was a side of her that she had spent years covering with an impeccable mask of the social standards.

She could hear the person behind her shift slightly, and she only wondered when he would go spread the word to everyone else. The perfect Audrey Crawford unnerved, what a story that would be.

Because that was who she was, the perfect daughter, and by showing her weakness she had left a door wide open to gossip. A kind of gossip that could tear her life apart.