A Very Flamingo Incident

Once upon a time, two girls were sitting on a bed in a very pink, fluff-filled bedroom.

"Oh, Tiffany," the first girl swooned, her face stuck in a permanent orgasm. "Is it really right for us to be doing this?"

"Oh, Jessica, of course it is." whispered Tiffany seductively, her candy pink lips attached to Jessica's manicured hand. "We're two ultra-popular, beautiful cheerleaders.

"Nobody will frown on our lesbian lovings. Only ugly people would get in trouble for it."

"But Tiffany..." Jessica mumbled, a slight reproach filling her usually blank, unassuming eyes. "What about our friendship?"

"Who cares? We're official lesbians now, we'll be the coolest cheerleaders in the school." Tiffany shrugged and moved in to kiss the more bashful girl.

"There won't be any trouble for us, because in our lives everything is amazing! That's just the way it is!"

Very soon Jessica's small piece of remaining intelligence and will had dissipated and the two were in a very compromising position.

Outside the pink-paned window, silent and steely-eyed, a flamingo looked upon the lesbian proceedings with a glint of satisfaction in its eyes. Secretly, even though it happened to be just an oversized flamingo, it was a huge fan of lesbian love with under-aged girls. If you don't believe it, it's because you haven't seen its illegal under-aged lesbian porn stash that it kept at the bottom of the lake it lived by.

Anyhow, the flamingo was still standing in the garden, more like a statue than an animal. An onlooker could have seen the eager anticipation on its face for more action than it could probably take, but thankfully there was nobody present to see the disturbing line of events.

Back in the candy nightmare that was Tiffany's bedroom, the two girls had jumped under the lilac and pink flowered duvet.

"Oh Tiffany! Oh Tiffany!" Jessica was swooning, even though Tiffany was only touching her arm at this point. If you haven't already guessed, the girl is a bit of an idiot. Tiffany didn't care as she was no more intelligent, just more sly and perverted.

"Hang on... you'll like this..." Tiffany said and moved closer. She was very turned on and had abandoned all dignity.

Suddenly!

"What's that?" Jessica asked, pulling away in shock and slight disgust with a matching expression pulling on her fake tanned features.

"Oh..." Tiffany faltered, noticing the tell-tale bulge that had blossomed against her dress. "That's... erm... That's a tumour!" She flailed, not knowing what else to say. She then covered the obvious bulge of masculinity with her little hands and began to whimper.

Jessica's face twisted as her disgust grew. "You liar! You don't want to be a popular lesbian with me! You're just a boy in a dress!"
She leapt out of the bed, turned off by the idea of sex with a guy.

Tiffany was sobbing now. She wailed miserably, her voice much deeper now.
It soon became more obvious to Jessica's dim eyes that Tiffany was, in fact, a man. It could be seen in her slightly more muscled arms, her Adam's apple bobbing as she sobbed.

"It's true! I'm a fake! I'm a man!" she screamed, her eyes mad and filled with tears. She was a tanned, manicured, mascara-doused monster. "All I ever wanted to be was a lesbian lover! I can't help being the way I am!"

"Dude..." Jessica blanched, "You're seriously messed up."
But to neither “Tiffany” nor Jessica's knowledge, the transsexual was not the most messed up in this story.

The flamingo, still standing in the garden, was now frustrated both sexually and emotionally. It writhed and cursed, its fat pink body racing towards the front door of the house. Not caring about breaking and entering, it slammed through the door, leaving a convenient giant flamingo-shaped hole.

It gallivanted up the stairs three at a time and found the sickeningly pink door that it was looking for. On close inspection, it could be seen that it did not have feathers. It was made of a different material, with a long zip at its back.

"My name is really Tim..." Tiffany was explaining as the commotion occurred. Both of the room's occupants turned around in shock to see the giant fuming flamingo.

"What the hell! Where's my lesbian lovings?" The deranged flamingo screamed. "I want my damn porn scene!" Then the flamingo writhed more than was naturally capable for a flamingo and it began to burst at the seams.

Not one... not two... but three Jonas Brothers now stood in the room!

Now, you may be asking two questions by this point which I will take the precious time to explain. (I have a very busy life, you see, apart from writing this stupid spoof story.)

Q1: Why did the flamingo refer to itself as 'I' even though all three brothers were hiding in the suit?
A1: Well, kids, this is because the brothers happen to share a brain as a strange birth side-effect, which explains why they are referring to themselves as 'I' as well as their obvious shocking lack of intelligence and common sense.

Q2: Why do the brothers keep their lesbian porn stash in a lake if they don't really live in a lake?
A2: This is because they are secretly part-aquatic. Their mother was a fish.

Right, back the story...
"OMFG!! THE JO'BROS!" Jessica screamed, the sight of the three little brats immediately sucking all of the remaining dignity out of her and replacing it with fan girl stupidity.

"Where's my porn?!" The Jonas Brothers whined in unison, their high pitched girly screams causing the glass of Tim's pink-paned window to crack and break. It exploded over Tim and he fainted. His dress managed to ride up and give everyone else in the room a terrible view that would not leave them for years.

"That's gross!" Jessica yelled and hid behind her hands. The Jonas Brothers, quite attracted to the image of Tim lying half naked on the floor in a dress, picked him up and shoved him in the empty giant flamingo suit.

"Well... seeming as I can't have my lesbian scene, I will make do with endlessly raping this transsexual cheerleader for the rest of eternity and hoping to hear a story about it in the teenage magazines so more people will love me." the brothers explained, still transfixed on Tim's indecency.
"Good day!" they cried and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Jessica removed her hands from her face, her tangerine foundation smudging to reveal acne-laced skin underneath. Her mascara had also run, making her look like she had been standing in the rain for hours whilst having orange paint thrown at her.

She faltered for a moment, trying to take in the monstrous thing that had just happened to her.

Her brain soon giving up with the concept of thinking, Jessica's thoughts simply melted into a Jonas Brothers-related pile of oddly-coloured goo.

"OMG!! WHY DIDN'T I GET THEIR AUTOGRAPH?!" she whined and then disappeared too because people like that don't deserve to live.

The End

P.S. No one in the story lived happily ever after except perhaps Tim... but let's not dwell on that.