The Clouds Are All On Fire

“So, tell me what happened.” J.T. looks at me with concern clouding his blue eyes. I sigh and lean back on his couch. The whole way from the mall to his house, I had refused to talk about the fight. How could I explain it to myself when I could barely understand it myself? As if he can read my mind, he runs a hand through my hair and sighs. “It will help to say it out loud instead of keeping it in your head.”
“You really don’t want to hear it.” I move farther down the couch away from him but he follows.
“Lilly, I really do. You can trust me.” He brings his face inches away from mine and looks straight into my eyes. I can barely breathe. “Can’t you?” I nod and he sits back, satisfied. “Then tell me.”
I allow myself a second to think about it. If I was really going to tell him, I was going to have to tell him everything, including what happened at home. I wasn’t supposed to tell anymore, I was supposed to conceal my identity, but this was J.T. He said I could trust him.
“If you really want to hear it, you are going to have to hear everything.” He nods eager. I shake my head and push up my glasses, which we really starting to annoy me because they really had no purpose to be on my face. “I don’t think you understand. There is a lot of stuff about me that’s a lie, but there is good reason for it.”
“Lilly, whatever you say is not going to scare me away. Just tell me.” He tilts his head forward, signalling for me to start talking, so I do. I tell him everything including my real name. He listens and never interrupts only when I tell him my real last name. “Remhardt? You are a Remhardt?”
“Yes.” He looks away and I give him a confused look and bit my lip. “Doesn’t your dad live in B.C.? Does he know-“
“I don’t think you should come to the wedding with me, Lilly.” He says it quickly and it stuns me. I scratch my neck and nod, agreeing.
“Ok. I understand.” Really, I don’t understand. I have no idea why he is acting this way. He said he would be ok with this. He said he would understand. He lied. Just as I go to get up and leave, he reaches out and grabs my arm.
“It’s not anything to do with you, it’s just...” He takes a second to gather his thoughts and then takes a deep breath. “This wedding is for some people out West and they know your family, your dad actually. If they saw you, they could compromise your identity. It’s for your own safety. I promise you, if it were safe I would take you but it’s not and I don’t want to risk that.”
“Ok.” I force myself to smile. “It’s for my own good.”
“Good you understand.” He leans over and presses his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes for a brief second and relish the moment. Here was this older boy looking out for me and not because he had felt an obligation to like my brother. He cares about me. J.T. leans back and his face darkens. “As for your brother...”
“What about my brother?” I gnaw on my bottom lip, such a horrible habit of mine, and watch J.T.’s face.
“He’s an asshole. He shouldn’t treat you the way he does.” He puts a hand on either side of my face and presses his forehead to mine. “You are not self-absorbed. He’s just a dick. He was the one that saved you. It’s his own fault you are in this situation. He can’t be blaming you.”
“But I was-“He stands up and cuts me off.
“I know what you were but Lilly, like I’ve said before, he treats you horribly now. I mean he won’t even play a simple song with you.” He starts to pace in front of me. “And he calls you a whore when he is the one with the girlfriend only after 2 weeks.”
“Well, she is very pretty.” He stops and places a hand beside me on either side of the couch, bring his face to mine. I can smell his smell. A mix of Axe cologne and Trident gum. The smell alone is enough to send my mind is a haze.
“Lilly. You need to stay away from your brother. He is not a good person.” And his eyes. The blue has turned to dark ice and I can’t look away. My whole body is paralyzed under his stare, his own spell. I can’t move, I can’t speak, I can’t breathe. “Lilly, Alex is no good.”
“Ok.” I agree because it seems right. It makes sense. He hasn’t been treating me right. Blaming me, yelling at me, unrightfully calling me things I do not deserve. I need to stay away from Alex. I need to stay closer to J.T. J.T. will protect me.
His eyes, his smell, his closeness, it drives me wild and finally I find my hands. The reach around the back of his neck and bring my face to his. Our lips crash together and I fall deeper and deeper as he lays me down on the couch. I had dreaming about this since the day I met him but in my dreams I hadn’t realised how powerful it would be. Nothing else exists. I can barely feel the rest of my body except where his body touches mine. Those places I am highly aware of.
It feels like hours as we kiss on the couch, and I know I could stay there forever but then I hear a giggle and J.T. pushes off of me. In a daze I look over and see a young girl, splitting image of J.T. but with longer hair and softer eyes.
“Jas.” J.T. sits up and helps me up. “This is my girlfriend, Lilly.” My heart skips a beat, his girlfriend?
“Hi Lilly.” She smiles politely and then glares at J.T. “Mom says you have to drive me to dance. It starts in 30 minutes. We need to go.”
“What time is it?” I pick up my BlackBerry and check the time, ignore the 3 messages from Alex and 2 from Becca and see that it’s almost 5. “Shit, I have to go to Becca’s. Think you could drop me after Jasmine?”
“Of course we can Lilly.” Jasmine answers for J.T., smiling wickedly. “I hope you like Katy Perry though. J.T.’s punishment if he makes me late.”
I laugh as she turns and skips to, I presume, her room to get ready to leave. J.T. feigns a glare and then leans over and kisses me. I push him away and point to where Jasmine had just been.
“I like her.” He fake frowns and sticks out his lower lip.
“But you like me more, right?” I lean over and kiss his bottom lip.
“I like you a different way.” He smiles, stands and drags me up.
“Good, cause I like you a different way too.” He turns and then pulls me towards to door and off to Becca’s.