Playing Russian Roulette.

You are so beautiful, you are the kind of girl,
That has the chemicals that makes me fall in love.
Beautiful, you are the kind of girl,
That has the chemicals that makes me fall in love.

-Escape the Fate.

The response to our web series came as a surprise to everyone, including myself. Fans loved it. Employees of Buzznet watched it religiously. Bands went crazy for it and began contacting Rachel, asking if the famous “Juliet” could interview them.

Although I tried to convince everyone to call me by my birth name, no one obliged in the least. They all demanded to call me by my nickname because everyone else did, and they thought it represented me well. I was “as beautiful as the Juliet Shakespeare envisioned,” one of the stagehands had told me.

No way in hell did I see their fascination in me. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a normal girl with many, many flaws staring back at me, not this beautiful Juliet that everyone spoke so highly of.

To put it mildly, word of my little internet family spread like wildfire through the Warped venues. Suddenly, everyone (fans, managers, and stagehands included) wanted to meet the “sexiest interviewer at Buzznet.”

And it was only three days in. Those seventy-two hours were the busiest I had ever been. But they were also the best and the most fun few days I had in years. I even had several people ask me out on dates and a few marriage proposals. I denied, of course, saying they would have to win my heart first.

Not my best decision to make. In three days, I received sixteen flowers from different people. And I stared aimlessly at the vase of said flowers sitting on the cement picnic table. My favorite of all was a large Violet, the purple so dark it seemed black, in the middle. It stuck out among all the bright tulips, marigolds, and wild roses.

“Strangers actually sent you all these flowers? Strangers, who you don’t even know. Strangers!” Craig threw his arms in the air. “And you kept them?”

“Yes. I wasn’t going to throw them away.” My fingers nimbly petted the soft flower petal, smiling. “They’re too pretty to just toss out. I love them! Don’t you agree, Leila?”

Leila Rose looked at me she sat on the table between Craig and me. She had been playing with the flowers up until I most rudely interrupted her. Her little finger pointed to the violet that I loved.

She grinned. I patted her back, smiling in return.

Craig peered at me over the flowers. He sat opposite me at the table under the early Ventura, California sky.

He and Leila were the only ones outside with me; Devin were inside, uploading another batch of videos to Buzznet. The band and Gabrielle had gone out to get fast food, while we sat and watched Leila.

Because I had been so busy, I only saw the boys once over the three days, and that was during their concert in San Francisco, where I focused mainly on Max as he focused on me. I dropped the thought before his words came back.

Tattoos are a plus…and piercings.

I chomped down on my bottom lip. For a split second, I pondered if one of the anonymous flowers had been from him. What if Devin was right? What if he did like me?

“Which is one is your favorite, Julie? This one?” Craig poked the violet with his index finger, and I nodded quickly. He plucked it from the vase and snapped the stem two inches from the blossom. A gasp escaped my throat.

“What are you doing?” I cried, flailing my arms.

“Stay still.” He leaned across the table, pushing the vase aside and tilting around Leila to reach me directly. He swept my hair behind my right ear and carefully slid the flower over the crown. Once he was done, he leaned away, grinning.

I touched it, a stifling giggled passing my lips. “You are such a loser.”

He nodded and threw me a thumbs up sign. I laughed again. Obviously, Craig had joined the “I Love Juliet” fan club. But, like all the others, I wouldn’t -- couldn’t -- return the feelings…Even thought he was amazing.

Even if he wasn’t my client, even if Gabrielle wouldn’t kill me, I still wouldn’t date him. We had a lot to lose if things didn’t go well, and our developing friendship meant more to me than a relationship. I needed friends more than a boyfriend.

For now, at least.

Oh, cut the crap, Juliet! We all know that you’re just waiting to see if Maxwell has changed. Stop denying it and just deal with it. Own it. You have a crush on him!

“You look like a hula girl,” he laughed. His voice smashed the strange thought into smithereens.

“Wow, thanks. I look so bad you have to laugh?” I stuck out my bottom lip, doing my best to ignore the shaking in my voice. I didn’t have a crush on Max. No. No. I hadn’t even spoken to him! “You’re mean, Cutie.”

“No, no! It’s really cute.”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. I lowered my head, moving my eyes to stare at the tabletop. “Thanks,” I mumbled, touching the flower again. He didn’t say anything in response, just laughed softly and leaned against the table edge.

Disregarding the warmth in my face -- and the feeling of Craig’s gaze on me -- I stole a small, wild rose from the vase and tucked it in Leila’s hair. “There! A rose for Miss Leila Rose.”

“Thankies, Jay!” She threw her arms around my neck. “Flower pretty?”

“Yes, flower pretty, just like you.” I poked her nose with my finger, hugging her back gently.

Craig was staring his left hand when I pulled away. I watched him in mild interest, but, when he caught my eye, he looked away.

I lowered my own gaze.

He had been staring at the tattoo? The one matching Gabrielle’s? Or had I simply imagined it? No, he had definitely been staring at it.

A wave of discomfort swept over us. He knew I had been watching him. And, obviously, I knew what he had been staring at. Did he miss Gabrielle as much as she missed him? I had no proof of anything, but it seemed as if that was the situation at hand.

If that was, then why the hell wouldn’t they get back together? From what I saw, they were perfectly comfortable with each other, which was more than I could say for most of the couples I knew. So, they loved each other. They had Leila together. I… simply didn’t understand it.

A stab of pain shot through my stomach. All thoughts disappeared from my mind, and all I could think of was something was wrong. But, after a second, I realized what they were.

Hunger pains! I smiled. I was actually having hunger pains! Suddenly, I felt very giddy. After the passed year, feeling a change as small as a twinge in my stomach was enough to make me want to dance.

After twelve months of pure hell…

Stop it! Shut up! Don’t even think about that.

My stomach gave an audible, unattractive growl of hunger. My hands flew to my abdomen, my blush from earlier creeping back to my cheeks. “Dammit,” I muttered, completely forgetting about the one year old in front of me.

“Dammit!” Leila echoed.

A beat of silence passed among us. Then another. Then Craig threw his head back. His laugh was quickly infectious. Soon, I was shaking with laughter of my won. Tears slipped down my cheeks. Craig smacked his hand onto the table and rocked back and froth.

Leila exchanged glances between us, confusion on her little face. After a second, she turned to stare at the vase.

Our cackling died down after a moment or two. Only the occasional giggle lingered as we wiped our tears away and sniffled. Leila fiddled with the rose in her hair.

“Oh-oh, shit!” Craig gasped, clutching his chest. “Why was Devin not recording that for Gabby? She’d fucking murder me, but, damn! That’s my little girl.”

I felt my insides melt. Never had I seen a guy who loved his child as much as Craig. It was so refreshing and nice. What a doting father. To distract myself from any further thoughts, I straightened out my askew violet, placing it in its rightful place atop my ear.

Craig wound his arms around his daughter’s tiny body and pulled her into his lap. He snuggled his face into her hair. She laid her head on his shoulder. He kissed her temple, and she giggled shrilly.

“Do you and Gabrielle have shared custody over her?” I blurted.

Craig didn’t bat an eyelash at it. They must be asked that a lot. “Yes. She gets her two weeks out of the month, I get her the other two weeks. And we spend holidays together, mostly--” His voice trailed off and he leaned to the side, leaning around to glance behind me.

I didn’t move.

He shrugged and gestured for someone to come over. Curiosity got the best of me, and I glanced over my shoulder toward the street. Robert, Bryan, and… Max stood on the sidewalk on the other side. Gabrielle was running across, dodging parked cars.

I eyed Max, biting the inside of my cheek. He had sunglasses pushed to the top of his head and his hair was sticking up on both sides, resembling a porcupine or something of the like. He looked cute. Ahem. Sure, cute was the word.

He caught my eye and held it. This time I didn’t look away. I watched him, as he raked his gaze up and down my body, finally coming to a stop on my face once again.

After a second, he was the one to avert his gaze to the ground.

I turned back to Gabrielle, feeling a little sense of triumph. I won in a staring contest with Max! Ha. Ha ha! Go me.

She came to a screeching halt beside the picnic table, panting.

“We’re going to eat in the little park over there. Monte’s idea, don’t ask.” Gabrielle waved her hand in front of her face. “So, come on. Let’s go. I’m starving.”

Craig stood up. I followed in suit, and we let Gabrielle lead the way across the street to an adorable little square of luscious green grass and trees and wild flowers. Bryan, grinning from ear to ear, plopped down among a breadth of flowers that looked like the wild rose in Leila’s hair.

Robert sat down on his right, Craig on his left. Gabrielle sat beside him, Leila between them, and Max took his place on the other side of Bryan, forcing me to sit between him and Gabrielle, my back facing the street.

I sat cross-legged on the ground. I felt uncomfortable, and…nervous? Anxious, at best. My knee was less than an inch from Max’s, our hands (both placed on our knees) were so close I could feel his heat.

Bryan and Robert started pulling stuff from the white bags. They set red and white Chinese takeout boxes in the middle of the circle, along with exactly six pairs of chopsticks still stuck in plastic and one little fork.

Max dumped a bag of Vitamin Water and Evian onto the ground. The bottles rolled to the middle beside the food.

I grabbed a pair of chopsticks and ripped the top open. “What did you guys get?” I questioned, flipping open the lid of the box closest to me. Inside was a helping of weird looking brownish noodles, pepper steak, and broccoli.

I snatched a noodle and lifted it to sniff. It smelled okay, so I stuffed it in my mouth.

“One of everything,” Bryan answered. His box appeared to be filled to the brim with rice and small vegetables.

“Bryan ordered, can you tell?” Robert snickered. “The girl behind the counter thought he was fucking crazy.”

“No!” Bryan shoved Robert’s shoulder. “She thought I was hot! You’re just jealous that she didn’t look at you. Monte one, Rob zero.”

Robert shook his head in response, shoving his friend right back. “She thought you were insane, dude.”

“Liar,” Bryan scoffed.

I chewed a piece of meat, hardly paying attention to my food. I was happy to get something in my stomach, but I was happier to be surrounded by my friends, listening to their strange antics.

I couldn’t help it. It brought back all the good memories of the past, pushing the bad ones to the back where I could not longer see them.

“No, Monte. She did think you were insane,” Gabrielle piped up. “But it was only because Robert told her you hadn’t taken you medication today.”

“You what?!”

I bit back a laugh, pressing my hand against my mouth.

Gabrielle’s tinkling laughter filled the air. Robert’s loud, heady one followed, and Craig’s funny, communicable chuckle sealed the deal. Bryan sat pouting, poking at his food. Finally, I gave in. My own loud, hyena-like laugh mingled with everyone else’s…

That’s when I heard it. The sexy chortle that I couldn’t place, couldn’t identify. My laughing ceased and I glanced at Max… That beautiful sounded belonged to him. He looked at me, a smile still on his face.

I held my breath. As much as I wanted and begged myself to look away, his blue eyes drew me in. My jaw locked. My face went numb almost instantly.

He seemed just as lost. The absent half-smile playing at his lips faded slightly. His spiky hair blew in the wind, his eyes sparkled under the sun.

No. Cute didn’t do him justice. Beautiful seemed in order. Sexy, attractive, delicious. Breathtaking, awe-inspiring…

I went spiraling back to the night when we kissed. I felt him kissing me, grabbing my hair, holding my face up to his. I could smell Axe wafting off his clothes.

“Are you two going to make out or what?” Gabrielle snapped.

The rest of the world came back in a flood. The laughing had stopped. All eyes were on us, staring like we were having sex in the middle of the park for everyone to see.

Craig elbowed Gabrielle roughly in the ribs. She shot him a dirty look, but otherwise didn’t say anything.

I gritted my teeth together and turned my attention to my Chinese food. Conversation commenced around me.Max joined them. I listened to his every word, hung on the way he used the word “like” when he didn’t know what else to say, and how he shied away from anything that someone asked me.

Or maybe he just likes you.

And maybe I just like him back.

X X X X

“Break it, Leila. No, use your hands.” Craig held out his own fortune cookie and snapped it in half. But Leila was not following. She stuck the tip of the cookie in her mouth and bit down.

Craig sighed dejectedly. Gabrielle pulled the rectangular paper out of her daughter’s cookie. Bryan leaned over, trying to peer over Gabrielle’s shoulder, but she held it out of his view.

“Sit down.”

Bryan settled back into his spot.

I pressed my lips together. Next, it was my turn for the fortune cookie game, played by Bryan’s weird rules. I didn’t want the others scrutinizing my fortune. Saying what they thought. Guessing it if it was true or not.

“Okay. Here’s Leila’s.” Gabrielle cleared her throat. “It’s a good time to make new friends. New friends? She’s two! What new friends?”

“Julie!” Robert answered. “That’s who. She’s new, she’s a friend. Next.”

Craig lifted his fortune. “My turn.” He looked at the paper. “You will inherit some money from an unexpected source.”

Robert clapped his hands together. “Awesome.”

“I pray that’s true. I love money.” Craig dropped the paper into a pile with Leila’s. “Okay, Gabby. Your turn.”

Gabrielle grinned. “Mine says ‘Every woman is at heart a mother; every man is at heart a bachelor’.” She looked pointedly at Craig, but he looked away at Leila.

I was the only one who saw her wipe her eye as she dropped the fortune into the pile.

No one said anything to answer her fortune. Whether it was because the subject made an awkward vibe flit through our group, or because everyone had been cold to Gabrielle since her little make out comment about an hour ago, I could not tell.

I decided to push the subject forward. I grabbed a fortune cookie and snapped it in half. The paper fluttered down on my thigh. My eyes swept across it, and I snorted.

“It’s over your head now. Time for some professional help,” I read.

Gabrielle slapped her hands on her knees, giggling. Robert and Bryan clapped again.

“I think that’s very, very true,” Craig said.

“And why is that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You obviously need professional help in choosing who you’re going to marry,” came a quick answer. The smirk on his face made me glance at Gabrielle to make sure she wasn’t watching.

She wasn’t.

“Marry?” Robert sounded confused.

“Yeah. Dudes keep asking her to marry them,” Bryan explained.

“And I’m not marrying any of them.” I laid my fortune in the trash pile. “Because I will only marry someone who steals my heart and sweeps me off my feet and all that good shit.” As the words left my mouth, I sneered. Like that will ever happen.

Max read his fortune next.

“A beautiful person is with you, confide your problems.” Without another word, Max dumped the paper among the others. A look of disgust was on his face, one I couldn’t understand at all.

It wasn’t that bad! I heard worse things every day.

Craig suddenly whooped uproariously. He threw his hands out in front of him and leaned across the circle. He high-fived Max.

“What is so great about that?” I whispered.

Robert lifted his sunglasses away from his face. “You’re that beautiful person, of course. And Max wants to confide his problems in you. Understand?”

Not in the least. But I did not like how he said confide and in, like they could have two completely different meanings when they in fact could not. Especially not perverted meanings.

I came within inches of getting mad and breaking my perfect streak of being nice. I wanted to scream that I would never do anything with Max in that way in reality. In my dreams was another story.

But reality was out of the question.

Max, however, came to my defense. “Shut the fuck up and stop messing with her.”

“Yeah,” Gabrielle agreed. “Open your fortune.”

He cracked his cookie on his knee. I took a long, refreshing drink of Evian as he read the message, but he refused to relay it to everyone. Craig started yelling, telling someone to go steal it from it.

Max and I lunged across the circle at the same time. Our hands landed on top of each other on Robert’s fortune, and we both recoiled immediately, but the damage had been done. We both felt the electric current that shot through us when our skin touched.

My hand tingled. I wiped it on shorts, willing the uncomfortable feeling to go away.

Robert’s fortune went untold and in discussed. Bryan opened his cookie to keep things going.

“The fortune you seek is in another cookie..?” Bryan look around at everyone.

“Pick another one,” I said, throwing a second cookie at him.

He opened the new one up, ripping into like paper. “Ignore the previous cookie! Come the fuck on! Why do I keep getting this messed up shit?”

This time I didn’t join in on their guffawing. Instead, I watched the top of my water bottle. My heart ached. Max…was…UGH! He was far from perfect, but I found myself wishing our kiss had meant something.

What if things bad been different between us? Would we be dating? Would I have dumped Ronnie to be with Max?

More importantly, would the year have turned out differently? Less suffering, more love. Less time spent doing bad things, more time entangled in his limbs and lost in his gaze.

Like you? I could never like you, Piper!

He’s changed, I just know it.

“Can we help you?” I heard Craig ask.

I looked up at him. He had his head pivoted upward and was holding Leila protectively against his chest. Everyone else was also staring at the person standing behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder.

And into the dark colored eyes of Josh Torrent. I knew him through work and also through Ronnie. He was employed Havoc music. I met him for the second time (the first time was Ronnie’s fault) on his brief excursion in the Buzznet building.

Ronnie knew him because he used… to buy… things from him.

Fuck. Shit. What the hell was he doing here, at Warped?

A scream was forming in my chest.

Flashes and pictures came pouring back. The times I met with him in secret, all the money I wasted. Every single occasion I lied to Devin and Stefan, and Ronnie when I went to visit him. Josh was at the root.

Nonetheless, I said, “Hi, Josh! What are you doing here?”

“Covering the next week… of tour for Havoc.” He sounded strange. His words were lagged and slow, a beat off of when they should have been. “And you! I came to see you. You--you look great, Piper.”

Somewhere in my stomach, a knot of apprehension formed. A voice inside my head told me to turn away and go back to the boys, but I smiled at him.

I swiped a lock of hair from my face. “Thank you.” I pushed myself up from the ground. My legs felt heavy, my stomach nauseous, as I wiped the seat of my shorts off.

He glanced over his shoulder. “Do you… would you like to go… talk somewhere?” As if for effect, he peeked at my circle of friends, his eyes zeroing in on Max. I stepped in front of him to block his view of him.

“I--I’d really like to catch up.”

“Okay. Sure.” I looked around at Max and Craig, and my breathing hitched in my throat. The expressions on their faces read absolute, utter horror. Max started shaking his head.

I furrowed my brown. He shook his head a little faster, setting his mouth in a thin line. I waved my hand over my shoulder at Joshua.

“Uh. I’ll catch up with you in a second, okay?”

He agreed and walked somewhere down the street. Once he was a out of ear shot, I leaned over, closer to Max and Craig so I could whisper.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” I hissed. “All he wants to do is talk to me.” Despite my words, the knot was growing worse by the second. I doubted if he was only here to catch up with me, but I didn’t speak a word of it.

Max grabbed my arm. “Don’t go. He’s not who you think he is. He’s not a good person, Piper.”

“And why is that?”

“I can’t--I can’t tell you why,” he said exasperatedly. “Trust me, though.”

No, I don’t think I will. With a huff, I spun on my heel and marched down the sidewalk. I felt like screaming! Or going back and punching him square in the jaw.

How dare he try to tell me what to do! He wasn’t my father! Or my boyfriend. He was in no place to tell me what to do. The anger became too much, and I let out a frustrated cry, balling my hands into tight fists.

Wasn’t I not supposed to get angry? Well, my anger problems won! I sounded like a bitch, but ugh! I was finished with guys who tried to rule my life. Ronnie was the last guy who would ever do that.

To think, a few minutes ago I was expressing feelings for him. I actually thought I liked him.

Ha! How wrong I was.

He completely ruined our first civil words to each other in eleven months.

Another growl let itself out, and I pressed my fist into my thigh. I took a long, deep breath to calm down.

Josh was standing by a stop sign at the edge of the road. I hopped over to him and patted his shoulder. He jerked away and turned quickly, nearly knocking me down in his paranoid maneuver. I grabbed his bony shoulders.

How much weight had he lost? A good twenty pounds, at least. He looked horrible.

“Whoa, whoa! It’s okay, Josh!” I let my arms fall to my sides. When he looked to the ground, I wiped them on the back of my shirt. “Is everything alright?”

“Fine. I’m fine.” Josh threw his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

I shimmied away from him and forced myself to look him in the face. It took some effort not to gasp and run away at the sight of zombie-likeness. Now that I was actually looking, he had dark circles under his eyes. No meat resided on his cheek bones; they stuck out much further than they should have.

There was a distinct tic in his right eye. Scars and marks and tracks littered up and down his tattooed arms. Every part of him looked anorexic.

The memory made me shudder. I hugged my arms around myself.

I broke the silence. “Why are you here?” I demanded. “Tell me, Josh. Why the hell are you all the way in California looking for me? Because whatever it is, I don’t want it.”

“I just… I…” He stopped, then started over. “I need money, Oakes. Now. I need it. I need-need it now. And I was wondering if you wanted to buy something. Please?

“Why on earth would I give you money? Just to go buy more shit? You have fucked yourself up, Joshua! Have you looked in a mirror, been on a scale lately?” I gestured my hands up and down all six feet of him.

Josh twitched his head, flipping his dirty hair from his eyes. I had a doubt that the twitch was voluntary. More like a side effect of his bad choices.

“Come on. You were my best customer!” He touched my forearm. I took another step away from him. “What do you say? I have--have a whole bottle right here.” He patted his back pocket. “Just for you.”

I hesitated. I fucking hesitated! My feet were rooted to the ground, and my head hurled two different opinions. Half of me wanted to give him all my money, take the bottle, and go off in a corner somewhere. The other half screamed for me to turn and run back to the safety of Max.

Guilt raged through my insides. Max was simply trying to protect me and I had snubbed him out like he didn’t matter. Oh, but he did matter.

He mattered…

“I don’t care if I was your best customer,” I whispered. My voice shook tears collected in the corners of my eyes. “I’m done with that. Keep it for yourself.”

“Fuck, Oakes!” Josh caught my forearm in his hand. He clutched it so tightly I was sure it would bruise, or maybe even break under his grasp. “I need… the goddamned money.”

I attempted to pull away, but it didn’t work. He held me in a vise that was impossible to escape from.

I could scream. Someone would surely come to the rescue of a defenseless damsel in distress. I cringed. I was not a damsel in distress! So where the hell was the anger I needed to get out of this situation?

That anger lay dormant in my stomach. It simply wouldn’t rear its ugly head.

“Let me go.” My vocal cords wouldn’t go above a tiny whisper.

“No. Not until I get money. Not until you buy this shi-shit!”

“I’m not going to buy it.” I tried to yank away again, but I stayed directly in the same spot. Josh didn’t even flinch. “Let me go!”

I heard heavy footsteps bounding against the sidewalk. Hope fluttered in my stomach. It could be the boys, or at least one of the boys. Robert could easily take Josh. Max, as well, if he tried.

Josh dropped my arm.

I jumped ten steps backwards and pivoted. Robert and Max came flying to my side. Max’s arm went around my shoulders as Robert stepped in front of me.

“Is everything alright here?” Robert asked.

Josh nodded. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.” But, instead of facing my friends like a man, he turned and walked off, disappearing around the corner.

Max seized my shoulders and spun me around to face him. “He didn’t hurt you?” he murmured. “Motherfucker better not have touched you.”

“I’m fine.” Our faces were inches apart. I licked my lips and carefully slid away from his grip. “Can you take me back to the RV?”

Robert slid an arm around my waist. Max stood close by my other side, his hand on my lower back. They led me back across the street and through the maze of buses and cars and screaming fans. A few people called out to me, but Max quickly told them that they could talk to me later, at a better time.

We found the silver and red RV in a far corner of the parking lot. I jerked the door open and released myself from the two boys’ arms.

Max caught the back of my shirt. “Will you be okay alone?”

I nodded. He let me go and I shut the door before heading into the living area. Devin stood at the stove, cooking something. Stefan sat on the couch with Ghost in his lap.

Ghost’s tail started wagging excitedly. I blew a kiss to him.

“Hey, Jay. I’m cooking your favorite, my spaghetti! Would you like some?” Devin inquired. I saw he was pushing a pot of spaghetti noodles with a pair of tongs.

My stomach rolled. “No. I’m not hungry.”

Both their heads snapped up. Ghost’s tailed stopped wagging. Devin dropped his tongs to the counter with a clatter and hurried over to me.

He grabbed the sides of my face. “Why aren’t you hungry? What have you been doing, Piper? Is there anything you would like to tell me? Because I’m willing to listen. “

“Dude!” I pushed him away from me. “Stop being so fucking paranoid over me.”

Devin tilted his head, his eyes shining and shimmering. He only cared about me. He only wanted to protect me, like Max and Robert, Craig and Bryan.

I raked my hand through my hair. “I already ate with the boys and Gabrielle. I’m sorry I snapped. It’s just… I…” My legs gave out. I sunk onto the floor, and Devin dove in front of me. I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed, the tears that had been collecting in the lashes finally falling onto the shoulder of his shirt.

He patted my shaking back. “What’s wrong, Juliet, sweetheart? Tell me.”

“I saw Josh,” I wailed. “He found me because he needed money. He wanted me to buy--” I choked, stopping myself from saying the word. “--to buy it. And I actually had a moment where I thought about doing it again!”

I felt Stefan’s arms wrap around me as well. Ghost licked at my bare calf.

“I hesitated! I almost ruined my life again. Again, Devin! What kind of terrible person am I?”

“You’re not terrible,” Devin whispered, petting the side of my hair affectionately. “You still have a little work to do. But you’re not going to ruin your life again. We won’t let you. The band won’t let you.”

I prayed he was right. The thought of my life spiraling out of control, back into that dark hell that I had been in for a year, made me want to puke. I didn’t want to go back to the sleepless nights, the mornings of throwing up for hours and hours.

I didn’t want to go back to losing so much weight that people didn’t recognize who I was anymore. The anger, the problem I continuously had to fight, had been caused by that.

My shitty attitude was simply a side effect that I was constantly trying to stop. I wanted to be normal again. I hated being mean to Devin; I hated acting like a Bipolar asshole to everyone I loved.

“I promise we won’t let you.”

A knock at the door broke us apart. Stefan jumped up to open it. I leaned my back against a cabinet and wiped my cheeks with a corner of my tank top.

“Jay, it’s for you.”

“Who is it?”

“It’s us,” Craig called. “We’re dragging you to our concert. Backstage access.”

Devin helped me up. I trudged over to the door and stepped down beside Craig. Only the boys stood outside. Gabrielle and Leila were nowhere in sight.

Craig touched my cheek. “Why the tears?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I sucked in an unsteady breath. “Let’s go to the concert.”

X X X X

“The entire band decided it that this was in order.” Craig pointed side stage. “We have to sing an old song. This is called Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché, written by Ronnie Radke for miss Juliet herself!”

And they did. They played through my song, and it was the best I’d ever heard them sing or perform live.

As I stood there, holding Devin’s hand and watching Max as he flashed smiles at me when he happened to glance over, tears running down my face, I decided something.

I had one thing to focus on.

Making myself better.

I couldn’t let my life go back to the hell it was, not with these people routing for me and supporting me in everything.

Not with Max Green looking at me the way he did.