Bat Country

After a few minutes I started to hear voices coming from downstairs. At start they didn't make sense but once I've focused on it I could hear them clearly; almost as if they were in the same room as I was. Jimmy and Brian asked Val what happened; she said that we had a fight. Her voice sounded so cold; almost as if she didn't care. That hurt me. I mean, come on! I just walked upstairs in anger when I'm weak as fuck and she doesn't give a shit? What's wrong with her? I thought she cared a bit more!

The voices were distance again; I stopped focusing when I started thinking. And honestly I didn't want to hear anymore, it would only hurt. Once I stopped listening to them I noticed the weakness again. This day is horrible! Simply horrible.

Anyway, those pains… Where did they come from? It makes no sense, last night I was so strong and now after sleeping I feel weak. And this dream I had, makes no sense. It was such a weird dream.

Someone interrupted my thoughts by walking into the room. I turned around so I was on my back and could see who it was; Brian. He sat on the bed next to me. "Are you alright?" he looked a bit worried when he asked that. "Sure, I guess I'm just sick" wow, how many meanings sick had this time!

"That's…..good but like, uhh, I kinda meant more like…the fight?" Oh no, an embarrassing talk staring Haner; I was not ready for that! Sure Brian and I are best friends for years but I hate those talks, always makes me feel uncomfortable. There are only two people I felt comfortable talking about my feelings with and they were both downstairs right now.

I sighed before talking "I'll be fine, we'll be fine" I said but my voice betrayed me. How can she not care about that fight? It's not just a fight she doesn't trust me! Haven't we passed that ages ago? Maybe she didn't understand how much that hurt me. Though I think there was no better way to show it than to walk upstairs against all my pain.

"Last night, when she came back and realized you left, she really was worried". That was not what I wanted to hear; not at all. "I mean…worried about you not that you're fuc…with someone else..?" he sounded almost questioning. Why does everyone think I could cheat on her?! "I wasn't!" I snapped in anger. After taking a few breathes I calmed down a bit and spoke honestly, not self-defending as before. "I wasn't with anyone else last night" I said slowly; that was almost true.

"I would never hurt her like that on purpose. I could never cheat on her. Even if I wanted to, she means too much to me" My words took me back a few years when Val and I just started dating. I was stupid enough to cheat on her. We had a big fight, eventually I told her that I was drunk while I did it and she forgave me. That taught me an important lesson; it wasn't worth it. Cheating on her made me feel guilty and hurt her, it had no good sides. There was nothing I could find on another girl that Val doesn't have. I promised myself I will never do anything like that again and I still keep up that promise.

Brian brought me back to the present by giving me half a hug. He patted me on the back before letting me go. "I know man…and she knows it too. But you can understand where it comes from, right?" I sighed. "I dunno, I thought we passed the jealousy part already" He shook his head and by that approving what I thought he meant. "No. I can't understand." I answered honestly trying to not get angry again. "We've passed that too. She forgave me." I answered with confidence, but honestly? Brian and his words made me feel insecure.

Brian looked at me for a few seconds, I have no idea what he was thinking but obviously it wasn't about me or Val. When he talked, more likely mumbled, he looked everywhere but me; "But did she forget?" Was that a question? Was that just wondering? This guy is so confusing sometimes! "Sometimes it's easy to forgive but hard to forget." He mumbled and seemed to be in his own world now.

Each of us was in deep in his thoughts. My mind wandered back to the hospital. Why did I even go there? I still haven't figured that out. I still don't know what happened that night when we got back from touring but I'm pretty sure that this was when I became…what I am now.

With those thoughts I started to have an idea, a small theory, in my mind. If changing caused me to lose consciousness for a few days…then maybe doing stuff about that change for the very first time makes my body react like that? Maybe my body is getting used to the new drink… Maybe…

After a long while that we've been sitting in silence Brian suddenly got up. He looked at his phone and then put it in his pocket. "Alright, man, we're leaving now" I nodded and got up, surprised by how much better I felt after some rest. "Thanks for coming to check on me, it really means a lot to me" I said and gave him the half-high-five-half-hands-shaking thing followed with the men-tap-back. "It's nothing, really; they kicked me out of the living room anyway" he smirked. "You fucker" I laughed.

Once he left I laid in my bed once again; I closed my eyes and thought of the little theory. It sounded so surreal but it was the only thing that actually made sense. I touched my forehead with my hand; it really was hot. I should probably take care of the fever. I knew going downstairs means facing Val and it was too early after the fight but I guess I have no choice. It must be done sooner or later.

And anyway we have a serious talk to have so why to wait with it? Knowing I wasn't ready for that talk yet I got up and went downstairs. Maybe I could just grab the medicine and go back upstairs without it now.

As soon as I got downstairs I realized all my thoughts were wrong; there will no be that talk now because Val wasn't even here; she probably left with Jimmy and Brian. That's the better option because if she went by herself then god knows where she is now!