Bat Country

The next day I woke up with a massive headache; like a freakin' hangover, a bad one. Tiredly I walked downstairs and made myself a coffee; I sat on the table in the kitchen and drank it. Then went outside and smoked a cigarette; actually three. It felt so good to smoke again.

I walked back inside and put the cigarette case back in its place. When I heard a sound it scared the shit outta me, until I realized it was Val talking to me. "I didn't know you are smoking again" she said as I turned around. "How long have you been sitting here?" I asked her; she couldn't be here the whole time I was awake I passed by the couch so many times and haven't noticed her! "I didn't really go anywhere the whole day so pretty much most day" she said confused.

Walking toward her I smiled; when I reached the couch I sat next to her and brought my lips to hers as I'm closing my eyes. As soon as they've met she backed away; I opened my eyes confused trying to figure out what's wrong. I tried to look into her eyes but the lips caught me; she had a big wound on her bottom lip.

Slowly I brought my hand to her lip and gently touched it with my finger; "What's that from?" I asked worried as I saw she automatically backed away from my finger. I didn't want to hurt her; I just wanted to feel it.

"I'm not sure it just...kind of happened" I tried to understand what she was saying but failed. I looked at her confused waiting for her to go on. "Last night when you were all jumping and running out of the goddamn house it started insanely bleed right after you've got up." Weird; very weird I thought to myself. Here's something I'd need to understand later. I mean, I did not bite her, I know that. I stopped myself; I swear!

"I'm so sorry" I said after a few seconds. I felt guilty; not because that I might have caused her that. Because when I heard that she was bleeding the first thing I thought was how I wish I was there, not the help her, to taste her; her blood. I felt angry that her blood was wasted and didn't reach my mouth but those thoughts made me so angry at myself; I wanted rip my own head off, to break my own bones, to put a goddamn bullet in my brain; to make me suffer for the thoughts, to punishment myself for this desire.

"Matt are you okay?" her voice got me out of my suicide plans. "You've been acting weird lately, are you alright?" she asked again. How can she be so amazing? With all my acting she still seems to care; damn I love that girl so much! I closed my eyes and shook my head. "No need to worry" I whispered as I opened them again, "I'm fine" I smiled at her and got closer.

As her brain realized where my lips were going she back away once again. I put one hand of mine on her face and moved her head toward mine; my lips were on her chin when I whispered again; "I promise not to hurt you" Gently I separated her lips with my thumb, making sure to not touch the wound with my hand. Then I kissed her bottom lip so my lips were surrounding her bottom lip and my tongue could go along it.

Slowly I licked her wound; it slightly tasted like blood. I wasn't hungry, I didn't want to hurt her; it was like a snack and it was so good. Wrong; but good. I could feel she was enjoying this, I don't know why, I know I liked the taste. It was so pure, definitely different than the other I've tasted; just like I imagined. The bittersweet of it was special; better. And I knew that if that's what her wound tastes like, her real blood would be simply paradise. I wanted to visit there, that paradise, so bad; too bad.

Sadly I knew I should stop right there. I separated our lips and smiled at her, glad to see the smile she was returning me. "Did you put ice on it? Do you want some ice? I'll get you ice" I got up and walked over the fridge to get some ice. I wrapped it in a small towel in a way that it won't be too cold but yet will be helpful. While getting her the ice I started planning the night, I think I should take Val for a walk. I obviously need some thinking time but I can't leave her alone again; that idea seemed good to me.

When I got back to the living room Val was just sitting there doing nothing. I sat back at my place and slowly moved the ice along her lip. "Matt, it's fine really" she tried to make me stop but I knew it was only because it hurt her. "Shh… I'll try to be gentler with it, okay?" She nodded and let me take care of it; sometimes she'd move or looked in pain, it made me feel bad for hurting her, again.

I put the cold tower in her hand and told her to keep it on her lip as long as it hurts. "So when did you started smoking again?" she asked me, her eyes set on the counter where my pack or cigarette was. Her question reminded me that I need to buy more packs. "Hmmm" I wondered out loud as I tried to remember when exactly I came back to smoking. I thought back a few weeks; Val leaving tour, coming back home, driving to Brian's house, waking up at the hospital, back home, Brian's again, Johnny's smoking, bar, home, fight, blood desire, out, drinking for the very first time, fighting, waiting, drinking, smoking.

"A couple of days ago" I answered remembering. "Why didn't you tell me about it?" she asked right away and I honestly had no idea. "Hmmm…" I wondered again, staring at the wall as I was trying to figure it out. "I guess…" I started saying but still not knowing the reason. "I just didn't get to? I mean…with all the fights you know" she didn't say anything, just nodded. And then an uncomfortable silence fell on us.

"Hey you know what? Let's go out" I said as I remembered my plan. "Like, out to some drinks? I don't really feel like it" she said. "No," I smiled, "out for a walk. Just me and you" I said. She still didn't seem interested but I kept smiling hoping she'll agree. "I don't know…I'm really tired" she said as a yawn escaped her lips. I wasn't going to give up though, I got up and offered her my hand; "Come on, it'll be nice!"

She ended up giving up, she didn't have much to get ready; I was the one isn't dressed. After a few minutes we were both ready, I locked the house door after us and put my arm on her shoulders smiling. "Where are we going?" she asked and sounded as she just want to turn around and walk back home. "I don't know" I said "But hey, won't I get a smile?" I looked at her lips as her expression didn't change a bit. I saw she was going to say something but stopped herself, I realized I should shut it as well just in case it will lead to another fight.

We just walked around, arms around each other, in silence. Each of us was in his own world, focused on his own thoughts. My thoughts went to Val's lip and last night, what did I do? I know it was me who caused her that, there was no other option. But the only thing I did after … how would I call it? After my fangs had grown was kissing her… Kissing her! Exactly! That must have been it, when I kissed her the sharp teeth must have caused to damage. Damn I have to be more careful.

As we kept on walking I was trying to put things together. By now I know that for some odd reasons I grew a desire for blood, that I can grow my fangs and possibly kill someone with them, that I'd rather sleep at day than at night and that the sun burns my skin when I'm out on day time. All together it just sounds so…surreal. Am I just losing my mind? But all that had happened it just felt so real; too real. Yes, I am losing my mind; it's the only explanation that makes sense. It's either that or that I'm…no, that can't be the thing. I just lost my mind, that's all.

When I noticed a convenience store I stopped. Val looked at me questioning; "I need to buy cigarettes" I explained smiling as I kissed her cheek, let go of her and went inside. I got myself a bunch of packs and went back out to Val who didn't seem too happy. "What's the matter?" I asked as I put the cigarettes in my pockets and put an arm on her once again. She didn't say anything just shook her head.

We kept on walking in silence but I felt like something bothered her so I stopped. "Do you want to go home?" I asked her, looking into her eyes. "I don't know" she answered; I kissed her forehead and hugged her, holding her close to me. "You sound tired, let's go home alright?" I said smiling, she just shrugged.

It was a long way home in which we stayed silence the whole time but I didn't care. I noticed she wasn't in the best mood right now but I was just thankful we weren't screaming and fighting; I really don't know why but moments like that became so rare.

Not long after we got home we went to bed. I wasn't tired at all, I have been awake for only a few hours, but for Val it was already late at night. I was lying in my side, staring at the ceiling with my hands behind my head and she was on hers. I sighed and closed my eyes for one second, thinking of how insane life had been lately. Then I felt something cold on my chest; I opened my eyes to see Val's arm wrapping around my body as her head found its place to my shoulder. I put an arm on her, making sure she'll stay close to me.

"I missed you" she whispered as I rubbed her back with my hand. "We haven't gone to bed together in so long." She added and I heard her sigh. I tried to think of it; she was right. I mean sure we've slept in the same bed but it wasn't going to sleep it was really just sleeping, that's all. I could do the same with Johnny! "I know; I'm so sorry" I answered knowing it's mostly my fault.

We stayed in silence for a while just arms around each other. I felt a kiss on my upper chest and right after came an I love you whisper. She sounded sleepy and I knew she will fall asleep soon, before she would I kissed her hair and whispered the same to her; a few minutes after that I could feel her breathing rhythm changes and knew she was asleep.

I was wide awake and I knew I'd be like that for a few hours still but I didn't want to leave her alone in bed. Although I needed a smoke and started to get hungry, all I ate today was a small dinner Val and I made. Instead of focusing of those I tried to think of me and Val, things been weird lately. All we've been doing is fighting; what's wrong with us? Why can't we work things out? The worst was that although now there was peace and we were all good I knew it's gonna blow in my face soon, once again. And I hated how it was out of my control, how I couldn't stop those stupid little fights. So many things been out of control; I wish it would stop. I wish…I wish I could just go back in time a few months and make things right.