Bat Country

Just after the cigarette pack I took with me was finished I went back home. I didn't want to go back there, I didn't want to live there, but I needed something to calm me down and so far cigarettes proved themselves as the most helpful.

It was so late right now; the streets were sleeping and dead. I could still taste the blood in my mouth and knew my eyeteeth are covered in blood.

The way home was silence, I walked slowly, not wanting to get home. Walking these empty streets was like seeing how my life is going to be now without her. I started to think; maybe I made the wrong decision? Maybe I should just go to Jimmy's house and make things right… But damn, I hate knowing that the right thing to do was breaking up with her. It kills me to know that I could just never change that.

When I got home I didn't notice the car that was parking there, I slowly opened the door and wished so see Val in there. But she wasn't, and she never will be. Never again. Some tears were finding their way to my eyes once again; I didn't even try to stop them, what's the point?

I started going over the stairs to the bathroom so I could wash my teeth, but then again I realized there is no point. I'm alone. Instead, I grabbed a pack of cigarette from the table and collapsed on the couch. I lit it up and started smoking, taking the smoke deep to my lungs and then slowly breathing it out.

The living room was filled in my cigarette smell and smoke. I was lying with my eyes closed on the couch, smoking and crying, trying to understand how in one month my life became a complete mess. Nothing made any sense anymore.

All of the sudden I heard footsteps in the house; I jumped on my feet and without any thinking I shouted Val's name. I looked around but saw no one. I sighed and sat back on the couch. It was just my imagination. Damn, was I really that desperate? Did I need her that much?

Then again, I heard footsteps. "Would you quit it?" I told myself and closed my eyes annoyed, trying to get my brain so stop tricking me.

"Quit what?" I heard a voice asking; I opened my eyes confused and looked around. My eyes found Jimmy going down the stairs with a smile on his face; Brian, Zacky and Johnny followed him.

"What...the fuck are you guys doing here?" I asked confused, putting out my cigarette. Jimmy walked over to me and gave me a hug; the rest just sat on the couches and made themselves comfortable. "We're sorry man" he said after he let go of me and sat on the couch next to Brian. I sat on the table looking at him. "We were out ya know, and Leana called me and told me to come home so we all went there and Val…she was there and she told me and Lea everything and we thought it would be the best to…you know come and check on you, also leave her with the girls and stuff." He explained. I sighed; I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. No one could ever understand what I feel and what I'm going through.

"Thanks for thinking of me but I'd really rather just…to be alone now" I said. Jimmy and Brian exchanged looks. "Well…" Brian started saying and seemed as he thinks what exactly he should say. "We're not here just for that" he said. Johnny and Zacky looked at Brian confused as if they had no idea what he is talking about. Johnny was about to say something when Jimmy glared at him, shutting him up. Something is going on.

I looked at Brian questioning, waiting for him to explain himself but he never did. Instead, Jimmy was the one to talk. "Why did you and Val break up?" he asked. Such a simple question that I had no answer to. "Uhh" I started, not knowing what to say. "Did you-" Brian coughed before he continued "-cheated on her or something?" he asked. "No!" I said right away without thinking. Maybe I should have lied; it would make things much easier. But I didn't think when I answered. "Well…she thinks you did. She thinks you just found someone else to replace her" he said and I felt anger inside of me. I don't know what or who I was angry at; mostly myself. I love her so much; I just can't believe this is what she will be thinking of me from now on. It hurts so bad to know.

"But he didn’t" Jimmy said and got up of the couch, sitting next to me on the table. "Listen, bro'…" he started and took a deep breathe before he started talking.

"That night, when we got back home from touring, remember?" I nodded and was interested in what he has to say. "Well I went back home with Leana and stuff you know and then at some point Val shows up in our apartment. She was all crying and shit so we came up with the let's-go-out-and-get-drunk plan in order to cheer her up. So we went to that bar you know and she recognizes your car. She wanted us to go somewhere else but we convinced her to just go in with Leana and I'll check if that's really you and shit" I tried to understand what I was listening to, what he was telling me. He was there that night, maybe he knows what happened! Wanting to know what happened I asked him to go on with the story.

"You weren't in the car but it was definitely yours so I started walking over the bar to see if you're in there when I heard this horrible scream. I started running over the sound; it was super close to your car in some sort of alley. You were completely white and bleeding. You had weird cuts on your arms and it was just…horrible thing to see. Your heart was barely beating, I was sure you were going to die or something. Anyway I drove you to the hospital and shit, also texted Lea telling her to come there with Val. They've put more blood in your body and did really anything to keep you alive that night at the hospital. We told Val that she doesn't want to see you like that but she wouldn't listen to us and she sat by you the whole night" when he was telling me all of this he didn't look at me, he looked at the ground. It must have really been a horrible thing to see if it affected Jimmy like that.

"At the hospital-" he continued "-they didn't know what you had or what happened. The next day you looked completely fine, just asleep. They didn't know if you are going to wake up. We had no idea what even happened to you." I nodded trying to think of it all, to add it to everything I already knew. "Anyway, I thought you'd want to know. You've never asked what happened so I figured we should tell you" he finished his story. "Thanks for telling me" I faked a smile; I couldn't really smile right now, "I really appreciate it." I said.