It's Not the Life It Seems

“I think he’s on his man period again,” Mikey whispered in Honey’s ear, looking wearily over at his brother.

“You know, if he was a woman I would swear he was pregnant,” Bob said, leaning over to Mikey and Honey, obviously being able to hear them easily.

“Maybe he is,” Mikey giggled.

Gerard suddenly looked up, his face stony. “I can fucking hear every word you say,” he snarled, shoving some more pasta in his mouth. Ray rolled his eyes and gave his friend a pat on the back, hoping his efforts would somewhat calm the man.

Mikey and Honey exchanged a concerned look, but continued slowly eating their food.

“So this is nice, its wonderful spending time together. One big mother fucking happy family!” Bob said, sarcasm dripping through his voice.

“Shut it Bob ‘I Can’t Keep A Secret’ Byrar,” Gerard snarled. The look on his face would have almost made Honey laugh, if she wasn’t so scared he would kill her in her sleep for doing so.

“Gerard, I said I was sorry, let it go man,” Bob said with a sigh.

“Forgive and forget, my friend,” was Frank’s attempt to calm the sour mood.

“Where was fucking ‘forgive and forget’ when I left my shoes in the lounge, you tripped over them and spent the rest of the day getting revenge?” Gerard snapped back, silencing the guitarist instantly.

The group ate the rest of their food in total silence, the only sounds being made being the chinking of stainless steel forks hitting the white fine bone china plates and occasionally the sound of someone chewing something particularly crunchy. The mood was uncomfortable, no one daring to speak and make the situation worse. The camera men were, of course, conveniently on hand to capture every moment, not that they really noticed. Gerard finished his food first, instantly rising as he did so and striding out the doors once more without so much a look in their direction. A small cluster of fans who had been dining in the restaurant made the mistake of approaching the man in hope of a picture and autograph, but a angry ‘NO’ from the lead singer sent them back in the direction they came from, hurt and disappointment being painfully obvious to anyone who was watching.

“I don’t know why we don’t have more dinners like this,” Frank said, breaking the tension amongst the group. Mikey was the first to let out a chuckle, followed soon by Honey who still had the memory of Gerard’s angry face imprinted on her mind. Soon, the whole table was roaring in laughter, releasing the nervous energy that had been pent up for some time due to Gerard’s unprecedented bad mood.

“God, he is being such a little shit,” Ray said, causing everyone to look at him in surprise as it was a very un-Ray like thing to say.

“I know,” Mikey groaned, feeling somewhat responsible as it was his brother. “Is there anyway we can ship him back off to Jersey?”

“Well, if you don’t want a lead singer, then sure!” Frank said.

“I think at this point, I would be very, very happy not to have a lead singer,” Bob complained, having felt most of Gerard’s anger due to his slip of tongue earlier.

Honey put a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. “Aw, poor Bob. Is mean, old Gerard being a bully to you?” Honey asked in a teasing voice, to which Bob nodded and pouted.

“I vote we kick him out of the band, until he gets some meds or at least some anger management classes,” Frank spoke up. “Honey could be our lead singer for the time being. She did do an okay version of our stuff, it could work.”

“Oh yes, that would go down so well with the fans,” Honey replied, laughing at the idea. “Speaking of fans, I think someone should go and repair those fans broken souls.”

She pointed to the girls who had approached Gerard before, only to be harshly rejected. The girls still all wore upset faces, looking like they could burst into tears any moment now.

Mikey stood from his chair, followed by Ray and Frank and made his way over to the girls. They looked a little cautious at first, hoping they weren’t going to get yelled at but soon appeared more at ease as they saw the boys smiling faces. The boys posed for photos, signed everything that was presented to them and gave them all huge hugs, with Mikey apologizing profusely for Gerard’s behaviour and assuring them he was just having a terrible day.

“They’re good guys,” Honey commented to Bob, watching them interacting with their younger fans.

“They are,” he agreed, smiling affectionately at his fellow band mates.

“Why aren’t you over there?”

Bob turned to Honey, taking his eyes off the band. “Didn’t want you to be lonely,” he explained.

Honey smiled at him. “I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine. Get over there.”

Bob rose out of his seat and hesitated. “Come with?” he questioned, gesturing over to the fans.

Honey looked at them for a moment and then she too rose out of her seat. They crossed the restaurant floor, over to the group.

“Bobby and Honey!” Frank cheered upon seeing them.

Honey smiled at him, then at the girls. They instantly smiled back, looking more star struck then before.

“How are you girls?” she asked them, trying to be as nice as she could.

“Much better now,” one replied.

Honey grimaced. “Gerard is super grumpy today, but don’t let it get to you. Its not stopping us having fun.”

“Having fun at his expense too,” Mikey said, remembering the huge laugh they had had as soon as he had left.

“Want me to take a picture of you all and the boys?” she asked, noticing the camera in ones hand.

The girl glanced down at the camera, and then at her friends. “Well, we were kinda hoping you would be in it too,” she replied, suddenly looking shy at making such a request.

Honey looked at the girl in wonder before beaming. “OF COURSE, I’ll be in it,” she practically screamed, so excited at having a My Chemical Romance fan that didn’t hate her. Frank signaled a waiter over and asked if they would take the picture, to which they readily agreed. Honey went and stood between the two girls, the most genuine smile she had had in years appearing on her face.

“Dun, dun, dun,” Frank cried as they approached the tour bus, mimicking the theme from jaws. They had hung out in the restaurant bar for a while longer after spending some time with the fans, making the unanimous decision to leave Gerard some time to cool off with.

“Shut up Frank, he might hear you and get even madder,” Mikey hissed.

“Dun, dun, dun,” Frank continued, as their impending doom grew closer.

“Frank, seriously dude, shut the hell up,” Bob told him, feeling quite scared of Gerard after the verbal abuse he had received from the man that night. He didn’t want anyone to do anything to make him madder. Unfortunately for Bob, Frank didn’t really think about his actions, letting others suffer the repercussions of them instead.

“Dun, DUN, DUN!” Frank shrieked as they stopped outside the tour bus door.

“Frank!” Everyone yelled at once, including Honey.

“We are going to have to tie him to a chair, and gag him,” Bob thought out loud.

Frank smirked at that. “Ooh, Kinky,” he said and opened the door with a whoosh, leaping up the stairs two at a time. The others stared enviously at him as he disappeared, he was so fearless half the time. They were more weary of entering a bus that had on board a man who looked capable of strangling them before, but they figured seeing as they weren’t hearing any raised voices coming from the bus, it must be safe.

Mikey was the first to go up the stairs, after a light push from Ray who followed soon after. Honey came next and then Bob, who seemed more nervous then the rest. They reached the top of the bus and saw nothing. There was just an empty lounge, no fuming Gerard fighting with a hyper Frank. Nothing.

Honey frowned in confusion. Frank wandered back in from the back area and shrugged.

“He’s not here,” he informed them, plopping down in on the couch.

Mikey and Ray stared at him with wide eyes, while Bob let out a breath of air he had been holding in.

“What do you mean he’s not here?” Ray asked him slowly. Frank looked up at him like he was an idiot.

“Well, usually when someone is ‘not here’, it means they are not around or where we expected them to be. In our case, it means that Gerard, he’s our lead singer by the way, is not on the bus,” Frank explained clearly, speaking as if he was talking to a child.

“Are you sure?” Bob questioned, not exactly trusting Franks searching abilities.

“Go look yourself,” was his reply, as he flicked on the television. “Oo Mean Girls”

Mikey, Ray and Bob scrambled away, pulling open random doors in search for Gerard. Honey sat down next to Frank, letting them in search while she relaxed.

“I really like this movie,” Frank said to her, turning the volume up to be heard over the boys frantic yells of “he’s not here either.”

“Yeah me too, even though I don’t really like Lindsay Lohan.”

“Got some rivalry happening there, huh? Did she steal your boyfriend too?”

Honey shrugged. “I just don’t really like her as a person,” she replied, thinking of her dislike for the red head, or ‘firecrotch’. “Whose boyfriend did she steal?”

“Oh you know, when Hilary Duff was dating Aaron Carter, and then Lindsay was dating him at the same time. Those two have a long running rivalry.”

Honey gaped at the tattooed man, slowly shaking her head in amazement. “How do…why would you…” she trailed off, turning her attention to the kitchen and letting her question go.

Some things just didn’t need to be known. “Mikey, I don’t think Gerard can fit in those cupboards,” she called out, watching the skinny man fling open the kitchen cupboards.

“Oh…right,” Mikey replied, coming to join them on the couch. Ray and Bob soon joined them, as it didn’t take long to search a bus.

“I can’t believe he would just disappear,” Ray said, biting his lip and frowning. He had known his friend was angry, but didn’t think he would run away. Surely he can’t have been that mad.

“He is one angry dude today. He flipped out over nothing,” Bob voiced his thoughts.

“Did you see the way he was eating his steak?” Frank piped up. “It was like he wanted to be eating one of us!”

Bob shuddered, knowing which band member he would have be visioning had he been doing what Frank said.

Frank kicked his shoes off, tossing them into the middle of the lounge.

“Frank, don’t do that,” Ray scolded him. “Cant you see how clean it is in here?”

They all looked up at once as the words left Ray’s mouth, suddenly noticing how clean it really was. It had been a pigsty when they left. Mikey was the first to stand, getting up to examine the kitchen.

“The sinks been cleaned!” he cheered, peering at his reflection in the shiny stainless steel that was no longer brown.

Frank scrambled off the couch, flinging open the DVD cupboard. “They’re all in alphabetical order!” he gasped, looking at the perfectly lined up DVD’s. They all jumped off the coach and ran around the lounge, discovering all the little things that had been done. The floors were shining, having obviously been cleaned and mopped. The table and counters had been wiped down, even the crumbs from the toaster had been taken care of. The food cupboard was tidied and in their right places, the microwave was cleaned and no longer splattered with the remains of melted toy figurines.

Honey was the first into the bunk room, ripping open her suitcase and seeing everything was neatly folded. Mikey skidded in after her, pushing open his bunk curtain and seeing his bed perfectly made with his two soft toys resting against his pillow.

“Holy shit,” Ray said, voicing everyone’s thoughts as he came into the bunk area, followed by Frank and Bob. They couldn't get over the smell of clean, it was so foreign to the group who had become accustomed to living in their own filth.

“Thank you cleaning God!” Frank declared, getting down on his knees and bowing down in worship.

“Cleaning God?” Mikey asked him, noticing how the small window next to his bunk had even been cleaned.

Frank put an arm around Mikey’s shoulder. “This can only be the work of a God Mikey, no man alive could do this.”

“The show probably sent around a cleaning crew to spruce it up,” Mikey replied, throwing Frank’s arm off him.

“Are you using logic Mikeyway?” Frank cried. “Logic has no place in this bus!”

A soft groan suddenly echoed through the room, causing everyone to stop looking at what else was cleaning and look at each other, hunting for the source of the noise.

“Okay, whose jerking off?” Frank asked, hands on his hips. “Because there is a time and place people!”

Ray smacked the back of his head, as at the same time a soft mumble was heard. This time their eyes were all drawn towards the closed curtain of Gerard’s bunk, which had yet to be ripped open.

“Did you seriously not check his bunk?” Honey asked, watching as each man shook his head.

“I thought Mikey would have,” Ray explained.

“Me!” Mikey cried, “I thought Bob would!”

Bob’s eyes widened at that. “What so I could get more abuse from him? No thank you.”

Honey sighed. “Would someone just open it?” she pleaded.

This statement caused Mikey, Ray and Bob to bicker over who would have to do it, but were soon silenced as Frank ripped it open.

Gerard was lying there, fast asleep. One hand was over his forehead, the other was clutching a feather duster. He had na apron tied around his waist and a bottle of cleaning fluid by his side. His hair was still sweaty and the pungent smell of bleach wafted from his body.

“Found your cleaning God, Frank,” Honey told him, as the other simply stared on in amazement at the sight they never thought they would see.

“No, that’s not Gerard. He must have a…clone that he programmed to clean,” Frank replied, his mouth open in shock.

Gerard must have felt eyes watching him, as he slowly started regaining consciousness. His eyes flicked open, not seeing to shocked to find five people staring at him.

“Hi guys,” he said sheepishly. “I tided up a little.”