This Is the World We Left for Dreamers and Believers

“Bella! Come on and get your ass in this van!” Dave yelled holding the door open. I waved to Kennedy and climbed in.

“You set?” I looked inside my bag. The laptop, make-up, flat iron, and clothes lay inside. My phone and music were in my pocket. The others jumped in. Rick claimed front seat while the Matt’s chose the second row, leaving me and Alex in the very back with Preston.

“Preston!”

“Bella!”

“I want your babies!”

“Whoa! None of that in here.” Dave said looking back at us.

“Look Gaskarth don’t make me come up there!” He scowled.

“I may come back there for that name dropping.”

“Wear your name with pride! At least you have the chance with any Alex G groupie you want!”

“I don’t want Jack and I definitely don’t want anything they might have.” I shook my head and watched the signs directing us to different stores and such.

“Jack’s not gay by the way.” I said after a five minute silence. Dave and Alex both snorted.

“Yeah right. Didn’t they kiss or something?”

“Didn’t you dress up in a Harry Potter outfit made for a eight year old? Which sounds gayer Dave?”

“Kissing a dude.”

“Cross dressing beats boy kisses any day. Hate to burst that bubble.” I said laying my head on Preston’s warm shoulder. He looked down and smiled before continuing to search through his Ipod.

“Who wants to listen to Taylor Swift?!” Dave asked excitedly.

“Fuck that shit. Dave let me out. I’m calling the guys. I don’t think so!” Matty F laughed.

“I think she hates your woman.” I snorted. His woman. What a laugh and a half.

“Jonathan Cook has a better chance. At least he doesn’t wear dresses.” Dave turned the radio up louder. I cringed and pulled out my own not as amazing Mp3 player. Alex tapped on my shoulder.

“Can we talk?” I slid the device back into my pocket and looked at him expectantly.

“Fo sho. What’s up?”

“Pat told me about John.”

“What about John?” He looked surprised.

“He didn’t tell you that John pretty much threatened to never talk to Justin again if he didn’t end it?” I looked at the gray ceiling.

“I’m going to kill him. He’s acting like such a little kid about this whole situation.”

“What exactly happened between you two?” I kicked off my shoes and sat cross-legged facing him.

“You okay?” I asked Preston who gave me a thumbs up.

“Okay, so we met the first day I was there. Courtesy of Kennedy and Jared. I stayed out past dark, I have thing about the dark so John offered to drive me home. I wasn’t about to turn that down. He’s handsome. I’m not going to lie. Then followed suit a series of him kissing me…it wasn’t like I led him on. The last time right before we left for tour I told him I needed time- that what he was doing was pretty fucked given the circumstances. He went back to ex the same night and now I don’t trust him. Can you blame me?” Alex looked baffled.

“So, you guys have pretty much been playing a cat and mouse game for weeks?”

“Unfortunately. I- is this all my fault?” I asked.

“No! It’s his. Boy might have had the chance had he not screwed himself over.”

“He did. But, I never pushed him away. Have you ever tried to be mad at him? It’s not possible. Man plays me like a game of Go Fish. He’ll fail a couple of times but eventually he’s going to get exactly what he wants.”

“And you don’t want that.” He said judging by how low my voice had dropped. I nodded and pulled at the Hit The Lights hoodie I was wearing.

“It’s not that- I don’t know. It’s John. He’s a sweetheart when the time suits him. He’s known to be an ass. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Then there’s Justin….that’s probably not going anywhere ever again. He was a sweetie too.”

“And? I know there’s a third. Starts with a K. His nick name is on South Park?”

“Kenny? Oh…how you know bout that boy?” I asked staring him down. It amazed me he was this easy to talk too.

“You were practically beaming when you walked in the door last night.”

“Look, I’m not going to lie. This is a very nice looking tour….minus HTL boys. Amazing music, not so much on them faces. Other than that well look around- ya’ll each are pretty adorable and what you don’t have in looks there’s personality, Nick, Loren, Eric, and Justin are each pretty amazing and The Maine guys. Jared is okay-ish. Garret is a amazingly good listener. Kennedy….Kenny knows what to say. Pat looks like a puppy, he wears his heart on his sleeve and John is a mystery. It’s an attractive trait and that not even half of what they all are.” He nodded.

“You’re surrounded by beautiful people.”

“Inside and out.”

“Your such a girl.” I laughed.

“Uhm, yeah, thanks for noticing Alex. Just when I was about to give up hope too!” The van filled with laughter.

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

“So? That’s what we all heard. You. Fail.” He huffed and turned away from me. I spun in the seat and stared at Preston until he looked up. We sat staring at each other until he pulled a headphone out.

“What?”

“Annabelle is super bored. What do ya’ll do in here?” He looked around. Alex was on a laptop. Matty F was bobbing his head along to whatever he was listening to. Dave was silently mouthing the words to Love Story :/ and Matt H was on his phone.

“This.”

“But the videos make the van look like fun! This is not fun!”

“Imagination baby.” My eyebrows raised.

“That sounds way dirty.”

“Keep it dirty baby.” Alex said poking my side. I shook my head.

“No, It’s not okay to quote your own band. Hey! Where’d you and Daray go the other day?” I asked remembering the sudden disappearance of them both back in Denver.

“Er, I was out. I don’t know where she was.” He said.

“You’re such a bad liar man.” Dave said.

“I’ll call her. She’s in the van with Jared imagine that one going over.”

“Nothing happened! We were just hanging out.”

“For two hours? Seems a little ridiculous.” He looked away from me.
“I’ll tell you.” Preston whispered leaning over.

“What is it?!”

“They were hanging out, Starbucks, some fucking zoo and I guess, I don’t know he refused to go into detail but they-”

“Preston, shut up.” Alex said without looking at either one of us.

“Well then you tell me.” I said nudging him. He sighed and turned to me. The normal smile that titivated his face was gone, replaced with a frown. Heartbreaking.

“I don’t know how it happened and I refuse to regret it but me and Daray….we well….we kissed.”

“Okay?” He blinked.

“Okay? That’s all you can say? No judgment?”

“ She can’t really judge you or her man.” Rick said turning around in the front seat.

“Told ya Rick hated me.” I grumbled and slunk down in the seat.

“Rick, why do you hate Bella?” Preston asked laying a hand on my head.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Do to.”

“Nuah! I’m just really shy!”

“You could at least say hi once in a while, freakin douche bag.” I said refusing to sit up.

“Okay I’ll make sure to say at least hi everyday, deal?”

“Just hi, Rick?” Matty F asked, the van erupted in laughter. Poor guy always getting picked on. I shrugged and put my headphones into my ears, A Day To Remember put me to sleep.

>>Chicago.

“Bella, come on honey. Get up.” I sat up and rubbed my bleary eyes. Tim was leaning over the seat, staring at me.

“Hey there Mr. Kirch. Where are we?”

“Chicago.”

“Better watch out for the crazy bike riding police!” He laughed and helped me out of the van. Aimless talking and ‘that’s what she said jokes’ distracted me from the problems at hand until he regrettably had to go deal with his annoying brother. I waved by and went in search of Daray. She was sitting in the lobby on the stairs.
“Hey, you have a fun with the RK guys?”

“It was interesting. Can I-uh- well it’s kind of personal. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah. What’s up?” She asked straightening up. I sat down beside her.

“Does Jared know about you and Alex?” Her eyes grew wide.

“Did Alex tell you? Did he tell Jared? Shit.”

“Alex told Dave. Dave told the band. Preston told me. No. Jared doesn’t know….but he deserves to.” She looked at the tiled floor.

“I didn’t mean to. I love Jared but we’re two different people now. He’s the same he was in high school and I’ve grown up significantly. He wants to party all night sleep all day. I want a relationship.”

“You party all the time too. Alex is just a fresh face.”

“I can party and have a relationship.”

“So can he. Kid treats you so well. I understand though. High school was two years go for you. Neither one of you are ready to settle down. So, are you going to say anything?”

“I don’t want to right now. I wanted to wait until after tour but there’s Alex.”

“You shouldn’t lead Jared on. That’s going to hurt three people. You’re all better than that.” She nodded and placed her head in her palms.

“I love him….just not the way I use to. He’s an amazing guy. Any girl is lucky to be with him. To use one of the most hated phrases ever- he’s more of brother than a boyfriend now.” I shuddered. What a douche phrase.

“Well…..just when you do decide to break it off don’t say ‘we can still be friends if you don’t actually mean it. If you do I’ll probably hit you in the freakin face.” She laughed quietly and stood up.

“Should I do it before or after the show?”

“I’m thinking after. You don’t want the fans to remember as that depressed kid in The Maine…..what would they remember Garret for?” She laughed and then her face darkened again.

“Thanks for listening and not immediately going to Jared.” I smiled sadly and nodded.

“Anytime.”

“Bella! Where are you?!” I rolled my eyes and stood up. Pat rushed over to me.

“Pat, honey, you found me. Stop yelling. What’s up?”

“I can’t find John.”

“And? I’m not his keeper.”

“ Can you go look outside? There’s a group of girls outside who nearly mulled Tim when he was coming in.” I snorted. Have to love those screaming teenies. Thank you J-14.

I waved bye to them both and slid my phone out of my back pocket before pushing open the door. Across the street stood five girls, their arms full of black and gold glittered signs and decorated bags of god knows what.

I quickly texted John, asking where he was and with no reply. The city was gorgeous. Over crowded but amazing. My phone vibrated almost thirty minutes later; John’s reply. About time.

>I’ve found you. See me yet?

Not creeper at all, John. I looked around. The only decent looking stores around was a vintage boutique, Super Cuts, and Motion Monster…..what the hell was a Motion Monster? I decided upon that one. Interesting name. I pushed open the flyer covered door that revealed a coffee shop and record shop combined into one. It was heaven.

A hand clasped onto mine. I followed the black sleeved arm all the way up to John’s smirking face.

“Found me.”

“Dammit John.”

“Dammit Bella.” John mocked and released my hand. He motioned to the chair across from him. I sat down. Something was different about him. My eyes widened.

“You cut all your hair off.” All that beautiful hair. Why you stupid boy?

“Time for a change.” He said leaning back in his chair and smiling at me. I stood up and walked over to the back of his head and ran my fingers through what was left. He turned in his seat and stared at me.

“So short.” I whispered and dropped my hands to my sides.

“What are we doing Annabelle?”

“Going back to the venue.” I said and held open the door for him. He sighed and grabbed the black cup off the table and followed me outside.

“I mean what’s going on between me and you?”

“Friends.”

“Is that what you want?” He asked grabbing my hand and turning me towards him.

“I don’t know what I want. I’m 18 in five days. I’ve got no college in the fall, no money, and no job and I’m more than positive that I’m going to make some huge mistake before this tour is over. I’ve got nothing and I don’t have the slightest idea as to what I’m going to turn that nothing into. What I want is a stupid question.” I huffed.

“Feel better?” He asked smiling slightly.

“A little.” I admitted looking at the ground embarrassed. He placed his arm around my shoulder and we walked back to the venue silently. The real question still hanging in between us.

Who did I want?