This Is the World We Left for Dreamers and Believers

“Aw, that’s beautiful. They’re so cute.” Daray’s voice cut through my peaceful sleep like a blade.

“Shut up Daray.” I muttered curling closer to the body that was providing me with heat.

“Someone shut that bitch up.” John groaned sleepily close to my ear. My eyes snapped open. John’s tattooed chest filled my vision. I sat up hurrydley and looked around. No longer on the floor I had somehow worked myself onto John’s lap. I have got to stop waking up like this.

“Guys! Go away!” I whispered harshly climbing into the back. John’s arm shot out and wrapped around my waist, pulling me back to him.

“Stay.” He mumbled. I glared at his sleeping face. Daray and Katy both giggled and backed away from the van waving. I sighed and curled back onto John’s lap.
“I’m glad you stayed.” He whispered, his cheek resting on top of my head.

“Did I really have a choice?”

“How’s your head?”

“It’s fine now. I think I’ll live.” I said quietly, relaxing against him. Pat’s voice rang out against across the parking lot. Both of our eyes closed quickly and the drivers side door opened.

“And this is John and our roadie still sleeping. I wonder if they’ll wake up if we do this.” The passengers door opened and I was quickly lifted off of John’s lap into the bright sun light. I twisted in the arms that were holding me off the ground. Tim was smiling cheekily. Pat was poking a grumpy John in the face. His hair stuck up in odd places.

“And you don’t like him.” Tim whispered gently lowering me to the ground.

“What are you talking about?” I asked turning to him. He smiled slyly.

“That look in your eyes.”

“What look? Dude. Tim, baby I think you’re going crazy.”

“You adore that kid. Watch out that’s only one step away from love.” I glared at him.

“You don’t say the L word. The L word gets people hurt. I don’t like that word. That word is stupid. Don’t say it again. Understand?” He nodded.

“Yeah. Hostile much? Grab your shit. There’s a shower upstairs.” I nearly tripped over my own two feet running to get my bag.

>> Afterwards.

I smiled at myself in the mirror, adding the final touches to my black lined eyes.

“We thought you had drowned in there!” Kennedy exclaimed when I stepped out. I shrugged and leaned against the wall. Garret patted a empty spot on the couch beside him. I sat down and leaned my head on his shoulder. Pat was sitting in front of a computer. Kennedy was texting someone. Jared was reading. Garret was staring at the ceiling and John had yet to join the rest of us.

“What’s he doing?” I asked pointing to Pat.

“Editing the tour video. He’s having a super good time adding that van scene in.” I rolled my eyes.

“Douche bag.” He laughed quietly and nudged my shoulder. I looked up at him expectantly.

“You should show me the shots you’ve gotten so far.”

“My computer and camera are still in the van though! I don’t wanna go down there!”

“Maybe you’ll bump into your new best friend, Nate.“ Kennedy muttered.

“Come with me Kenny?”

“I don’t wanna.” He huffed.

“Please? I miss my old best friend!” I whined. His scowl was short lived replaced by a beaming smile.

“Fine. Hand me those?” He asked pointing to a black pair of moccasins. I held them up.

“These. Really?”

“Yeah. They’re Garret’s but they’re totally comfortable.” I looked between the two guys and the ugly shoes and threw them to Kennedy. He hurried outside behind me. I handed him the computer bag and grabbed my camera. Justin met us at the back door.

“Hey. Can I talk to her for a sec?” He asked Kennedy. I sighed and slid my phone into my shorts pocket. Kennedy waved and went inside. I shuffled awkwardly in front of his intense stare.

“What’s up?”

“Not Eric. What did you do?” My head snapped up.

“What did I do?! I didn’t do anything!”

“Something happened last night. Between you getting completely trashed and his mood.”

“I can get trashed if I want. You’re not my dad, dude. If Halvo’s on his man period its not my problem. Get him some Midol and shut up.” I said turning to go inside.

“Annabelle, come on now. What happened that caused such a mess?”

“It doesn’t matter. I ruined a friendship. That’s all that matters. Okay?”

“Me and you went out and we’re still friends! What could you have done?”

“Er…..”

“Just talk to him! Now.” I huffed and stomped away in search of Halvo. He was sitting in the van looking at the ground. I turned the camera on and snapped the picture. It was a huge change from his normal smiling face.

“Hi.” He looked up.

“What do you want?”

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly.

“I bet.” I sighed and laid my hand on his knee. He look up briefly and then turned away.

“Halvo, look. I freaked. I’m sorry for that. You’re a great guy and whatever girl you choose is going to be so lucky but I’m not her. You deserve better.” A small smile graced his lips.

“You’re so sure you aren’t the girl. How do you know you aren’t exactly what I want?”

“I just know. I’m going to be completely blunt here- You’re adorable. A great person. You just aren’t the guy I’m looking for.” I said comfortingly laying my hand on his shoulder.

“Okay…I guess. Friends?” I smiled, relieved. I was so worried that I had ruined this friendship. He really was a amazing person.

“Of course! Yo, we’ll hang out later?” I asked snapping a new picture of happy Halvo. He nodded and waved. His phone already pressed to his ear. Garret was impatiently waiting in the room. The computer already on and waiting.

“Where’d you go man?!”

“I had business to take care of.” I said shrugging and slipping the memory card into the slot on to the side.

“What kind?” Pat asked spinning on the stool he was on.

“The kind that I don’t feel obligated to tell you. That kind.” He shrugged and turned away.
“Here you go. You know what I never asked? What are you guys going to do with these pictures after the tour?”

“We’re putting them into a big book and selling it on the next tour.” John said walking out of the bathroom.

“Oh. Like a scrapbook thing?”

“Exactly. It was all Pat’s idea.” Jared said placing aside his book. Pat blushed and went back to editing.

“Are you going to put it together or do you want us to?” Garret asked.

“I’ll do it. Got enough time on my hands anyway.” They all looked relieved and went their separate ways. Garret pointed to a picture I’d taken back in Florida, demanding it be in the book.

“Garret! Dude, you can’t demand shit!” Daray said walking into the room and smacking him on the head. I laughed and patted his arm.

“He’s cool. I was going to get them to help on their pages anyway so it’s not a big deal, love.”
She shrugged and picked up a water bottle before waving and walking out the room.

“She doesn’t stick around much anymore. Does she?” Kennedy asked.

“She has other priorities.” Jared said quietly. I looked away.

“I-uhm-Garret, pack that up when your done?” I asked pointing to the computer. He nodded. I jumped up and walked out of the room. It was nice outside. I’d managed to get out of the venue without being seen. It felt good to be alone for once. Time to think. My phone jolted me out of my thoughts. I pulled it out, shoving the lanyard that had my VIP pass and the copy of the van key I’d finally gotten back into my pocket.

“Yo?”

“Where are you going?” I sighed.

“Nowhere, Tim. I’m walking a circle. Any other dumb questions?”

“Yeah. Why did you leave?” I took a left around a corner and was met with a huge shopping mall. I nearly screamed. I hadn’t gotten anything new in so long.

“Tim. I have to go.” I breathed.

“Tell me where you are!”

“The mall. I’ll wait outside if you’re going to send someone.” He made a sound on the other end.

“Fine. Wait out front. I’ll send the first willing contestant.”

“Cool. Whatever. I’m going to 7-11 to get Naked.”

“What?” He nearly shouted.

“The fucking smoothie juice you idiot!” He laughed on the other line.

“I thought….well.”

“Yeah, it’s an awkwardly named drink. Shut up.” I said pressing end on the phone and making my way across the street. The man behind the counter was steely and uncooperative until he saw the pass hanging out of my pocket.

“You part of the Hit The Lights tour?”

“Mhm. You coming?” I asked shaking the bottle up.

“I wish. I have to work. It sucks.”

“Aw. That sucks. Dude, I’d cut out early and fake sick. No way I’d miss their set. It’s amazing.”

“I saw them about six months ago. Still have yet to meet the guys.”

“They’re great people. Ever get the chanc-”

“Annabelle, you in here? Oh. There you are.” John and Nate walked through the door, the small bell tinkling. That would drive me crazy.

“Tim said someone not someone’s.”

“I bumped into this clown walking out the venue.” Nate said jutting a finger at John. I rolled my eyes. I turned back to the wide eyed cashier.

“Oh yeah! Nate! This is-Uhm…I didn’t get your name man.”

“Jordan.”

“Nate this is Jordan. Kids a huge fan.” I said walking over to John while Nate took my spot. I sighed and leaned against John’s arm.

“Let me taste that shit.” He said reaching for the orange stained bottle. I smacked his hand away.

“It’s mine!”

“Share! Did you go to Kindergarten at all?!” I mock glared and handed it to him. His face twisted and then relaxed.

“That’s actually pretty okay.” He said handing it back to me.

“Get two more then!”

“Two?”

“Yeah. You just drank half of mine. I believe you owe me.” I said sticking my tongue out at him. He sighed shaking his head and walked to the back. I joined Nate and Jordan who were excitedly talking about some drum company they had both once used. Men.

“Orange Mango Motion or this pink thing?” John yelled over a shelf.

“Orange.” I answered absentmindedly flipping through a magazine that read Entertainment on the front. I nearly squealed with joy at the article inside. Perez Hilton’s drawn all over face beamed from a hot pink background.

“What is wrong with you?” John asked looking over my shoulder.

“It’s Perez Hilton!”

“And?” The three mean asked simultaneously.

“Perez Hilton owns my soul. He’s a gossip genius!” They all rolled their eyes. John paid for the drinks and muttered something about the magazine. He motioned for me to follow noting that Nate paid little to no mind that we were leaving I dropped the magazine back in its slot.

“It’s yours.” Jordan said handing it back to me.

“Thanks?”

“Wrong person, darlin.” He said pointing to a retreating John. I nodded and waved running after him.

“Thanks.” He looked down at me, eyebrows raised behind his sunglasses.

“For?”

“Don’t bull shit me John. The magazine.”

“Oh. Yeah. That. It was $3. Nothing major.” I rolled my eyes.

“Perez Hilton is major.” I said sticking my tongue out at him.

“He draws on people and picks on them when they’re down!”

“Nu uh! He announces weddings and babie being born and/or conceived! It’s not all bad!”

“He still a major douche bag.” He said.

“If you think that’s bad you should see The Maine Secrets. Bitch.” I muttered pushing open the clear mall door.

“Something tells me this a bad idea.” He whispered.

“Why?”

“Cause! I don’t have to be John Ohh for another three hours!”

“Look! John Cornelius O’ Callaghan you came-”

“The fifth.” I stared at him perplexed.

“What?”

“It’s John Cornelius O’ Callaghan the Fifth.”

“Oh. Sorry. Google doesn’t tell me everything!” His eyes got wide.

“You Googled me?!”

“Not just you! The whole band! When we first met! I didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of pyschos!” He doubled over in laughter. Worried moms pushing strollers stared in horror as though he’d just kicked a puppy across the room.

“You-thought-we-were-crazy?!” He asked gasping for breath.

“I didn’t think so. I just wanted to know who the hell ya’ll were is all.”

“You’re the one who wouldn’t walk home in the dark!”

“It was dark. I was new to the state. I was scared. Sorry for being a girl. Stupid John Ohh.”

“Stupid Halvo groupie.” I looked at the floor. He had said everything was fine but I could hardly believe him. He was so hurt. A few words didn’t fix that. Guilt was setting in again.

“Can we drop that nick name?” I asked quietly.

“Hey, What’s wrong? Was it the Halvo thing? Bella, I didn’t mean it.” I shrugged.

“I know. You were joking. It’s cool. Whatever. It’s a stupid nick name. Eric probably isn’t too stoked about it either.” He stared at me a second longer than needed. His fingers wrapped around my wrist pulling me through the mall to a fountain that sat in the middle. It was deserted, surrounded by potted plants, and some what darker. A chill spot for the stressed mom. Thanks John.

“Tell me what happened.” It was a demand instead of a question. As sweet as he could be. John was dominating when he felt the need to be.

“Nothing. It was taken care of.”

“That’s line for abortion.”

“Dude! Really? That’s not even something to joke about. Oh my fucking god.” I said sitting down and leaning against the basin of the fountain.

“Well? What happened?”

“A drunken something that always happens. I made a fool of myself. Maybe me and the alcohol should break up. It’s getting me nowhere in life.” He laughed quietly. His deep green eyes focused on mine. I sighed. The best part of him was his eyes. Those eyes; a deep green on the outside that turned almost gold the closer it got to the pupil. Well worth getting lost in.

“Annabelle!” He waved a hand in front of my face.

“John!”

“You looked a little distant there for a second. Please tell me?” I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chest.

“I kissed Eric and ran. Got super trashed. Defaced a parking lot with water and Advil and now I’m here. On a floor in front of a fountain.” He was silent.

“You haven’t gotten to Nick and Loren yet.” I looked up. His one soft and comforting eyes were hard and unforgiving.

“What?”

“You’re half way through the band. Justin first. Now Eric. Anyone else?” I stood up. My hand made a loud whack across his face.

“I don’t think we can be friends, John. It seems like just when I’m starting to understand you, you do something like this. So here. You got what you wanted. One less friend.” I said, stomping away holding the tears back. Nate was standing in front of the mall waiting patiently. I stormed past him. His strong arms wrapped around my shoulders.

“Shh. He’s a jerk.” Nate said quietly pulling me along back to the venue. I curled against the side of the window in the van. Now my tears were small hiccups.

“He was so cruel about it. It was already apparent I felt bad about the situation and he made it so much worse.” Nate patted my leg.

“It’s going to be alright. I believe you have a job? That’ll take your mind off of all this.” I shrugged and followed him inside. There was a note taped to my computer bag.

”We’re going to watch the first two guys play. Hope to see you during our set. Love Pat, Garret, Jared, and Kennedy. By the way, whys John moody? I balled up the note and grabbed my camera. I still had another 20 before they went on stage. I dropped onto the couch and kicked off my shoes. Tim appeared in the doorway.

“Are you shooting tonight?” I nodded and sat up. My other shoe had landed across the room. I sighed and slipped my feet into the too big moccasins. Ugly or not, Kennedy was right. They were comfortable.

They took the stage, throwing everything they had into the show. It was beautiful. Afterwards they met me down on side stage each pulling me into a hug. I stepped away after Jared. Preston watched from his table, his eyes narrowed and then brightened again when a young girl walked up to him.

“Are those my shoes?” Garret asked looking around for the sound.

“Yeah. I was too lazy to get mine.”

“Aren’t they a little big?”

“A little? Dude, I wear a 8 in guys. Their huge.” He laughed.

“There’s big and then there’s too big. You have crossed the line baby girl.” Jared said dropping his sweaty arm around my shoulder. My face scrunched into a pout.

“Jaredddd! You’re all gross!” He nodded laughing. The others followed suit. John was silent behind us. His hands shoved deep in his pockets and a scowl that dared any fan to come near him.

“We’re all gross.” Pat said pushing aside a lock of his long brown hair.

“You guys go meet fans. I have to change now that I smell like Jared and pack up and then I’ll meet you down here.” I said. They all nodded and split into different places of the venue. I sighed and climbed the stairs. Grabbing my bag, I quickly changed and stepped out of the bathroom.

“What’s with you and John?” I nearly screamed. My hand clutched my heart.

“Jesus fucking Christ Preston, give a warning next time. We’re uhm- it’s nothing. Think anyone would mind me riding with you guys? The others miss Daray. It’ll give you all a break from Daray-Alex shit and I’ll get a break in general.” He smiled picked up my computer bag.

“I doubt they would mind. Even Rick misses you. You wear glasses now?” I rolled my eyes and slung the bag over my shoulder. I couldn’t avoid him forever but one night was a start.

“Yeah. I didn’t feel like leaving the contacts in. Gooo! I have better things to do than hang around here!” He laughed and led me out.

……And just when things were getting better.