This Is the World We Left for Dreamers and Believers

My feet dangled out the window carelessly. Dave was in the drivers seat working on his third cup of coffee that night.

“Please don’t get me pulled.” He muttered throwing the cup into the already littered van floor.

“Sorry, I’d put my feet down but I’m scared I’d lose them to something in the trash. Do you ever clean this thing?!”

“I’m just the manager. I don’t clean.” I rolled my eyes and pulled out the green CD case I’d had since I was ten, flipping through I found what I was looking for and slid it in. Four Year Strong filled the silent van. Most of the boys were asleep, Matty F was staring out the window, a small whining came from his headphones.

“Dave, how come you chose manager over band guy? You’ve got the looks, sweet heart attitude, you could easily have learned how to play a instrument. So, how come?” He shrugged.

“It was easier this way. I didn’t know anyone else who wanted to be in a band and they were good friends who needed a manager so I was there for them. It just kind of fit to work for them so here I am. Are you complaining?” He asked teasingly.

“How can I ever complain about the best tour manager ever?!” I asked smiling.

“You’re such a bad liar.” Alex said sleepily rubbing his eyes. I sighed and leaned my head against the frame of the door.

“Did she sleep?” Preston asked Dave quietly.

“I’m still awake.” I said without looking at any of them.

“No. She’s been awake since we left.”

“Want Ambien?” Matt H offered. I cringed at the name of the sleeping pill.

“Nah. It’s cool. Been there, bought the t shirt, and donated it.”

“Bad experience?”

“Pandas with Kyle Burns face on it sound bad? I gave the bottle back to the doctor and refused to use it ever again.” The van burst into a fit of laughter. I rolled my eyes and pulled my feet back in.

“Where are we Dave?” Matty F asked.

“Somewhere in Maryland.” I sighed and unbuckled.

“Move Preston.” I demanded untangling my ankle from the bag.

“What?” He asked shifting his bag so there was space for me to sit.

“I need someone to lean on.” I said sitting down and leaning against his shoulder. My eyes closing almost immediately.
>>Venue.

“How are you going to survive when you aren’t on tour?” I stirred and groaned an answer. Yawning, I finally opened my eyes. Preston was poking the crown of my head.

“What?!”

“I can’t leave you in the van. It’s already a hundred out here. Come into the venue. We’ll find you a couch.”

“No ones going to be on the couch though! I need a snuggled buddy!” I huffed.

“I have to go and do sound check but I can find someone?”

“Someone who I haven’t kissed, dated, or broken their heart, or someone who won’t ask questions or doesn’t have a significant other before you say Alex.”

“Will a fan work then?”

“Yeah cause some chick is going to be down for me leaning on them even though I’m not in a band.”

“I heard All Time Low is coming to the show.” He said trying to prod me out of the van.

“I’ve heard like three of their songs. This matters to me why?”

“I’m going to drag you out of there.” He stated without a trace of humor in his demeanor. I huffed and put my shoes on and hopped out. His arm wrapped around my shoulders. I sighed and walked inside. Tim was the first to grab me.

“I don’t need that much more sleep anyway Preston. Don’t worry about it.” I said waving to him and following a livid Tim into a room off to the side of the stage that was left unoccupied. He silently shut the door and turned to me.

“Let’s talk.” He said motioning to the couch that filled the tiny space. It was starting to feel more and more like a shrink visit with each passing second.

“Tim, I’m so-”

“Annabelle, I don’t want to hear it. Let me talk for once because yours and John’s excuses are really starting to annoy me. It’s already been two days. So shut it. I knew it was a bad idea when Pat and Kennedy came to me and told me that we were bringing a photographer on tour with us. A chick photographer to be exact. Nothing good ever came of it but nothing I could say was going to change and their minds so I gave in and said whatever. I met you. Grew to love you. And now what? I’m annoyed with you. Disgusted with John and ready to throttle the others. I know that there are fights on tour. Last year I punched Pat in the stomach for being a cupcake lover one to many times. Fucking annoying as song.” I stared at him confused.

“Cupcake lover?” I questioned.

“You had no idea who they were before you moved to Arizona did you?”

“I knew a little. Saw them with Katy last year but I never really got into them. I was more of the Bring Me The Horizon, A Day To Remember, Underoath, The Used sort of kid at the time so they were just another band to me. I regret it. You’re all such wonderful people and even though I cause the drama its not on purpose. Like that shitty song that you put on the play list for shows ’drama doesn’t follow me it rides on my back.’ that sounds really cheesy to say out loud.” He laughed leaning more into the couch.

“You make it impossible to be mad at you. But, what I’m trying to get at is that I want them to bring you out again. You’re a good person. So you and John need to make up and quit these childish little fights.” I nodded.

“I’ll apologize later.”

“So this is your fault? John said he fucked up?”

“John did. But its history so whatever.” I said toying with the key around my neck.

“Where’d that come from? It’s pretty.” I contemplated telling him.

“A friend.” I finally answered not meeting his eyes. He half nodded and stood up grabbing his vibrating pocket and pulling out his phone.

“You know we love you. Don’t let small things tear us all apart.” He said with a wink and exited the room. There was murmuring down the hall. I eavesdropped trying to make sense of who was speaking.

“Justin its beautiful!” Katy exclaimed. I half smiled and kicked my legs up on the couch. The two walked by the door. Justin waved. Katy was too absorbed in a replica of Justin’s anchor he constantly wore. I shivered and swallowed the envy of hers and Daray’s successful relationships.

“Hi.” I nearly jumped out of my skin. His face was downcast and his eyes held nothing but a million unspoken apologies.

“Hey John.” I looked at the tan couch and pulled my feet up. He sat down. He was picking at his nails noisily. The most mind numbing annoying thing in the world. It was silent for another five minutes. The sound continuing. I slammed my hands on top of his.
“Fucking stop already.” I growled meeting his eyes. A playful almost dreamy look was slowly taking over his handsome features.

“What are you gonna do if I don’t?”

“We’re in a nearly hidden room. I’m pretty strong. I will destroy your ass and bury you under the floorboard.”

“Where do you even get ideas like these?!” He asked, a smiling slowing forming on his face.

“Did you never read Edgar Allen Poe in school?” I asked nearly taken aback. Who the fuck didn’t read this play?!

“Nope.” I stared at him shocked.

“By choice or because you didn’t have to?”

“Choice.” I shook my head and removed my hands and placed them in my lap. His fingers came back together. My head slowly turned to him. He was looking at me. His teeth glimmered in the light. He shook his head teasingly.

“Are you serious?” I asked placing my hands back over his.

“Maybe…maybe I like…” He stopped and shook his head. “Kennedy says he misses you. Go see the poor kid. He’s nearly frantic.” I narrowed my eyes and stood up.

“At least someone missed me.” I muttered grabbing my bag and stopping in the doorway my head bent examining my phone.

“You think I didn’t miss you?” John whispered. He was so close that his lanky arms bumped into my back.

“Was I suppose think something else?”

“I barely slept last night because I felt so bad.”

“I slept like a baby.”

“Liar.”

“Excuse you?” I asked turning to him. Just as I had thought he was close enough for me to be able to trace the light freckles on his sun kissed skin.

“I already talked to Dave. You stayed up all night and talked to him. I didn’t know you were a Four Year Strong fan.” He said thoughtfully smiling. I rolled my eyes and continued my trek to the room where the others were.

“I happen to adore Four Year Strong. Why?”

“Because they’re amazing.”

“No shit?” I asked sarcastically slowing so he could lead me to them. I stared at my crappy green phone tuning out whatever sarcastic come back John had readied. An overly alarming impulse to chuck my phone at a wall knocked me back into reality.

“You sure are staring at that thing awfully hard. Something wrong?”

“It’s a piece of shit that doesn’t get service in here.” I said quietly pocketing it and rounding a corner. This place was humongous.

“Get a new one.” He said simply. I snorted.

“Unless Lil Wayne is making an unexpected visit to make it rain then how exactly am I suppose to buy a new phone John? I don’t have record label money. Remember?”

“I have a contract. I can add you to the plan.” He offered stopping. I was silent.

“I can’t let you do that. You were a total dick back there but that’s too much.”

“It’s what friends do. They help. Come on; just take the offer that I know you want and shut up.” I stomped my foot.

“You don’t know that! Fine. I can’t pay you anything right now but I’ll pay you back as soon as possible!”

“Nonsense. Don’t bother. We’ll go say hi to the guys and then head down to the AT&T store.” He said opening a door. Kennedy was the first to pull me into a hug. I dropped my bag on the floor and wrapped my arms around him.

“I missed you!” He said quietly in my ear.

“Me too!”

“Kennnedddyyy! Let her go! It’s my turn.”

“I’m not a puppy Garebear!” I said laughing and hugging him, Pat and finally Jared.

“Anyone up for a field trip?” John asked placing his water bottle on the table that was in the middle of the room.

“Depends. Where?” Jared asked.

“Phone store.” He said biting his nails. I glared at him. He smiled and lowered his hand.

“I guess I’ll go. Nothing better to do.” Jared said standing and stretching.

“Jareeedd!” I said excitedly.

“Hmm?”

“Piggyback ride?” I asked pouting and batting my eyelashes at him. He sighed and nodded. I climbed into the chair he’d just been in and jumped onto his back, ruffling his light ginger hair in the process.

“You better be lucky I like you.” He muttered placing his hands underneath my ankles. I waved to the others. John was close behind watching us closely.

“He’s not going to drop me.” I promised him. He shook his head and looked down. I remembered the day when he’d disappeared only to appear again in a coffee shop, a new haircut, how soft it was. I had the sudden urge to reach out and touch it now that we were eye to eye with each other.

“What?” He asked leaning his head on my shoulder. Poor Jared.

“Nothing. Don’t be so paranoid. Jared, did I ever mention how much I love you?”

“Nope. How much?”

“So much I can’t even tell you. It’s so big and monumental that if I tried then the world would possibly blow up!” He laughed and looked up at me. Freckles spilled over both sides of his nose, his green eyes lit up with a childish demeanor and small smile. He was adorable.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm! That’s like serious biz love.” All three us burst into laughter. Jared walked over to a chair just inside the venue so I could let go. I slid down and got down. Now equal with both their shoulders. I huffed at my lost height.

>>After store/show

My new phone was floating around a small party that was being held behind the venue in a field. A wine cooler sat in front of me. I stared at unappetizingly. Nate slid onto the bench beside me, he swayed a little and laughed.

“I have your phone!” He said laughing at nothing and handing me the new 3G. His breath reeked of alcohol.

“Thanks Nate. I’m going to go. You have fun though.” I said smiling reassuringly and sliding out of the bench. The Hit The Lights bus looked empty. I opened the door and walked to the top. It was empty. I looked at the mess around me. Balled up paper, bottles, and clothes lay all over the floor. It was a mess. I climbed over a pile of something and dropped onto the couch. The bathroom door in the back slammed shut. I jumped and stared wide eyed at the dark hallway where someone was going to enter into the lobby. I didn’t recognize that face that appeared. He was handsome to say the least. Tall, skinny, scruffy messy brown hair and bright eyes.

“Hi!” He said shoving his hand in my face. I stared at him. “I’m Alex Gaskarth. You’re the new photographer for The Maine right?!” I nodded and jumped when my phone vibrated in my back pocket.

“Shit.” I muttered trying to figure out how to reply on the stupid thing.

“New to the phone?” Alex questioned sitting down and showing me how to reply. I sighed.

“Thank you Alex. I uhm….I have no idea who you are though so I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing but…I’ll stop now.” I said hanging my head. He laughed and jumped up grabbed and beer and peeked out the covered window.

“Shits getting crazy out there. That why you’re inside……and sober?” He asked a hint of surprise lacing his words.

“I didn’t feel like partying and I’ve already been down the lets get drunk and regret what you do road. It’s cool. I’ll stay sober.” I said flipping my phone in the air. He watched thoughtfully for a second then shrugged and traded the beer for the liquor bottle that was on the table. We settled into silence. He collapsed beside me.

“You really have no idea who I am?”

“Nope. Wait….are you part of that band Preston was talking about? Uhm…..All Time Low or some shit?” He laughed and nodded.

“Yep. That’s me.”

“Do you always drink alone Gaskarth?” I asked watching him raise the tall bottle to his lips.

“Nope. Only when pretty girls won’t drink with me.” He said smirking. I blushed and looked at my hands. He nudged my arm and offered the bottle to me. I glanced at the bottle and wrapped my hand around the skinny neck of the bottle and brought it to my lips. The liquid burned my throat going down and settled in my stomach.

“I shouldn’t drink anymore.” I said shoving the bottle back at him. He shrugged and took it from me.

My statement didn’t stick for long. We were passing the bottle back and forth exchanging tour stories. Our voices getting lower and more drowsy with each swig. I collapsed against his chest giggling uncontrollably. He was laughing too, his fingers running through my hair. There was a commotion outside and then the door opened. Halvo and John walked onto the bus talking about some album that had to be played when John saw us. I was sprawled against Alex laughing. His eyes filled with surprise.

“John!” Alex yelled.

“John Ohhhhhh!” I sang motioning for him to come closer. His eyes narrowed but he obliged and came over to me leaning down.

“What are you doing?” He asked quietly a hint of anger radiated from him.

“I’m having fun with my new best friend Alex!”

“I thought you weren’t drinking anymore?”

“I lied. But!!! Guess what?! I have a secret and I can’t tell you but I can tell Eric! What’s he doing?!” I asked arching my back so I could see Halvo. He was of course upside down but I still saw the frown on his lips.

“I don’t wanna know your secret Bella. Some secrets are necessary.” He said grabbing the Ipod that they had been after and stopped at the top of the stairs. John sighed and kissed my forehead before leaving. I was completely silent. My fingertips grazed the spot where John’s lips had been moments before.

“Johns got a crush on Bella!” Alex sang loudly. I giggled and pushed the moment out of my head.

“Alexxxx you’re kind of cute.” I said poking his tummy. He laughed. It slowed to a mild giggle. Our eyes locking. It was an immediate reaction. Our lips met in a sloppy kiss. . His fingers traced my curves, the soft fabric of the dress tickling my sides. There was a growl behind us and I was ripped off of Alex’s lap and handed to another set of arms. John was holding me against his chest and Nate stood over Alex, his fist rose to hit Alex in the face.

“No! This was my fault!” I screamed struggling to get out of John’s arms. He held on tighter. I silently thanked the creator of the maxi dress for making this a little less awkward and sighed leaning into John’s warmth.

“It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is! He should know better!” Nate growled meeting my eyes. The anger in them made me shrink against John chest.

“Nate! Come on! We’re all pretty messed up here man! Let the man go home and we’ll forget this.” John said pointing to the door. Alex squirmed out of the spot he was in and dashed for the door. He flashed me a dazzling smile and rushed down the steps. I looked at my bag on the couch contemplating whether to ask for it or not. We were all completely silent.

“You just keep getting into more and more trouble girl.” Nate mumbled slumping on the couch.

“I don’t know how that was classified as trouble but whatever. You can put me down anytime you want Cornelius.”

“You’re less likely to do something stupid up here.” I pouted up at him. He rolled his eyes and looked away.

“Is it time to go?” I questioned noticing the outside was quieting with each passing minute.”

“Yeah. Next stop. New York.” I smiled and draped my arms around John’s neck and laid my head on his shoulder, yawning.

“I’m sleepy.” I muttered fighting to hold my eyes open.

“Okay. We’ll go.” John whispered grabbing my bag and phone off the couch and waving bye to Nate. Nate ruffled my hair and held the door open for us. The sudden coolness of the night sent a shock through my body. I shivered and squirmed closer. John chuckled quietly.

“I’m sorry I keep hurting yo-”

“Shh. We’ll talk some other time.” He said quickly as if the words I was about to say were going to tear a hole through his chest. I was snuggled into the back seat my legs pulled under the dress and a soft blanket thrown over my arms. John’s head rested my tummy, his breathing even and calm. We were both out before the others returned.