Hate That I Love You

The bus hauled to a stop, pulling me from my sleep. My head hit the bus side hard; I hadn’t realized how close to the wall I had gotten. I sleepily gazed at the watch wrapped around my arm, it showed 10.15. I rested my head back on the pillow, allowing myself to fall asleep again. I couldn’t, there was something buzzing in my ear. It wasn’t the fly, it was that unusual sound you always hear but can’t find its source. I laid awake, staring at the wall I had previously hit my head on, finding patterns in the wooly cover. My hand rested on the bed next to me. I could have sworn I had some one next to me last night? I lifted my head off my pillow and peeped over my shoulder to find the space next to me vacant. I could only see the lovely royal blue sheets that I was laying in. My heart sank.

I could have sworn I heard someone whispering to me in my sleep?

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and made an effort to get up. My hands rested on my thighs as I hung my head, getting ready to get up, settling the blood so I didn’t get a head rush. I hated them.

“Hey!” a voice screamed into my face. My head shot up and my eyes were met by those of Robert.

“Whassup?” he asked, striking a pose as well.

“I…” I glanced around, and gazed back to the bed. “Whose bed was I in?” I asked. Robert peeked over my shoulder and raised an eyebrow, making himself seem intelligent.

“Hmmm.” He nodded, rubbing his chin

“Whose is it?”

I was having a complete mind blank; Bryan was the only one with royal blue sheets.

“It seems to be Bryan’s…” he smiled, cackled ad walked away. I hung my head again. How did this get so confusing?

I closed my eyes. Yesterday’s actions coming back to me in one hit. I remember the kiss, the ecstasy of his lips on mine, his hands up my shirt. I remembered the aftermath, and Ronnie interrupting us. And the tears I cried to get what I wanted.

I shook my head. I was seriously losing my head in all this, Bryan, The band, Work, Fame. It was all going to my head.

I eventually got up, shaking myself of the aches and pains of sleeping, and walked my way out to the ‘kitchen’. Which only contained a table, a seat that curled round it and a sink, it wasn’t even a real kitchen, it was just somewhere to sit and eat. Omar and Ronnie were sitting around the table, eating toast and chatting amongst themselves. They paid no attention to me. Max was still asleep, I passed him on my way to the kitchen, and his lifeless body was twisted in his dark red sheets. He looked lost. I stomped my way into the kitchen, still groggy from sleep.

“Hey! You’re awake!” Ronnie cried, pointing at me and laughing. Omar just smiled.

“What?” I asked.

“Look!”

Ronnie pointed to the top of my head. I bowed down and glanced into the mirror above Ronnie’s head. My hair was a mess, little strands of hair stood on end, while others stretched out, trying to escape my head.

“It looks like you’ve tried to touch something electric!” Ronnie shrieked, holding his stomach.

“Hahahah, oh, Ouch! I got a cramp.”

He just kept laughing, but clutching to stop his cramping stomach.

“Stop it then!” Omar punched him hard in the stomach. Ronnie whimpered and threw his head down onto the table. He cried a little and whimpered, then fell silent.

“Fuck you….” He chocked.

“Where I everyone?” I asked, glancing around, finding that other than the four of us, there was no one else there.

“Uh? Robert was just here, and Bryan went out for a while, he was the first one up… he left ages ago though.” He smiled, turning back to Ronnie, who was still lying on the table.

“Thanks.” He hadn’t heard me, he was too busy patting and talking to the grunting mass that was Ronnie.

I grabbed an apple, and walked outside. The bright sun stung my eyes, the van was so dark and the instant brightness hurt my eyes. I squinted, and held my hand up to the sun, hopefully blocking its harmful rays from my eyes. I kept on walking, hoping to find Bryan. I didn’t succeed; I gave up and sat down at a table setting just outside the bus. The sun warmed my cold skin, I hadn’t grabbed a jumper before I left, I was practically kicking myself because I didn’t for now I was freezing. And I hadn’t the energy to get it. I pulled my glasses over my eyes and relaxed, and waited for Bryan to get back. I wasn’t out there for that reason only; I needed space, and peace. And this was the only place I was going to get it.

I had no idea where we were, I didn’t really care. I rested while I could, for I was to start work again, the boys were to play for another crazy wave of fans. I sighed, letting the warmth travel through my veins.

“Oi! Give it back!” yelled Max. His voice was noticeable from this distance. The whinny sound in his voice made him stand out. And sometimes it was the ego that distinguished him from the rest.

“Get up you lazy fuck!” screamed Ronnie. I was sure it was Ronnie, no one else screams like Ronnie. I had been with them for too long, I had become to distinguish them out. That was what freaked me out the most.

“Fuck you…” Cried Max, god they sounded like a married couple, some days were worst that others.

“You wish you could….” I shifted my position, covering my ears with my hands, hoping to block out their pointless arguments. My hands were pressed so hard that I nearly lost all feeling in my fingers.

Finally they stopped whining. I could rest a little again. I heard a weird giggling. Oh great, just what I wanted. Max and his girlfriends making out in the background. I closed my eyes again.

Realization hit me and my eyes opened wide.

Didn’t Max already have a girlfriend? And wasn’t he just fighting with Ronnie?

So the noise couldn’t of been coming from him. I relaxed again, forgetting all about the harmless giggles. That was until they got louder, and turned into moans and grunts.

“What the hell?” I asked myself, removing my glasses from my view to visualize who it was. I recognized the red top, I wasn’t sure if it was a jumper or shirt.

“Hey Ronnie? What you doing back there?” I asked. The figure stopped moving, but I knew it wasn’t Ronnie; they were too skinny for it to be Ronnie. I looked again, squinting to have a closer look.

“Who is there?” I asked.

No reply, just more giggles.

“Seriously, who is that?” I swung my legs over the chair I was sitting in. I stood and began to approach the couple. I figured there were two people, for the figure had seen had a male posture, but the giggles were that of a female.

Weird much?

As I got closer I began to make out who they were. His blonde hair was unmistakable, his skinny legs poked out from under a bright red shirt, not a good thing to wear if your trying to hide. As I pulled back the material they were hiding behind I glared at them both.

My heart died. I couldn’t feel its beat.

I couldn’t breathe; my breath was hitched into my throat, not daring to come out.

Tear threaten to pour down my face.

He just looked at me, innocently; he knew he had done wrong. My mouth hung open

“Rory…it’s not what you think? I-I” he coughed.

His hussy just glared at me, a smile spread right across her face. She loved every minute if it.

“Bryan?” I asked…

I didn’t let him speak; I was out of there in a flash. I crashed onto the bus, pushing past Ronnie and Max who were still to busy arguing to care. I pushed my way into the toilet room and locked the door behind me.

I heard the faint footsteps come up to the door.

“Are you okay? You sick?”

It was Omar. His caring voice soothed me, I knew I could always count on Omar if I was every in any sort of trouble.

He quietly knocked.

“Where is Bryan?”

“…He’s outside…getting it on with some girl.” I coughed, keeping back the tears.

“Omar?” I asked.

I heard his footsteps disappear. My heart raced.

Shit, what have I done now?

“OMAR!” I cried from inside the toilet room.

….Still no answer

Shit……