Hate That I Love You

Bryan smiled at me as he walked in, proudly.

“Hey.” He bent down and met my lips with his. I could taste the sweat on his lips and feel the layer of condensation on his hands. I smiled at him after he pulled away and sat down on the couch next to me.

“Whats been happening?” he whispered, rubbing my leg.

A shiver ran down my spine, I stopped what I was doing and turned to him. I was only doodling in my art book

“Nothing.” I sighed, relaxing into his touch, allowing his aura to envelop me in internal warmth.

“You tired?” he asked, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my sides.

“No, I just love you.” I giggled, patting his stomach, listening to the echo that came back at me.

“Please don’t start, it was hard enough with Ronnie and Nikki, I don’t need to hear it from you’s.” Robert rolled his eyes, and sat across the table from us. Bryan just glanced at him

“Well, you shouldn’t be sitting here.”

“Id rather look at you’s two making out then those too!” he cried, lowering his head onto the table in front on him. His head collided with a small thump.

“Riiiiiight” Bryan turned back to me and went to kiss my cheek. I paused and turned to Robert to talk to him, accidentally pushing Bryan away. I glanced back at him quickly to apologise before proceeding.

“You said that they were making out?” I seemed interested, I mean I was, but I didn’t want anyone to know that.

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it, after everything.”

I looked back at Bryan, he shrugged

“Don’t ask me, I had nothing to do with him and her?” he turned to the window, staring blankly.

“Hmmm.” I puffed, facing Robert, who had lifted his hair heavy head from the table.

“They were bitches to each other, hey Bryan, you remember when she slapped him on stage?” Robert laughed, rolling his head back against the wall.

Bryan chuckled, still staring out the window. I just smiled and glanced away, for sake of embarrassment.

“So… Why do they care so much about each other?” I asked, glancing between Bryan and Robert, waiting for an answer. Robert looked at Bryan, waiting for a signal to reply. He looked back at me.

“I don’t really know, that just…. Cant live without each other.” Robert shrugged and looked at Bryan who turned to me and finished the sentence.

“They care because they know that they will both get what they want from each other, im not too sure about Nikki, but Ronnie loves her dearly, they treat each other like shit, but have crazy make up sex, and its all better.” Bryan chuckled, pulling me closer to him and kissing the top of my head again.

Robert just glanced at us, wide eyed.

“Who told you that?” Robert asked.

Bryan paused.

“Ronnie himself, he was wasted at the time, so I can’t guarantee the truth.” He glared back out the window, shutting out the world inside the van.

“Oh.”

I felt that silence. That silence that tells you that no matter what you say, there is nothing to make anything better, it just makes the situation more awkward. I stopped myself from speaking to prevent any discomfort between us.

I turned behind me and my eyes lay onto Ronnie and Nikki, who were snuggled up on the floor, giggling at Ronnie’s photo album. They looked like a great couple. But the guys seemed to know them better. Ronnie was all over her, she was too interested in the album, im not trying to say she was a bad girl, she seemed like the nicest person I knew, but the guys were twisting my perspective before I even knew her. I didn’t want that to happen. And Bryan knew it, that’s probably why he wasn’t talking to me much.

I glanced back at him, he was still staring out the window, then turned back to the couple on the ground. They seemed a lot happier than me and Bryan, this resulted in my underestimating myself, and usually when that happened, it didn’t turn out so well. She would laugh at everything Ronnie would say, regardless of whether it was funny or not, she would just laugh. Me and Bryan were never that… Happy. I glanced down at my feet, shame overran my body, and tears threatened to pour down my face.

Why was I such an emotional person?

Bryan turned to me at the worst time, just when I wiped tears from my eyes. He glared at me for a while, and I could feel his eyes on me.

“What’s wrong…?” he asked, pulling me into his arms, patting my head. Robert glanced up from his stare to look at us. Bryan nodded at him and he left. I shuffled, trying to bury myself deeper into Bryan’s arms.

“I… Love you,” I cried harder, my gasps could have been heard all over the van. He patted my head harder.

“Oh… I love you too, but that’s not what is wrong, is it?”

I shook my head, lifted up off Bryan and turned to Ronnie and Nikki. He followed my actions.

“They look so happy, we aren’t that happy…” I sighed, turning back while Bryan was still staring at them. He eventually turned to me and looked me in the eye.

“Rory, I have never been happier with you, we don’t need to look like them…” he grabbed my hands within his and pulled them into his lap. He pushed a strand of hair from my face before placing both hands on either side of me face.

“Rory, you have nothing to worry about, when we get back home…. And we will, I will take you out on any and every ride, boat, train, bus to any restaurant of café or motel you want, As long as I know you wont leave me.” Bryan looked my straight in the eyes.

“I love you…” He kissed the top of my head, got up and walked past me and crashed onto his own bunk. I watched him walk away.

I glanced over at Ronnie and Nikki, Ronnie had passed out in her lap, she was carefully patting his head, keeping his hair from his face. Maybe Bryan and I could look that happy.

Give it time Rory, my mind told me. I smiled and got up

I would be home tomorrow, the concert was over, and as soon as Max and Omar were on the van, we were going to move. I walked into the bunks after Bryan, crashing next to him and pulling him towards me. He shuffled, turned and faced me. I smiled, giving him a little kiss on his nose.

“I love you.” I buried my head into his chest as I felt his hands surround me and pull me closer, his head rested above my head. I closed my eyes and attempted to sleep.

“I love you too.” He answered, hugging me tighter.

Give it Time…