Just Want Your Heartbeat on Top of Mine

“I will always love you. But i need pills to sleep. I have always failed you. So throw away my memories.”

-Katy’s P.O.V-

Oliver stopped suddenly on the sidewalk and looked at me. I froze was he really going to help me. I’ve been working day and night to prove to Oliver it was really me and I really did need his help if he ever wanted to see me a awake again.

“So what do I have to do?” Oliver mumbled kicking a rock and watching it skip into a puddle from the rain. I was frozen Oliver, had come to his sense if he had any. I giggled and immediately stopped when Oliver glared at me.

“Sorry. It’s quite simple really.” I smiled as he continued to walk, I followed his steps, as we walked in sequence like we used to do. Oliver growled and clenched his fist, like he usually did when he was deeply annoyed.

“Okay, Chelsea, if it’s so fucking easy why don’t you tell me what to do!” He growled turning and facing me. My eyes grew wide, I’ve never seen Oliver this irrated, of course I would be just like him, if it was him in the hospital bed, and his soul or whatever the fuck I am was following you twenty-four-seven.

“We have to go back to the loft, an’ we have to find my journal.” I spoke softly, as I watched his face pale. He only went back if he had to shower, and when he came back he would walk past my room, wouldn’t look in it. The only person who was ever in my room was my brother, and Michelle.

Sighing Oliver groaned and put his hand threw his hair and whipped his face, he put his hands down and then looked at me.

“Do you know where ya’ journal is?” Oliver continued our walk towards the loft speeding up his pace. I kept up with him, but usually I would never be able to keep up with Oliver, I would have complained by now, or just jumped on his back and caught a ride on his back.

“Yeah, up in me room, under my mattress.” I mumbled as he clipped the keys off his back pocket and found the house key unlocking the door, pushing the door open he waited for me to come in where he then closed the door and frowned.

I looked over on the couch where Alisz laid with a bottle of vodka, and drool loosely hangin’ on the side of her mouth. I frowned and closed my eyes. Oliver cleared his throat and started to walk up the stairs of our loft, I opened my eyes and started to follow him up to my room.

He stood in front of my bedroom door and stared at the poster that he had made of me and him at our Prom, I was in a Crimson Red dress, with black converse, Oliver went in a black stuck and black converse, on the top it read Mr. and Mrs. Suicidal Deamons. That was the year I got Prom Queen to. I smiled and Oliver ran his hand over my hair in the picture.

“Just before I cut my hair, you were so bloody mad at me that night when I went into the bathroom and cut my hair short.” I laughed. Oliver put his hand down and looked at me and smiled a little.

“I was mad because I could no longer run my hands threw your long hair, I wouldn’t have something pull if you ever got on my nerves.” Oliver chuckled and then cleared his throat he opened the door to my bedroom and slowly walked in. I looked around my room. Posters, pictures, books, and skate boards, scattered threw out my room. It was just like I remembered.

Oliver walked over to my bed and lifted the mattress up softly and found the journal he brought me last year just before he started to date SJ. I closed my eyes afraid to tell him what he would have to do next. It would hurt me, and him, to learn the secrets I have kept from him, some for years. This could be the turning point of the friendship that I have loved since I could remember.

“What now?” Oliver sat down on my bed and looked at the cover, I had pasted a picture of me and him from Dublin, Ireland at his aunts house, we were in matching pj’s that his aunt had made us, and I was in his arms, it was one of the times in my life I felt just perfect and safe, and just beneath it was another pictures of me and David in the snow back in Denver Colorado. I was kissing David on the lips and his arms around my waist.

“You have to read it. There are secrets and they will soon piece together, and you’ll realize something I have been trying to tell you for years. I can’t just tell you this secret you have to find it out on your own. I have to go, I can’t watch you read this.” I kissed Oliver’s cheek, and I left, I didn’t stay to see him cry, I didn’t stay to watch him read. I wouldn’t be able to .

If I don’t wake up in times, I hope he throws away my memories. Never have to deal with them. I don’t want him to be like me after my parents died, wasting away of memories I knew would never happen again.

Just throw away my memories for I wish to never remember them myself.

Katy, be careful of what you wish for….