A Blink of an Eye

After a while the doctor came and told me I could go back to see Selena. He patted me on the back and told me everything was going to be ok. I nodded, knowing he thought I was crying over Selena.
"Jess, what's wrong?" Selena says as soon as I walk into the room.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." I say shaking my head and sitting in a chair next to her bed.
Before she could question me anymore a nurse comes in and tells Selena she's going to have to stay overnight because it's her first time with this treatment and they want to make sure everything is alright. Selena nods and as soon as the nurse leaves she turns to me.
"Explain, now." Selena says sounding worried.
"I messed up. Big time." I say as my eyes started to tear up again.
"How? What happened?" Selena says.
And I tell her everything, from my dad coming to my and Justin's fight. Towards the end, I started crying again. Selena being my best girl friend tries to get up and come to me but she has an IV in her so she can't. I walk over and sit on the edge of her bed. She wraps her arms around me and tells me that it's going to be ok.
I go home a little while later and go straight to my room avoiding everyone. I spent my time in my room, coming out for food and school. I wouldn't talk to Justin, Josh, or Joe if I could help it. Selena had more treatments so she wasn't in school and I was alone, just like that. School was torture. I had made it so in my classes that I would be next to Joe, Justin, or Selena. So when one of them wasn't there, I had the other. Joe always was trying to get me to talk to him and I wouldn't even look his way. Justin was the complete opposite. He looked upset all the time and refused to even look at me. The only real difference was Matt was talking to me in the halls sometimes. And when Miley wasn't with Ashley she would smile or wave at me. But they both still weren't giving up their popular statuses by being seen with me. Lunch was lonely. I wouldn't sit with Joe, because I didn't want to hear his attempts at starting a conversation and Justin was with him. So, I sat alone. I brought a book and my music player with me and tried to make it look like I wanted to be alone. I don't know if it worked but I just ignored everyone. I would read and get lost in my books, wishing that I could have the characters lives. Wishing I would have a happy ending like they did, but day after day it never came.
On Friday after school, I walked pass Joe's room to see Justin packing. Packing big boxes, like moving boxes. I took a deep breath and decided it was time to face him. It had been four days since we talked so maybe that's enough.
"Why are you packing?" I ask curious. Justin looks up surprised then goes back to packing.
"My parents came back. They'll be here for a while and they said that next time they have to go...I can just go with them. I figured that be best." Justin says not looking at me.
I felt stiff, I couldn't say anything. He couldn't leave, sure we are in a fight, but I need him. He's like my stone wall. He holds me up.
"What? You can't leave." I say hearing my own desperation.
"I need to. I-I just need to spend time with my family...I miss them." Justin says. He sounds sad, lonely.
What a bunch of bull. He hates his parents. They hardly know him and he doesn't like them.
"But you and your parents don't get along." I say trying to make some sense of this.
"Well, maybe it's time we tried to get along." Justin says still avoiding eye contact.
"What about when they decide to move some other place or when they take a trip again?" I ask hoping he'll say he'll come back. I'm trying to grasp on to some hope that he's not leaving me for good.
"I'll have to go with them." Justin says quietly.
"But-but you can't." I say having no clue what else to say.
"Why not, Jess?" Justin says finally looking at me. He sounds frustrated, upset, and a bit confused.
"When do you leave?" I say not answering him.
By looking in his eyes, he looks hurt. I don't get why he would leave, he loves it here. And he just can't move. He can't. Just like I can't answer his question. I'm not sure why not. I'm not sure if I can give him a good answer to that. I don't know, all I know is he can't go because I don't want him to.
"Tomorrow, I'm going back to my parents house. As for if we move, I don't know. That's up to them." Justin says sullen.
I nod and Justin asks quietly, "So why can't I?"
"Because...I don't want you to." I say feeling tears. Damn tears.
"We don't always get what we want." Justin says thickly and turns from me. He sounds upset, which I guess makes sense.
"B-but...I need you." I say realizing just how true that is.
"No you don't. You're strong. You can handle things on your on." Justin says still not looking at me.
"But I do need you. You always help me. I need that." I say crying now.
"No, you don't. And I can't do that anymore anyways." Justin says sounding a bit harsh.
"Fine. I guess this is goodbye then." I say thickly and slightly pissed.
"Guess so." Justin says turning to me.
I'm sobbing at this point and he looks upset about that. I just shake my head, roll my eyes and run out slamming the door behind me. I make it to the bathroom and lock the doors. I sit up next to the one that leads to Joe's room. Still sobbing. I don't know how long I'm in there but soon I hear Joe's door open and close again so I quiet down.
"What's up man?" Joe says. He sounds worried.
"Nothing." Justin says. He sounds like he's slamming things into boxes.
"Ok, so then tell me why I heard Jess crying in the bathroom and why you're so upset." Joe says. Oops, I must of been loud. Damn, the point of coming in here was so no one heard.
"I told her I was leaving. She said she didn't want me to. But I have to." Justin says.
"Dude, I know why you're really leaving but if she doesn't want you to then doesn't it defeat the purpose of you leaving." Joe says making me totally confused.
"No, I'm leaving because I can't be around her being hurt. Because I can't hurt her anymore." Justin says. He sounds so upset. So sad.
"Exactly, so technically, you're still hurting her. By leaving." Joe says.
Justin groans and says, "I can't win, can I?"
"Guess not man, guess not." Joe says quietly.
After that they were quiet. Leaving me thinking. I was the reason he was leaving. All my fault that he had to go somewhere that he didn't want to go. What I don't get is why he cares so much, why he's always cared so much. I just didn't get it. I mean he's my brother's best friend and he's always been here but until recently we didn't exactly talk or anything. I mean sure we knew each other and once or twice we hung out. But until Jason died, I let out a sob, we never really talked about much. So why would he give a damn whether or not I'm hurt. Why would it hurt him to see me hurt? It didn't make sense. And I started feeling like I didn't know anything. But I knew one thing though, I have to stop him from leaving for good. I just have to.