A Blink of an Eye

I look up scared. I can't see because of the tears so I wipe my eyes and look around. I see that somehow I ended up on the side of the road without getting hurt or hurting anyone else. I think about the phone call I just got from Joe.
Jason dead? No way! He couldn't be dead!! Maybe it was some kind of a cruel joke that Jason's playing on me to get back for saying I hate you. Yea, that's it. It's just a joke and he got Joe to play along. That's it, its payback. Paybacks a bitch. And this is pretty bitchy.
I wipe my tears and drive the rest of the way home. I park and don't see Jason's car. Wow, he's gone all out for this joke. I walk into the living room and see Josh and my mom hugging each other crying and Joe standing next to them also crying. Perry was sobbing on the couch with a beer in his hand. Wow, Jason went all out he even got mom to play along. Joe looks up at me and I see in his eyes that this wasn't a joke but I didn't want to believe it.
"Very funny guys, now where's Jason?" I say almost crying.
"Jess, it's not a joke. Jason's dead." Joe says.
I shake my head not wanting to believe him and I run up to Joe and start hitting him. I don't know where all this anger came from but I was hitting Joe in the chest as hard as I could. Joe wraps his arms around me and I break. I stop hitting him and sob in his chest. He rubs my back softly and sings my favorite song softly in my ear to calm me down. Josh stops hugging my mom and comes up to me and rubs my back.
"We all feel the same way, Jess, but it'll be ok." Josh says softly.
"NO! You don't have a clue how I feel so don't say you do! And Jason is DEAD! It'll never be ok!" I yell to him.
He looks taken back and he sorta backs away from me. I break out of Joe's arms and run upstairs. I thought I faintly heard Joe saying Jess to my back but he didn't follow me. I locked myself in my room and cried on my bed. My mom comes up about two hours later and knocks telling me that it's time for dinner and Jason's funeral is in three days.
Amazing. How she simply told me when his funeral was with its dinner time. Whatever. I'm not hungry and I’m NOT going downstairs. I'm not leaving my room. Jason's gone and they're down there just eating like nothing happened. Geez, does my family have any respect at all!
I don't leave my room for the next two days. Mom tries to make me come eat but I won't so Joe brings up my plate everyday and puts it in the bathroom for me. The second day in my room I realize that my wall has pictures of the whole family all over it. And there's A LOT of me and Jason. Everywhere I look in my room it reminds me of him. The glass from the vase is still in the towel on the floor by my door but I couldn't get rid of it. I could hardly look at it. The only thing I could think of was Harry Potter. I loved the books and movies and he hated them. But I don't feel like reading and the movies are in the den. No Way, am I going to go get them. I don't want one of my brothers or my mom to try and talk to me. And I know Perry's in the living room drinking.
That night around dinner time Joe leaves my plate and the movies in the bathroom with a note that says- Thought you would want something to get your mind off of things. I know how you love these movies. That got me to burst out in tears again. It must be some weird twin thing how he knows what I wanted or at this point and time needed. I flip on the movies and fall asleep watching the fifth movie.
I wake up remembering I had to leave my room today. It was Jason's funeral. I walk into the bathroom and run into Joe. He doesn't say anything but hands me a dress and shoes and walks out. I look at the dress and see the note pinned to it saying that mom wants me to wear this today. I look at the dress and see it’s a nice looking dress, one for a dance not a funeral but whatever. Then I glance at the shoes and see that they are heels. No fucking way! I'm not wearing HEELS! NO NO NO! And I don't. I find my black converses and wear them with the dress. I put on my make up even though I know its not going to stay done. When I start crying it will just run down my face but still.
I look at the clock and see it's time to go. I open my door quietly and see Joe waiting in the hallway for me. I look at him and he holds out his hand. I take it and he leads me to his car. I don't see the rest of my family so I’m guessing they took the van.
"Love the shoes." Joe says quietly as he opens the door for me.
"Thanks, I thought they looked better than the heels." I say when Joe gets in the car to drive. My voice is hoarse, I haven't talked in days. I clear my throat and I look around. I must have looked scared, well I was scared I didn't know what to expect when I got to this funeral. Joe grabs my hand and gives me a reassuring look.
"Joe, please don't leave my side today." I say softly.
"Ok, I promise I won't." Joe says and he tightens his grip on my hand.
When we get there, Joe pulls me to this building and walks me inside to where the casket is. I look at it and quickly turn away. Joe sees me do this and grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
"Today’s thee invitation, people are coming to say how sorry they are, then tomorrow's the funeral." Joe whispers to me as we head to the front row where the rest of my family is.
I nod my head as we sit on the edge of the bench with Joe next to Josh, who is next to mom, who is next to Perry. When people start to arrive and all of a sudden I’m dragged into hugs and people are telling me I'm so sorry, and I know how you feel. All I want to do is scream at them. They don't have a clue! Joe kept his promise he hadn't left my side yet. When I had to pee he walked me to the bathroom. He's such a great brother.
Then I see Matt and Miley in line waiting to talk to me. I haven't talked to them since the mall. Miley runs to me and pulls me in this big hug.
"Why didn't you answer your phone!? We've been worried! We called like ten times and sent you like 30 texts!" Miley says fastly while Matt nods.
"Sorry, I had a lot going on!" I say in a harsh tone. I hadn't checked my phone in a few days. And they don't get what's going on. She should be telling me sorry not harassing me. But then again I’m tired of hearing sorry. It wasn't anyone here fault.
"We know. And we are so sorry!" Miley and Matt say together. Oh great, here comes the sorries.
"Thanks guys but people are waiting." I say and I nod towards the line of people.
"Right, talk to you later." Miley says and runs off.
"Bye." Matt says and follows her.
I see Joe glance at me with a weird look on his face. I look away and he wraps his arm around my shoulder pulling me into a hug. Then I start crying. Damn, I was doing so well. I hadn't cried yet. I wipe my eyes and see black on my fingers. So much for waterproof mascara. What is wrong with me? I'm at my brother's funeral and I’m thinking about my mascara! Damn, I’m really messed up. I hug Joe tighter and then let go. He looks at me and wipes my tears off then kisses my forehead. I give him a weak smile and turn back to the guests.
The rest of the night was pure torture. More I'm sorry, and I know how you feel. The only person who didn't say that was Justin, Joe's friend. He came up and said I don't know what to say. And gives Joe and me a hug. Then says bye and leaves, I think he was my favorite guest.
The next morning it was the same thing. Joe drove me to the funeral and didn't leave my side. As everyone started leaving and walking past the casket to put flowers on it, Joe disappeared. It took me a minute to notice but when I did I freaked out. JOE! Where in the Hell are you!!! I look around frantically and see Justin, Joe's friend. He'll know where Joe went. I run up to him.
"Have you seen Joe?" I ask frantically looking around still.
"No, are you ok?" Justin says giving me a worried looked.
"I just lost my brother! And Joe said he wouldn't leave my side and he's not here! Do you think I’m ok?" I say with a lot of sarcasm.
"Stupid question, let's find Joe." Justin says. He takes my hand and leads me towards the back of the crowd looking for Joe.
"JESS! JUSTIN?" I hear a voice yell.
I turn and see Joe running towards us. So, I run to him and hug him. Then I slap him in the face.
"OW! What the fuck?" Joe yells rubbing his cheek.
"You said you weren't leaving my side and you did!" I yell crying again.
"SORRY! I had to pee!" Joe says.
"Well- wait did you say pee? Where did you pee at there aren't any bathrooms around." I say confused.
"Yea, but there are trees." Joe replies in a Duh voice.
"EW!" I say and slap him in the chest.
"Enough hitting Joe." Joe says laughing. I start to laugh to but then I don't because I remember where we are. Joe notices and stops too.
"JOE, JESSICA, come on! Time to say goodbye." Josh yells. I look over at him and see he's standing by the casket. I close my eyes as Joe takes my hand. I slowly open them and start to walk with Joe towards the casket.
Goodbye? I can't! He can't leave me! No! I won't! Joe walks up and places his hand on the casket. He says something I can't hear then moves over to the side and waits for me. I place my hand on the casket, tears falling down my cheeks, I place a flower down. OH geez, I don't know what to say. He's dead! And I can't handle it! I can't say goodbye. I just can't.
I lean over the casket and cry then I whisper "You'll never be forgotten. I LOVE you. Goodbye..." Then I walk over to Joe and hand him the heels mom made me wear. I kiss him on his forehead and say "Goodbye." Then I run. I run faster than I ever had before. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. I know Joe would be looking for me before long, but I had my cell so if I needed help I could call someone. I keep running through the cemetery and past all the shops in town. I had no clue where I was headed but I was running away from everything. No one could stop me now.