I’m Not Your Princess

“Do you love me?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you give me another chance?”

The last thing I heard that moment was the phone that fell to the ground, breaking into pieces as I looked down at my hands. They were pale and cold, but I didn’t know if it was because of the cold, or the feeling of all the life I had left being drained from me.

I had waited for him to call, just to say he was sorry, and he did. It was never easy to stay mad at him; you could never look at his face, without smiling. Everyone had always said that he had the face of an angel, and it was true. He could get anyone to do anything he wanted just when he needed them to do it, some say, it was just because of the fact that they could never say no to his beauty. I was one of them.

I placed a hand on the wall beside me, pulling myself up. I didn’t want to sit still for so long, it only made it harder to forget everything that I’d seen.

It was second nature to me, it might annoy people, but I did it when I was upset. I started pacing back and forth, taking deep breaths to control myself. Days earlier, I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry. I hated that I wasn’t able to keep that promise, I felt like I was too weak to stop myself from crying over him, I felt pathetic.

I ran a hand through my hair, allowing the bangs to fall in front of my eyes. In that moment, I realized how stupid I was, honestly, just for believing in him. I should have known better than to trust the first guy that came my way. I should have never believed him when he said he loved me, I should have known he couldn’t mean it. I should have known. But I didn’t.

The days always feel longer when he isn’t here and now all there is to do is just try to hold on and get through every day; that was my goal in life now. It seems so stupid of me, but it feels like it’s the only way to just get through.

I always remember the one thing he said to me, after a while, I started believing it, too. Every night, he would tell me that I was his princess, and he was my night in shining armor. I always adored love stories, and that would be our love story in his eyes.

He would start by saying, ‘Once upon a time, far away in Hollywood’, making me giggle. He knew everything about me then, all my dreams and the things I hoped of doing and in our fairytale, he would make them al come true. He said that if his princess was in trouble, he would be the one coming to save her, his white horse running as fast as it could manage, only to sweep me off my feet. He had a wild imagination, but I loved that about him. He would always want to lead his princess up the stairwell and be the last one she sees before she goes to sleep and the first one when she woke up. His stories made me a dreamer; he made me think that all my dreams would come true.

I stopped pacing for a second, looking up into the mirror. Since he’s been gone, I hated what I see. All I have left are the broken dreams he left with me, and now I have to face reality alone. I could catch a glimpse of the town through the window, breaking my heart even further.

“I’m not a princess.” I mumbled to myself, turning away from the mirror.

“This is a small town.” I said, touching the window, my lip starting to tremble.

“And it’s too late, Bill Kaulitz, for you and your white horse to come around.”

Once his name left my lips, I couldn’t fight back the tears; I had no strength left for it. He wouldn’t care if he saw me crying, nobody would.

I could still remember the exact shade of brown his eyes were, and how I would get so lost in them. When he spoke, I never had a chance of not melting at his voice. I was so stupid to think that it would ever be. He made me dream of our happy ending, how we would walk away as the sun set, hand in hand. He would never leave me and we would be happy for the rest of time. It all sounds so naïve now.

My head shot up when I heard a barely audible knock on my front door. It sounded so soft in the rain. The house was dark, the only light was the grey clouds and thunder coming from outside, but it was easy for me to make my way through the room. I couldn’t look in the mirror again, I didn’t care.

The door had three locks on it, which made it harder for me to open it. I tried to control my tears as I struggled to open the door, not wanting anyone to see me cry. The door creaked slightly when it opened, and at fist, I couldn’t see anything except the rain background of my town. The voice that spoke was a quiet whimper, and as I looked down, I found the person who knocked.

I couldn’t have decided whether I should be mad or happy, it made no difference to the fact that he was in front of my door, on his knees, his eyes red and swollen.

“Sami... Please, just give me another chance. I love you...” He whispered, looking up at me.

For a moment, I could have sworn I felt my heart skip a beat when I looked into his eyes. I placed a hand on my chest as I looked down at him. His black hair was soaking wet, along with his clothes, his makeup running down his pale cheeks. This was the way I wanted him to apologize, I wanted him to mean it, and it looked like he did. He started to stand up slowly, moving a loose strand of hair out of his eyes, his face just as flawless as I remembered. I shook my head slowly.

“Bill... I’m so sorry, but no. I can’t.” I whispered, feeling a lump form in my throat.

I turned around and ran away from the door quickly, hearing it slam, not caring if I didn’t lock it. I just wanted him to leave. When I came to the wall, I stopped almost instantly, letting myself fall against it, collapsing into a new wave of tears. I never wanted to do that to him, I never wanted to hurt him. But most of all, I didn’t want him to hurt me. I was never the only one, and it’s time that I had to accept it.

One day, I might find someone who treats me well.

One day, I might even get out of this small town.

One day my dreams will come true.

My night in shining armor will save me and he will disappear.

Because for Bill Kaulitz, it was too late to save me now.