The Sound of a Million Dreams and Scars

I blinked. Actually I thought I was blinking a tear away, but there was no tear. I thought to myself, that I was a man, I could not just sit here and cry. I could not cry. Men did not cry, that was just how it was. They were supposed to be the strong ones and I would be standing up strong, maybe not for her, but at least for myself. My life wasn’t going to end. I had a life to live with or without her, maybe it wouldn’t be as joyful. It would be horrible.
I decided to stay outside in the sun laying in the grass. My mind sent me back to memory lane.

”Jay?” The soft voice said in a clear tone.
“Mhhm…?” I turned my head to look at the stunningly beautiful girl laying next to me. We were laying in the grass. It was the greenest I had ever seen it and the sun was the hottest I had remembered it.
“I was just making sure you didn’t sleep.” She said and turned her head to look at me. “Isn’t this great. I think heaven will be just like this, if there is a heaven.” She paused. “I wish we could lay here forever just holding hands.”She flashed a cute smile. “You are the only one I would want to lay here with. It’s so peaceful. So far away from the traffic and any other noise. Imaging having lots of fruit here in this garden and kids running around playing with each other. A boy and a girl.” She wasn’t letting me say anything. She just talked and talked like we were just going to lay there and talk until the day we died, and that the sun would never go down and the ground would never turn cold and the grass turn wet.

I suddenly wished, that her dream would have come true, and that we could just lay there forever and holding hands. Now I was laying on the grass by myself imaging her to be next to me. I closed my eyes.

“This garden is amazing. I love this place. How did we even find a house like this. This is the place of my dreams, I’m in heaven” She said and stood in the center of the garden. I walked up to her and placed my hands on her waist. I slowly planted a kiss on her lips and it turned to be more passionate. I loved the taste of her and her soft lips and tongue. We played around with our tongues carefully, like the first time we shared a kiss. Very intense, but slow and careful. Out of nowhere it started raining. I could feel her lips curl into a smile as we kissed.
“I think we should get inside, before we catch a cold.” I told her and she took my hand and led me inside the house. Our house.

I opened my eyes remembering the day clearer than I had ever done. I lain on the grass for god knows how long, when I finally was cold enough. I dragged myself inside the big beautiful house. Everything in here reminded me of her. She was the one, who had decorated the rooms and bought the stuff. She knew how to make it look good and comfortable. I threw myself on the couch and closed my eyes. I slowly drifted off to sleep.