Dreams and Wishes

He dropped me off at my truck, thanked me for the evening and was gone. I crawled across my seat, pure happiness engulfing me. I hadn’t done something like that with someone besides Sam in a long time. I stopped by her house on the way home. She and Ryan were cooking dinner together, so I didn’t stay for long. But just being around people that were laughing, enjoying life, seemed to up lift my spirits. I didn’t know if it had anything to do with Jonathan, but it certainly seemed like it.

At home I enjoyed a dinner with just Mom, as Austin was working. Yes, he is a little old to be living with us, but it makes Mom happy and then we only have to pay for one house. We had a simple meal of spaghetti and then watched Who’s Line Is It. All in all I felt as though my day had been a success. As I lay in bed with Meeko wrapped around me I felt content. A feeling that I thought had disappeared off the face of the earth. I drifted to sleep and dreamed of Jonathan.

The next morning I awoke and it was back. The feeling of being unwanted. The feeling that I wasn’t good enough for anything. I buried into my covers and refused to get up. I knew I would eventually, to ease my mother’s worry. But for now it was my sanctuary.

Twenty minutes later I litterly dragged myself out of bed. Sighing to myself with nearly shut eyes, I bumped along the hallway till I reached the dark bathroom. Starting my shower, I undressed in the dark. I stepped in and embraced the warm, steamy water. It was another safe haven for me. One that I felt safe and protected in. One that I felt as though all my troubles were going to wash right down the drain. But sadly shower time does come to an end and I wrapped myself in the tan and forest green towel. Suddenly it became too much.

The empty hole in my stomach seemed to fill everything and I felt as though I was going to fall apart. I curled up on the bathroom floor and began to cry. My wet hair began to make me colder and my body started to shake with tears and shivers. Fortunately I was able to get it together before Mom noticed anything out of the ordinary. I always took a long time in the morning and today was no different.

I fixed my hair, threw on some jeans and a tank top and a light jacket, ate my Honey Nut Cheerio’s and was off to school. When I sat down in home room Jonathan was already sitting next to me, excited to see me. His eyes glistened with happiness and he began to chatter on about something and I did my best to feign interest, but I wasn’t in a people mood today.

Unfortunately for me, Jonathan noticed that I wasn’t paying much attention. “What’s wrong? You seem kind of down and out of it. You okay?”

I did my traditional, didn’t get enough sleep, had a bad morning routine but I could tell he wasn’t pleased with my answer.

I was feeling pretty okay during lunch and after, but I was still looking forward to art class, where I could release my feelings. Sixth hour came and I worked endlessly on a simple picture of a hand, working on detail and shading. By the end of class I was satisfied with my sketch and feeling much better. But what really made my day was after school, Jonathan came up to my truck and offered me a picture. It was done in charcoal and was a picture like mine of the tree all alone in the snow, but this picture had two trees right next to each other, branches interweaving.

“Ready for icees?” He asked as he offered me his helmet? And that’s when I knew I was falling in love.

I hopped on the back of his motorcycle and hung on tight. My arms were around his stomach and it was a comfortable feeling to have someone that close. We pulled in and got our icees.

“You know what your problem is?” Jonathan spoke randomly.

“No, just what is my problem?” I asked with a giggle. I was on a sugar high and acting up.

“You hold on too tight. You need to relax with life and just go with the flow.”

“You don’t like when I hold on tight?”

He blushed, “No, that’s not it, I do, it’s suppose to be symbolic or something, I was never that good in English.” He sighed. “Can I take you somewhere?”

I nodded as I slurped my icee.

“Come on then.” He handed me the helmet and we got back on his bike. We rode around for a while, just through neighborhoods and such. I hung on extra tight at first and I could feel him laughing. Finally we reached our destination, the mansion on the outskirts of town.

“So this is where the King lives.” I laughed at my own joke. He smiled. “When will it be all fixed up?”

“Well Dad says we will be able to move in by August. Want to see which room is supposed to be mine?” I nodded. We walked around back and entered through a busted back door.

The house was dark. Light only shown in for dusty windows and cracks in the walls. Jonathan reached back and grabbed my hand.

“This way,” He whispered. The moment had that spell that doesn’t permit a voice volume above a whisper. Jonathan’s hand felt warm and nice in mine. His was slightly coarse, but firm. His happiness seemed to spill through out touching connection into me. Suddenly I stopped and laughed out loud, breaking the spell. Jonathan looked at me and laughed too. Then we were running. Hand in hand we crossed threshold after threshold as he yelled to me the potential of each room. We made it up two flights of stairs before catching out breath.

“And this” pant “is my” deep breath “room to be”. He led me into a room with one wall that was nearly pure window. It faced the back of the house and held a spectacular view.

“Oh wow,” I sighed. The view held a field of sunflowers. “Let’s go there.” I pleaded and we raced back down. Jonathan led me to the edge of the field and bowed, presenting his hand to me.

“Ready beloved?” I giggled and curtsied, taking his hand. His lips gently pressed against my hand and I felt tingles all up my arm.

We walked a bit, hand in hand, not doing much besides asking a question every now and then. He stopped at one point and turned to face me. The day was hot and we had both shed our shoes and had our pants rolled up. Jonathan had also shed his shirt and me my jacket. He pulled me close and we started swaying as he hummed a tune. Soon we were dancing all over. Fast, slow, together, apart, spins and twirls. He was singing full melody now, with a voice sweeter than honey, even if it was a bit husky, and me who couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot.

He pulled me close again and looked me in the eyes.

“Cat,” he whispered, “you’re beautiful.” And then he kissed me.