The Hardest Part of Today is a Hangover.

Oli was due to call me in an hour and let me know that they had finally reached Tulsa. I was exhausted, worrying about him and the guys, and my lower region had started to have some odd pains every now and again, which my doctor said was normal. I could feel him moving slightly, which just started happening recently. It felt odd—before I knew I had something inside me, but with his moving it just confirmed that something being alive.

He’d only been gone for two weeks and I was an absolute wreck.

He would tell me that ‘everything would be fine’ on the phone, and that ‘you need to take it easy, Anna, for the baby.’ As much as I knew he was right, I couldn’t help but stress myself out.

And watching the Cosby show was the only thing that could get my mind off of it lately, so I’d sit at home all day and do work in my office that was a door down from my room, then at seven o’clock I’d watch the Cosby Show and eat a salad and ice cream until Adam and Erin got home from picking Casey up from Erin’s father’s house. He’d been watching her lately, and it seemed to be his call of some sort; he loved that child. He was making up for all his mistakes with Erin, obviously.

“Theo!” Dr. Huxtable yelled “What in the world made you think I’d let you do that?”
“B-But Dad…you said I could!” Theo replied in defense, looking at his father bewildered.
Dr. Huxtable looked at his wife, then back at Theo, and whispered through his teeth, “No I didn’t.”
“Yeah you did Dad! Rememb-“
“To your room!” Dr. Huxtable shouted, pointing towards the stairs. “And don’t come out until I tell you that you can.”
Theo marched up the stairs, confused, and Dr. Huxtable.
“Now, Cliff,” Mrs. Huxtable began, “You know you told that boy he could.”
Dr. Huxtable looked appalled. “Me? No!”
“Yes you, Cliff,” Mrs. Huxtable said patronizingly, “Now go to your room and don’t come out until I tell you that you can.”
Dr. Huxtable marched up the stairs, mumbling under his breath about getting Theo back for this.

I laughed and turned the television off, walking into the kitchen to put my plate into the sink and grab the ice cream. And as I did so I couldn’t help but think about how much that reminds me of Oli and I. I could see us being exactly like that—Oli going behind me and letting our kid do something, and then me catching the both of them later.

They’re both going to be little troublemakers.

I laughed to myself as I padded through the living room, eating away at my ice cream as Erin and Adam walked through the door, baby Casey in hand.

“Hello dear!” Erin greeted me, a smile on her face.

“Hey guys. Where have you been all this time?” I asked, taking another bite of ice cream.

“Out to dinner,” Adam answered. “I wanted to take my favorite girls in the world to a special treat,” he mused, giving both Erin and Casey kisses upon kisses. Casey giggled at her father’s silliness, gurgled a bit and clapped her hands together.

I smiled at the sight of the family, and sniffed.
“I’m going to bed, guys. See you tomorrow,” I sighed, taking a bite out of my ice cream.”

Adam smiled at me, but Erin looked at me questioningly.
“Okay, night,” Erin said very peculiarly, watching me as I left the room.

My cell phone was ringing as I walked into the room. I tossed my ice cream to the side and licked on my spoon, answering my phone.
“Hey baby.” I murmured, curling into my comforter.
It had managed to lose his smell in these slowly passing two weeks, and my heart nearly broke from the realization—his shirts, his everything already smelled like me. I was beginning to forget what the scent of him was like when it ran up my nostrils and passed through my brain, setting off the alarms all over my body to make me shiver. He smelled of menthol and…something else.

I ached a little, biting my lip.

“I missed your voice.” Oli whispered through the phone, and I smiled against my sheets.

Oh, how the days ware your memories away.

[--]

I woke up sneezing the next morning, and it wasn’t just a little sneeze, either.
It was a gigantic fucking sneeze that made me shoot up in the hair, my head reel back, then lurch forward like a roller coaster ride as a loud snarl left my throat, ending with a high-pitched squeak. I could almost feel the weight difference in my head as the snot flew through the air.

It wasn’t my most glamorous of moments.

My eyes were red and my skin was blotchy. I had bags upon bags on my face. Everything in my body felt completely stuffed and gross, like someone had stuffed my blood cells with yeast and they were starting to expand.

I groaned and laid back down, resting my head on my pillow, only to have my door swing open two seconds later and Erin appear through it.

“You’re sick, we’re going to the doctor,” Erin announced.

I groaned. “No. I don’t want to get up.”

“Well, would you like to keep your little boy alive, or would you like him to not be?”

I groaned some more and sat up. “Fine, fine. Just gimme—“

I sneezed and Erin groaned.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting sick, Anna? This is bad! Very bad!” she shouted, whining like a child. “What if—“

“Shut up and get out so I can change,” I ordered, “Oh, and Erin?”

“Yeah?” she asked, stopping in mid-step.

“Get me some—“ I sneezed again.

“Tissues,” she finished, “Got it.”

[--]

“You just have the flu, so we’ve prescribed you some Robitussin DM for a week and a day. It’s very common with pregnant women, so don’t worry. You take it twice a day by mouth with water. Make sure you’re eating three meals a day; I’d prefer you take one with breakfast and one with dinner, but it’s whatever you decide. Does that clear it all up for you?” Dr. Hershe asked, a smile on his face.

I smiled, sighing and squeezing Erin’s hand, who squeezed it back. We had both been extremely nervous about my sickness. The baby was the first things on our minds.

“Yes it does. Thank you, Dr. Hershe. You’re a lifesaver,” I said gratefully.

“It’s my job,” he laughed. “Now go home and get some rest. You’ll need it to get over this as soon as possible. It’s better for you and the baby.”

I nodded. “Right. See you next time.”

As Erin and I walked out of the doctor’s office and to the car I realized just how unprepared I was for this child, especially without Oli being with me, and it made me think about when he is actually born and Oli’s not there to comfort me. What will I do? I’m not ready for this at all.

“Yes you are,” Erin commented from next to me, driving down 43rd street.

I looked at her, confused.
“Did I say that out loud?” I asked. I thought I had said it in my head.

“No, you didn’t. But I know exactly what you were thinking. I was thinking the same thing when I was coming back from the doctor with Adam. I was so scared to be alone with this child, thinking I wouldn’t be able to take care of her and keep her alive, but I readied myself for her. I realized that it wasn’t just my life on the line anymore, it was also another. And I had made that life, so I was going to take care of it. You’ll have your time of realization, Anna. I promise you.”

I sighed as we pulled into the Publix parking lot, but she smiled at me.

“I’ll be back in five minutes with your medication, sweetie.”

She left me with the car running, and I thought to myself. Thought about everything. But before I could get too into my dream world, my phone started vibrating in my purse.

Are you okay? Do you want me to come home?

I smiled. No, baby. It’s just the flu. I have meds. Have fun, I love you!

I wanted to say No and yes! so bad it nearly hurt me to have to say no. I wanted him here, with me. I wanted him to watch through this entire process with me. I wanted him to rub my back and feet and keep me comfortable when the baby was moving about.

I wanted my sheets to smell like menthol and hairspray again.

That’s what it was…hairspray.