My Fears Burn While You're Around

A beeping sound met my ears as I became aware of my surrounding for the first time in awhile. I could feel that I was lying down but I still had yet to open my eyes to see just where I was. I felt something warm around my hand and my finger twitched slightly against whatever it was. I curled my toes as my legs shifted and I slowly decided to open my eyes.
White walls were never a good sign.

I squinted around and saw a monitor on my left that had stats running across the screen. I was in a hospital. Crap.

As I turned to my other side I saw that the thing that was against my hand was actually another hand that belonged to Matt who was snoozing in a chair beside me. I flinched as I closed my eyes and thought back to what had happened. I really didn’t remember much other than the guy attacking me and Brian coming to my rescue. As much as I wanted to pull my hand away from Matt's in fear it was actually comforting to me and I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Instead of pulling away I gently ran my thumb over his rough skin slowly. He stirred and opened his eyes. Upon spotting me watching him he jumped up making me release his hand. I shrunk back at the look of surprise on his face and cowered wondering if I had done something wrong.

"You're awake! Shit I've gotta get a nurse."

"Matt wait." I said quietly as he headed for the door. He turned and upon spotting my scared and confused expression he came back over and sat down.

"Matt what happened? All I remember is Brian…" I trailed off as he placed a finger on my lips.

"Shhh. You're alright now. You only remember Brian coming out because you blacked out after you fell and hit your head. He beat the shit out of the guy who apparently has been wanted for attempted rape before. So he'll be locked away for awhile. You're safe now." I beckoned him close as tears started to fall from my eyes. He leaned forward and I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck as I sobbed. He carefully wrapped his arms around my tender frame and just let me cry.

"I was so scared." I managed to squeeze out in between cries. He just hugged me and held me close as I literally broke down in front of him.

"Celeste, why did you go outside without someone with you?" He whispered into my ear as soon as I started to calm down. How in the world was I suppose to answer that? Oh well, Matt, I suddenly realized just how much I care about you and I think I'm falling in love with you. It scared me to the point where I couldn’t breathe and just needed to go outside.

Yeah, that wasn't going to work at all.

"I just needed some fresh air. I told Val I was going outside and the security guard also knew. No one offered to go with me so I figured it would have been safe." That much was the truth. He didn’t need to know that his song had literally made me breathless.

Matt let out a heavy sigh and pulled away to gently grasp my face in his hands in a caring way. "Celeste someone should have gone with you. You of all people should have known the dangers of a dark alley."

"I know." I whispered, ashamed that I had been so careless last night. He was right, I should have known.

A small deep cough came from the door and I turned to see Brian standing in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his black jeans. He was watching Matt and I interact but still looked uneasy when he saw my situation. Matt looked between Brian and I and then released me from his grasp.

"I'll let you two talk for a bit." He said before getting up and slowly leaving the room. I pulled the blanket over my hips more and wiped at my puffy eyes. Brian closed the door behind Matt and then came over to take his seat. His hands came out of his pockets as he sat and he slowly reached for my hand but still seemed unsure of himself.

"It's ok Brian." His brown eyes met mine and he nodded. I decided to make the move and reached over to grab his hands. They were rougher than Matt's were and I bet that was due to all his guitar playing.

"I'm so sorry Celeste." He told me as he looked into my eyes again after glancing down at his lap.

"Brian what do you have to be sorry for? You saved me."

"I know. But I'm sorry for everything that's happened before. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable but I did and I'm probably the world's biggest douchebag for saying some of those things. I mean, I fucking knew your story since the beginning and I still made shitty comments. I really don't know why I did it but I'm sorry."

I listened intently and could feel his heart speaking. He really was remorseful and meant every word he said. I was honestly surprised that he was apologizing because it didn't seem like something that Brian would ever do. It just didn't fit his personality.

I guess my near rape had changed that though. There was now some sort of bond between Brian and I. I didn't know how to explain it, but I just could feel it. I trusted him and knew I could count on him to help me feel safe.

"It's ok Brian." His face contorted and he shook it as he looked down.

"No it's not. It's not alright until I show you that I'm not like that. And that is something I will do. I promise." I brought my other hand to rest on top of his.

"I appreciate that Brian. I really do. But I don't want you to change on my behalf. We all know that I have some issues that I need to work out and get over. And it'll take time but its something that I myself have to do. I still am scared of men in general, especially after last night. I only trust you and Matt to touch me since well, for one you saved me, and Matt, well…" I trailed off not really knowing what to say about Matt. A sly grin crossed his face and he smiled knowingly at me.

"Matt is Matt. You like him. I can tell."

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him because I knew he was right.

"He's a good guy Celeste. If anyone can help you it's him."

"I know Brian." I said softly as I released my hands and started playing with my blanket out of habit. I could tell he wanted to say more but he must have decided against it since he stayed quiet. He waved his hand and the door opened again to reveal Matt. He stepped in and gripped the back of the chair that was by the door. He brought it to my other side and moved the machine some so that he could sit beside me.

"So I spoke to the nurses. They said that you could leave tonight if you're feeling up to it. Your head should heal with no complications."

Well that was good to hear. I hated hospitals. They were always too clean, too bright, and too expensive.

Too expensive.

Oh holy crap.

I sat up even straighter and my eyes widened immensely.

"What's wrong?" Brian questioned as he and Matt both looked at me worriedly.

"I've gotta get out of here now. I can't pay to be here!" I ripped the IV from my arm and threw the blankets off of me. "I can't pay the bills, the pain medicine, I can't be here!" I cried frantically as I stood up off of the bed only to collapse almost to the floor.

I never hit it though because Matt caught me. My head Brian ran over to close the blinds so as not to alert the nurses.

"Celeste relax babe. We've got it covered." I froze at that and Matt lifted me up and placed me back onto the bed. I fell back like a limp noodle and started at him like he had three heads.

"No! You can't pay for this! I don't have insurance. Matt you can't!" He just smiled and let me rant but I could tell he wasn't going to have any of my arguments. After a few minutes of my protesting he raised his hand and placed his finger against my lips to silent me. Brian sat chuckling and rolling his eyes at me.

"We can, and are paying for this. You're forgetting that we're rockstars babe. This hospital bill isn't any big deal for me so relax. I'm paying for it. Besides, it would look weird if I didn’t since I told them you were my wife." I moved my head forward and stared at him in disbelief.

"You told them I was your wife?" I questioned to make sure that I had heard him properly. He just sat forward and nodded smugly as he rested his elbows on his knees and folded his hands together.

I had to admit, the nursing staff must have been pretty stupid to believe that. There's no way that a girl like me could pull off being Matt's wife. It's just not possible. I went to say something back but I was cut off as the door opened and a nurse poked her head in.

"Oh! Mrs. Sanders you're awake. That's great to see. We just need to run a few more tests and make sure that you're alright before we release you." I blinked a few times and sat there still speechless.

She ignored my shocked expression and went over to check my vitals at the machine. I heard the door open again and this time a man stepped into the door. I felt my breathing hitch and I shrunk back into the bed not wanting him to come any closer to me. He may have been a doctor but he could still hurt me. I didn't trust him. He grinned and stepped closer into the room making me whimper.

"Don't come near me." I told him in a whisper. Matt and Brian exchanged a nervous look and I started to breathe faster.

"Mrs. Sanders I'm just here to perform the rape kit."

"I wasn't raped. Don't come near me." I said again but this time I put more force behind my words. A rape kit wasn't necessary when I wasn't raped. I wasn't about to let any man near that part of my body, much less one I never had met before.

"It's just standard procedure for instances like this." He continued to walk toward me and my manner changed from scared to angry.

"I said don't come the fuck near me!" I screamed as my body began to shake. "I wasn't fucking raped! Get the fuck out!" Matt had by now leaned over and placed a hand on my shoulder to try and calm me down.

"Sir," Brian stood up to face him. "I already gave my statement, I found her before she was raped. A kit won't be necessary because it didn't happen." The doctor looked like he wanted to challenge Brian but upon a look at Brian's clenched fists and stern face, must have thought decided against it.

"Alright." Was all he said before he turned heel and left the room. The nurse followed behind him and I just continued to shake, now with tears streaming down my face.

"Can I leave please? I don't want to be here anymore." Brian left the room and I saw him go to the nurses station through the door and start talking to one of them.

"It's alright babe. We’ll get you out of here alright?" I nodded feebly and scooted over closer to Matt. Right now I just needed comfort and that was found in his arms strangely enough.

***

It felt good to be home and honestly, all I wanted to do was lie down on the couch and not move. Johnny had fixed me some dinner, and hadn't burnt it this time, and I had just finished my shower. The guys had been over and I had no idea if they were still here or not.

I still felt incredibly bad about Matt picking up the hospital bill but I really couldn’t argue. I had no way to pay it and therefore was really left with no other choice. I stared into the mirror and looked at the lovely bruise that was on the corner of my forehead. It was sore as my fingers gently ran over it but it certainly wasn't the worst I had ever had. That award belonged to my father.

I sighed and pulled my pajamas on before wiping away a stray tear that fell from my eye. Why did bad things always happen to me? It was like my life was destined to be jinxed or something. These situations always seemed to be able to find me no matter where I was. I could have sworn I was a magnet for these things. I didn't want to be though, no one in their right mind would. I just wanted to be normal, live a normal life yet somehow I didn't see that ever happening.

After I composed myself I made my way down the stairs at a slow pace since my body had still decided to be shaky. My knee buckled once but I caught the railing to keep myself upright.

When I entered the living room it was to see that Johnny, Matt, Brian and Zacky were all still around. Jimmy had left as I was going upstairs. I had barely heard him mention something about needing to go home to Lisa for the evening. Something told me that they would be up to no good tonight but I tried not to think about it. Zacky and Brian were occupying the reclining chairs while Johnny was curled up with a blanket and a pillow on the floor. Matt on the other hand, was stretched out across the couch and his eyes were glued to the tv screen as they watched the football game.

I groaned lightly realizing that there was no place for me to sit.

"What was that for?" Zacky asked playfully as I scrunched up my face.

"There's no where to sit." I mumbled as I trudged forward.

"Sure there is." Matt told me. I turned my head and saw him turn sideways so that his back was up against the back of the couch. He patted the small space next to him and gave me a smile. I gulped and contemplated if I really wanted to be that close to him just yet. I saw that the other guys weren’t about to make room for me and Brian even gave me a smug look which I really wasn't happy to see.

Realizing that it was either next to Matt of the floor, I slowly hobbled over and crawled onto the couch beside Matt. I scooted down some so that my head wouldn’t block his view of the tv. He carefully and casually draped his arm over my waist. It felt like a weight was holding me down because of the size of his muscles. I folded my hands and placed them under my head to act as a pillow as I got comfortable.

It didn’t feel awkward lying beside Matt but rather it was comforting. His breathing matched mine and the heat that radiated from his body kept me warm. I moved slightly and I guess Matt took the motion differently than I intended him to.

"Are you uncomfortable? Here, move off for a second." Before I could even comprehend what he had said he pretty much shoved me off of the couch gently so that I was sitting on the ground. All of the guys looked slightly baffled at Matt's behavior but then smirked as we watched him lie on his back and then pat his chest as he grinned down at me.

"Matt, no. I'll squish you." He sat up slightly and exchanged a look with the guys before they all busted up laughing. I didn’t quite see what was so funny until Matt leaned over and picked me up effortlessly off of the ground before placing me so I was lying down with my stomach pressed against his chest. My legs were lying between his and I had my hands resting on his arms. He pulled the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch down on us and carefully placed his arms around my back.

"Somehow I think it would be nearly impossible for you to squish me." He told me in my ear as my cheek rested against his chest.

"Fine. You win."

"I always do."

I rolled my eyes and closed them as I let out a content sigh. My ear was so tightly pressed against his chest that I could hear his heart beat at a steady pace.

The heart had always been intriguing to me. It managed to supply an entire body with blood needed to live and yet somehow it also bestowed one of the most valuable feelings someone could ever have; love. A simple touch could make your heartbeat change, an emotion, an event, even a person.

Mine had always changed in fear for most of my life, but as Matt's lips came down and pressed against my forehead I was very thankful that he couldn’t hear my own heart; because if he did he would have noticed the quick increase in beats that it made in that instant.