My Fears Burn While You're Around

"Hey Johnny?"

"Yeah Celeste?"

"Can we maybe go to Ruth's for lunch today? I miss seeing her."

I hated asking to go out to eat. It just didn’t feel right asking someone to spend their money on me for food out instead of the things we had at home. Today felt like an exception though. I really missed seeing Ruth and I wanted to see how she was doing. Visiting Ruth felt like I was visiting my mother in a sense. I needed to make sure that things were going alright with her. Not to mention I'm sure she probably had been wondering if I had been taken care of by the guys.

"Sure thing hun. Do you want to see if the guys want to go?"

"Not really." I answered shyly. I had been seeing a lot of the guys lately and I sort of just wanted some time without the crazy antics and perverted jokes. I just needed some me and Johnny time to put it bluntly.

"Alright. Do you want to head in and get changed and then we'll go?" He set his book down on the side table beside him and lifted his sunglasses up so he could look at me directly.

"Sure." I slipped off of the floating raft and into the cool water for one last dip before I swam over to the side and climbed out. Johnny tossed me the multi colored towel that was beside him and I caught it before wrapped it around my shoulders. He stood up and came over to wrap his arm around my shoulders. I still couldn’t believe he didn’t want to get in the water with me. He comes out in his board shorts and then says he isn't getting in. It was only fair that I splashed him but he was obviously dry by now but was still sans his shirt.

He led me into the house and down the hall to my room before letting me go in so I could change out of my simple swimsuit. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I passed and I had to backtrack for a moment so I could see my reflection for myself. The black bikini top really didn’t do much for my chest area. I still needed to eat more in order to get those fuller. My ribs weren’t showing as much anymore though. I had tried getting to the point where I could eat more but after years of only eating what I needed to stay alive it was a hard thing to get back into. The guys were understanding when it came to how much I ate and they only gave me what I wanted which still wasn't much. I hated how thin I was because it made me look like I had an eating disorder.

The freckles that usually adorned my arms in the summer were back after being in the sun all afternoon. I had missed them. Usually they were out all the time when I was on my own but after moving into a house they disappeared quickly since I wasn’t outside all the time. My eyes weren’t so shrunken into my head anymore either. My face had filled out some and for once I actually felt that I looked normal there.

I still didn’t feel there was anything special about me though and I really didn’t expect there ever to be. I was still the girl without a family and who really didn’t have a home of her own. I guess in a sense I did have the guys and Val as my family but it just wasn’t the same. I missed having a mom and dad who cared. There were a lot of things that I missed but I really didn’t want to dwell on that right now. It wasn’t worth the tears at the moment.

I turned away from my reflection and fished out a simple black t-shirt and a pair of jean shorts before changing quickly. I grabbed my flip flops and re-did my hair up in its clip before leaving the room and jogging downstairs.

Johnny was already waiting for me by the front door and he had his car keys in his hand. He had changed into a white tee and some grey jeans.

"Ready?" He questioned as he pulled the door open and motioned for me to go through. I nodded and stepped out into the sun just as he pulled his sunglasses back over his eyes. I climbed into the passenger seat of his black pick up truck and he get behind the wheel.

It didn’t take us long to get to Ruth's shop. Johnny parallel parked finally, after several failed attempts and a bit of teasing from me. We both climbed out and headed for the door.

"Well hello there Johnny." I looked up from the floor and saw that a couple in their mid fifties probably were standing in front of us probably on their way out as it looked.

"Oh hey there Mike and Sarah. How's it going?" Mike and Sarah, those names sounded very familiar but I just was unable to place them.

"Pretty good son, and you?" The man spoke.

"Doing good. Mike, Sarah, this is Celeste. Cels these are Matt's parents." As Johnny introduced us the light bulb clicked in my head and I now remembered Matt mentioning once that his parents' names were Mike and Sarah. Now this was making sense.

"Ahhh so you're the young lady that Matthew can't shut the fuck up about. It's nice to finally put a face to the name." His dad held out his hand and I shook it without hesitation since he was Matt's dad after all. Sarah just rolled her eyes and instead pulled me into a hug.

"It's nice to meet you hun."

"You two. You both have quite the son on your hands. He really has helped me out tremendously and I'll always be in his debt for it." Mike just waved it off.

"Oh please. You don't owe Matt anything. In fact, I'd have to say it's him who owes you something." He gave me a wink which confused me as to what he meant. What could Matt possibly owe me?

"Well we'll leave you two to your lunch. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of you soon enough." They waved goodbye to us and left the café. I still stood there gaping and trying to comprehend what had just happened.

"Johnny… what did they mean…" I was cut off by Johnny grabbing my arm gently and pulling me over to the counter where Ruth was standing. She had obviously witnessed the meeting and was grinning.

"Celeste dear! How have you been? And Johnny it's good to see you again." She leaned over the counter and gave me a hug before repeating the action with Johnny.

"I'm great Ruth. I truly am and it's all thanks to these guys." I said as I wrapped an arm around Johnny's middle.

"I told you they'd be good guys. You and your little worries." I blushed and nodded knowing she had been right about them.

"So where's the boyfriend?" I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"Oh, you mean you and Matt aren't dating yet?" She asked rather surprised.

"Umm no. He's just a good friend." I blushed but she gave me a disbelieving look.

"If you say so honey. So what'll it be you two?" Johnny and I both told her what we wanted and she told us she would get it right out to us. She gave us our drinks and I followed Johnny over to one of the booths in the corner. We both sat down opposite each other and just sort of stared at one another. My eyes locked with Johnny's and I narrowed them slightly, daring him to look away. He didn’t and we became immersed in a staring contest. I never really had taken notice of his eyes until now. Much like Matt's they were a hazel color only Johnny's were much darker compared to Matt's lighter ones. They shifted ever so slightly and I took that as a hint that he was going to look away shortly.

Instead of looking away though, he blinked. I raised my finger and pointed at him in a triumphant manner. "Aha! I win!"

"Damn it." He muttered as he shook his head playfully. "Alright oh smart one, what did you win?" He leaned across the table further and clasped his hands together in front of him.
I thought for a moment before leaning to meet him and pointing to my cheek. He chuckled lightly and closed the gap as he placed a kiss on my cheek. I grinned and we both sat back just as Ruth brought over our food. She eyed us both carefully and I knew what she was thinking.

"He lost in our staring contest. So he owed me a kiss." I explained as realization dawned on her face.

"Oh good. I'd hate to have to tell Matt his girl had one of his best friends kissing her." I groaned as yet again she referred to me relationship with Matt as more than just platonic.

"Ruth I told you already. Matt is just my friend."

"Well that may be what you say but I'm saying otherwise. You might not be dating him now but I bet you anything you will be soon."

"Ruth." I groaned again. Johnny was just sitting there looking extremely amused by the situation. I couldn’t believe he wasn't coming to my aid on this one.

A wink was all I received from Ruth before she went back over to the counter and then disappeared into the back room leaving just Johnny and I back at our table.

"Why didn't you help me out?" I groaned lightly, still embarrassed by the whole situation.

"Because as much as you like to deny it, I think you may just be falling for Matt. So how could I deny what she said when I agree with her?" I lightly choked on the piece of tomato I has just swallowed and Johnny just managed to shrug at my appalled look. Matt would never want to date me.

"Johnny I can't date anyone." I cast my eyes down to my plate as I pulled the tomato off of my sandwich.

"What makes you say that?" His tone came across as caring and concerned and I regretted saying anything. I should have just kept it to myself and then I would have to explain. His eyes were trained on me and I knew that I didn’t even have time to come up with a lie because he would know.

"I'm not the kind of girl a guy would want to date Johnny. I have a troubled past that I still have issues with. I don’t have a family and I don’t even have a place to live. I'm not some gorgeous person who draws all the attention. I'm not the kind of girl Matt would want to date."

"And how do you know that? Have you asked Matt what he looks for in a girl? Maybe he doesn’t want a super model girlfriend. You're gorgeous babe, in your own way. And the fact that you have a troubled past just makes you more unique. I may not be able to speak for Matt directly but I can tell you that you have made quite the impact on him or else he wouldn’t have offered to help you in the first place. I can see the longing in your eyes when you look at him and you may not see it but he returns it quite often. I personally think you both would be good for each other."

"I can't Johnny." I whispered as I continued to pick at my sandwich. "I just can't date anyone. I'm too scared to. I mean, Matt, of all people. I would just complicate his life and crash his lifestyle. I can't do that to him. I don’t want him tied down by my problems."

"So you do like him." He smirked. I started to protest his discovery but he held up a finger to silence me. "Matt doesn’t care. Incase you haven’t noticed yet, he's different that other guys. Matt isn’t about fucking groupies or getting drunk every night. I don’t think he's been with a girl since he first laid eyes on you. He's rarely gotten drunk when we go out and every time we try and get him to hook up with a girl he refuses."

Johnny paused just in time for the bell over the door to ring signaling that someone else had entered the café. "Speak of the devil." He muttered as he smirked at me once more. I slowly let my head peer over the top of the booth and saw Matt had entered and was now standing at the counter talking to Ruth. He must have looked over here because I saw Johnny wave at his band mate just as I took another bite of my sandwich to try and distract myself.

I was pretty upset that our conversation was getting cut short but I was glad it was for Matt at least and not some stupid distraction.

"Hey guys." He grinned down as he gently slid into the booth beside me. He was dressed in a white t-shirt that hugged his muscles and a pair of faded jeans that also hugged him in places that drew my attention more than they should.

Johnny caught my eye and I knew he was pointing out that Matt had chosen to sit beside me and not him.

"Hey man. What brings you here?" Matt chuckled as he reached over and stole a french fry from Johnny's plate.

"Looks like it's the same thing as you guys; lunch. You don't mind if I join you do you?" He aimed his question at me and I saw Johnny smile.

"Not at all." I replied quietly. Matt grinned and reached his arm out to put around my shoulder. He pulled me closer into his side and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

Maybe Johnny had been right. I mean he did willingly kiss me on the forehead and he did do it often.

"So what are you both planning on doing today?" He asked as Ruth brought over his food. She gave me a wink and a knowing look that caused me to blush slightly. She was never going to let this go.

"Well as far as I know we don’t really have any plans." Johnny said with a sly grin.

"No plans? Well that’s a shame. Would you mind if I borrowed Cels for the rest of the afternoon then bro?" My breathing hitched in my throat and I sort of hoped that Johnny would say he did in fact mind because I was sort of nervous spending the rest of the day with Matt now that my feelings had surfaced and were set on the table thanks to Johnny.

"Naw man go right ahead." I was mentally cursing him for his answer and I think he knew I would be giving him crap for it later.

"You don't mind do you Cels?" Again I got chills when he used my adopted nickname that he had given me. It just rolled off of his tongue so smoothly and there was just something that felt right about it.

"Not at all." I choked out. Matt gave me a funny look for my tone.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Just some heartburn." I tried to play it off. He seemed to have bought it because he gave my shoulder a loving squeeze before taking a bite of his grilled cheese sandwich.

"Well since you two are going to be off, I'm going to run by Jimmy's and pick up those song notes he said he had. I'll see you both later. Have fun."

"Later man." Matt replied as I waved and sent Johnny a glare which only got me a wink in return.

"So where are we going?" I asked five minutes later once Matt has scarffed down his meal and we were walking out to his car.

"You'll see." He slyly told me as he opened the passenger door for me.

"Well that's mean. You're not going to tell me?"

"Nope."

"You confuse me Matt Sanders." I huffed as I sat back and he started the car. He turned his body to face me and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"Well if I confuse you as much as you amaze me then I'll have to do it more often." My jaw slacked and blushed as I looked back down at my lap.

Well Matt I think you just achieved your goal because I was definitely confused now more than ever.

What did I do to deserve him in my life?

Whatever it was I wouldn’t have done anything different at the moment seeing as he had just reached over and grabbed my hand in his.

So maybe Ruth and Johnny knew what they were talking about after all.