My Fears Burn While You're Around

"Close your eyes." I did as told and was extremely tempted to open them just a tad bit to peek.
"And don't you dare open them until I say so. Cheating is not allowed and will call for punishment." I raised an eyebrow at him wondering just what this punishment would be. Surly it wouldn't be anything bad but it could be rather odd when it came to Matt. He was a creative guy but I trusted him not to put me in any uncomfortable situations.

"But Matt." I whined playfully.

"No buts. I prefer asses. Especially your's." I groaned and reached over to smack his thigh with the back of my hand. He chuckled and reached over to rest his hand on my leg this time. "Sorry that was a tad uncalled for." He said in reference to his comment.

"I'll say." I mumbled gently.

"It's true though. I don’t like to lie." He insisted as I felt the car take a turn.

"Well whether it's the truth or not, I'd rather not discuss my physical assets if that's ok."

"Why not?"

"Just… because." He sighed at my saddened tone and knew he had sort of struck a nerve with that subject.

"But I like you just the way you are Celeste. You're gorgeous to me." I gave Matt a smile but didn’t reply because I really didn’t want to get into this at the moment. It was a good thing I couldn’t look at him because I think I would probably start crying.

"Well we're here. But don't open your eyes yet." I heard his door open but I still sat in my seat unmoving. The sound of another door opening met my alert ears and I felt the sun hit my legs. Matt reached out and grabbed my hands in his own.

I was hesitant to get out of the car since I wasn't allowed to look. it had been a long time since I had to put my trust in someone else at their request.

"Just trust me. Come on." I slowly slid out of the seat and felt Matt pick me up before placing me on the ground. He gently spun me around and placed his arm around my shoulders as he guided me in a direction. We stopped after a few minutes of walking and he shifted so he was behind me.

"Open your eyes." He whispered in my ear causing chills to travel down my spine.

I did as told and blinked a few times as my eyes adjusted to the light. I looked up in front of me and saw something called the Virgin Megastore. My eyebrows furrowed as I didn’t exactly know what a "virgin" megastore was. I turned and faced Matt and gave him a questioning look. His smile slid off his face when he realized I had no idea what was so special about this store.

"You've never heard of the Virgin Megastore have you…" He trailed off as he chuckled lightly. I shook my head and continued to look at him expectantly for an answer.

"It's a music store. We're in Downtown Disney in Anaheim. I figured we would spend some time here and develop your taste in music a bit." He flashed me a grin. "And then go out to dinner after." He added slyly.

"Matt…" I began to protest.

"Please Celeste?" I let out a sigh when I saw the hope in his eyes. I didn’t like people treating me to things unexpectedly and Matt was well aware of this.

"Alright." His eyes lit up and he let a friendly smirk cross his face.

Daringly, I reached out and grabbed Matt's rough hand in my own. I glanced up at his face and saw his surprised expression was quickly replaced with a warm smile. He gave my hand a squeeze and we walked into the giant store.

I had never really been in a music store before much less one this huge. I must have had the deer in the headlights look because Matt pulled me closer and led me through the different genres to the rock section. I knew I liked rock but how did Matt? He was making an assumption on that one and I decided to give him a hard time about it.

"How do you know I like rock?" I questioned cheerfully. "What if I like country?" Matt stopped flipping through the cds in the M section and turned to look at me.

"Umm… I… You like country?" He asked surprised. I nodded because there were in fact a few country groups and people I knew I was fond of. "I happen to really like Brad Paisley." Matt stood up straight and cocked his head to the side.

"I… uh…" I let off a laugh and Matt just rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"But I like rock too so you're safe. I just don't know any bands." I shrugged. One of the only ways I knew I liked Brad Paisley was because he was a favorite of Ruth's and she was constantly playing his cds in her shop. Music wasn't exactly my thing but I had a feeling that was going to change after being in here with Matt.

"Alright well then, we'll grab some cds and then go listen to them on one of those listening thingys."

"Listening thingys?" I asked as I picked up a creepy looking cd by a band called My Chemical Romance.

"Yeah you know. Those things where you scan the fucking cd and then it plays clips of the songs." I bit the corner of my lip and nodded as I added the cd to the pile Matt had beside him on the floor.

I moved from the m section over to the n's and stumbled across a No Doubt cd. I remember hearing them on the radio when I was younger occasionally. Tragic Kingdom was the album I picked up and put in the pile that now consisted of about twenty different cds courtesy of Matt. Matt picked up the pile and grabbed my hand before dragging me up the escalator and over to where some listening stations were set up with chairs.

"Here. Listen to this first." Matt scanned one by a band called Atreyu and then handed me the head phones. "We're friends with these guys." I nodded and held them over my ears.

"What's a good song?" I asked as I looked at the back of the cd.

"Listen to Ex's and Oh's." I nodded and pressed the skip button until it reached the correct song.

They sounded pretty good to me. The screaming vocals weren't something I was too accustomed to just yet but I had a feeling they would grow on me. It would just take a bit of time.

"So?" Matt questioned.

"I like them." I nodded as I grabbed another cd.

Time flew by and the piles of both the keepers and the disliked cds grew. I had gone through our current stack and Matt had gone to retrieve some more bands based on what I had already determined I was in favor of. We also weeded out the copies of cds that Matt claimed he or one of the guys already owned. He claimed they could just make copies for me.

"So you're an alternative sort of girl then. With a bit of metal mixed in. Not bad." Matt stated as he handed me the bag of cds. I had discovered I enjoyed bands such as Afi, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, A Day To Remember, and then a few others such as Metallica, Deftones, and Iron Maiden. It was a pretty good mix I thought. I had also snuck a Brad Paisley album in and thankfully Matt hadn’t noticed while we were checking out.

"What's that supposed to mean? Not bad." I asked as he took my hand in his once more and swung it gently as we walked.

"It's just an interesting mix I suppose. But we like a lot of the same shit so that's always a good thing." I let out a soft but content sigh as Matt shifted so I was now under his arm and was held protectively against his side. I loved how he held me. Never in my life had I ever felt so safe around a man before. I honestly still had no clue what it was about Matt. I often wondered why I felt like this with him. He was the only person I just about completely trusted and I still didn’t know why. Everything on my exterior was screaming for me to run because he could be like every other guy I had encountered when I was younger. But that’s just the point. He could be like them. But he wasn't and that was what was telling me to stay, that it was alright to be around him.

"I think you'll like this restaurant. It's fun yet nothing too fancy or anything like that. I know that's not your style." He grinned as we walked up to the Rainforest Café. I had heard of this place before but obviously had never been here.

"Hi I have a reservation under Sanders." Matt told the hostess in a polite voice. Her brown eyes looked down and scanned through a few pages in her notebook before she crossed off something and smiled back up at us.

"Alright. Right this way please."

I felt like my head was on a swivel as we walked through the restaurant; well more like as Matt pulled me through the restaurant. I really wasn’t paying attention to where we were going at all. I was too preoccupied with all of the colorful animals that were scattered throughout the hopping joint.

Matt cleared his throat and brought me out of my daze long enough to let me know we were at our table.

I sat down beside him in the round secluded booth and smiled at the hostess as she handed us our menus and said our server would be with us shortly. I flipped it open and scanned across it not having any clue what I wanted. I glanced up at Matt to see he too was in deep concentration.

"So what looks good to you?" Matt asked from over his menu.

"I don't know really. It all sounds good." I had always loved seafood and since that was what most of the menu was it just all sounded appetizing to me. "I'm sort of thinking about like a salad or something." My statement caused Matt to lower his menu and shake his head.

"Nope. I'm not letting you get a salad. I know what you're playing at." He really did know me too well. The salads were the cheapest thing on the menu and I had been known to go for those even if it wasn't what I really wanted. I didn’t like the thought of an expensive meal.

"Are you two ready to order?" The waiter asked as he approached.

"I think so." Matt nodded and smirked in my direction. "I'll have the Maine stuffed lobster and she'll have the monsoon grill plate. Each with a coke please." He nodded and took the menus from us before hurrying off.

"Matt." I whined at the fact that he ordered for me yet again. It was becoming a habit he was developing.

"What? You'll like what I ordered you. It's Zack's favorite. Trust me."

There was that word again. The one word that I was finding I wasn't so scared of anymore.

"I do trust you Matt." His eyes lit up and he could tell I meant it in more that just I trust him with my food choice. "But I'm still scared. I think I may always be this way but just know that I trust you more than anyone else I ever have before." He scooted closer to me and rested his hand gently on my leg.

"That alone means the world to me Cels. It really does." He told me gently.

The waiter interrupted our conversation be bringing our drinks to our table. I scooted over some so I could have some elbow room and my attention was caught on something positioned behind Matt.

My eyes cast over his shoulder and I bit my bottom lip as I tried to hold in a laugh. A big breath of air passed through my nose giving me away though. Matt's hazel eyes looked up at me and his brow furrowed in question.

"Well it looks like they sat us next to your long lost brother Matt." He turned his head to look at the animatronic gorilla that was now moving around behind him. When he turned back around the pout on his face was adorable. His lips were pushed out and he crossed his arms over his chest. The guys were constantly joking around that Matt's figure was like a gorilla in the sense that he was, well, huge.

"That's not very nice." He huffed as I laughed. "You think it's funny?" He asked as I continued to fidget in my seat from my giggle fit. I nodded and in the blink of an eye he had me around the shoulders and was holding me into his side tightly.

"Well that hurt my feelings." He said but I knew he wasn't being serious.

"Well then I'm sorry." I giggled.

"That's not going to cut it. This gorilla wants something more." I gulped visibly but his smile was harmless.

"What might the gorilla want? A banana?" His grin faltered before he glared at me playfully.

"No. This gorilla wants a kiss." He stated as he pointed to his cheek.

I felt my breath instantly hitch in my throat and I tried to think back to the last time I had willingly kissed someone; I couldn’t remember. I sort of looked at Matt with a concerned expression but he continued to pointedly poke his cheek. A small ghost of a grin was visible on his face and I looked down to my lap before tuning back to his face.

Realizing that there was no way out of this one I carefully reached my left hand up and around to touch his other cheek. I leaned up and closed my eyes as I carefully let my lips press against his soft skin. I let them linger for a moment before I pulled away and instantly looked down at my lap as I blushed several shades of red.

Matt's own hand then reached up to cup my face and moved it so I could face him. His smile had increased and his eyes were brighter than ever.

"You, babe, are adorable when you blush. Now be honest with me, was that so bad?" He asked in a caring tone that made me melt.

"No it wasn't. But you're also probably the best person that could have asked for that from me." His lips remained in his grin and he leaned down to return the kiss on my cheek. My skin tingled as the contact was lost and I somehow found myself wishing the kiss had been placed elsewhere.

I needed to be patient though. The last thing I wanted was to kiss him and then have me freak out. Part of me wanted that, no, craved it, while the other part was scared to death to have that kind of intimate contact just yet.

The typical thunderstorm inside the restaurant started and I looked around to see the room get dark and fake lightening start up. The animals all started making noise and I grinned. This was insanely cool and creative for a restaurant.

"Aw look Matt, he's saying hi to you." I said in reference to the gorilla that was now swinging back and forth in the tree behind us. Matt let out a growl and tickled my side playfully.

"Ok, ok. I'll be nice. I promise." I said amidst my laughter. Matt grinned as the waiter handed us our plates and left us alone to eat. The thunderstorm was calming down and the lights came back up.

"Oh my gosh Matt. This is a huge plate!" I said as I looked wide eyed at the platter of food before me. There was a crab cake, shrimp, stuffed flounder, rice, and vegetables and they weren’t small portions either.

"Well whatever you don't eat we can either take home or I'll polish it off." I nodded knowing he would and that was just easier. The guys loved being able to eat what I couldn’t and they were constantly fighting over who got to finish the plate off. They never ceased to amaze me sometimes.

"So I've got a question." Matt asked as we left the restaurant and started walking around the downtown Disney district. "How many guys have you dated in your life?"

My feet got caught under me and Matt helped me stay upright. We reached the fountain in the middle and both sat down on the edge.

"None." I whispered embarrassedly. "I wasn't allowed to date when I was younger and my dad made sure of it." I pursed my lips as I picked at a loose string on my jeans.

"Celeste, what else did your dad do to you when you were little?" So now Matt was asking for the whole shebang. He already knew most of my story but there were a few things I hadn't mentioned to him. Apparently he knew there were some things I had been leaving out.

"Well you already know most of the important things. But I guess you sort of pieced a few things together to be asking about my dating life. My dad was convinced no guy would ever want me and in turn he made me feel the same way. He would call me names and rag on my physical appearance all the time. Sometimes when he would rape me he would say things to me that would put down any girl. He called me a slut, whore, cunt… you name it and I was called it." I said as Matt scooted closer to me.

"There were a few boys that caught my interest in high school but I knew they would never like me. I found out I was wrong on that front though. One guy, Dan, I guess had a thing for me too. Well my dad found out and it didn’t end well. I don’t exactly know what happened but one day I said hi to Dan in the halls and he ran like a bat out of hell and I never saw him around school again. I came to find out that my dad had threatened him in some form. That's also the reason I didn’t have friends in high school. I essentially became the loner that each school had. No one wanted to be around me because of the rumors about my dad.

"It was hard to be honest. Knowing that I wasn't a friend to anyone because of my parents. People always knew something was happening at home but no one was brave enough to confront it. I don’t people figured out that I was being raped but they knew something bad happened all the time. I'm honestly surprised I didn’t turn to self harm because of it all. But that just wasn't like me. I always had faith that it would end someday."

Matt was now rubbing my arm and he reached up to wipe away a stray tear that had fallen. "And then it did but I bet that wasn't the way you imagined it to happen."

"Is it sad that I miss them Matt? I just miss the thought of having parents. After all the crap they put me through I still miss them at times. Especially when I see other families out together. It just reminds me that I don't have that anymore."

"It's not sad hun. It's completely understandable. And while I can say that your parents were both assholes I understand that you miss having your parents. I just want you to know that you'll always have me and the guys though. We may not be the perfect family but we try. You'll also always have Ruth and my own parents. They said that they ran into you earlier and want you to come over for dinner sometimes. We may not be perfect and we do fuck up a lot but you'll always have us." He explained as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Thank you Matt. You guys really are incredible you know. Not many guys would randomly take a strange girl into their homes and treat her like they've known her their entire lives. I really appreciate it."

"But you're not just any girl. There's something special about you and it piques my curiosity all the time." I sighed as I clung to Matt. The water was splashing about in the fountain behind us and it helped me to calm down a bit.

"I think I'll always be trying to show you my gratitude for all you've done Matt. Always."

He pulled away slightly and had a smile on his face. "All I need you to do is be yourself and enjoy your new life. And just let me help you from time to time. I'll always be here for you Celeste."

"Thank you Matt. I think I can do those things, or try anyway."

"I love you Cels. Just remember that."

I blinked several times as I comprehended what he said. Surely he meant it in a platonic way. That had to have been it and I told myself that's all it was. He could and never would like a girl like me. Never.

If only he meant it in the way I wanted him to.