My Fears Burn While You're Around

I bolted out of bed the next morning to the sound of the phone ringing downstairs. I blinked a few times trying to get myself awake. As I stood up to go get the phone it stopped meaning that the person had hung up. Johnny was most likely still over at Matt's and so that really was the only explanation since he wasn't here to answer it. I stood beside the end of my comfy bed and scratched the top of my head.

Glancing around the room I noticed that there were some clothes laid out on my dresser with a note lying on top of them. That wasn't my doing which meant it was someone else's. I hesitantly walked over to the dresser and picked up the note slowly.

The mere fact that someone had been in my room while I was sleeping really had me a bit shaken.

Morning Cels. Did you enjoy your morning wake up call? Literally? Get changed then meet me outside please.
- M

I let out a sigh as I took the clothes. The writing had to be Matt's. I had never fully taken a good look at his but who else would sign a note with M? I changed as I was asked to and applied a very light layer of makeup. That was probably one of the things I still wasn’t used to using. It just didn’t feel right to me so I only used a little bit. I figured I had lived for long enough without it, why start to cake it on now? I was more than happy to just put on a tad bit of foundation and then some eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow. That was it for me.

Not even taking a second glance in the mirror I left my room and went downstairs. It was also devoid of life and the only thing I could hear was the low hum that the refrigerator was making inside of the kitchen. I slipped on my ratty converse that was still a staple of mine. I refused to let anyone buy me a new pair. These shoes had been through so much with me and I wasn't about to replace them.

I slowly opened the door and stepped outside. I locked it behind me and then turned to glance toward the driveway.

A smile graced my features as I spotted a small black bmw that was parked in the driveway. Matt was casually leaning against the hood with his arms crossed. He had on a pair of tan cargo shorts along with a plain black t-shirt. His typical aviator sunglasses were covering the eyes that I was slowly but surely falling in love with. His mohawk stood proudly on top of his head and the infamous Matt dimples appeared as he watched me take in his appearance.

The one thing that baffled me was whose car that was. It wasn't Matt's as far as I knew, Val had a red convertible, it wasn't Johnny's and so I really didn’t know whose it was. Brian had a black bmw but I thought his looked slightly different from this one. Maybe it was Zacky or Jimmy's.

Although I couldn’t see his eyes I was pretty sure Matt was taking in the outfit he had picked out for me. While shopping awhile back with the group Matt had picked out a jean skirt for me that was now the one covering my thighs. He had chosen to couple it with a purple halter top that tied around the back of my neck. It revealed some cleavage but not too much. As for my accessories Matt had gotten out a black and white checkered studded belt that I had grown to love. It was by far my favorite belt I had ever seen or owned before. I got to choose my jewelry but it was only a necklace seeing that I didn’t have any piercings at all.

"Good morning." Matt greeted me carefully. I guess the effects of what had transpired last night were still fresh in both of our brains.

"Morning." I said as I approached him further. He stood up straight from against the car and grinned. He unfolded his arms and held them out for me to step into. His grin was only half of what it normally was and I knew by giving him a hug it would let the other half come through to fully complete his smile. I took a deep breathe and stepped into his embrace carefully. I wrapped my arms around his waist at the same time that he wrapped his around my shoulders. He rested his chin on top of my head while I leaned mine against his toned chest. I inhaled his scent as I breathed in and out slowly. I hated myself for melting so easily into his embrace but it was a feeling I couldn’t control no matter how hard I tried.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled into my hair against my scalp. "I'm so so so sorry." He repeated softly.

"It's ok Matt. It's partially my own fault." He held me out at arms length and shook his head gently.

"No it's not. It's Johnny and that fucker already paid for it this morning." I let out a sigh hoping they didn’t do anything too bad to my short little house mate. "He and Jimmy both just got yelled at by Lisa and Val for the most part. Nothing too terrible."

My gaze shifted down to the ground as I nodded. I still felt bad. If I hadn't have come then everything would have been completely normal for them. It would have been a night just like any other before I came into the picture.

"So we have a pretty busy day ahead of us." He said as be grinned. "A lot to go do."

"Oh really? Like what? And who's car is this?" I questioned. Matt moved his hands down to my hips and pulled me into him more. My heart beat started to race at the close contact between us but it was something I was getting rather used to.

"Oh not much. Just a few errands. And I'm taking you to get your driver's license." He leaned in so that his forehead was resting against mine. I pulled his sunglasses off of his face so that I could gaze into the eyes that always captivated me. They held a glint of mischief to them and I noticed he left the last question unanswered.

"The car is yours." He whispered close to my lips but not quite making contact with them. My eyes widened as the words registered in my brain. Did he really just say the car is mine? Mine? As in, belonging to me? That couldn't be right. There was no way. Unless…. He didn't.

"Mine? Are you for real?" I asked in a high pitched voice as my eyes widened even more.

"I'm as real as the car standing behind me. And yes it's all yours."

"Matt you didn't." I trailed off in a stern voice as I pulled away from him slightly so I could see his whole face better.

"I did. And you fully deserve it. After today you will be able to drive yourself places. I didn't like you taking a cab home last night. It's not safe to do that these days. This is for you so you can be more independent."

I couldn’t believe this. I had a car. A real car that was mine to drive! I've never had a car in my life and now I owned one! Well technically Matt owned it since I figured it was under his insurance and all but it was still mine as he said it was.

My grin widened even more if that was possible and I threw myself back into Matt's arms. This time I wrapped my arms around his neck and his were around my waist as he lifted me up.

"You are the best ever! Oh Matt I can't thank you enough." I said into his ear before I placed a small kiss on his cheek. He turned us around and gently leaned my frame against the side of the car before looking into my eyes. I blinked a few times as my grin stayed put. His lips came down on my forehead gently before he pulled away and opened the passenger door for me.

"You don't have to thank me." He said as he helped me into the car.

I took a deep breathe in as I inhaled the smell of a new car. Everything was sparkling on the inside and looked to be in pristine condition. The dashboard had a dull blue lighting scheme that was lit and the tinted windows made it a bit dark. I noticed there was a sunroof that would allow for some fresh air to come in through the top of the car on nice days.

The seats were black leather and the overall interior was extremely nice. I noticed there was a gps system inside of the dash along with a cd player. I would have to ask Matt for the details of it all later.

The driver's side door opened and Matt climbed in behind the wheel. "Are you sure I'm ready to drive though?" I asked hesitantly wondering if I would be able to pass the behind the wheel test or not. I'd be so embarrassed if I didn’t pass.

"You're plenty ready. You've driven enough with me and the guys that you should pass with flying colors." He grinned as he started the car up. The engine hummed gently making me grin at the sound. Something told me there wasn't a regular engine in this car.

"So what are the details on this?" I asked as we headed down the road.

"Well, I won't bore you with all of the engine information, even though it's something even the guys are jealous of, but inside, there's a gps system and a satellite radio complete with a six disc cd player. It's got heated seats for in the winter and a sunroof for during the summer." He grinned as he pulled his aviators back over his eyes to shield them from the sun's rays that were coming through the windshield.

"Wow." I whispered softly as I ran my hand over the buttons on the dash. Matt surprised me when he reached up and took my hand in his own. Without even so much as a glance at me he intertwined our fingers, making my heart skip a beat.

I fought long and hard to keep my breathing under control and not hyperventilate, especially when his thumb started to rub gentle circles on the side of my hand. I gulped and closed my eyes as I found the sensation was actually comforting to me. Usually that sort of gesture was one that would make me freak out had it been any other guy. I should have found myself questioning Matt's motives but I knew they weren't anything that would freak me out. Even after what happened last night I had to remember that it was Jimmy who said those things, not Matt.

Matt was definitely a one of a kind guy and yet somehow he had the ability to calm me in every way possible. It scared me at times because no one had ever had that effect on me before and in fact the effect was usually the opposite. Yet here we sat, with me and the butterflies in my stomach rather than the feeling of dread that usually coursed through my body.

We remained silent for the rest of the ride and just enjoyed each other's company. Or rather, I enjoyed his company, I didn’t know if the same could be said for him. We pulled into the Long Beach dmv's parking lot and instantly my butterflies switched over to being ones that were nervous about the driving test. I hadn't even driven in the bmw before! How in the world was I going to know how it handled?

"Matt, I think there's a problem." I said as I started to voice my newest concern. "I've never driven this before. I don’t think it's a good idea if I take it without ever having driven in it right?" I asked as Matt got out of the car and I followed.

"On the contrary." He stated in a smart tone as he grabbed my hand again, once more giving me butterflies. "Brian's car is very similar to this and you've driven that quite a bit. Therefore, you should be just fine since it handles the same way!" I laughed at Matt's excited tone and allowed him to guide me into the crowded office.

We approached the self automated sign in computer and Matt did what he had to since I knew none of the information. Apparently he had booked an appointment earlier in the week and so we wouldn’t have to wait for hours upon end to be called. He hit the submit button and led me over to some chairs to wait. He guided me with his hand placed on the small of my back.

I took a seat in the corner and he sat beside me. I placed my hands between my knees out of nervousness but when Matt's arm found it's place around my shoulders I melted into him and let my worries disappear. It wasn't the end of the world if I didn’t pass. I could always try again some other time.

Matt's hand gently ran up and down my arm in a soothing manner and I tilted my head onto his shoulder to relax. Matt let his head fall on top of mine as we sort of cuddled while we waited. I was breathing deeply as I let my eyes close. I turned sideways and wrapped my arms around his torso, not something I was usually comfortable doing with a guy.

"C402 please report to window twelve." The automated announcer said. I looked down at the small piece of paper in my hands and saw that my number matched the one that had been read off.

"That's me." I said quietly. Matt grumbled but helped me stand up anyway. We walked hand in hand to the window where the lady greeted me with a smile. I explained I was here to take the behind the wheel test and she had me fill out the necessary paperwork. When I was done I handed it back to her and she told me to go to window E where I would meet with the instructor who would be doing my test.

"I hope it's a lady." I mumbled as Matt and I walked to the other side of the building. "I don't want to be in the car with some man I don’t know." I shuddered at the thought and Matt wrapped his arm protectively around me.

"You'll be fine with whoever it is. It'll probably take you no longer than ten minutes driving. Then once you're done we'll go for a little drive." He smirked lightly as we approached the window. I handed the man the papers and he told me to go get the car and pull around to the line where I would pick up the driver. I nodded and Matt and I exited the building. I climbed into the driver's seat and ran my hands over the wheel. With a sigh filled with happiness I stuck the keys into the ignition and started the car right as Matt climbed into the passenger's seat.

"Well? How does she feel?"

"It's a he Matt. And he feels great." I told him as I turned the corner and found myself in line. Matt opened the door and climbed out since he wasn't allowed to ride with me. He walked around to my window and I rolled it down to talk to him some more.

"And why is it a he?" He asked as he leaned his elbows against the edge of the window.

"Because I can't go around telling people I ride a girl now can I? I'd much rather ride a guy." Matt's eyes widened and he stood up with a shocked expression. I quickly rolled up the window and left him standing there to fully grasp the meaning of my words. I had to admit, it was a gutsy thing for me to say, especially with my history but I felt a small joke would never hurt. It was a step in the right direction I think.

I grinned to myself as the instructor, who thankfully was a lady, hopped into the passenger's seat with a clipboard in hand. I handed her the papers as she buckled in.

"Is that your boyfriend outside?" She asked as she subtly motioned to Matt who had situated himself on a bench beside the building.

"Um something like that." I said sheepishly as I blushed lightly. She grinned and gave me a wink.

"He's pretty good on the eyes."

"That he is." I nodded. I was thankful she was friendly and not someone who was some cranky driving instructor.

She went ahead and asked me to point out various buttons on the dash and then asked me to turn on my turn indicator for her. She wrote things down and then told me to go ahead and drive out of the lot.

I let out a sigh of relief when I realized that Matt had been right, this car was exactly like Brian's and therefore was easy for me to handle and drive. She asked me to make a few turns and then we pulled onto a residential street. She asked me to back up alongside a curb and then hook a u-turn to head back.

Overall it was pretty easy and I felt comfortable doing everything she had asked of me. Her pen was frantically scratching over the paper and I only hoped it was writing good things and not any mistakes I had made.

We gave me directions back to the dmv and I pulled back into the line. Matt looked up as I shut the car off and gave me a grin.

"Congratulations. You passed with flying colors. Go ahead and park back in the lot and then take this paper back to window E and they will take your picture for your license and give you a temporary one. Then you're all set to go." She looked at Matt out the window before adding a whisper in my ear. "Go celebrate with your boyfriend. He looks eager." She gave me a final wink before hopping out of the car to leave me to ponder her words.

Matt came around to the side of the car and climbed in with a grin on his face. "So?" He questioned with a grin on his face.

"I passed." I smiled as I started up the car and drove around to park. Matt gave me a funny look when I parked way out in the back of the lot when there was obviously a spot right up front.

"Why did you park way back here?" He asked as we hopped out and I set the alarm before pocketing the keys.

"Because I don’t want anyone to dent my new car." I grinned as I gave him a hug. "Thank you Matt. Thank you for everything today." I said as my arms were wrapped tightly around his neck.

"I'm so glad you passed. You're very welcome. Now let's go get that license shall we?" He asked. "We've got other places to go."

"What other places are we in a hurry to get to?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I'm not telling you yet." He said as we re-entered the building. I groaned and huffed but I knew I wasn't going to get any answers from him.

I handed the man at the window my information yet again and he took my picture for the id card. He told me it would be mailed to the address that was on record, which happened to be Matt's, and that until then I could use this temporary id. We both thanked him and then left.

Matt's arm was yet again around my waist and I noticed he sneakily reached into my pocket and retrieved my keys for himself. I started to protest the fact that since I had just gotten my license I thought I should be allowed to drive, but Matt seemed to just tune me out as he climbed into the driver's seat. I huffed and even threw in a foot stomp as I plopped down in the passenger seat and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Oh quit your pouting." Matt chuckled as he started the car and drove off. I narrowed my eyes at the road as I took notice that we were heading south toward Newport Beach. I looked out to my right at the ocean as we drove along side of it. It was just so peaceful and brought back so many memories, some good and some bad.

I let out a sigh as we passed the spot I had taken up shelter at last night and then drove past Matt's house. Everyone's cars were still parked out front so it was easy to assume they were all pretty hung over and couldn’t even drive. How Matt was able to drive was still a mystery to me considering he had been pretty out of it last night. I snuck a glance at him and it was obvious he looked perfectly fine to me.

"Something wrong?" He questioned upon catching my glance and seeing my puzzled state of thought.

"No. Just thinking." I said as I turned my gaze out the front window.

"That's never a good thing you know. So what's bothering you?" He pressed.

To be honest, I really didn’t want to get into it right now. Matt and I were having a nice time and I didn’t want to ruin it with my stupid worries and thoughts. It wasn't worth it.

"Nothing Matt." I forced a smile which he didn't buy into in the slightest. He let out a sigh and turned to face me once we were parked in front of a string of shops in Newport.

"Cels…" He said, trailing off while giving me a pointed look.

"It's nothing Matt." I said in a slightly harsher tone than I had planned. I unbuckled myself from the seat belt and turned to open the door but I found it to be locked. I lifted the small lock up but as soon as I did so it went right back down. Repeating the action I found it to be locked again. Turning around I glared at Matt who had his finger on the automatic lock button and was giving me a sly grin.

"You're not getting out until you tell me what's bothering you."

"It's nothing I want to talk about Matt. So just drop it." I said stubbornly.

His gaze shifted into a soft one and he reached out to take my hand in his. I fought to will to melt and give in to him.

Of course, my will was weaker than his soft gaze and I ended up caving. "Ok Matt. How in the world are you so sober when we both know everyone else at your house is extremely hung over?" I asked as I turned in my seat to face him fully. His eyes held a glint of mischief to them as he let a small smirk cross his lips.

"Well, first off, I didn’t drink as much as they did. I stopped once you left because I was worried about you. Second, I've got my own hang over remedy that no one else knows about. So right now I feel completely normal." He smirked as he reached over and ran a thumb across my cheek. "Anything else bugging you that I should know about?"

I shook my head to signal no and he unlocked the doors. "I just didn’t want to say anything about it. I figured it wasn't my business." I mumbled as he grabbed my hand and led me into the Best Buy.

"But it is your business. As far as I'm concerned, my business is your business."

"Matt…" I started to protest the fact that his life didn’t need to revolve around me but he pressed one of his thick fingers against my lips to silence me.

I settled for rolling my eyes at him as we entered. My curiosity was piqued as he led me over to the cell phone section. I figured he must need to make some changes to his or something.

"Hi, I'd like to add another line to my account please." He told the guy behind the small desk. I blinked a few times and was hoping this wasn't what I thought it was.

"Alright sir. What carrier do you use?" He questioned.

"Verizon. It's under Matthew Sanders." Matt told him while keeping a firm grip around my waist to keep me from wandering off.

"Alright. Do you have a phone in mind?"

"Go pick one out Cels." My eyes widened as I realized what was happening.

"Matt no." I argued in a hushed tone.

"Excuse us for a second." He told the guy before steering me to the rack of Verizon supported cellular devices.

"You need a cell phone for emergencies. It's going on my account whether you like it or not. Now if you don't pick one out then I'll be happy to do it for you." He told me with a smile. There was no changing his mind clearly.

"I hate you Matt." I grumbled as I looked at the line of phones.

"No you don't." He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

"Yes I do." I said as I picked up the LG Voyager to look at.

"It's impossible to hate me and you know it." He said as his lips pressed against the side of my neck causing goosebumps to travel all over my body.

Oh I knew it alright. I had learned that the very instant I made eye contact with him. It still scared me that I knew I could never hate him.

I continued to argue with him the entire time and I think he was a tad bit fed up with me by the time we left the store.

"Will you just chill? Let me spoil you for once." He chuckled as he shoved me down into the car. "Today is spoil Celeste day. So just fucking deal with it." He said after he had climbed into the car after putting the cell phone bag into the back seat. I gulped a bit at his usage of the swear word. It was rare he used them around me so I knew he was getting agitated with me. I bit my bottom lip and decided it would be best to remain silent from here on out until he had cooled down some.

"I'm sorry I got snappy." He told me as we pulled up to yet another string of small shops.

"It's alright." I said quietly.

"No it's not." He told me as we got out. I was beginning to get tired of having to get in and out of the car. "I just want to be able to buy you things without you feeling guilty. I've got the money to spend and to be honest, I don't have much I want to spend it on. But you're someone I would like to spend it on. So please just let me Celeste. There's no use being a rock star if I can't splurge every now and then. You deserve it of all people. I won't go overboard but just let me have my fun alright?" He said as he led me to a place called Sprinkles.

It seemed like a reasonable request. I mean it was Matt's money. Who was I to tell him how he should spend it? There was going to be no stopping him either way.

"Alright. You're right." I said caving yet again to his wants. I really needed to control myself but this time it didn’t seem to matter. He was going to do as he pleased. That was just Matt for you.

"What's Sprinkles?" I questioned as we got in line, which I found odd to begin with.

"It's a cupcake shop. I'm pulling out my sweeter side and figured we'd grab some then go sit on the beach and eat. And if you dare tell one of the guys I took you to a cupcake shop you're in for it missy." He growled playfully as he held me from behind.

"Alright alright. I won't tell them big bad Matt took me to a cupcake place." I giggled. "I'll just tell them you found your feminine side tonight and treated me to dessert." I added playfully causing him to grunt and attack my sides causing my giggles to further emit from my mouth.

"Say it." He grumbled against my ear as we moved up in line, me still squirming in his arms.

"Never." I giggled back. His fingers shoved into my hips making me press back against him. I gulped as I realized I could completely feel him through the backside of my skirt but my laughter was taking over my nervousness of the situation.

"Say it or no cupcakes for you." He pulled me back further against his body, if that was at all possible.

"Alright, alright. I won't tell them anything." I giggled lightly as his chin came to rest on my shoulder as he leaned over me.

"Much better." He said as he moved me forward another place in line.

The contact between us didn’t lessen any and my attention was now drawn away from the tickling that had ceased and was now aimed at the fact that there were only a few layers of jean material separating us down there. I gulped a bit and closed my eyes. Matt would never do that to me. I didn’t think it was possible for him. His head seemed to be in the right place and so I trusted him in situations like this. He was probably the first guy I ever trusted like this.

I'm making progress, I thought to myself. This feeling doesn’t bother me as much as it would have in the past. That's a good thing. Matt must have noticed too because I saw his grin widen as he placed a kiss on my temple gently.

I loved the feeling of his lips on my skin. I couldn’t pin point the exact reason why, but it was comforting to me. Being in his arms made me feel safe and having his lips touch me made me feel loved, something I hadn’t felt in years.

My thoughts were a jumble as we finally entered the tiny store and Matt ordered a dozen assorted cupcakes. I was partly confused and partly at ease about my new found feelings and hoped my mind would sort them out soon enough.

I drew my attention back to Matt who handed his Visa card over to the young girl who then swiped it through the register to pay. He signed the receipt and handed it along with the pen back to her in return for a big brown bag that had a dozen cupcakes in a box settled at the bottom. He gave her a final smile before steering me out of the shop and back to the car.

The drive to the water was very short considering we had been close at the shop. Matt parked and pulled the bag of cupcakes out of the back along with a beach towel and a few bottles of water that were hiding under the seat. He had planned all of this ahead of time apparently.

I let him take my hand as we made our way out into the sand and he laid the towel out. I sat down on it and pulled the giant box out from the bag.

"So which one should I try?" I asked Matt who had finally settled across from me.

"Try that one. It's the black and white and is probably the best one in my opinion." I nodded and pulled out said cupcake before placing it on a napkin. These things were huge and looked very rich. Matt grabbed himself one and then moved the box so it was out of the way.

I daintily tried to eat mine without making a mess, but Matt on the hand had devoured his in about five seconds flat. When I looked up at him I couldn’t suppress a giggle as I saw he had some chocolate frosting on the side of his mouth. Typical guy, I thought to myself as I shook my head.

"Matt you've got frosting there." I said pointing to the same spot on my own mouth. His eyes furrowed and he brought his hand up to the spot, only he placed it on the mirror spot instead of the other side. I chuckled and moved my cupcake aside before scooting closer to him. I brought my fingers up and gently wiped the frosting away with my thumb before licking it off of my finger.

I noticed now that my face was mere inches away from his and our eyes were locked in a passionate gaze. I gulped down my nerves and told myself to stay strong no matter what happened. It was time to be brave and get over my fears.

Matt's own hand came up and cupped my cheek gently while his other arm kept himself propped up in his lying down position.

"Celeste." He said. His hot breath cascaded over my face and smelt greatly of chocolate that drew me in even more.

"Yeah?" I managed to get out quietly.

"Would you be uncomfortable if I kissed you right now?"

Pondering his question for a moment, I came to the conclusion that I think I would be alright with Matt kissing me. He had kissed me elsewhere already and I knew I already loved the feeling. The kiss wouldn’t be forced and so hopefully it would even be a bit enjoyable for me.

"I think I'd be alright Matt." I gave him a small smile.

Both of our eyes fluttered closed as we moved in toward eachother.

Matt's hand traveled from my cheek to the back of my head as our lips finally met.

Instead of feeling nervous and scared I was overcome with a feeling of joy and happiness. He was so gentle and mindful of my feelings and emotions and I think that made it all the more better. It was like sparks were flying from the contact we were making. While there were warning lights flashing inside of my head, the ones telling me it was alright were greatly overpowering them at the moment. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he rolled over and pulled me down on top of him, never once breaking the kiss.

I pulled away slightly so I could catch my breath and Matt's eyes instantly filled with worry. "Are you ok? Did I do something wrong?" He asked in a husky voice.

"No Matt. You did everything right. I just needed to breathe." I said as I laid my head down on his chest. "Thank you Matt."

No words were needed between us as we laid there. We both knew I had overcome a great fear of mine tonight. Although the kiss had been simple and had no tongue involved, it was the first stepping stone in many that I planned to place my feet on. It was a start and a great one at that.

I smiled as his arms wrapped protectively around my hips as I laid on his chest.

As far as I was concerned, I had just had my very first kiss that hadn't been forced.

And I couldn't have asked for anything more.