My Fears Burn While You're Around

Mornings were routine for me by now. I woke up and attempted to flatten my hair as much as possible. There was a small water fountain about a five minute walk away that I ventured to every morning to brush my teeth in. I may have been homeless but I still tried to keep up with my personal hygiene every day.

I stuffed my blankets into my torn up duffle bag before stashing it partially underneath a log that served as a good hiding spot. As far as I knew, and hoped, no one knew this was my nightly resting place. It was hidden away in some shrubs about half a mile from the famous Huntington Beach library. It was secluded, yet it was also somewhere that I didn’t have to worry about wild critters bothering me.

Glancing up at the sky I realized that it was cloudy and looked like it could potentially rain today. This was going to suck. It was rare that it rained in southern California, especially near the beaches but it did happen on the rare occasion. Today would probably be one of those days.

Grabbing my trusty messenger bag I stood up off of the ground and meandered my way out of the shrubs and onto one of the paved walking paths. My feet scuffed against the concrete tiles that made up the path. I really hoped it didn't rain today. I didn't feel like living in wet clothes for a few days.

I left the park and turned onto one of the main roads that I knew ran straight into the PCH. It was the road I usually walked on when I began my day. There were a few small shops on it but it was mostly lined with houses that I could never afford in my wildest dreams.

As I began to pass one of the small local coffee shops that I was familiar with I heard my name being called out. Turning around I gave a kind smile to Ruth, the owner of the coffee shop. She was probably the closest thing I had to a mother. She was a tad bit older but knew my life story pretty much. She was always around when I needed some social interaction. On the occasion she would see me walking by and insist that I stop by for some coffee and a pastry. Apparently today was one of those times.

"Hi Ruth." I said as she came over and ushered me into the small shop.

"Go take a seat hun and I'll bring you some food." She gave me a knowing look and nodded toward the tables.

Upon glancing around I spotted my usual corner table but was shocked to see it was already being occupied by someone. My gaze lingered longer than it should have because the stranger glanced up from his papers and met my eyes. A small gasp left my mouth and I hurried to a table in the far opposite corner.

I had met those hazel eyes again. The same ones that haunted me yesterday.

I sat down in a frenzy and almost toppled over in my chair. I stared intensely at the mahogany table top for a few moments. Why was he here?

I slowly lifted my gaze and carefully glanced in his direction again. He was looking back down at his white papers but I could see he was chuckling to himself lightly. I blinked before allowing my eyes to take in his appearance.

The sheer size of him was enough to make me scared. He could probably touch me with a finger and it would leave a bruise. More so, his skin was covered in a multitude of colors that made up his tattoos. His white t-shirt clung to his chest and I could tell he was very buff; as if his arms didn't already give away that fact. His hair was styled into a small mohawk and it stuck up several inches in the air stiffly. A small shiny silver ring was going through a hole in the side of his lip and he had what I knew to be gauges in his ears. A pair of aviator sunglasses lay on the table beside a blackberry cell phone.

Overall I had to say he was fairly scary to me. Definitely a tough guy if I ever saw one.
I tore my gaze away just in time for him to look up again. I was already smiling warmly at Ruth who was bringing me some food. It was always on the house seeing as I had no money but Ruth was always insisting despite my protests. I had learned a long time ago to just give up because she was going to do as she pleased.

"It seems he's rather intrigued by you." She whispered into my ear as she set down the small white mug of coffee and a blueberry muffin in front of me.

"Ruth you know I don't do well with men." I muttered as images of my father swam through my mind again.

"I know hun. But one of these days you may just be surprised at who you meet. Enjoy you're breakfast hun." She gave me a small wink before disappearing into the back room. I gulped down a lump of nerves as I closed my mind to try and calm myself down. It was just muscle guy and me now in the shop. I felt my heart racing as I noticed he was watching me. I could feel his gaze watching every sip of my coffee I took, every bite of my muffin, and every breath that I inhaled and exhaled.

I should have faced away from him but it was too late to do that now. Then he would know I was uncomfortable and I didn’t want to give him that satisfaction. As much as he scared me, there was something about him that drew me in with every glance I took. I saw him smiling slightly out of the corner of his mouth as our gaze locked for the third time. I let out a shaky breath as I broke the contact.

This couldn’t be healthy for me. I always feared men. Always. So why did he seem different? I didn't even know his name! For all I knew he could be some stalker rapist who has been plotting the best way to get me. Yet something inside of me told me he wasn't like that. Screw you gut feelings. You officially suck.

I came to my senses and realized that my coffee mug was now empty and the remnants of my muffin only consisted of the paper wrapper. It wasn't much but it would satisfy my hunger for the time being.

I heard a chair scraping and looked up to see that muscles had now stood up. He took a step toward me and I cringed further back into my chair out of fear and habit. He looked puzzled for a moment before turning on his heel and making his way to the door. His hand reached for the handle and started to push it open. He paused once it was halfway open and turned his head to face me once more. His cheeks arched up into a smile and I noticed he had been blessed with some awesome dimples. I allowed for my own mouth to contort into a small timid grin in return before I too stood up and went to throw my trash away.

"It seems like Matt is rather fond of you." I was startled and nearly dropped the white mug as Ruth came back out of the back room.

"His name is Matt?" I questioned as I handed her the empty mug.

"Matt Sanders. He's been coming here since he was a little kid. One of my regulars and a personal favorite of mine."

"Why haven't I seen him before?"

"He comes and goes. Lives a busy life and isn't home too often. But he told me before you came in that he's here for several months to relax. His friends come here often too. They all look sort of like him."

"Is he nice?" I gulped, afraid of the answer.

"He's a sweetheart. Bit on the wild side every now and then but he couldn't harm a fly if he tried to." I let out a sigh of relief thankful that he wasn't some crazy stalker.

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-six I believe." My gaze fell as I realized he was seven years older than me. "But he's not about age honey. Trust me on that." I nodded slowly before going over and grabbing my bag once more.

"Don't get caught in the rain today hun."

"Thanks Ruth. I'll try not to." I gave her a final smile before setting foot outside once more. Matt was long since gone and I prayed I wouldn’t see him again today. I don't know if I could handle it.

Something about him fascinated me. How could a guy I hadn't even fully met get to me like this? I should be scared to death of him. I should be running as far away from him as I could get. I should never want to see his face again.

But I did.

And that very fact scared the crap out of me.

***

I scowled as a lone rain drop landed on a page in my notebook and made the ink from my pen smear on the page. Looking up toward the sky I saw that the rain clouds were rolling in, and fast. I quickly closed my notebook and shoved it back into my bag. I remained seated on my usual bench and figured I might as well enjoy the rain seeing as I had nowhere to go for cover. It would be my shower in a sense. I moved my bag so it was under the bench knowing it would stay somewhat dry under there. One by one more drops fell from the clouds onto my unmoving body.

My hair was soon sticking to my skin and my clothes clung to my curves that I really never knew I had before. You tend to ignore your assets when you don't have a reason to show them off.

Closing my eyes I hung my head and sighed. A gloomy day calls for gloomy thoughts. I would do just about anything for a warm bed and some dry clothes. The rain wasn't as pleasant as I remembered it to have been.

"Hey!" I kept my head down figuring someone was calling out to a friend. I was wrong though as the greeting was repeated again and sounded closer to me. I looked up and in the direction the voice came from and was met with a girl walking toward me under a black umbrella. She had blonde hair that was to die for as well as tan skin. Her face was covered in a thin layer of make up and her clothes showed off her body very well. What I wouldn’t do to be her.

"What are you doing out here in the rain?" She asked as she got closer. I shrugged my shoulders not sure what to tell her. I wasn't about to tell her I was homeless and didn’t have any way to escape the oncoming downpour.

"Just getting some fresh air I guess." She read right through my lie. Her gaze told me she knew better and that another lie out of my mouth wasn't going to cut it.

"Alright. I came here to write." So it wasn't entirely a lie. Her face told me she still didn’t believe me though.

"Ok fine. I don't have anywhere else to go." I muttered ashamed. It wasn't so much that I was ashamed of being homeless but rather having to tell someone I was.

"In that case, you're coming with me." She grinned and leaned down to grab my arm gently.

"I'm not going anywhere with you! I don't even know who you are!" I pulled my arm back and crossed them stubbornly. The girl sighed and sat down beside me.

"My name is Val. If you come with me I can get you some clean clothes and food. Please?" I could see the genuine concern in her eyes and figured it couldn’t hurt. A change of clothes would be wonderful.

"Alright. I'm Celeste." I smiled at her and followed her lead as she stood up.

"Nice to meet you hun. Now let's go get you some dry clothes." I nodded and reached under the bench to grab my bag. She eyed it before grabbing my hand and leading me across the street. I wasn't so much paying attention and almost tripped when I saw that we were approaching the same house that I had first seen Matt in. I stopped at once and Val turned to look at me.

"Is something wrong?" She asked in a confused tone. Yes something was wrong Val. This is Matt's house!

"I can't go in there." I muttered as I looked down at the puddle on the sidewalk.

"Why not? This is my best friend's house. Is there something wrong with it?"

So she was his best friend? Or maybe this wasn't his house?

"Matt isn't home but I'm sure he won't mind. Trust me on this one." She held out her hand once more. I stared at it cautiously before deciding it couldn’t hurt if he wasn't home. I accepted her hand and she dug out a key to the front door.

Oh boy.