My Fears Burn While You're Around

"Matt what are we doing?" I asked as I noticed we as a group were headed for the entrance of the park. It was only about six at night and I could have sworn I heard Johnny saying he wanted to see the fireworks and the light parade. It wasn't anywhere near being dark yet so I was a little confused.

"We have dinner reservations that require a change of clothes." He chuckled as we walked, me tucked under his arm.

I looked up at him questioningly. "Dinner reservations? Matt all the clothes I brought are like this." I explained as I pointed down at my super casual, and now dry, attire.

"I took care of it." He smirked down at me.

"Of course you did." I laughed lightly and looked up at him.

"Oh come on. What's that supposed to mean? I picked out something extra nice for you missy." He informed me before poking my side playfully.

"You picked it out?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, Val may have helped a bit." He laughed making me grin. I trusted Val's sense of style and knew whatever it was I would like. "I actually don't know what the dress looks like. She wouldn’t let me see it yet. But I picked something else out for you. You'll see." He laughed out loud making Val turn around and wink at me.

"Is everyone coming?"

"Hell yeah!" Johnny said as he overheard my question.

"Awesome. I get to see everyone all decked out and dressed up." Johnny, who had been looking at me with a grin, changed his facial expression to a frown.

"I hate getting dressed up." He mumbled making us all laugh as we exited the park after getting our hands stamped so we could re-enter later.

"Is it in the park or outside?" Matt just laughed at my many questions but I really didn’t have any clue what we were doing.

"It's inside the park." My brow furrowed as I tried to think of any fancy places I had seen inside but couldn’t come up with anything.

"We still need to see some characters!" Jimmy said as he trounced down the giant plaza entryway way ahead of everyone else.

"Dude, we already saw Pooh earlier and you pissed him off by calling him shit instead. Something tells me you're done with characters for the day." Brian laughed at Jimmy who stopped walking and turned to glare at him.

"So not cool. Well there's still a parade! The light parade! We have to watch that before the fireworks." Jimmy said with a knowing nod of his head as if daring anyone to question him.

"You look tired." Matt said as we entered Downtown Disney on the way to the hotel.

"I just kind of feel like I need to sit for a few minutes. My feet hurt." I chuckled before shrugging it off. I would get to sit at dinner.

"Understandable. Want a piggy back ride?" He smiled down at me. Without waiting for an answer he slung his backpack off and tossed it at an unsuspecting Brian who caught it hastily.

"What the fuck?" Brian asked as he watched Matt squat down and me climb onto his back. "Oh. You could have just asked me to carry your damn backpack Shads." He laughed with an eye roll.

"Naw man. Throwing it at you is too much fun."

My chin came to rest on his left shoulder and I decided to rest my head against the side of his. My heartbeat was beating somewhat quickly as I turned my head and placed a kiss right behind Matt's ear. I was so comfortable around him now. Him and most other guys for that matter. I never thought this would ever happen but it was and I was enjoying it.

Matt let a sigh escape as I removed my lips from his tender skin there and resumed my position with my chin against his shoulder.

"We're here!" Jimmy happily announced as he burst through the hotel lobby doors, making everyone inside stop to look at him. He stood spread eagle with his arms wide for a moment before he turned toward the elevators that were off to the side and sprinted toward them.

"Damn. We shouldn’t have given him that churro earlier." Zacky laughed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And the lemonade slushie. And the ice cream bar. And the giant coke." Matt laughed. "Need I continue?"

"No." Zacky mumbled as we watched Jimmy press the elevator button at least a million times while chanting for it to "open open open".

It didn’t take long for us to finally reach our suite and once we did Val stepped in the way of the doorway to the bedroom Matt and I were sharing. "Hold it you." She said to Matt who was about to enter with me still on his back. "You get to get your clothes and go change with the other guys. I'm commandeering your room with Celeste."

Matt bent down so I could hop off of his back and stand beside him.

The three of us entered the room and Val and I sat on the bed while Matt retrieved his clothes from his duffle bag. "Where's the damn ironing board?" Johnny hollered as we heard doors slam open and then closed a few seconds later as he frantically searched for the ironing board that was conveniently located in our closet.

"It's in here dumbass." Matt called out. Another door slammed and a second later Johnny came into the room. Matt was still bent over his duffle bag but he reached a hand up and pointed at the closet over his shoulder.

Johnny took one look toward the closet but then he turned to me and started running full force at the bed. I squealed as he launched his body into the air and came crashing down on top of me. His arms were wide as he tackled me in a hug. The bed bounced and Val sat laughing at the two of us.

Matt looked up from his bag and quirked an eyebrow but said nothing.

"You're amazing. Did you know that?" Johnny asked into my ear softly. "You make Matt so happy and I can see the happiness reflect in yourself. Happy birthday sweets. I love you." He pulled away from my ear and grinned at me.

"I love you too Johnny. Thank you." I said before wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him another big hug.

"Are you done?" Matt asked us as he chuckled and stood up holding a pile of black clothes in his hands.

"Maybe." Johnny said before he stood up and went to retrieve the ironing board from the closet. Matt just stood and shook his head at his friend in disbelief.

Johnny stood in the doorway waiting for Matt to join him but Matt had other ideas. He walked over, clothes in hand and leaned down to place a kiss on my lips softly. "Love you." He told me.

"Love you too." I replied back with a smile. I bit the corner of my lip as I watched him and Johnny leave the room and Val close the door behind them. She gripped the handles behind her back and grinned at me.

"Finally!" She said before walking over to her duffle bag that she had brought in
with her without my noticing apparently.

"Oh no. Should I be scared?" I asked her playfully after noticing the evil glint in her eyes.

"Nope. I've got it all planned out!"

"That means I should be scared." I laughed.

She cut her eyes to me and gave me a playful glare. "Oh hush."

I continued to sit on the bed as I watched Val pull out a black dress and a pair of short heeled shoes. "I can't wear a dress around Disneyland! Who does that?" I asked incredulously as she held them up to show me.

"Oh yes you can! And you will! It's comfortable I promise! I'll be wearing one too."

My eyes rolled sarcastically in their sockets at her. "That makes it so much better."

She just growled and tossed the black dress at me. "It's made of non-wrinkle material so put it on so I can inspect. Oh!" She said again before turning back to her bag and digging out a black strapless bra to go underneath.

"This is going to be so uncomfortable." I mumbled as I shimmied out of my current clothes.

"Wait!" She exclaimed again before I could change bras. "You need this too." She said as she pulled out a matching black thong that fitted together with the bra.

"You're kidding me right?" I asked skeptically.

"No way! You have to look sexy for Matt! Especially for later tonight."

"Val."

"Oh come on Celeste! The poor guy has been waiting for you! It's your birthday. Let him make it extra special for you. The guys and I are going out to a few clubs tonight and Matt was going to ask you if you wanted to stay in. I figured I'd tell you so you don't be surprised and freak out on the poor guy."

I sat down on the bed with the clothes in my hand. My head was spinning. I had been scared of this for so long, and now the opportunity was going to come knocking again. But this wasn't just any opportunity. Oh goodness no. This was a chance to give myself to someone that I actually loved and loved me back. I knew instead of it being painful that Matt would make it the complete opposite for me. I just didn’t know how that was going to feel when it was something I wasn't used to.

"I don't know Val. I'm still sort of scared." I told her and at the end my voice let out a small squeak from fear.

Val came and sat beside me before she reached out and let her arms wrap around me in a hug. "Oh hun. If you're not ready then I won't push you and neither will Matt. But I just happen to know that you would be fine. I mean look at how far you've come! Matt loves you so much and he would take extra special care of you. I know he would."

I knew he would too. I was just nervous.

"I'll think about it." I told her as I pulled away. Val just nodded her head and let me know that she understood and would drop the subject.

Why did it seem like today was just not really my day? I wasn't supposed to think about things like this on my birthday and with that train of thought I decided I wasn't going to think about it until the time came. Once things started to unfold I would decide how I was feeling about it.

I stood up and changed into my new clothes while Val did the same. She also had a dress but hers was bright red and had a red belt that went around the middle.

The black dress, I was noticing as I pulled it on, was very short and only came to rest a bit higher then my mid thigh. The straps were thicker which I liked because it felt more secure. The thing I was uncomfortable with was the amount of cleavage it showed. Between the bra and the dress my boobs were pushed pretty close together and then the neckline just revealed it all.

"Ah! It's perfect! I did so good!" Val cheered as she hopped around lightly in her dress.

"I feel like a tramp." I told her honestly as I looked at myself in the mirror.

Val stopped her mini hopping spree and placed her hands on her hips. "You look sexy. Not like a tramp and everyone else will be thinking my train of thought. Not yours so get over it." She laughed. "Besides, it's only for dinner. We're taking a change of clothes in for after dinner and that outfit was also picked out by me." She said as she stuck her tongue out at me again.

"I guess Disney does bring out the kid in everyone." I poked fun at her as I inspected myself in the mirror. I would need to touch up my makeup and hair a bit before we left.

"Be nice birthday girl." She gave me a faux glare before she too turned back to the mirror.

"Does my makeup look alright?" I asked a few minutes later after I had touched up what minimal makeup I wore in the first place. It wasn't much but I wanted it to at least look nice for what I assumed to be such a fancy dinner.

"It looks great! So does your hair now that you've put a few curls in it." I grinned and stood up. My hands flattened out my dress before I slipped on my heels and wobbled slightly in them.

Val watched and laughed at me wobbling. "Maybe the heels weren't such a great idea. I think you can do it though! You don't have a choice anyway because I don’t have any other shoes to match the dress."

"Wonderful." I mumbled as I faced Val while she stood up as well.

"I'd say we're ready!"

"I'd say I think I'm ready." I gulped as I took a step and stumbled forward toward the door to the room.

"Oh wait! I forgot your necklace!" She squealed as she hurried over to her bag and rummaged around until she came up with a small black box. "Here put this on." She said as she opened the box and pulled out a small diamond necklace in the shape of a starfish. I grinned at the piece of jewelry knowing it fit me and my past at the beach perfectly. It represented a part of who I was.

Once I had the necklace on I went to head toward the door with Val.

Val held up a hand as I got closer to stop me from walking any further. "You wait in here. Matt wants to come see you. Stay here." She informed me before she left the room and shut the door behind her.

I started at the door, looking rather confused. The confusion that I was feeling was suddenly replaced with nerves as I realized Matt would be coming in shortly and see how I currently looked. Silently I prayed that he thought I looked alright. Matt's opinion was really the only one I cared about.

After staring at the door for a few moments I realized it wasn't going to open right away. I turned on my heel and walked awkwardly over to the back door which led to the balcony that was attached to the master bedroom.

I needed some fresh air before I started to freak out. Today was just a tad overwhelming when I thought about all that had happened so far. Once I added in everything that could happen tonight my heartbeat really increased and worked on overload to pump blood throughout my body.

My hands rested on the railing as I let out a sigh and tried to calm myself down while overlooking the California Adventure park. I kept telling myself over and over that I didn’t have to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with but that really didn’t do much to diminish my nerves.

The sound of the door sliding open met my ears once again. I slowly turned with one of my hands still placed on the railing and saw Matt was leaning in the doorway casually.

His arms were crossed over his chest and his muscles were peaking out under the black dress shirt he had on with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had on a pair of black dress pants and a black belt with a silver buckle. His casual black shoes were being adorned on his feet but they actually blended perfectly with his outfit. He had his gauges in his ears and a new shiny lip ring in the side of his lip.

I had noticed that at the same time I was looking him over he too was looking over my frame and taking in my outfit. "You look…" He started as he moved forward. "I don't even know the right words." He mumbled out as he grinned and finally reached where I was standing. He unfolded his arms and reached them out to take hold of my hips.

I bit my bottom lip as his eyes did another scan of my body and his jaw lay slack forming a small open gap between his lips. "Shit." He mumbled in a frazzled fashion. "You look stunning." He whispered finally once he got over his shock. The heat that was rushing to my cheeks was almost uncomfortable as Matt continued to gawk. "Absolutely fucking stunning."

I giggled a little at his added word in the middle. "Thank you." I whispered.

"Damn. You're not going to like hearing this but it's taking everything in me not to rip that dress off of you right now." His voice shifted to being husky and I could sense the want and need he was feeling.

I gulped at his honestly but something deep inside of me was flattered that he wanted me right here and now.

Feeling my bravery spike I looked up into his eyes that were now clouded with lust. "Maybe later?" I asked softly making him grin.

"Maybe." He nodded as he flashed me his dimples.

Matt wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest. I rested my head against his chest and savored the moment I was spending in his embrace.

I lifted my head up so I could lock eyes with him. The adoration that was in his gaze was completely taking over any other emotions he may have been having. Adoration was all I saw. I leant up with the help of my heels and was able to reach his lips for the first time without having to have him bend down to meet me.

His hands went from my waist down to my butt as he pulled me even further into his body. His teeth took my bottom lip between his own and he began to nibble lightly on my flesh.

"As much as I want to continue we need to get going or we'll miss our reservation." He groaned as I relaxed fully into him.

Honestly I didn’t want to stop either. Matt made me feel complete and there was always some form of comfort when I was around him. No matter what I did with him, whether it be activities or intimate moments, I was always comfortable now. Always.

"Alright." I said through my now shaking voice.

I allowed Matt to guide me back into the room so I wouldn’t trip and fall.

He looked down at me after a moment and emitted a low laugh. "Never walked in heels before?" He asked softly.

I playfully kicked the carpet in frustration after stumbling again but really only succeeded in stumbling further into Matt's side. "I hate heels." I grumbled as he laughed even more.

"I can see that."

Matt kept his arm around me so I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. He opened the bedroom door and led me out to where everyone else was sitting waiting for us.

The guys were all decked out in dress shirts and nice pants, none of which were jeans. Val was seated on the couch between Brian and Jimmy, the latter of which had his arm around her shoulders.

Zacky noticed us first and he emitted a low whistle as he observed how I was dressed. I instantly blushed and gave him a small grin as he smiled at me approvingly.

"Lookin' good there Cels." Brian told me with a smile as well.

"Thank you." Jimmy nodded and gave me a grin as well but Johnny was sort of on a planet of his own. He kept looking from me and then back to Matt a few times before he suddenly broke out in a giant grin. He threw me a knowing wink as well.

"Alright enough ogling my girlfriend. Let's go fuckers." Matt's commanding tone took over.
I allowed Matt to keep his arm around me securely so I wouldn’t trip as we made our way through the hotel. Hopefully I would do better on my own once we were away from carpet.

I imagined we were quite the sight with everyone decked out and strolling through the hotel. Honestly it was probably a rare sight to see this many tattooed and pierced men all dressed up instead of in their usual grungy clothes.

"So where are we going?" I tried asking Matt again once we had exited the hotel lobby and began to make our way through Downtown Disney for the third time today.

Matt looked down at me and chuckled. "I don't think you will have heard of the place honestly so I might as well explain it to you." He looked ahead of him once more for a moment before he shifted to look down at me again. "We're eating at a place called Club 33. It's an exclusive restaurant in New Orleans Square that not many people even know exists. It was made by Walk Disney in order to entertain dignitaries and such in a calm atmosphere away from the hecticness of the park. You basically either have to pay through the fucking nose for a membership to Club 33 or know someone who has a membership who can get you in. I happen to have the latter and so we have a reservation for all of us. It's not a casual restaurant though which is why we had to all dress nicely."

I looked away from the buildings I had been observing and gazed at Matt with confusion. "Who do you know that's a member?"

Matt chuckled under his breath lightly. "My parents. They've been members for years and are extremely lucky to get in. The wait time to get a membership is around fourteen years according to the Club 33 website when I looked. I actually was looking at getting a membership myself but figured I'd mooch off of my parents so I didn’t have to wait that long."

I gawked up at Matt who was looking rather impressed with himself. "Fourteen years? Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack." He informed me. "People from the president, to presidents of other countries, to celebrities are the ones with memberships and dine there regularly. It's kind of a big deal."

My expression remained in one of shock as I processed all Matt had told me. I couldn’t believe he had gone through all this trouble for a birthday dinner for me! No one had ever done anything this special to celebrate the day and it made me slightly tear up.

By now we had reached the gates and Matt had taken notice of the tiny tears that were starting to fall from my eyes. "Go ahead guys. We'll meet you there." He told the rest of the group as they turned to look at us as we stopped walking just shy of the entrance to the park.

Matt tugged me off to the side so we were out of the foot traffic. "No more tears." He said softly as he wiped away the ones under my eyes and on my cheeks.

"They're happy tears though." I sniffled gently. "No one has ever made today as special for me as you have. I've only ever dreamed about things like this."

A deep sigh came from Matt as he pulled me into his body in a hug. "That's what Disney is for. Dreams come true here." He mumbled in my ear making me grin into his chest. "You deserve everything I can offer and so much more. This is just the tip of the iceberg for tonight though. But I can't have you crying all the time. Happy tears or not, those cheeks aren’t meant for tears." He pulled away and held my face in his hands as he finished wiping away the last few stray tears.

"I'll try and keep it together."

"Good."

With one last grin at eachother we headed toward the re-entry gate where we showed them the stamp on our hands so we could get back in.

We walked in silence just enjoying eachother's company through the park. I was managing in my heels but I was thankful that Matt was helping me with my lack of balance still.

"Holy shit! You're M. Shadows!" A high pitched squeal sounded from our right making both Matt and I cringe slightly from the sheer pitch of the person's voice.

Matt stopped our forward movement to turn and face the girl who looked like she was about to keel over and die from excitement.

My guess was that this girl was around the age of seventeen and was going through the teenage rebellious phase. She was covered in piercings, which mind you isn't a bad thing, but they really didn’t suit her very well. She had on obnoxiously bright clothing that was mismatched. It looked like she was an exact mix of a punk girl mixed with a prep. Again, not a bad thing but she took it a tad bit overboard and apparently Matt was thinking the same thing I was because he was staring with wide eyes.

I elbowed him lightly making him snap out of his trance. His off expression made me chuckle lightly and in turn he replied to my chuckle with a playful pinch on the hip.

"Hi." Matt told the girl once our mini fight was over.

"Oh holy fuck! I can't believe it's you! Wow. You look sexy." She said bluntly as her eyes roamed his body.

For the first time in my life I was overwhelmed by the feeling of jealousy. My body tensed as Matt still clung to me and I knew he sensed the change in my mannerism.

"Thank you." Matt replied kindly, not wanting to be rude to the girl.

"What's the special occasion?" She questioned further making me scowl.

"It's my girlfriend's birthday." Matt informed her in a chipper tone but he clearly emphasized the girlfriend part.

I watched as the girl's excited expression changed and immediately the smile was wiped from her face. "Oh." A snotty tone emerged as her excited one disappeared back inside.

"I don't want to seem rude, but we actually have to be somewhere. Would you like a picture or an autograph?" I grinned at the way Matt handled the situation. I loved seeing him interact with fans and loved even more when he overwhelmed them with his kindness even when the fan themselves were being rather rude. Especially when they were being rude to me. Matt never gave them anything to complain about and he was careful not to involve me too much since he knew I didn’t like the limelight.

"A picture would be fine." She said softly.

Instead of asking me to take the picture like I knew the girl wanted to, Matt turned to a complete stranger and asked them to take a photo for him. The elderly man who was the subject of the question happily obliged and Matt released me so he could stand beside the girl. She threw her arms around his middle and hugged him eagerly.

Two seconds later the photo was finished and Matt was back to my side. "Nice to meet you." He said to the girl before giving her a polite wave and then wrapping his arm around me so we could continue walking.

"You never cease to amaze me." I told him with a smile as we crossed over the bridge that led into Adventureland.

"I amaze myself sometimes. Especially with fans like that." I scoffed at him and hit his chest lightly.

"Oh please. You're a pro."

"I may be a pro at other things." He winked. "But not always with rude fans."

I bit my bottom lip and blushed as I diverted my gaze to where we were walking. We had just passed Pirates of the Caribbean and were rounding the corner onto a side street of New Orleans Square that was tucked away.

The rest of our group was standing casually outside a door that didn’t even look real. As we approached I noticed there was a small round placard beside the door that had the number 33 on it. On the opposite side of the door was an intercom system.

"Bout time." Zacky poked fun at Matt and me as we finally came to rest beside the group.

"Sorry. Fan encounter." Matt said gruffly before he handed me over to Brian who steadied me. Matt went to the door and pressed the intercom button before waiting for an answer.

"Yes?" A soft female voice extruded from the tiny machine on the wall.

"I have a reservation under Gary Sanders." Matt replied back as he pressed the small button.

There was a moment's pause before the voice spoke again. "Matthew correct?"

"Yes."

"Alright. One moment please sir."

Matt stepped away from the door and came back to rescue me from falling into Brian like I currently was.

"I'm so fucking hungry." Johnny complained as he held his stomach.

"Me too. But watch the language inside guys. We don't want to get kicked out." Matt said in a fatherly tone only to get a nod reply from the rest of the men.

The door opened slowly and a young hostess stood before us with a grin.

"Welcome to Club 33."