My Fears Burn While You're Around

"Hi Ruth." I greeted as I entered the shop the next afternoon.

"Hello dear. Your food is on your usual table already. There's a homemade sandwich for you this time. Make yourself at home." I grinned at Ruth in thanks as she poured coffee for a young girl.

At first I was hesitant to even walk by the coffee shop today but then decided it was the quickest route to the beach. I'd rather not add on an extra mile to my walk. After peering around the side of the window and finding it devoid of tattooed people I decided the coast must have been clear.

I made my way to the table that indeed had a sandwich and soda on it and sat down as I set my bag on the floor beside me. I ate the sandwich extremely slowly, wanting to savor the treat and was only halfway finished with half of it when I decided to pull out my notebook for a bit. I flipped it open to where I had left off in my story and started to pick up where the ink stopped. There was still a lovely smudge left by the water drops last night but the words were still legible thankfully.

I sighed as my pen moved across the page like it did every day. I was about to take another bite of a sandwich when a shadow cast over me making me pause. I slowly looked up and met the same pair of chocolate eyes that I had met yesterday for the first time. Brian grinned down at me before taking a seat across from me without an invitation.

I was quick to notice he wasn't alone though. There was a guy standing with his back to us but a sleeve of visible tattoos caught my eye.

"That wasn't very nice of you to leave us last night you know. Val was worried sick about you." I just shrugged feeling very uncomfortable being around Brian again.

"Sorry." I said as I took another tiny bite of my sandwich which was followed with a small sip of the coke that was still mostly full. He looked over and motioned to the other guy just like I thought. I took in his appearance as he made his way over to us and I shivered slightly.

He looked fairly similar to the others I had met so far. This guy had jet black hair that stuck up in all different directions sort of like Brian's. His eyes were a piercing green and much like Brian's were traced in eyeliner. He had more facial piercings than Brian did; snakebites, and a septum ring as well as his ears. At first glance I could tell he was shorter than Brian was yet he was still taller than me but he was a tad bit pudgier as well.

"Celeste, this is Zacky. He's another one of the guys in our group of friends. Zack meet Celeste." I gave Zacky a small smile quickly before averting my gaze back to my soda.

"Nice to meet you." He said in a deep husky voice that gave me the chills.

"You too." I mumbled lightly. Zacky pulled up a chair and turned it backwards before straddling it as he sat.

I felt extremely self conscious at the moment. Here I was sitting in the small café in my somewhat ratty clothes that obviously could use a good washing while the two of them were dressed pretty nicely. They both had on jeans and different colored button up shirts. The sleeves on Brian's black one were rolled up to his elbows while Zacky's was a short sleeved white and black checkered one. I glanced down and saw that they both had on nice shoes while mine were probably the dirtiest, rattiest pair of converse that existed in all of Huntington.

"What’s wrong?" Zacky asked noticing the change in my demeanor as I made a semi-disgusted face at myself.

"Nothing." I muttered as I straightened my face out hoping he would drop it.

"Doesn't look like nothing to me. It seems like somehting is wrong." He said in a smarty tone as he quirked an eyebrow awaiting my answer. Anger started to flow through me. I shouldn’t have to answer a question from someone I didn't even know if I didn’t want to.

"What the fuck is it with you guys and asking questions? Are you trying to get me to admit my shitty life to you or something? First Brian forces me to tell him my life story last night when I really didn't feel like it and now you want to know what my problem is. Well you want to know do you? Alright! I feel shitty sitting here next to you two. You're both nicely dressed and I look like I just jumped out of a dumpster. Too bad this is all I have! There are you fucking happy now?" I said in a raised voice as I stood up quickly and grabbed my things before shoving them into my bag and stomping out of the small shop.

Tears threatened my eyes as I walked away as quickly as possible. My name was being called but I didn't dare stop on my own. The only reason I had to stop my footsteps was because Zacky had caught up to me and had grabbed my arm.

"I didn't mean for you to get angry like that. I wasn't trying to pry." I just shook his hand off of me not really even wanting to hear his voice. Or any voice that belonged to a member of the male species at the moment.

"Just leave me alone." I said before running off once more. This time he didn't follow and my feet soon led me toward one of the more secluded areas of the beach. It was hidden away by some rocks and was the perfect spot for me to hide for a bit; just wanting to be alone.

I jumped over the rocks and climbed down the hill before sitting down in the sand. My back was leaning against one of the boulders that made up the cliff and I had my knees pulled up to my chest. Sniffles escaped my nose as the salty tears started to fall down my cheeks.

Why couldn’t they just leave me alone? I was so much better off before I started meeting them. I didn’t need their help and I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to be around a bunch of tattooed men who drank a lot as I had learned from Brian's attempt last night. Val was a sweetheart and I knew she was just trying to help but I wasn't sure I wanted it. Val was part of a package and if I got her I imagined I would get all of the guys.

My sniffles turned into sobs as I let out all of the pent up frustrations I have had for the past year or so. I had been doing so well up until they all started entering my life one by one. It all started with Matt. How could one guy get me so worked up like that? It wasn't like people never looked at me, because they did. The catch was, no one had ever looked at me the way he had that first day.

With all my sadness hitting all at once I suddenly found myself wishing that I had someone here to comfort me. Was it weird that I was secretly wishing Matt was here? That thought alone scared me greatly. How would he handle a defenseless girl who was currently in shambles? It would be extremely easy for him or any guy for that matter to take advantage of me right now.

I buried my head once more into my knees as more sobs escaped quietly.

"Celeste?" I looked up to meet Val's worried gaze but couldn’t decide if I was glad she was here or not. "Oh hun." She sat down beside me in the sand and wrapped her arms around my shoulders as I continued to sob. I guess if it couldn't be Matt then the next person I preferred was Val.

"I heard about what happened with Zacky and Brian. I am so sorry they bombarded you like that. They jsut called me and mentioned they were going for a cup of coffee and I didn't even make the connection that you could possibly be there. Zacky followed you slightly and called me and explained what happened and where you were."

I sniffed some as she finished speaking and brought up my hands to wipe the tears away.

"It's alright. I can't expect to never see them again though. It's as much their right to go there as it is mine. I'm sorry about leaving the other night though. I just couldn’t stay. It didn't feel right." And I was scared, I thought. Scared of Matt coming home.

"But there was another reason wasn't there." How did she read me like that? Were my feelings really that visible to everyone else?

"Oh come on Celeste. It's so obvious to me. The way you got nervous when you saw the house, the way you freaked out when Brian came in, I bet you thought it was Matt didn't you? Love at first sight eh?"

She pulled away slightly so that she could look me in the eyes, the eyes that I refused to meet hers with.

"I haven't even met him Val and he already makes my stomach do flip flops. I'm so scared. All my life men have done nothing but cause me physical hurt and now there's one man, that I don't even know, who makes me feel like everything will be alright. And I've only seen him two times!" I wailed as a fresh set of tears worked its way up and out of my eyes.

"What if I had you meet him?" My eyes widened and I shook my head frantically.

"No!" I cried out. "Not when I'm like this. How could someone like him want to know someone like me? I'm just your average homeless girl who only has ratty clothes and lives in a park. He obviously lives a lush life and I don't even have a life. Not to mention I'm seven years younger than him. I'm not right for him. I don't want to meet him." I insisted.

Val let out a sigh of frustration and pulled my face so it was even with hers before speaking once more. "I happen to know Matt is rather fond of you. And how did you know how old he is?" She questioned with a smile, knowing I had done some homework on him.

"Ruth told me." I muttered in embarrassment.

"Celeste I'm going to make you an offer and before you shoot it down I want you to think long and hard about it and what it would mean to you." She paused while I nodded knowing I would shoot it down anyway.

"One of the guys in the band has an extra guest room in his house. His name is Johnny and he's the nicest guy you'll ever meet, well besides Matt anyway. I was talking to him yesterday and he offered for you to come stay with him for a bit. I would suggest you use Matt's extra room but I know you'll say no so I think Johnny would be a better bet. He's nothing like Zacky and Brian and really is a genuine guy that you would be safe with. It would give you some time to relax I think and you could see how you like it. Then you can meet Matt soon and we'll go from there. Actually I still want you to meet Matt as soon as possible because I know he is fond of you the way you are. But just think about it. I promise you Johnny would keep you safe and I think you'd like staying with him for at least a few days to see how it goes."

The thought of staying with an unknown guy terrified me, even if Val trusted him. I was about to tell her no but my thoughts interrupted my speech. It would give me a home for a few days even. And it wasn't a home owned by Matt. I could try and get back on my feet emotionally and it would give me some time to just re-group. I could tell Val was genuine with what she said about Johnny. She seemed rather fond of him as a person.

"Alright." I whispered lightly. "But just for a few days. And if he hurts me I'll never speak to or see you again." I said in a serious tone, still slightly terrified. Her grin increased by a mile when she heard that I would give it a shot.

"Oh yay! I've gotta call Johnny. Will you be alright now? No more tears alright? And I'll be sure to tell Brian and Zacky off for you alright? That wasn't right of them. Can you meet me at Ruth's café tonight around seven? Johnny and I will pick you up there alright?"

"Ok. And Val?" I questioned as she got up. "Are you sure he's an alright guy?" She grinned as she pulled out her cell phone.

"I'm positive hun." I stood up and gave her a hug, actually slightly grateful for the offer that had been placed in front of me. She walked off yelling that she would see me tonight. I sat back down in the sand and let my thoughts consume me again.

I guess I would be having an adventure over the next few days. Let's just hope this Johnny guy was a decent man.

After I had collected myself and was pretty sure that my eyes were no longer red and puffy I stood up and decided to make my way back to my homey area to gather my belongings to take to Johnny's.

I really wasn't in my right mind as I was walking back. My thoughts were totally consumed by the thought of being in a home for longer than a few hours. I would get a nice warm shower, a soft bed I hope, food and a roof over my head. I should be thankful, but inside I was still pretty worried.

I moved my eye sight from the pavement up in front of me just in time for my body to collide with what felt like a wall. My body flew back slightly and I landed on my butt on the cement sidewalk with my hands to brace my fall. I grimaced as I stared at the black shoes that still stood in front of me.

"Holy shit! I am so sorry." The voice was extremely deep and husky and instantly melted my heart into a puddle. I gasped as my eyes wandered up the body and finally met with the hazel ones that plagued my dreams every night since I had first seen them. The very eyes that told me everything would be alright in my life.

I was now face to face with Matt Sanders.