J'aime l'Équitation!

Two hours ago, Frank had stormed out in a fit of rage, accompanied by a lot of crashing, door-slamming and obscenities. What occurred two hours ago happened every two weeks in their house. Gerard was usually left rolling his eyes and free to watch whatever he wanted on television. What Frank enjoyed watching usually endangered Gerard's manliness.

Two hours later, as Gerard just finished watching a horror movie that he hadn't seen thanks to Frank needing to catch every single second of the red-headed woman on Desperate Housewives' life, he heard footsteps.

The peace had been disturbed.

The door opened and Gerard stood up to face Frank, only to notice something that had most certainly not been standing on his doormat two hours ago - or five minutes ago, for that matter.

A kid. Three feet of pure impishness and hype.

"Um, Frank? What followed you home?"

Frank shrugged and glanced down at the child. "A kid."

"... Can I ask why?"

"I dunno, he was just behind me... and didn't go away when I yelled at him."

"He probably has parents you know --"

"J'aime l'équitation!"

Gerard broke off to stare at the kid.

"Oh yeah, he won't stop saying that. I think he's foreign or some shit."

The older man sighed and leaned against the wall, shaking his head. "Yes, he's foreign. It's French."

Frank's eyebrows quirked. "A man of many talents I see. And you think I'm weird for watching Desperate Housewives?"

"French is a language, not a fucking soap opera."

"Bree is a very deep and complex character, Gerard!"

"J'aime l'équitation!"

They both paused to stare at the kid again before launching back into their argument.

"She's a fucking whore is what she is!"

Frank glared. "Fine, I'll take him back if that's what you want."

"You're acting as if he's a fucking dog or rental DVD, Frank."

"Well he followed me! I didn't really have a choice." He paused and looked affectionately down at the young child. "He's kinda cute though, you've got to admit."

Gerard glowered. "He's a French kid that isn't ours who probably belongs to some tourists who would've cleared off by now. God, Frank. So this is what you do whenever we have arguments. You go play pedo."

"J'aime l'équitation!"

"... I don't think he likes you."

"Shut the fuck up, Frank."

"Seriously, I think it means I hate you, Gerard in French."

"It means I like horse riding, idiot."

Frank snorted loudly. "Yeah fuckin' right!"

"Okay, whatever, I don't care. Just get him home. I don't want some kid in our house. It's creepy."

"I like it. It makes me feel like I'm in some sort of comedy movie."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "You would."

Frank shrugged and looked down at the kid again. "Aw, look, I think he's hungry."

Gerard looked at the kid too. It was smiling like a lunatic. "It doesn't look hungry to me. It looks like it's going to kill me in my sleep."

Frank scrunched up his nose. "He. Not it."

"If you think it's hungry then go make it a sandwich."

"Why don't you go make a fuckin' sandwich?"

"I don't want a fuckin' sandwich! Frank, you're being ridiculous. Just take him home."

Frank's brow creased. "I wanna keep him."

Gerard's eyes widened, but Frank just lowered himself down onto one knee so the he was closer to the young boy's height and smiled.

"What's your name, kid?"

No one had any tact in this house.

"J'aime l'équitation!"

Frank bit his lip. "Come on kid, what's your name? What-ta is-a your-a name-a? At-way is our-yay ame-nay?"

"He's French, he doesn't respond to crude Italian accents and Pig Latin."

"Italian? That was a French accent, you deaf freak!"

Gerard's face dropped. "Oh my God! You really are useless!"

"Don't go saying things like that - that's what got us into this in the first place." Frank sighed. "If you're so good, you ask him then."

"I thought you didn't like that I knew French?"

Frank raised an eyebrow. "You know what, this isn't worth it. Forget it, I'm just gonna make him some food." He stood up and turned to the boy, then put on the sweetest voice he could muster. "Follow me, uncle Frankie's gonna make you some yummy food! Say 'mmmmm!'"

"J'aime l'équitation!"

Frank turned to Gerard with his head tilted. "Aw, God, Gee. I want a kid!"

Gerard shook his head. "Not a chance. We can just go to France and you can 'aw' over all the kids roaming around there."

"I'll settle for that, as long as we can steal one."

"Hurry up with the food making so we can hurry up and get rid of him. Just grab him an apple or something."

Frankie looked appalled. "An apple? Are you kidding me? My Jemmy deserves something nice and tasty!"

"We don't own anything nice and tasty -- wait! Jemmy? Oh God, Frank, please. Don't name it!"

"He can have a cheese sandwich. The French like cheese don't they? And bread..." Frankie lowered himself down to Jemmy's level again. "We don't have any French bread though, kiddo! Just our normal American shit, but don't worry, I'll try make it take extra nice to remind you of home!"

Gerard ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. Sure, it was cute to watch... but it also made him want to throw up.

Ten minutes later (Frank had some trouble opening the cheese), Jemmy was at the table eating a rather clumsily made sandwich.

"Are you sure we have to take him back?"

"He has parents, of course I'm sure."

"Fine. We'll go as soon as Jemmy's done."

"Quit calling him that."

Another few minutes later, all three of them were out the door. Frank was squealing with glee as he noticed that they looked like a proper family, instead of a couple of gays like they usually did.

Jemmy stuck close to Frank on the walk to the park, clinging to the bottom of his jeans multiple times. Every single time, Frank insisted on murmuring, "aw," and pausing to ruffle his hair.

"So, this is where I found him."

The park. And no frantic parents in sight.

"Where do you think his parents are? Where did you find him?"

"Just here..." Frank chewed at his lip, then called out, "Hello? Anyone lose a kid?"

"I don't wanna be stuck with him, Frank. Hurry up and find them."

Frank lowered himself to the ground once again and grasped Jemmy's shoulders. "Look here, Jemmy. See your parents anywhere around here? 'Cause if you don't find them soon you'll never be able to go ho--"

Gerard slapped Frank on the back of his head. "Don't tell him that!" he hissed through clenched teeth.

Frank made a face, for which Gerard slapped him again.

Suddenly, Jemmy started pointing at a rather flustered couple a few hundred meters away that hadn't been there before. Frank's face split into a smile.

"Aw, Jemmy, you found your parents! But I sure am gonna miss ya. We had a great run though, didn't we? I mean, that was one good sandwich, wasn't it? Sorry Gerard yelled at you and all that though... Hope he didn't scare you. Y'know, you can come over any time you --"

Jemmy rolled his eyes and started running in the direction of his parents, who noticed him and screamed in delight. Frank watched as they picked him up and hugged him close.

"I think he got bored of your emotional speech," Gerard chuckled.

Frank frowned, not amused at the comment. He sighed, bit his lip, then sighed again. "I wasn't done. I didn't get to say goodbye properly."

"I think he got the general idea, Frank --"

"But I didn't get to say goodbye properly!"

Gerard slung an arm around Frank's shoulders and smiled. "Don't worry. Next time you won't have to say goodbye."