You'll Always Be My Thunder;

I can still hear the beating of her heart. This haunting won't part. I wish I could just let you go, so I'll just lie low.

She's not in sight, yet she feels so bright.

I can smell her scent on my skin. Damn, I wish was in the wind. Cause it's in the air, it's in my hair. And this feeling won't go away.

I wish I was looking into your eyes, but I'm so sick of all these lies.

It was a lie when you broke my heart. I saw it in your eyes. They want to protect you, but don't they understand they suspect you?

I wanted you to know that you can trust me, but by the looks of this, I just might combust.

If only I knew how to save a life, this guilt just keeps cutting me like a knife. And I can't stall the inevitable.

So in case you ever wonder, I think I might go under. Because everything is falling through. I swear that I've never been this scared before.

I keep telling everyone that I feel fine enough, but maybe that's just a bluff.

I swear to you, I'm in way over my head. I wish I could rewind, but never mind.

I could have avoided all this strife if I just knew how to save a life.

She's becoming part of the past, the part that don't last. And when I see your smile, I know it was all worthwhile.

I'll be strong, and just hold on.

Sometimes love, feels like pain. And it's coming towards me like a train. But I know they aren't the same.

So this is goodbye, and I promise I'll try.

- - -

Where did I go wrong?

Oh Eli.

"You! You killed her!"

This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't going to be this way, it shouldn't be this way.

It all happened so fast. And I don't understand.

"No, she's not-"

"Take your hands off our daughter, Filatov!" her mother shouted, tears running down her face.

"Nikita had nothing to do with this," my father said angerly, stepping in front of me.

"Eli is dead because of him! He brain washed her, and now we will never be able to find her help."

Eli didn't need help. Eli didn't want help.

I felt like my world was cascading down around my feet, as I held her limp body in my arms. I thought we were going to die together? But maybe that was just a lie.

That's all this life was.

Her head was pressed against my chest, her body was cold. We were kneeling on the ground.

She shouldn't have told me. That's when everything went wrong.

"Your son! He killed her!" Mrs. Mason chanted over and over, but all I heard were lies ringing in and out of my ears.

I had a sickly feeling in my stomach. Because trust me, I didn't want her to go. I thought for sure it was going to be me.

And I will die all alone.

"She didn't love you Filatov, don't you see? Her heart belonged to me."

"Jesus Christ, Alexei."

"I just wish that you could have figured out the key sooner. Or else, this wouldn't have happened. Eliot would still be alive, and within arms reach. But maybe you didn't care enough to think about it."

My head shot up and I was staring into deadly blue eyes. I sat Eli down and stepped closer to Alexei.

"Cherepanov, I thought about it. I thought about it until I wanted to die. You lead me on this wild goose chase! And I didn't even know what in the hell I was doing!"

"She figured it out. Eli could have been saved. She saved you Filatov," the boy said smugly. I looked around and noticed that we were still in the graveyard. But time seems to have stood still.

"I'm not scared to die Alexei, so take me as well."

"Oh Nikita, it's that easy. And I know that you're scared to know what happens after."

"What the hell was the key!" I shouted, frustrated, kicking a piece of dirt.

"It was so simple! So fucking simple Nikita. You just couldn't admit it to her!" Alexei cried, and I could see that he was crying. As the tears fell down softly and gracefully on the ground. "Nikita, you're not alone. You were not alone, although you insisted on taking everything on. Didn't you see? She was there, Eli was there to help you."

Alexei is lying to me, Eli is lying to me. Why is all I hear is lies?

I approached Alexei, and for a full second I was intent on killing him. But, how do you kill an angel?

I was scared, scared of what I had become. I was a monster.

Eliot was everything to me, and if I had just lost my everything, was there any point in living? I don't believe there is. Because Little Eli will always be my thunder.

"Just let me see her one last time."

"What if I give you that chance? What will you make of it?"

"Don't test me Alexei."

"You are already seeing her."

"What?"

He pointed behind me and I wiped around. Eli of course was laying on the ground where I had placed her. Of course. But Alexei had to be lying. There was no other way to put it.

"Eli," I cooed, laying down next to her and wrapping her into my arms. But there was nothing to be done, because Eli was already gone.

Alexei said that Eli had already figured out the key. Although, what could that be?

And then it hit me. In the last seconds before she lay dying she said-

"Eli, oh Eli, if you can still hear me,"

"It's no use Filatov."

Don't lie to me Cherepanov.

"I love you."

And then there was a bright light and I felt like I was falling.

But, I felt that all I was hearing was Lies.