Thinking of You

I have managed to avoid Zacky at all costs. Every since he had informed he wanted to marry Gena, I have hid in my new house and only seen everyone else besides those two. No matter how many times I told myself that I didn't love him anymore, I couldn't help but feel sad for thinking that we could be something.

Even if the guys told me to tell him how I felt, I knew in my heart that the feeling wasn't mutual. I would always be the best friend, the person he went to for advice. Not someone he wanted romantically.Which is why everyone piled into my house to watch me wallow in my misery.

"Why don't we go to the beach today?" Johnny suggested. I just grunted. The beach did sound good.

"Please! I'll buy you ice cream!" Jimmy begged.

Laughing I said,"fine, but I want ice cream first. Let me go get ready." To which they all cheered. I went upstairs and pulled on a blue string bikin with ruffles along the top, black shorts, Hollister tanktop and sandals, put my hair up and went back down to get into Brian's BMW. We pulled up to Coldstone, and ordered our stuff then sat down and ate.

"Has anyone heard from Zacky or Gena at all?" Lacey questioned. We all shook our heads, which is odd because he at least calls one of us at any time he doesn't hang out with us.

"That's odd, he always calls Rachel or me if something's up." Brian said. It is very true, no matter what he lets us know how he is.

"I thought you guys were recording? Has he not shown up?" I asked.

"Yeah we are, but he has beeen non-existant when he does arrive and lays down a track and leaves pissed off. I have no idea what is going on." Matt said. Great, I'll get blamed for this sooner or later.

"Weird. Are you guys done?" Val asked. We threw our trash away and decided to just walk to the beach since we were right by it.Setting our stuff down, we all stripped to our bikinis and board shorts then layed down for awhile.

"It feels so good out here." Leana sighed. We all acknowledged her and continued to soak up the sun.The guys decided to throw a football around while we layed there.

"Well, I haven't seen your sexy ass in awhile." I heard when a shadow over took me. Squinting I saw Jason and Matt standing there with Dan and Johnny G.

"JB and Mattie! I haven't seen you in forever!" I squealed while giving them hugs.

"What about us?" Johnny and Dan asked. It was no secret that Dan had a crush on me, but I didn't really act on it.

"Come here." I said holding my arms out.Then ran and tackled me to the ground which made me scream and the guys to turn around to see what happened. They laughed when they saw why and went back to doing what they were.

"You guys need to be more careful with her." Val said giving them a pointed look. They nodded understanding and went over to the guys.

See, Jason and Matt had to work with Kaleb about two weeks ago. He started talking shit to them and they ended up beating him up before the other techs jumped in to break it up. Kaleb was fired because he started it. I felt bad but they insisted thst he deserved it and no one messes with anyone in the Avenged family. They drug me into the water and flung me before joining themselves. I was pissed but started laughing when Leana tackled them with Jimmy screaming "that's my girl." We were having fun until Zacky showed up.

"Decide not to invite me for a reason? Or did the traitor not want me here?" He asked. By now we were all confused.

"We tried calling you, but you didn't answer." I said to him.

"I don't want to talk to you Rachel or look at you for that matter." He said coldly. Now I was hurt and confused.

"Okay. What the hell did I do to you? We were fine not to long ago?"

"Because of you, Gena broke up with me.So now, I have no one and it's all because your to pathetic to admit that you went and told her a bunch of shit to get her to do it. So congrats on that one, you win is that what you wanted!" He said with malice and no emotion.

"Okay first off I don't ever talk to Gena, you know that better than anyone. And why would I tell her anything when you told me you were proposing? I was happy and excited for you.Does it make any sense to you? Zacky, we have been best friends forever, do you honestly think I would do something like that to you?" I asked him. I was trying to hold tears in because he would think I was guilty if I cried.

"You were always jealous of her, and so you decided the best thing to do was to ruin my life. Well news flash, you mean nothing to me, do you understand that? Nothing anymore, I don't care if I never talk to you again." He said looking right at me. I broke at that moment. Because the look in his eyes told me he wasn't kidding around.

"I mean nothing to you? Your going to throw 16 years of friendship away over something I didn't do, or have no matter in anyway? I have been there for you through everything Zack. Baseball games, concerts, tours, band practices, recording, the person you come to for advice and guidance. The person who has been there everytime someone breaks your heart or uses you, I have been there to pick up the pieces. Never once have I ever accused you of trying to manipulate me the way Kaleb did. So, I mean nothing to you? Are you really going to drop me because some girl chickened out and refused to marry you?" I asked him. I was livid and the guys were trying to figure out what to do without getting involved.

"Maybe Gena was right about you. You think everything revolves around you and your problems. Your to blame for this, and I don't care about you at all. As far as I'm concerned, you don't matter to me anymore." He said. I just lost my heart and my best friend, the person I loved without ever thinking twice about it.

"Fine, I see that you meant way more to me than I have ever to you. But I want you to remember something, when you need someone other than the guys to talk to, I won't be there. You want to believe Gena about me, fine.In all honesty, your just like Kaleb. If you don't get your way, you find someone to pin all the blame on, and I refuse to be that person for you.I hope your miserable when you realize that you just made the biggest mistake of you life, Zachary." I cried out. The guys decided that now was the best time to jump into the fight because I don't think anything else could be said.

"I think you both need to cool off. Your just talking out of anger and are going to regret it if you say anything else." Matt said trying to ease the situation. Doesn't matter, the damage was already done.

"No I meant everything I said. She can hang out with you guys all she wants, but I won't ever associate with her again. she's just someone from my past." Zacky said, still livid. I nodded and reached up tugging on my necklace hearing the chain snap and handed it to Zacky.

"You always told me that this represented your heart. I had the biggest piece, because I was the biggest part of your life after music. I promised to look after that necklace because it symbolized just that, and it was special to me.I've cherished it all of these years, and looked at it everytime I needed reassurance that someone, besides the guys of course, loved me and thought I was worth all the drama.So, since I am no longer allowed in your life, I no longer need it. You can have it back and remember that all of this never meant anything. I love you. You know that, but this is something that I don't think I could ever forgive you for.I promised I would never say goodbye to you because it seemed permanent, so maybe I'll see you around." I said handing him the necklace. I felt naked without it and like I lost the biggest piece of me.

He just nodded and looked at the ground, like he was starting to regret what he just accused me of what he did. Right now, I wasn't willing or able to ever forgive him. Someday I would, but I think this was my opportunity to move on and find someone worth dating.

"Dan, why don't you and Johnny take her home, since me and Michelle brought her." Brian said. I could tell he was trying to hold in his anger, but it would do no good. Damage was done.

"Yeah, we could do that. Come on Rach, we'll get you some good stuff on the way home and have a movie day. How about that." Johnny said. I loved these guys, it caused me to chuckle at the attempt to cheer me up.

"Bye guys and girls, I love you." I said to all of them. They replied it back and Matt came up and whispered, "call me later, so I know your okay babygirl. I know he doesn't mean anything, he's upset." I said alright.

Oh Matt I called out," doesn't matter if he meant it, he said it with the intention of hurting me and he did just that. So, whether he meant it or not, the damage was done." I said. The girls looked upset, because they all knew Gena wasn't ready to get married. I don't blame her for it either, I just wish she wouldn't have blamed me for her decision. As we were heading to Dan's truck, I heard Zacky mutter in a cracked voice,"I just made the biggest mistake of my life." Yes, he did.

Sitting at my house with Dan and Johnny G was actually relaxing. They didn't talk about what happened and didn't try to get me to talk about it. The put on really chessy movies to make me laugh and forget about it, and it did the trick.

"You know what sounds good right now? Pizza, with all this booze we have. Yeah, I'm ordering pizza." Dan said getting up to grab my house phone and call them. He already knew what me and Johnny liked, so he didn't even ask.

"Dan, get me hot wings to." I called out. I heard a grunt which meant he heard me and turned back and made a face at Johnny which made him snort and beer to come out his nose.

"Dude, that burned so bad." he said in a high pitched voice. I almost fell of the couch laughing at him. Dan came back in to ask what happened and the minute he saw the aftermath, he started laughing to.

"Hey, I thought you guys were on some new diet where all you ate is that healthy stuff?" I asked no one in particular.

"Please, when you look this good, you can eat whatever you want." Dan and Johny both said at the same time. I love these two.

"Okay, I'll remember that." I said still laughing. Just for a moment, I could forget about the drama and relax with people I don't get to hang out with that much.