Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

"Oww." I grumbled as quietly as possible when my toes made a crude, unwanted meeting with the doorway to the living room. It was barely 6:00 A.M., so I was a bit surprised to find I wasn't alone.
"Morning!" Travis turned around on the couch to give a welcoming smile.
"You're too cheerful for it being this early." I joked as I took a seat next to him. He had a blue composition notebook clutched in his hands.
Mr.Way suggested we write in them whenever we had anything we wanted to express, so of course I was curious as to what was so important for him to be expressing this early.
"Whatcha writing?" I couldn't help it.
"Oh, just some top secret stuff that I couldn't help but write about." He smiled thoughtfully, but I knew that was all he was going to say about it.
When he was quiet for a prolonged period of time, I knew this meant he was keeping something big from me, that he was conflicted about telling me.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I offered as I pushed my hair out of my face.
He nodded half-heartedly before explaining "I just don't know how to say it. I'm kind of embarrassed about it."
I raised an eyebrow. "Well, keeping it hoarded up to yourself isn't going to make it any better."
He agreed with a sigh.
"Here." He placed the notebook in my lap, flustered.
"I feel so stupid about it."
He uttered self-consciously.

I turned my attention to the writing scribbled on the paper.

"Okay, so I thought I'd spin this page off with a big secret. There's kind of this guy in this block that I'm getting to know a little better, and I can't ignore how I feel about him. I mean, if you see this guy, you'd understand. He's kind of amazing. (: This isn't good, though. Why?
Well, for one, this is totally new to me. I have never ever so much as thought of another boy in more than a brotherly or friendly way. These feelings almost make me sick. I mean, since when did I think of boys?
Also, he's too cool for me. He's suave, calm, cool, handsome...He's every girls dream, and apparently mine lately.
I'm about 200% certain he's straight, considering he talks about girls all the time, and likes to rate the girls in block three from 'puke-worthy' to 'bangable'. Last I checked I don't have boobs and I don't have female reproductive organs either.
It's sort of hopeless, actually. Is it bad that I secretly envy those girls? Even the ones he calls 'puke-worthy'. Why? Because, even if he's saying they aren't attractive, at least he's looking at them in that type of way, considering his attraction to them.
I know he wouldn't ever look at me like he does with those women, and that's one of the worst thoughts I've realized. I'm falling, no scratch that, I've fallen for someone who doesn't even hardly know I exist. ): What a bummer, huh?"

I couldn't help but feel horrible for him.
"Aww, Travis." I leaned over to pull him into a tight hug, which I'm guessing he needed because he returned it just as tightly.
"I'm sure he at least knows you exist, and, you never know...Maybe if you talk to him more..."
I left it at that, but gave my best, most encouraging smile to him.
"Yeah right." He hopelessly muttered against my shoulder. I felt bad for him, really.
"Wait."
He sat upright suddenly, face shocked.
"You do know who this is, right?"
I nodded before answering "Danny."
He bugged his blue eyes at me. "How'd you know that?"
I couldn't help but chuckle at how he overreacted sometimes.
"I dunno. Maybe it's the way you kind of stare at him with that dazzled look in your eyes?"
He covered his face with his hands, his voice muffled as he wailed out
"Are you serious?! It's that obvious?!"
I shook my head no, trying to hide the silent bubbles of laughter that seemed to keep rising from my chest.
"I was just joking about the staring thing."
I tried to change the subject then..Kind of.

"What you need to do is just talk to him a little bit. That can't be that hard, considering you're assigned the same room as him."
He glanced at me like I had the word dumbass tattooed across my face.
"Like, I dunno. Ask him what his favorite band is. Or ask him for help with something that will strike up an odd conversation that he won't forget."
I coached as if I had been through problems like this before, though I hadn't.
"Easier said than done." He snorted as he took his notebook and tossed it onto the table in front of us.
There was a noise then, from down the hall. Someone else was awake now.
"Just wait until lunch. I'll help."
I assured quietly. He opened his mouth to reject that idea, but was cut off by Ryan walking into the room.

Travis peeked up from his orange hair anxiously before taking a bite of his apple. It was lunch and it was obvious that he was dreading whatever I was going to do.
"So, Travis.." I began, watching him flinch at my voice saying his name.
"What's your favorite color?" He seemed to breathe a silent sigh of relief.
"Um..Green?"
He watched me skeptically, knowing there were more questions coming.
"What's your favorite food?" I pushed, noticing the odd looks the group gave me.
"Um, whatever the cafeteria workers give me, I guess."
He answered with an equally confused look that everyone else had.
"Amen to that." Gabe choked out, a piece of chewed up peach falling from his mouth and onto the table.
I watched him flick it at Danny in disgust.
"Any interesting hobbies?" I inquired then.
Gabe flicked his dark eyes toward me, it evident in his face that he was wondering if we were playing 20 Questions or something.
"Umm...Singing? Playing guitar?"
Travis finally answered between bites of the apple that was now clutched a little too tightly in his hand.
"Okay, what's up with all the questions?"
Bob interrupted us then, waving his slice of orange around.
"Dude, your fucking orange juice got in my eye!"
Brendon whined, rubbing his eye dramatically.
Bob ignored his child-like reaction and stuffed the piece in his mouth. "I dunno. Just felt like interrogating him."
I answered, trying to keep a smile from shaping my lips.
Danny seemed to have taken notice of something Travis had revealed, considering I noticed him cut his cerulean eyes toward him at least twice since the last question he answered.

The plan was already running through my head. As soon as we left for break, Brendon and Ryan would be staying behind because they had lunchroom duty. When we got outside, I would elaborately come down with a headache, and ask Gabe to escort me because I was dizzy and might fall.
Bob and Frank would be so caught up in each other, that Travis and Danny would be the only ones in the group left.
They would talk. I didn't know Danny too well, but I knew for a fact that he couldn't stand silence, so he would talk to Travis.
I felt like an evil mastermind.

"You alright?" Gabe questioned after explaining something to Danny about his hair.
It was our break now, and I'd been pretending to have a horrible migraine for about ten minutes now, before he finally noticed.
"Not really." I weakly responded, holding my head between my hands and pretending the sun was hurting my eyes.
"What's wrong?" Travis was instantly worried. I guess he didn't think that maybe this was all a part of the scheme.
"Headache." I answered simply, wincing as if I were really in pain.
"I think you should go to the nurse." Gabe replied with a raise of an eyebrow.
"Yeah." I agreed, turning to walk toward the nurse and 'accidentally' stumbling.
"Wow, I'm really dizzy." I said this loud enough that all three of them heard it.
"Uh, lemme help you there, Guillermo."
Gabe grasped my elbow and lead me the way I was supposed to be going.
I secretly looked back at Travis as he did, giving him perhaps the most devious smirk I could muster.
His face could only be described as priceless.

TRAVIS

I should have known that he didn't really have a headache, and that he was just trying to leave me alone here with....I gulped. Danny.
I stole a peek over at him to see what he was doing. His back was to the Oak tree, his eyes fixed the direction Gabe and Bill were.
It seemed like forever in the most awkward silence I'd ever had the misfortune to experience before his voice reached my ears.
"So, you sing, huh?"
I felt more self conscious now that those intense eyes were focused on me.
"Um, yeah."
He nodded, nonchalantly.
"That's cool. you'll have to show me something sometime."
I could feel my the blood pooling in my cheeks. Sing for someone like him? I could barely even talk around him.

"So, w-what's your favorite band?" I queried, desperate for anything; Bill's suggestions were the only things that came to mind.
"Oh, gosh. I dunno. I've been listening to Rascal Flatts pretty much non-stop lately."
This surprised me. I didn't expect him to listen to Country music.
"Country?"
He gazed toward me again.
"Yeah. Is that a bad thing?"
I shook my head no, secretly excited to learn something new about him. Maybe I wouldn't be as mad at Bill as I thought I would be after the ordeal.
"No. I just..Don't know. I just didn't really expect you to be the country type."
His laugh was almost too much to handle.
"Yeah. So, what's your favorite band?"
He countered then, giving me time to think about it.
"You'll laugh at me if I tell you the truth."
I admitted, casting my eyes toward my feet as I said so.
"Naah. I promise I won't."
He flashed a momentary grin, which made me melt, yet upset me at the same time, considering the feelings I had as opposed to his.
"N'Sync."
I mumbled, and at first, I didn't think he heard me. Until I realized he was trembling with laughter that he was trying to hide.

"Hey! You promised you wouldn't laugh!" I squealed upon realizing this. He shook his head and pushed his honey blonde hair out of his eyes, snickering "Sorry, I just didn't expect that one. I thought you would say like, Lady Gaga, or something like that."
He huffed deeply before adding "What do you like about them?"
It was kind of odd to me.
"Um..They make music?" I immediately slapped my palm to my forehead at how stupid I was.
Did I really just blurt out that I liked them because they make music? Where was a big rock for me to crawl under and die?

I guessed this was okay for the moment because he burst out into a fit of laughter that made my whole body feel weightless. I felt my face turning deep red, there was no doubt about it.
He began to say something, but stopped when Gabe and Bill reappeared in the distance.
"YO, Gabey Baby! Get your sweet ass over here!" He bellowed, saving me from further embarrassment.

"Are you serious?" Bill tried his hardest not to laugh, but it was a failed attempt.
"Shut up! I didn't mean to! It just like, slipped out!" He composed himself and interrogated
"Did you find anything out about him?"
I nodded, pooching my bottom lip out like a pouting kid.
"He likes country music."
He seemed just as surprised about this as me. He continued walking the length of my room, thinking of something only he would know.
"Well, when he gets out of the shower, you should talk to him some more."
Of course he would say this. You know, it's not like I'd already humiliated myself once talking to him.
He walked over to the door and opened it enough to see down the hall.
"Well, whatever you're going to do, figure it out fast. He's out of the shower and coming this way."
He beamed like a devil before slipping out of the door, leaving me alone.

The door re-opened seconds later, but it was Danny this time. I pretended to be writing in my notebook as he tussled his hair with his towel.
"Writing this late?" He plopped back onto his bed with a groan. I didn't see how he could be in nothing but boxers when it was so cold, but secretly, I didn't mind...Not one bit.
"Um..Yeah. Why not?" I decided to once again take William's advice and try to strike up another conversation, and try not to make a fool of myself again.
"Umm, because it's lights out? Well, it was about a half hour ago." He rambled boredly, finding an MP3 player and putting one of the ear-buds in his right ear.
I guess I'm a little too boring for him. I thought bitterly. He pushed himself up on his elbows with a grin on his face.
"Come here."
I was hiding it well, but I instantly felt my heart-rate shoot up considerably.
I did though, sitting stiffly on his bed by him.
"Here." He handed me the other earphone.
"Listen to this band. I think you'll like them a lot."
He continued as I pushed it into my left ear.
"Why's that?" The look that passed over his face instantly told me this wasn't good on my expense.
"Because they make music." He guffawed as the hit play on the player.