Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

"Gabe, Stop it!" I growled loudly, slapping his hand away as fiercely as I could. He was walking behind me and, from the moment we walked out of the cafeteria, he'd kept yanking my hair and kicking my heels. Of course, I stumbled a few times and nearly fell on my face. Not even four seconds after I said this, he did it again, I nearly falling for maybe the fourth time.

"Dammit Gabe, STOP!" I yelled as I turned to slap him across the shoulder. He found this funny, considering the shit eating grin plastered on his face.
"He can't help it, Bill." Brendon chuckled from a few feet ahead of us.
"It's just in his nature to flirt with anyone he can." Gabe crinkled his nose. "Flirt with Guillermo? Yeah, not likely." He snickered as he rammed his fingers between my ribs.
"Stop it!" I had enough and jogged ahead to stand by Ryan, but he followed.
"What's wrong Guillermo? Getting tired of me?" He leaned closer to me and, so that I was the only one that heard, murmured
"Remember when I told you I'd hang around you so much you'd get sick of me?" Honestly, I'd forgotten all about that; he was right though. I was about to the point of knocking his head off, he was getting so annoying.
"See, I told you. You're tired of poor little me." He whined as he pulled on one of the belt loops of my pants, trying to stop me completely.
"Whatever. Stop being so obnoxious." I snapped and slapped at him again. He went to say something, but an unfamiliar voice reached us.
"Um, Hey! Someone dropped this!" They called to us.
We all turned to watch a tall, slender boy walking toward us casually. He had brownish-red straightened hair that almost touched his shoulders, his clothing resembling that type you'd see on the skaters.
"Guessing it's you." He smiled toward me after glancing at the Identification card that apparently, I'd dropped.
"Um, thanks." I took it, clipping it onto my pants pocket, where it should have stayed. It probably fell off when Gabe was trying to stop me a few seconds earlier.
"I'm J.J." He introduced after I had the card firmly back in place.
"Uh, William." I replied, shrugging off Gabe's hand, which was constricting around my forearm and trying to yank me back to walking.
"Stop it." I hissed when he did it again. J.J. gave him a curious glimpse, I doing so a few seconds afterward.
"What?" Gabe was glaring at me as crudely as possible. He shrugged and turned, walking toward our block. What was his problem?
Asshole. my mind seemed to scream this toward the back of his head.
"So, mind if I walk here?" J.J. re-grasped my attention as he pointed to the ground by my feet.
"Sure." He nodded with a quick grin.
"So, what's up with that guy?" I knew he was talking about Gabe.
"Don't even get me started." I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Immature asshole."
He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his baggy cargo shorts. "What block you in?"
He questioned curiously, blowing his hair from his face.
"Eight. You?"
He answered with a huff "Six. Sucks ass too."
I nodded, silently realizing that he was almost exactly the same height as me. "Eight is okay. I mean, the people I share it with are nice, anyways."

We were at the usual spot where we hung out on our breaks, behind our block. Today though, I had a new person to talk to. This was kind of unusual of myself, I noted. I was mostly shy and didn't talk so easily, but J.J. had a certain aura about him that just seemed friendly and welcoming. I'm sure everyone knows at least one of those people.

"So, why you in here?" He inquired nonchalantly as he leaned against one of the many Oak trees in the facility.
"Can you not tell?" I scoffed and held my arms up in front of him, showing off the bandages. He gave a small "Oh," before rambling "Well, that sucks. I had to rob a couple stores to get here, but," He held his arms up in the air before finishing with an enthusiastic "tada!" He was very interesting, I had to give him that at least.

"Uhh, your Immature Asshole is coming this way." He warned me then, in a hushed tone. Gabe was sauntering his way over toward us, a particularly sour look on his face. What was his problem?
"Yo. What are we doing over here?" He was saying this before he was even at a decent hearing distance for us.
"Umm, talking?" I sarcastically answered as I shot him the famous "What-the-hell-are-you-doing?" look. He adjusted his trucker hat and tugged at my arm. "Cool. I need to tell you something real quick." He stared at J.J. as he said this and, before I could object, he was practically dragging me away.

"What are you doing?!" I screeched when I finally broke from his grip, blowing the hair from my face angrily. "You're so fucking stupid, ya know?" He snarled, catching me off guard. What did I do wrong?
"What the hell are you talking about, you Dickhead?!" I retorted with as much disgust in my voice as was in his.
"This little prick! He's not trying to be a friend. Sorry to break it to you, but he's just trying to get on your good side so he can con you into sneaking out and meeting him at the Inventory shed in the middle of the night so he can fuck you." Even though this was Gabe, I was still absolutely pissed that he was going to diss some person he didn't even know, especially saying something so stupid.
"Gabe, did you ever think that maybe that's just what you would be doing in this situation? And besides, if that is all this is, no big deal. It's not like I'm just waiting for someone to ask me something like that. I DO have a brain and know how to say no."
"Whatever Bill. It's not gonna be my fault when you get tangled up in something you don't want with this little cock sucker."
He stormed off without another thought.
Dumbass.Asshole.Dickhead. I swear I hate that dick.
I found my way back to where J.J. was patiently waiting, an amused look on his face.
"I take it the guy doesn't like me?" I shrugged. "He's an asshole. He likes to piss me off."

"Yo, Trav, get over here!" Danny yelled from the "court", which was really just the spot of grass behind our block. The group was playing Football. I decided to just sit on the bench and watch after getting tackled twice and nearly getting knocked out. Thanks to Brendon, actually. "Watch out!" Bob yelled as the football whizzed mere inches from my head.
Mr.Way was watching from the other bench, laughing occasionally when someone slipped or something like that.
"I've gotta get back over there." Travis laughed as Danny and Gabe both waved at him impatiently, wanting their game to resume, which meant he had to stop talking to me about how "Danny let him get a touchdown because he didn't want to tackle him".
I wished they would just get together, even if they'd only just started really talking yesterday. I mean, it was kind of inevitable, really. Who couldn't see the way Travis drooled enough to drown us all when Danny took his shirt off thirty minutes ago? Or the way that he couldn't keep his eyes off of him for more than ten seconds at a time.
"Hey, Guillermo, why don't you make yourself useful and go to the lunchroom to get me a drink?"
Gabe called from his position in whatever they were doing.
"Sure, why not?" I pulled myself up to my feet and got the okay from Mr.Way before hurrying to the cafeteria.

I ended up somehow impressing one of the lunch ladies because I was "well-mannered" or something, so she told me I could get a drink for all of the block. They would have to settle for Strawberry flavored Propel water.

I struggled to get back out the door with all nine bottles cradled in my arms, but I managed. I dropped one as I trudged back toward the block.
"You dropped one." A newly recognizable voice called from my right.
"Really? I didn't notice." I smiled toward J.J., whom stooped down and grabbed the bottle, along with a few in my arms.
"Lemme help you here. Where are you taking these things?"
I motioned for him to follow me. "The block is playing Football. Gabe told me to come down here and get drinks." I explained as he matched his footfalls with mine.
"Why aren't you playing with them?" A look passed on his face that showed he had an idea as to why I wasn't, but I answered regardless.
"Apparently, I'm too fragile to play with the big boys." He chuckled. "We never get to play anything. We only go outside for sports." He pouted, though he was outside of his block now.
"Oh, really?" He caught on that I was thinking this.
"Yeah. I was supposed to be helping with cafeteria duty. Helping the old Hags cook dinner for you guys, ya know?"
He shrugged after this. "But I saw you walk in and ditched. The councilor will never know." I raised an eyebrow his way before tossing my hair from my face. It was really annoying me today.
"That's kinda mean." I jeered, watching him pull a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, he taking one and placing it at the crook of his lips.
"You smoke?" He offered the pack to me, but I declined with a cringe.
I'd never really enjoyed being around cigarette smoke.
"Ehh." He fished a lighter from his back pocket and lit it, inhaling deeply.
"How old are you?" I inquired as I watched him from the corner of my eyes.
"Seventeen. You?" I didn't really think he would be that much older; his looks pegged him at around my age, or barely older.
"Fifteen."
"You don't act it." He mused aloud as he blew smoke between his teeth.
"Okay?" He didn't say anything else and I only just realized that we were back at the block.
"Hey, I got water for everyone." I announced when they didn't notice I was back.
They all paused their game to grab one, Gabe being the only one in a snotty mood.
He snagged the bottle from my hand rudely, keeping his dark eyes on J.J. the whole time, even as he guzzled the bottle dry.
"What're you doing here?" He sneered at him as he mopped the sweat off his face.
"Hanging out with a friend?" J.J. answered innocently, cutting his eyes to me, his face asking the question
"Why does he hate me, exactly?"
"Come on." Danny Rammed his elbow into Gabe's back, getting his attention.
"Game's back on."
He hesitated before turning and jogging back to their "field".

"Creepy guy." J.J. exhaled as Gabe finally left. "I wonder what I did wrong."
I plopped down on the grass under us, opening the remaining bottle of water and taking a drink.
"He's just an asshole." I assured.
He sat by me, laughing. This caught my curiosity.
"What?" I queried as he did.
"Maybe he just wants you all for himself." He snorted as if this was highly amusing.
"Eww." I shuttered when he said this. Sure I knew that wasn't Gabe's problem, but it was still disturbing.

He changed the subject by pointing toward Brendon and Ryan.
"Tell me, what's up between these two? Are they fruity?"
I shook my head yes. "They're a couple." I almost expected him to wrinkle his nose at this, but he didn't.
"And the little one there?" He pointed at Frank, to which I nodded again.
"Who else then?" He stole my water and took a big gulp.
"Um, well, all except Gabe, I'm pretty sure."
This made him bug his eyes. "Is this like, the gay block or something?"
I pulled at the hem of my shirt, beginning to get a little uncomfortable with all the questions.
"Maybe."
He paused before blurting "Are you?"
I couldn't help but laugh. Leave it to someone to ask me that.
"No."
He raised his eyebrows slightly before pulling his hat down over them.
"Really? I mean, I kinda thought you were by the way you look. No offense or anything."
I mentally rolled my eyes. Why did people expect me to be gay just because I looked feminine? I couldn't help that I inherited more from my mom than most boys do.

I managed to dodge the ball again as it flew by. "Get that!" Brendon shouted toward me. I turned and hopped up, chasing the ball as it hit the building's wall. After throwing it back, I returned to my previous spot.
"Dangerous." J.J. laughed at my return. "Huh?" He discretely nodded toward Gabe. "The look he gave us. If looks could kill, ya know?"
He scooted closer. "I bet you he really is gay." He admitted before snaking an arm around my waist.
"Watch, he'll get jealous." I tensed at the contact. This was suddenly getting a little too uncomfortable.

"Um, let's not." I suggested, wriggling from his grasp, or trying to. He held tighter. "Come on. I wanna see his reaction."

I began to recall other times where people forced theirselves on my like he was doing now. It just reminded of that night when I was raped.
I could feel my heart rate speeding up as I pushed him off and stood up.
"Aww, William. I was just playing. You don't have to get so defensive." He jumped up too and, as I turned to walk away, he grabbed my wrist a little too tightly.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped at him before jerking my arm away.
"What's going on here?" Gabe and Danny made their way to the scene almost immediately, beginning a three-way stare down with J.J. .
"Nothing." I knew there wasn't any damage to my wrist, but I still cradled it against my chest. It did hurt, honestly.
"What happened?" Gabe repeated himself. He wasn't asking me, he was asking J.J. This didn't look good.

"What? All I was doing was trying to be friendly. It's not my fault he had to get all whiney and make a big deal out of nothing." He held his hands in front of him as if to say he did nothing wrong.
"Maybe he didn't like it? And, he told you to not touch him. Obviously it was a big deal to him."
Danny placed his hands on his hips, warning him "You better get your ass out of here before you get it kicked."

J.J. turned to leave, gazing toward me, pissed.
"Over-dramatic Pussy." He grumbled and began to leave, but to his misfortune, Gabe yelled "What did you just fucking say?!" He pulled J.J. back toward him and slammed his fist into his face, hard enough to knock him on his ass.

He went to punch him again, but Mr.Way stopped him. "Gabe, that's enough.
You," He directed his hazel eyes at J.J., demanding "Go back to your block."
J.J. did without another word.

"Fucking piece-of-shit prick." Gabe snarled as we watched J.J. hurry away. I felt like shit, really. So, maybe Gabe was right earlier today, and now, I was the asshole, because I said some mean stuff to him, and he still stood up for me.

"Uh, sorry for not listening to you." I apologized weakly when he walked past me, to Mr.Way.
"Whatever." Mr.Way shook his head, sighing "I won't put you in the Isolation room, but you'll have to help in the cafeteria tomorrow. Okay?"
Travis tapped me on the shoulder then, getting my attention.
"Are you alright?" I gave a small "Yes."
Seriously, why did I have to end up being the asshole? I mean, Gabe called me fucking stupid, yet in the end, I was the one that had to feel crappy about everything.

"Okay guys. Let's go in for tonight. You need to shower off so you don't go to dinner and run everyone out with your putrid body odors." Mr.Way concluded the whole ordeal with this as everyone headed inside silently.

Gabe stopped me before we reached the doors to go back in.
"¿Estás herido?" I could only shake my head no.