Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

TRAVIS

As I stepped out of the shower room, I instantly tensed. November weather always had the blocks especially cold, and freshly washed hair didn't help. I shivered as I pushed my room door open as silently as possible, trying not to wake Danny.
I found my best jacket and pulled it on, zipping it up. As I continued toward the living room, I glanced up at the clock that hung between the shower room and bathroom. It was only 8:00 A.M., so there was no telling who was awake.

I could hear the faint lull of the television, so I knew at least one person was thriving. As I reached the doorway, I could see Brendon, Ryan, and Gabe huddled together on the couch, bundled tightly in a large quilt. I smiled as I walked further into the room and placed myself in one of the arm chairs. They were watching 'Fresh Prince of Bel-air', very intently.
Ryan peeked over at me with that timid smile that he seemed to show more often, now that we were better acquainted.

"You wanna join us over here?" Brendon snickered, huddled between the other two. "Nah, I think I'm going to go see if I can get William to wake up." I sighed before standing back up and hurrying toward Bill's room. As I came upon the hallway that turned left, toward the main office, and Mr.Way's room, I was greeted by the secretary, Mrs.Dougan. I forced a polite smile which faltered when she simply watched me, her eyes asking why I was wasting my time.
"Are you busy?" Her extremely articulate voice inquired. It was one of those voices that almost made you feel like a small child again.
"Umm, not really. Is there anything you need help with?" I responded, her striking brown eyes boring holes into me. So, some people told me I was a push-over, and I was too nice for my own good, but I liked being helpful. I wanted people to know me for the good I did, not the bad.

"yes." She handed me a stack of filed papers. "Be a doll and take this to block 10." She turned and walked away, her heels echoing throughout the block. I stared at the files that were stacked in my arms, gulping. I had hoped I would never have to step foot in that block again, but I just had to be so polite as to get myself in a situation where I had to go back.
It'll be okay, Trav. It's early. Most of those bullies are still sleeping. The voice in my head assured me hopefully. It was right. I turned and headed to the door, pausing to shove my feet into a pair of black slip-on Vans. As I pushed the door entrance door open, I cringed. Though I had a jacket on, it held barely any protection from the chilly air. I decided to do this as fast as possible, jogging down the concrete path that led to 10.

The cold was seeping further than just my skin by the time I reached the front door. I paused to examine the building. It was identical to 8, but the memories of this place flooding back to me were like hallucinogens, making it look much more terrifying than anything in a horror movie...Except those ghosts from A Haunting in Connecticut...Those were just scarring.
I pulled the door open and paced down the hall as fast as possible without actually running, reaching it quickly.
The secretary, Mrs.Robin, peeked up from behind her thick glasses with a quick smile.
"Travis. Haven't seen you in a while. What're you doing here?" She began rambling like most elderly women did.
"H-here." I handed her the stack of files, the action looking almost more like a nervous twitch. "Oh. Thanks?" She eyed it curiously.
"I-it's from Rachael Dougan." I stammered, rubbing my sweaty palms on my pants. She nodded. "Okay, thank you."

I turned and darted out the door, and down the halls until I was back outside. I made it. I let out a large sigh as the realization that I'd made it flooded through me. I began back toward my assigned block, more at ease, making it out of cell grounds. I made it to the path in front of block 9 when a sickeningly familiar voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Well, lookie here! Travis fucking Clark!" Johnathan Evans, 6'4', large muscles, and most importantly, twice as strong as me. I was terrified. This was the 18 year old boy that was sent here for raping his cousin, who was my age. I had spent my time in block 10 being constantly harassed by him, and this didn't look fortunate.

"What're you doing out here by yourself?" He questioned sarcastically, stepping closer. It was times like this that I wished it wasn't so easy to sneak out of the blocks, which he had obviously did.
I tried to run, but my feet were like Lead.

"Don't you know there are bad men running around here?" He swiftly grasped my arm and pulled me into a run that I could barely keep up with, leading me all the way to the inventory shed in barely a minute or two. I was out of breath as he shoved me against the hard concrete wall, pressing his chest to mine so hard that I could barely breathe.
"Get off!" I yelped and tried to shove him, but he was as unmoving as the wall behind my back.

"Oh, what's wrong? Too good for me now that you go to another block?" He spat, glancing lewdly at me as he stooped down, even closer. I craned away as best as possible, only for him to punch me in the face, sending me reeling.
"Hold still." He snarled, pulling me back up from my now slumped posture. His rough mouth seized mine. I tried to push him away again, but it was no use.

DANNY

The dull roar of the t.v. directed me toward the living room, where the group was situated. "Yo." I let my presence be known.
"Hey Danny." William gave a crooked smile, the only one fully turning their attention to me. I came over to stand behind them, tugging at the thick curls in Gabe's ebony hair. "That hurts!" He whined like a child, slapping at my hand.

"No shit, Sherlock." I laughed before thumping his ear. I jumped back as he swung at me, his fist managing to graze my hip. "I'm gonna fart in your face if you don't stop, Dammit!" He growled, rubbing his ear, which was beginning to redden.
"So, where's Trav?" I inquired then, getting an odd look from Gabe that said "Why do you care?"
"I think Mrs.Dougan said he took a file to block 10, or something." Ryan answered in a small voice. If this wouldn't have been so shocking, I would have asked him why he acted so scared of me.

"What?!" I screeched, fully earning everyone's attention. "Why the hell didn't someone go with him?!" I yelled, recalling when he admitted to me that he dreaded block 10 and didn't want to go back. I just knew something bad was happening to him; that quadrant of the facility just screamed trouble for someone like him.
"Well, I-I would have," William gazed anxiously toward me. "But I was asleep when he left." "Why?" Brendon turned the volume of the television down and stared at me. "Why?"
"Shit." I turned and hurried to the doorway, pulling my shoes on and pushing the door open. The air bit at my exposed arms and I shied away for a moment, but pushed the urge to go find a jacket away and ran towards 10.

"Danny, wait up!"
One voice yelled from behind me, several sets of footsteps following me. I reached the 10th block to find no Travis. This may have been good, but I could tell something was just wrong. I turned and began back the way I'd came, the group almost plowing into me.

"What are you doing?" Gabe dumbly queried, trying to slow me down. I shrugged from his grip. "I'm looking for Trav. What do you think?" I at least slowed enough that they were by my side as I took the path that led toward the cafeteria, scouring the area for a disarray of red hair. I was taking the path to the cafeteria because it was on a hill; this meant I could see all the blocks from there. It took no time until we were on the hill. I couldn't see him at block 9. Of course he wasn't at 8. He wasn't to be seen at seven, or six.

I turned to the west to check the other blocks but my eyes lingered on the Inventory shed that was in the distance. Did I see movement? I didn't care to chance it, so I stepped to my right until the side of the shed was in my peripheral. I froze. Blood burst through my veins so fast at what I saw, that I could only hear that, the blood coursing through me, in my ears, thunderously.

"Evans, you fucker!" A guttural roar burst from my heaving chest. He and Travis both whipped their heads in my direction.
I sprinted toward them, an unreal amount of raw anger pulsing though me. "I'll fucking kill you!" When I was close enough, I lurched, literally tackling him.

I slammed my fist into his face,hard. He managed to punch back, splitting my lip. The coppery taste of blood against my tongue only made things worse, sent me over the edge.
I used both fists, hammering both fists against his face repeatedly. After the fourth punch, I raised my fist above my head. I put every bit of force I had behind this one. A disturbing crunch met my ears, his face cratering under my fist. It would have, should have scared me, making me stop, but now it only pushed me even more over the edge. I began slamming both fists into his face again, one after the other, becoming more savage with each strike.
"Someone get help!" I heard someone scream frantically, but it didn't comprehend.
"Danny!" I could feel Travis and Gabe trying desperately to pull me off, but it wasn't working. I was going to kill this fucker.

"Danny, please stop! You're going to kill him!" Travis cried, grabbing one of my arms and pulling it with all of his might. My adrenaline made me just too much stronger than him though, and I easily shook his grasp off.
"Good! He deserves it!" I heard my own voice bellowing.

"Danny, quit!" I shoved the two off and got one more punch before Johnathan began to choke, gurgling in his own blood, unable to turn his head. Suddenly, I was hauled off of him, jerked up by the arms. Two of our biggest security guards had me, another picking up Johnathan's limp body.

"Let me go!" I roared. "I have to kill him!" They began to take me away, having to drag me.
The last thing I saw was the group, all of them staring after me, pale and astounded, watching me like I was a terrible monster. I didn't realize how much blood was spilled on the concrete until the guards wheeled me around to shove me closer to the inevitable. I was even beginning to regain my senses, tasting the coppery crimson in my mouth, and feeling the sticky, warmness of it coating my still clenched fists.

TRAVIS

No one so much as moved as they escorted Danny away. He was watching us with that savage look, almost as if he were an animal that had just attacked, eying us up as his next meal. Blood was splattered across my face, all of it John's and not Danny's. He barely even got touched.
His long hair was a disheveled mess and something about his eyes sent a pang of terror through me. Something about him reminded me of Michael Meyers from the movie "Halloween".
"Are you alright Travis?" Brendon's hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality.
"Y-yeah, I think so." I began rubbing my bloody palms on my pants. I had gotten it on me when I grabbed Danny's arm in an attempt to stop him.

"Well, your nose looks pretty bad. Let's get it cleaned up." Gabe offered, pulling me along by the elbow.
"I have to talk to Danny first." I objected, everyone gazing at me like I was crazy.
"Right now isn't a good time." Ryan coaxed as he moved from Brendon's side to mine, rubbing my shoulder as if it would help.
"I don't care. I need to talk to him."
William seemed to be the only one on my side.
"I'm going with you then." He urged.

"Stop moving." Donnie, the guard hissed as Danny thrashed away from the nurse, who was trying to doctor his still bleeding lip.
Mr.Way stepped aside before turning to William and I. "William, why don't you wait out here?" He turned then, and motioned for me to go inside, but I hesitated, listening to the guard further growl "Stevens, stop it we'll pump you with all kinds of sedatives."

"Danny, please calm down." Mr.Way's soothing tone lulled from him as he crossed the room to him.
"If you do, you can have a minute with Travis before you're taken to isolation." he froze then, his eyes landing on me.
"Trav..." He calmed enough for the nurse to finish. His clothes were still bloody, but he was clean.
"C-Can I get him a clean outfit before you take him to Iso?"
Mr.Way nodded. "Okay."
I turned and left the room then, taking William by surprise. "What're you doing?" I signaled for him to follow me.
"I'm getting him some clean clothes. I murmured, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "You alright?" He implored, matching my footsteps.
"No." My jaw twitched from how tight I'd kept it since I left the block earlier. "I don't think I've ever been scared of him before, but that out there...That was the scariest thing I've ever seen..."
I vented, clamping my lip between my teeth anxiously.
"Well, you know, that's what he's in here for. He did almost the same thing to get in here in the first place, and we're all in here for a reason; his just so happens to be anger issues like that." He gave a quick huff.
"That's what you signed up for when you decided that you liked him." I exhaled as much as I could before stepping into my room, finding pants, a shirt, and a jacket.

I watched from the corner of my eye as he pulled his shirt on, tugging the jacket on afterward.
"Thanks.." He grumbled, just loud enough for me to hear.
"Uh-huh." He turned to me then, and pulled me close enough that we were almost touching, rendering my mind blank for a moment.
"Why are you mad?" He queried. I couldn't believe my ears.
"Why am I mad? Danny, you nearly killed him! They're on their way to the hospital with him right now! You crushed his eye socket and cheek bone in for God sake!"
This only agitated him also. "You're worried about that shit eating son of a bitch?!"
I shook my head. "No, but I wouldn't want you to kill him." He shook his head.
"Whatever Travis." My hands automatically went to my hips.
"Whatever?" I didn't care if I resembled a 'PMS-ing' teenage girl.
"Travis! He was fucking trying to molest you!" He started to yell by this point.
"Yeah Danny! I know!" I was now yelling just as loud. "But that's why he's here! They're taking care of it!"
He punched the wall hard, the sudden action causing me to jump. He kept his eyes on his fist, which was still against the concrete.
"He was going to rape you Travis. What in fucking hells name did you expect me to do? Tap on his shoulder and ask him politely to stop?"

"Stay out of it, Danny. That's what professionals are here for." I was beginning to realize that this wasn't good, and though my mind told me to just shut my mouth and leave, I couldn't.
"Well, when he was forcing himself on you like that, where were those God damn professionals?" He rhetorically jeered, his voice suddenly calmer, which was even more unnerving than the yelling.
"Shit happens, okay? But that doesn't give you a justified reason to kill someone." I was desperate to make sense with that statement, but unsurprisingly, I didn't.
"You're on that sack of shit's side?" He chuckled like you would expect a psychopath to do.
This pissed me of. I mean, it really pissed me off. I wasn't accustomed to getting mad, and I didn't that often, but this really irked me.

"You know what? Fuck this." I turned to leave, yelling "What does it matter anyways?!"
I reached for the door, but the words that he said stopped me. I wasn't sure that my ears heard right.
"I did this for you, Travis. I was scared because I thought he was going to hurt you, okay?"
I whirled back around, almost screaming "Don't you dare tell me you almost killed a man for me!"
His expression showed the shock that this brought on. I never freaked out like this.
"Travis..." He exhaled deeply, scratching at his scalp irritably. "Listen." He crossed the room until he was in front of me, leaning against the wall.
"I lost it when I saw him touching you like that." He paused, his face telling me he was having a hard time finding the right words.
"I'm really confused, okay?" I stared up at him questioningly, giving him the say-so to continue.
"I've always been a big-time lady lover, right? But once we started talking, I realized these...Misplaced feelings I have for you."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. It made my head spin. These were the words I practically dreamed of hearing, but I knew they couldn't be real. This had to be a dream.

"I'm usually straight forward with everything, so...Travis, I really like you, okay? That's why I nearly killed the guy. I don't want anything to happen to you while I'm around to prevent it."
He opened his mouth to say something else, but Mr.Way poked his head in the door.
"Travis, times up."
I turned and almost tripped getting out of the room, numb from shock.
"Trav!" William began hopping on the heels of his feet, grinning from ear to ear.
"I heard everything!" He pulled me into a one-sided hug, squealing "I told you so!"
I should have been happy also. I should have danced in circles with him, but I didn't.
I felt like I'd messed up by not saying the way I felt back. I'd have to somehow tell him before he was out of Isolation.