Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

GABE
"Shit." I howled when my toes met the wall as I stumbled down the hall, pulling my jacket onto my damp body. It had been eleven hours since Danny was thrown into the ISO room, so I was bored out of my mind.
I turned and entered the living room in search of anything entertaining. The sight of Brendon practically shoving his tongue down Ryan's throat wasn't exactly what I described as fun to watch.

"Oh, come on! Can't you take your business to your room! I don't want to see that!" I whined loudly, snickering to myself as they jumped to a sitting position, wide-eyed.
"Uh, sorry.." Ryan murmured, brushing his hair from his eyes. Brendon grinned.
"You know how it is when the moment strikes, Gabey." I rolled my eyes.
"Nice. Just don't make love stains on the couch. I sit on that thing, ya know?"
I turned to leave but paused to question "Where's Guillermo?" They both answered with confused eyes. I guessed they hadn't really heard me directly address him as Guillermo. "William."

They shrugged. So much for that. I turned and headed back down the hall, toward the room. Maybe he was writing in that damn notebook like he always seemed to do.
Upon opening the door though, I found it empty. "Well dammit." I grumbled before walking across the hall to the bathroom. Empty.
I took the few steps to the shower room, though I knew he wasn't in there since I just took a shower myself.
I flung the door open to the sight of Travis. He covered himself with the towel that was clutched in his hands.

"Chill out. You have the same junk as me." I scoffed, laughing at how his face turned almost the same color as his hair.
"Where's William?"
He stared at me like I was stupid for bursting in on him just to ask that.
"Uhh, he went to the cafeteria to help the lunch ladies with dinner." He answered before waving his hand at me.
"Now I'd appreciate some time alone here." He added.
"Okay, just don't play with yourself too much, fire-crotch." I jeered and shut the door before he could reply.

I found my shoes and slipped them on before running to Mr.Way's office, where he was hard at work examining files.
"Hey, I'm going to the cafeteria." I poked my head in the door, getting his attention. He cut his eyes up from the paperwork.
"Are you going to help out down there?" He knew me too well, I thought to myself.
"Of course, Mr.Way! Why wouldn't I?" I pretended to be hurt by the look in his eyes that said he didn't believe me.
"Don't harass William, Gabe. He's actually doing something to help out around here."
He waved me off, returning to the papers.

With that, I found the door and jogged my way toward block 10, deciding that I should hurry this up before I got caught.
Brian was standing exactly where he always did at this time, and I knew this because I usually made deals with him. He was the only person from this block that I would deal with.
He nodded to show that he saw me coming before tossing his cigarette to the ground, stamping it out.

"What you got for me this time?" He inquired nonchalantly whenever I reached him. He raised an eyebrow as his eyes washed over my appearance.
"A little cold to be running around shirtless, isn't it?" He sighed boredly, crossing his arms over his toned chest.
"Ehh. Okay, so Danny Stevens and Travis Clark. They were in your block, but now they're in mine. I want you to jack their files for me."
He smiled as he ran a finger over his dark go-tee, thinking over how he would get them.
"What's in it for me?"
I had already knew he was going to ask this, so my answer was immediate.
"A bottle of Vodka with your name on it."
He grinned deviously. "Now we're talking."
He scoured the area before adding "When do I get it and where?"
Of course, I'd already planned this out too. Surprisingly, I was good with planning.
"During Dinner, I'm stealing it from Block 4. I'll put it here, under this tree," I paused to pat the tree he was leaning on.
"You meet me here with the files. I'll read over them real quick, then give them back. That way, no one will ever notice they were touched."
He nodded, accepting the plan.
"Sounds good to me." He turned and walked the the door of his block.
"You'll have ten minutes to eat before you have to get the Vodka, then meet me. I won't wait long for you."
I gave a thumbs up before turning and jogging away, going to the cafeteria to find Will.

When I entered the cafeteria, the smell of meatloaf met my nose. It was a good sign. Something quick to eat. A few of the cafeteria women glared up at me when I began to head across the room, toward the cooking area. One older woman, whom was cleaning the tables, stared longer than necessary.
"Ay, lean over more when you clean those tables Baby. You know how I like it!" I hooted toward her, getting the reaction I expected. She curled her lip up in disgust before returning her attention back to the table.
When I reached the cook area, the sight was more than entertaining. Poor, scrawny little Bill was scrunched between two old women, both at least three times bigger than him. It was almost as funny as the fact that his long hair was bunched up in a hairnet.

"Hola."
I whistled in his ear,hoping to get more of a reaction than I did. He cut his eyes toward me and stirred whatever was in the pot in front of him before turning to face me.
"What are you doing here?" He queried with a quick huff, removing himself from between the two women.
"Just came down here to say hi. Is there anything wrong with that?" He gave a loud 'ha!' as he crossed his tiny arms over his chest. I couldn't help but think about how they reminded me of Spaghetti noodles; white and skinny. Hah. I amused myself sometimes.

"Are you not affected by what happened today?" He huffed angrily after a moment of silence between the two of us, which bugged me. I hated silence. It gave my mind time to wander.
"Well, sure. I mean, Danny's in ISO and I have no one to hang with, so I have to come all the way down here to talk to a walking Spaghetti-mess."
He squinted his eyes and directed his pupils toward the artificial lights on the ceiling, his expression asking himself what kind of drugs I was on.

"Do you even care about anything?" He sighed and turned his back to me, obviously irritated with my answer. I didn't know why, but something about the way he said what he did was too familiar; I knew someone had said it to me before, in the most repulsed manner possible.
I instantly forgot it was him standing in front of me; in my mind, he was merely another piece of shit that was trying to drag me down.

I grabbed the back of his shirt and threw him against the wall, growling like an animal. He tried to shove me, but I over-powered him, grabbing both of his wrists and holding them together with one hand, keeping them firmly pressed to his stomach.
I watched, almost helplessly, as his honey brown eyes filled with panic and distress. It calmed me down enough that I didn't instantly rip his head off, but I was still furious.

"Escuche aquí, maricón." I hissed through gritted teeth, my face close to his. His wide eyes showed how terrified he was at the moment, but they stayed exactly where they were, returning the gaze I was keeping on him.
"Didn't I say I was scared of blood?" I continued. The sudden boom of my words caused him to shrink away from me even more, as if he was trying to dissolve into the wall.
"Y-Yes." He stammered in a timid croak as he began to tremble. It reminded me of an innocent child, but my mind told me he wasn't.

"And, wasn't there a shit-load of blood spilled in that fight?" I felt my dull fingernails digging into the cloth gauze around his wrists, putting immense pressure on his wounds. He bit his lips in pain, and this only pushed me further.
He nodded in agreement to the last thing I said.

"I wanted to run off so I wouldn't have to see it, but I didn't. I felt like I was going to pass out right there, but I stayed. Any ideas why?"
By this time, he wouldn't look at me, but kept his eyes on his wrists instead. He shook his head no, blinking back tears that I guessed were laced to the pain being caused in his arms.
"Because. I saw a guy that was about to be beat to death. I knew that if I stayed and toughed it out, I could help. If I ran off, he would probably be dead now."
I took a pause to note how he was holding his breath, which struck me as odd.
"I know I'm probably going to pay for it, but I don't care because I helped someone in need. Does it still sound like I don't care?"
He shook his head frantically, looking especially pitiful the way strands of his hair were beginning to free from the hairnet.

I went to let go of his wrists, but automatically grabbed them and returned them to how I had them before. "What the hell!"
I snorted, unable to keep from bursting into laughter.
His eyebrows knitted together in pure confusion.
"It looks like you have boobs." I explained. His chest was being squished by the position of his arms, so his skin bunched together, looking like he had cleavage.
He simply stared at me. "Are you hiding something from me?" I snickered, poking the skin.
"It feels like boobs, too." I gasped, prodding it again.
"Stop it." He slapped my hand hard enough to make me instantly step back. He was torn between what seemed like shock, confusion, fear, and anger. Maybe it was because I instantly went from shoving him against a wall, to fondling his boobs. Maybe I was bipolar.
"Get out of here. I have to finish cooking." He uttered as he gently held his wrist to his chest, a pained look crossing his face as he did.
"Good idea."

TRAVIS

I gave a quick glance at the clock, which read 12:00. We had half an hour before we had to be in our rooms, and everyone else already seemed to be doing so. I grabbed my composition notebook, that Mr.Way told me to write my thoughts in, and two pens, before tip-toeing down the hallway. I stopped at the intersection of ways to go. To the right were the offices, Mr.Way's and the main one. Straight was the Isolation room, along with two other rooms before it.

I made sure no one was around before hurrying toward the ISO room. When I got to it, I took the time to gather my thoughts before standing on the tips of my toes to see through the small window on the door. It was dark, except for a small light embedded in the wall. I could see Danny on the bed. I wasn't sure if he was awake, so I tapped on the door, watching. He sat up and came over to the door, not having to stretch to stare back at me. He was confused, so I pointed to the bottom of the door before sitting.
I tore a piece of paper from the notebook and scribbled "I needed to talk to you."
I slid it under the door, along with the other pen.
after a few seconds, the paper returned.
What's wrong?

I took the paper and replied "What you told me earlier...Was it true?"
I pushed it back under the door and waited.
Of course. Every bit of it.
My heart beat fluttered at what the words meant to me. My feelings were being returned. This was something that I just knew wouldn't happen.
I could barely write back.
"That's why I'm here. I didn't get a chance to say what I wanted earlier."
I sent the paper his way.

Which would be?
I didn't waste time.
"I like you. A lot. I have since we got here. l didn't think it was possible for you to like me. You're so handsome and funny, and...And you're everything a girl would die to have. Why me?"
It took forever before the paper shot back out from under the door.
And you just so happen to be what I want. Sweet, also funny, gorgeous. Oh, and I love your hair. :)

I didn't know exactly what to say. I had to take the time to regather myself. This was what I desperately wanted to hear, but now that I really was, I had no idea what to say. I didn't think I was thinking so long, but when I vaguely heard his voice, I instantly layed on the floor, pressing my ear to the crack.

"You still there?" He queried just loud enough for me to comprehend.
"Yeah. Um...Thanks...?" I felt stupid for not being able to think of what to say back, thus rendering this even more awkward.
I could hear him try to hide a laugh. "Thanks? Okay..You're welcome." He hesitated for maybe five seconds before adding
"So, does anyone know about this?"
I hoped he didn't mind that someone did. I mean, if it weren't for William, this wouldn't have happened.

"Well, William. He's the one that pushed me to talk to you to begin with. But he's it." I waited impatiently as he considered this, hoping he wasn't angry.
"Cool. How do you think the block will react about us?" My breath caught in my throat as he referred to us as something. I hoped desperately for something between us. I wouldn't mind if everyone called me a flaming faggot and spit in my face. I just wanted to know if he could hold me as securely as I'd imagined for a while now. I would die to know what it was like to be in a relationship with him.

"I don't know..I mean, obviously not bad. Everyone of them are gay...Except William...and Gabe." I rambled, trying to convince myself of this also.
"Oh shit. I forgot about Gabe. I wonder if he'll be okay with me having a boyfriend." I could hear him smiling as he said this.
I let my head fall to the cold floor. Boyfriend.
Boyfriend. Me. His boyfriend. I had never felt such joy and excitement as I did now.